posted May 17, 2016 01:56 AM            

Pity me if I don’t come back
I’ve always been like this
It starts with a gentle kiss
And it ends without a goodbye

How many women I left behind?
How many times it’s the same thing
Trading a lasting feeling
For the burning fire of just a fling

If I ever learn how to love
I wouldn’t leave so fast
I’ll stay one more night with you
And I’ll make every second last

I’m a good man by day
And a devil in the night
I can light your inner world
But I can’t pass the love fright

How many women I left behind?
How many times it’s the same thing
Trading a lasting feeling
For the burning fire of just a fling

If I ever learn how to love
I wouldn’t leave so fast
I’ll stay one more night with you
And I’ll make every second last

Sometimes I play some games
Out of endless fears
I may come and go, but don’t say where
And it always end in tears

How many women I left behind?
How many times it’s the same thing
Trading a lasting feeling
For the burning fire of just a fling

If I ever learn how to love
I wouldn’t leave so fast
I’ll stay one more night with you
And I’ll make every second last

Baby you might be the one
But you’ll might never know it
When you’ll take a glimpse of me
I leave before I can show it

How many women I left behind?
How many times it’s the same thing
Trading a lasting feeling
For the burning fire of just a fling

posted May 17, 2016 11:53 AM            

No need to beat yourself up.... be Gentle on you. As you pointed out, you ARE young, and you have soooo much Love ahead of you, and IN you. You are learning sooo much about yourself. And it's such a treat that you share your world with us.

You ARE a Good Man..., and the devil at night?, I'm laughing pleasantly!! You are just so passionate, so physical, so Deep. The woman you finally Attract, has just GOT to be Awesome. Not Awesome, in a way where you have your little 'perfection' checklist ready to measure her by?, but that you will bring INTO your life, through resonance, someone sooooo Special. And you wouldn't have been able to KNOW whether she is 'the one' or Ms Special, except that you have been through ALL these experiences you have been having.

You are learning, right now. You are sounding ALL the depths of the oceans of Love and Talents that are inside your Being. You're learning so rapidly how more and more to draw OUT your poetic muse & musical talents (for sure!!). So amazing.

Don't berate yourself too long? ... Sometimes, poets can be so rough on themselves, because they FEEL and experience DEEPER dimensions than others.

I Celebrate You...

I hope that you don't mind me leaving this song, with Affection, for you. I KNOW love is painful... Sending you etheric hug of encouragement.

posted May 17, 2016 01:44 PM            

It's been so amazing in this year to finally learn to feel a woman's touch, to dance and get a little more looser on that, to be a better friend to my ladyfriends, and finally this past week to feel the full contact, the kisses, the caress, the hugs... and the sexual experience, and to sleep with someone...

Any man would be already dating with what happened with me, but my inner blocks that are still ******* up me, are kinda ruining the experience that I'm living in this already legendary year, I can't ******* pull a text to know how the woman is, or to continue the contact, or to fight through the hard times, I stay put, letting time fades away, and so many good chances I have passed by, for some many excuses... Too young, too old, motherhood, very little time to share, too freewhelling, too metal... So many dumb excuses to not give it a try with the women I've had met, because of that almost unapprochable perfection thing, and my own low self-esteem that now hits it again.

One of the most scary things I said lately in an alcoholic conversation with some friends was "I'm willing to sacrifice my own happines for the sake of the music", that is scary, and even if I'm writing lots of things, making lots of music, and the bands are going, and the art is flowing, what good am I, if I can't make myself happy, without creating the eternal unstability on personal relationships to feed the muse...

posted May 17, 2016 01:56 PM            

Your musical articulation has such depth in this piece LF..

posted May 17, 2016 11:41 PM            

LFDX... You sound so frustrated.

Someone told you that you self-sabotage, and that you also create unstable personal situations to feed your muse? ...

That 'sounds' like psychological advice you've been given?

Well, maybe 'they' know you better? or you think that they do? But that's not always true, LFDX.

I understand really honestly wanting to grow, as a person? But you're at an age where it's natural (and proper) to try out relationships-- sow those wild oats! Find out what you like and don't like about qualities in a partner, and (you are already) examining your own patterns.

But if that's upsetting, then it's time for you to take your own side, and stick up for yourself, IN yourself. You made a mistake?... That's part of Life! (Congratulations!) Now, if she can't get over that, and she rejects you? Well, at least, maybe that will make your girlfriends think more seriously in the relationship with you? Perhaps give them second GOOD thoughts about the kind of things that they want to have in their man.

So!!! Stop with the thinking that you ****** everything up. No More pointing at YOU as the guilty **** . ... Yeah, **** that **** !

Shake that kind of guilt off, resolve it. You did it, you feel sorry about it. (Errr, and, stay away from taking selfie-photos and movies in bed??? sheesh, DUDE???? Did you REALLY want to get caught?? LMAO... Now maybe THAT was the self-sabotage part?...*sigh*)

Trying to cheer you up there a little, with all the asterisk action. {{{ }}} I feel for you, really.

In my own natal chart, I'm catching some activations of a cardinal grand square in my chart, by tUranus Aries right now (as it approaches 25+). tUranus also is giving a sextile to my Mercury. .... I say this, wondering how your own chart is doing?

(Would you please post the link to your chart thread?... or leave data again? I'm just curious about all that restlessness. Reminds me of Uranus aspect.)

Yes retrogrades... Mars retro in Sag right now, getting ready to go BACK into Scorpio. oooo...oooooo....

I remember you during Venus Leo Retrograde, and all you went through. (I searched my box for a copy of your chart, and went back in archives here a bit, but forgot where it was.)

posted May 18, 2016 12:04 AM            

And it's always in these situations that my creativity rises up, but since I have more good things , I've learned a bit to create on good times, but they are still rare occasions...

I couldn't talk to someone in a more objective way yet about the recent things I've experienced, so this venting is important.. Thank you for the virtual cheers mirage.

Here it is, my chart with the transits

And I think I found the problem with my frustrations with relationships... the exact progressed Venus Square Saturn

EDIT: It was the woman that wanted the selfie, but I was so tired and so jaded after the experience I had to say no to her, but I told her to keep it just to the two of us, but she didn't do that, but I understood it, the experience was just too powerful, and exciting, and we both felt it... I just couldn't handle that instant overpowered connection, and as I found through some charts, we have a Pluto Square Moon in synastry and lots of squares in composite.. quite a hard connection, but the sex... I'll remember it for the rest of my life...

posted May 18, 2016 02:32 PM            

And YOUR CHART just rings with Talent for what you are writing about! WOW....

Anyways!....

A bit of awareness for you, that with that Neptune in the 10th?... you may be 'prone' to shocking dramas involving your reputation, especially since Neptune in the 10th is also home for those photographic-film video things you wrote about recently? ohhh nooooo. {{hug}}

Having Neptune in your 10th will tend to expose you and your personas to the public-- in order for you to perfect your soul's work.

Okay now..... omg. You have Sun-Pluto Mars AND!!! the asteroid I use that pertains to paparazzi type gossip-oriented shocking-reveals?-- (scandalizing types of things to the status-quo of society, and whether it WAS "taboo" or not-- people might want to deliciously, vicariously, live their Fantasy dreams through private events that get exposed from YOUR private life...)-- tightly conjuncts your Mars H8.

Oh yes, I have a Neppy 10th and the "Gossip" asteroid IN my career and soul 10th house too....

It's not all bad, though. Sometimes the gossip-asteroid can bring you positive exposures, or that whatever is said is later found to work to your advantage, also? It's all about learning the skill to handling this. You know that some celebrities are able to use their mistakes and exposures in the public eye, and turn it towards greater opportunities for advancement.

Anyways, that Gossip asteroid is now transiting your 5th house (Cancer Sensitive Cusp) of Leo-like Romance and Creative Projects/Expressions.

You have your awwww-woundedness Chiron in that wonderful childlike innocent creative Leo (5th House IS natural Leo) energy, next to your Vertex?!-- Opportunity meets. You met one of those super-significant fated-relationship events women WHILE Venus travelled your 5th (going through Leo). I noticed it then. It turned you around, and grabbed your talent and enhanced you (when you met her), then after she went forward, you got closer and closer.

Anyways, that natal placement Gossip Asteroid is ON!!! your precious Mars Scorpio in H8libra. Your Mars 19.53'46" and The Gossip-Light of attention is attached to all your Mars Scorp energy at a TIGHT 19.31'32"...!! LEARN to use this as a potential resource, okay? It'll take energetic events to teach you 'how' to use this. View it as part of your resource package. (And.... be mindful of the women you let 'into' you-- try to regard their public-character before you allow yourself to get in trouble with them, LOL!! ... Watch out about having babies, too? and getting manipulated, possibly.)

You also have the Goddess of Strategies (AND father-daughter types of relationships) in that H8. .... Also the political world...

Also deals with the Fear of Success... Demetra George says for males this can depict a highly developed intellectual or artistic male who fears being rejected for not being 'macho or manly-enough'.

There are a lot of things I could say about your chart... I should just keep going rather than stop to look things up? Although BOTH are need, as I'm still learning to REALLY put this stuff all together now.

I ALSO, have a Saturn and Juno in my H11.

Your Juno in your Capricorn H11 is looking for a traditional-type wife... and trines your Venus in her sign of Libra (Higher-Love purpose, not just material; Virgo? D7th Practical, smart, analytical partners-- to help your Pisces Message to the World asc, Universal Love, find nesting.) Venus across from your Ascendant could mean that you elevate your partner's needs above your own, and place her on High Pedestals (with your Neppy 10th) and you want to adore her with all your being.
.... Having secure foundations and Love and friendship and being supported in a Marriage/Business type environment is tied to your ability to have or deserve a partner? You may need (and deserve) someone who will be able to see and respect that in you.

Having a foundation of good Communication and care (feeling at-home with someone, even as you travel) brings out the best parts of you? This may be how you're wired, LFDX. She needs to be stable and caring, even a bit wild and confrontive, yet still allow YOU to feel like the 'man of the house' while you're rapt and melting into her. ... So bittersweet, with Venus sextile your 5th House Chiron can bring healing, across from your Juno sextile your Pisces ascendant. Venus trine Juno and Saturn is very stabilizing, and allows you to create and use Romance and Beauty in fulfilling your Goals, Aspirations, and Wishes... You might feel that uncomfortable feeling in expressing exactly what you want (sesquisquare Moon Venus), but let that be a ladle for bringing that emotional self (esteem issues) to your creative work.

Your Sun Quintiles Jupiter (talent, unique insights), your Mars quintile Saturn (has an ability to work it well, to be inside all those feelings while in your solitudes and enhance what you do).

That BML in your 10th may represent that fear inside, and feeling 'all bound up' and pent up with layers of creative and sexual energies that you may be afraid of using, perhaps? But as you keep stable and focusing that expression (in constructive ways) it can work FOR you, instead of getting crazy from all the wounds you feel in NOT getting real-enough, perhaps? You can make this work FOR you... you'll see.

By learning to let go and not hold su a tight lid, but having 'just the right tension' (like pressure on a water hose, or a chattering pot's lid), and getting over your self-doubts and confidence issues (Saturn H11, which you CAN really really do eventually, LFDX) you're going to learn to overcome things you feel afraid to express (BML) and USE it to build a career that has the potential to inspire the Soul of the Collective Universe itself (MC Sag on the Galactic Center). Through publishing your materials, you may have the chance to Heal some of the wounds, or reveal them, to Society.

( ^ AND, since your still young? Make SURE as you can, to 'keep things appropriate'?? Fine line between raunchy and an excellent sensual sexual releasing of talent. Avoid violence as far as perpetrating without watching the effect it has. ... This can be learned to become a strength for you? To draw people TO your work because you say and feel what they want in their soul's expressing, rather than repulse people for being or acting like a jerk. ... You know what I'm talking about... I've seen such Beautiful Growth in you. I wouldn't say all that if I didn't Believe in you.)

Jupiter is in the sector of H6, which can relate to work and reputations there too (thanks nico). Jupiter enables energy to be magnified and grow (H6 Leo, whether it's the Beauty of your Soul, which creates your Celebrity status, your ability to Manifest Good Works to the benefit of ALL?... You might be 'exposed' for bad-behavioral choices. Ohhhh my my my. ... Jupiter (like your Amplifier equipment) trine your Uranus (shocker shocker exposure-attractor Antenna for good UNIQUE ideas, or for public-juicy displays) conjunct Neptune (it's out-there for the public to watch what you do, and how you handle it!), Jupiter conjunct your torch-Lady and Servant-Heart Dedicated Vesta H6. (Take care of your health here, and your drive for perfections and overdoing 'burning candle at both ends'... Workaholism. Not paying attention to your needs physically, for nutritious rest. Too much work, not enough balance to make sure you manage or discharge excess energy...) Your Heart, dedicated to the World, needs to be cared for.

Careful of being impulsive with over-the-top speech. Rein that in, to Higher Love purposes. Please take care of the words you tell your own self, too!!!!! Your INNER self needs to hear the balance of GOOD, as well as your own feedback to self of what goes wrong. Tell yourself what went RIGHT, too... eventually, you'll 'learn' from what went wrong, and 'own' and take with you the things that went right.

That problem you say you have expressing feelings to women? ... I see you have a Moon Aquarius. Right now I live with one of those. He keeps his feelings soooo detached, yet 'expects' that I read his mind. Okay?, alright?, I CAN be a bit of a mind-reader? but you HAVE to COMMUNICATE with your mouth too! LMAO(thinking about his struggles).

You wrestle inside with your feelings, for sure (look at all those squares to your H8 planets), AND look at how this connects you to your Career point (MC) again. All those frustrations, LFDX?... Yes, it's your poetic soul.

A Saturn in the 11th "feels" alone... but you have SUCH a potential to make a Difference in Society (H11). You may have the support available to you, to do your work. Also a position of attracting much older or much younger people to you (older, is more what I think they say?) Adding to that (could be false-feeling of being alone) is your Chiron across from it.

Sometimes, you can have The World, Loving on you... Encouraging you. Yet you feel as though no one loves you, or that you are not 'capable' of letting your emotions "accept" that you ARE Loved, and that YOU ARE More-Than-Enough in life. YOU are Sooooo Valuable. You have the ability to do GREAT THINGS, LFDX. (For Real, not just saying that.)

All the things you've been writing and heading towards...? Dude? You ARE doing it. You ARE developing in JUST THE RIGHT ways. Your instincts will take you there... And even in ALL that pain, you Will find Glory, and aim to make it the kind of Glory that isn't necessarily 'all about you' (although YOU should be the most important person in the world-- take care of your generous soul), but it's about the Life Soul Message that you will bring to a Universal Understanding of things.... And it's about Love, Wars, Poverties, Sicknesses, and All that Society would rather DENY about itself, and not regard and change for itself for the Better. But YOUR Voice, calling for Higher Love, Higher Care, Higher Justice.... is part of the Resources and Medicine you Bring and can manifest in the world.

You are young. You have soooo much opportunity ahead of you. You ARE doing the right things. Keep your Integrity.... Even WHEN (not IF, but WHEN) you find that you've made an outward mistake?, keep that Core inside you, KNOWING that you want to do the right things.... And It's Okay to Make Mistakes. It's Okay to Express your Feelings and be wrong, but Right for saying it (because things need to be said).

Anyways.... I ramble here... (I don't know how 'available' I'll be in the coming days, with Rm taking Staycation (home, TV on all the time! ~oy) for a few days, then all of next week). I apologize 'in advance' for being in and out here at LL. I do the best I can, with what I have.

BE Loved, LFDX. LET people love you, as much as you want to Love Others.

And again, I add that I am "learning" how to do these charts... Thanks for letting me practice! I'm sure this post might not feel too organized? ... But the material is there for you to glean. Take what was useful, and please leave behind what didn't fit for you.

Two types of songs for you today....

(topic) Leonard Cohen, poet-musician, words 'That's how the Light gets in' [0:43] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kK8qqZzppYQ

(music) Anthem (Leonard Cohen, lyrics) [6:10] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDTph7mer3I