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Author
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Topic: Settlement
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Chanterelle
Knowflake Posts: 727
From: USA
Registered: Sep 2020
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posted November 30, 2020 01:02 PM
  
From a thousand feet up, these cars
could look as graceful as a flock of starlings,
though earthbound. The migration is westward,
spiraling up through Appalachia
past the driveway to the old filling station
with the Esso sign still tacked up in front.Children dare each other in;
Fingertips trace tic-tac-toe
through the dust on the counters,
the empty shelves,
but otherwise unchanged (a few cracked panes,
a few used condoms tossed out back
through the window of an’89 Chevy?)
And the walls all studded with metal
from when boys would be boys with their BB guns
and faded Levi’s, worn-out old red Chucks,
drinking warm RC Cola,
whether Cowboy or Indian. Memory dwells
in a place no one ever called home
except briefly last spring when one stray cat
dropped her litter in the corner, nursing the babies
until they were strong enough to leave. Nothing deeply personal about this one, just my imagination coming to life through a glimpse inside an abandoned building. Some minor changes to the original, plus a brand-new title. Workshop away, y’all!
IP: Logged |
Voix_de_la_Mer
Knowflake Posts: 3926
From: Sound
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted December 01, 2020 05:38 AM
This is very strong in imagery Chanterelle, without being too wordy (sign of a poet!).The stand out line that sums up the whole musing for me is quote:
Memory dwells
in a place no one ever called home
I'm a sucker for a killer last line, as you know and would love this to be the last or first line. However I also like the cat image and I feel that could be developed, perhaps earlier in the poem. It has connotations of how the cycle of life can continue and thrive even in places which WE have abandoned and forgotten. Something pertaining to nature and the life force being stronger than our man-made worlds. I really did enjoy the level of detail you provided up to this point, you invited me in and I saw what you saw. Thanks for this! IP: Logged |
Chanterelle
Knowflake Posts: 727
From: USA
Registered: Sep 2020
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posted December 01, 2020 06:24 AM
Thanks! That’s encouraging, because that line was one of the changes I made as I was typing it out. Yay for old poems... this is like finding out that I can still wear my favorite pair of jeans from when I was in high school.
The interesting thing is, when I first wrote this I had no idea of the extent to which that image mirrors what’s been going on with the people in that area. The place I was driving through is one of the poorest in this country, very rural, scarce opportunities for good education or employment, rampant drug addiction, with a population that has been skewing more and more to the elderly and infirm because anyone with the slightest bit of intelligence or ambition moves away to build a better life somewhere else. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 145829
From: Your Friendly Neighborhood Juris Doctorate.
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 01, 2020 01:30 PM
Loves it!IP: Logged |
Voix_de_la_Mer
Knowflake Posts: 3926
From: Sound
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted December 02, 2020 03:52 AM
Chanterelle,
yes, looking at an old poem with new eyes, you can often feel another nuance that was not there initially. Love the jeans analogy 
I think you captured the scene well. And the cat image is a good fit for the initial inspiration that you have described.IP: Logged |
Ayelet
Moderator Posts: 3640
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 03, 2020 09:23 AM
When I read I felt like I could see it, as if I was reading a story and a different era was coming to life, and then the cat mother in the now was making it all even more relevant. Loved it.IP: Logged |
Chanterelle
Knowflake Posts: 727
From: USA
Registered: Sep 2020
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posted December 03, 2020 10:14 AM
🙏🏽
I think some places have a way of doing that — holding onto what’s happened there. Maybe some people would call that haunted? Or maybe I just have an over-active imagination that’s triggered by moving vehicles.IP: Logged |
Ayelet
Moderator Posts: 3640
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 03, 2020 10:05 PM
I believe all places can have such a quality, every place holds all the layers of all moments in time passing through it, and different people can be tuned to different scenarios from the past, or even from the future! In a way time itself may be a ghost...IP: Logged |
mirage29
Knowflake Posts: 14741
From: us
Registered: May 2012
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posted December 18, 2020 10:48 AM
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Chanterelle
Knowflake Posts: 727
From: USA
Registered: Sep 2020
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posted December 22, 2020 05:20 AM
Thank you... this has been such an exhausting week, it’s a good time to hear something nice. Upside: I have a premature-but-healthy niece!IP: Logged |
mirage29
Knowflake Posts: 14741
From: us
Registered: May 2012
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posted December 22, 2020 07:33 AM
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Voix_de_la_Mer
Knowflake Posts: 3926
From: Sound
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted December 22, 2020 09:41 AM
Congratulations Chanterelle, a new life  ------------------
Face a situation fearlessly, and there is no situation to face
~ Florence Scovel Shinn ~ IP: Logged |
Chanterelle
Knowflake Posts: 727
From: USA
Registered: Sep 2020
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posted December 26, 2020 08:47 AM
.IP: Logged |
Chanterelle
Knowflake Posts: 727
From: USA
Registered: Sep 2020
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posted February 10, 2021 09:48 AM
So... funny backstory: I wrote this while I was on a road trip with my mom, going to visit a college that she thought would be just perfect for me. During the guided tour, while we were eating lunch in the cafeteria, I tried to sneak out for a cigarette break. I slipped out a side door that turned out to be a poorly marked emergency exit, set off a fire alarm, and just stood there deafened and dumbfounded for several minutes while receiving a standing ovation from about 800 students. Needless to say, I didn’t even apply there. 20 years later it’s pretty funny though.IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 145829
From: Your Friendly Neighborhood Juris Doctorate.
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 17, 2021 10:37 AM
Bump!IP: Logged |
Chanterelle
Knowflake Posts: 727
From: USA
Registered: Sep 2020
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posted March 21, 2021 08:59 PM
IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 145829
From: Your Friendly Neighborhood Juris Doctorate.
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 10, 2021 07:36 AM
Bump!IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 145829
From: Your Friendly Neighborhood Juris Doctorate.
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 11, 2021 06:34 PM
Bump!IP: Logged |
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