Posts: 432
From: neptune
Registered: Jun 2014

posted September 12, 2014 03:48 PM            

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[conversations between a serpent and a random soul which follows the light. the soul saved the serpent from suicide before.]

(…)
DARK: Well. I can’t help you. Letting it all go is the place I finally got to. It took a lot of work to get there and if there is one thing I would be unwilling to give up is exactly that.
LIGHT: You got any other way of saying that?
DARK: The one thing I won’t give up on is giving up. I expect that to carry me through. I’m depending on it. The things I believed in were very frail. As I said. They won’t be around for long and neither will I. But I don’t think that’s really the reason for my decision. I think it goes deeper. You can acclimate yourself to loss. You have to. I mean, you like music, right?
LIGHT: Yes, I do.
DARK: Who’s the greatest composer you know of?
LIGHT: John Coltrane. Hands down.
DARK: Do you think his music will last forever?
LIGHT: Well. Forever’s a long time, Professor. So I got to say no. It won’t.
DARK: You give up the world line by line. Stoically. And then one day you realize that your courage is farcical. It doesn’t mean anything. You’ve become an accomplice in your own annihilation and there is nothing you can do about it. Everything you do closes a door somewhere ahead of you. And finally there is only one door left.
LIGHT: That’s a dark world, Professor. You a hard case, man.
DARK: How else could I win your love?
LIGHT: You’re probably right. Let me try this. I don’t believe that the world can be better than what you allow it to be. Dark a world as you live in, they aren’t going to be a whole lot of surprises in the way of good news.
DARK: I’m sure that’s true.
LIGHT: Well jubilation. Listen at the professor.
DARK: But I’m at a loss as to how to bring myself to believe in some most excellent world when I already know that it doesn’t exist.
LIGHT: Most excellent…… I sure do like that. Most excellent.
DARK: Do you believe in such a world?
LIGHT: Yes I so, yes I do. I think its there for the asking. You got to get in the right line. Buy the right ticket. Take that regular commuter train and stay off the express. Stay on the platform with your fellow commuter. You might even want to nod at him.
DARK: Yes. Well, that’s not going to happen.
LIGHT: Why not?
DARK: Because I don’t believe in that world. I just want to take the train. Look, why don’t I just go?
LIGHT: How about some coffee?
DARK: No thank you.
LIGHT: What can I do?
DARK: Maybe you just need to accept that you’re in over your head.
LIGHT: I do accept it.
DARK: You think I don’t understand. But I’m not sure you’d want to listen to the things I do understand.
LIGHT: Try me.
DARK: It would upset you.
LIGHT: I been upset before.
DARK: It’s worse than you think.
LIGHT: That’s all right.
DARK: You don’t want to hear this.
LIGHT: Yes I do. I got no choice. (The serpent leans back and studies the soul.)
DARK: Okay. Maybe you’re right. Well, here’s my news, Reverend. I yearn for the darkness. I pray for death. Real. Death. If I thought that in death I would meet the people I’ve known in life I don’t know what I’d do. That would be my ultimate horror. The ultimate despair. If I had to meet my mother again and start all of that all over, only this time without the prospect of death to look forward to? Well. That would be the final nightmare. Kafka on wheels.
LIGHT: Damn, serpent. You don’t want to see your own mama?
DARK: No. I don’t. I told this would upset you. I want the dead to be dead. Forever. And I want to be one of them. Except that of course you cant be one of them. You cant be one of the dead because what has no existence has no community. No community. My heart just warms just thinking about it. Silence. Blackness. Aloneness. Peace. And all of it only a heartbeat away.
LIGHT: Damn, serpent.
DARK: Let me finish. I don’t regard my state of mind as some pessimistic view of the world. I regard it as the world ITSELF. Evolution cannot avoid bringing intelligent life ultimately to an awareness of one thing above all else and that one thing is PURE FUTILITY.
LIGHT: Mm. If I’m understanding you right you’re saying that everybody that aint with God ought to be suicidal.
DARK: Yes.
LIGHT: You aint shi..tting me?
DARK: No. If people saw the world for what it truly is. Saw their lives for what they truly are. Without dreams or illusions. I don’t believe they could offer the first reason why they should not elect to die as soon as possible.
LIGHT: …
DARK: (Coldly) I don’t believe in God. Can you understand that? Look around you, lost soul. Cant you see? The clamor and din of those in torment has to be the sound most pleasing to his ear. And I loathe these discussions. The argument of the village atheist whose single passion is to relive endlessly that which he denies the existence of in the first place. Your fellowship is a fellowship of pain and nothing more. And if that pain were are actually collective instead of simply reiterative then the sheer weight of it would drag the world from the walls of the universe and send it CRASHING and BURNING through whatever night it might yet be capable on endangering until it was not even ash. And justice? Brotherhood? Eternal life? Good god, man. Show me a religion that prepares one for death. For nothingness. There’s a church I might enter. Yours prepares one only for more life. For dreams and illusions and lies. “God, give me a piece of bread tomorrow”. BS . If you could banish the fear of death from men’s hearts they wouldn’t live a day. Who would want this nightmare if not for fear of the next? The shadow of the axe hangs over every joy. Every road ends in death. Or worse. Every friendship. Ever love. Torment, betrayal, loss, suffering, pain, age, indignity and hideous lingering illness. All with a single conclusion. For you and for every one and every thing that you have chosen to care for. There’s the true brotherhood. The true fellowship. And everyone is a member for life. You tell me that my brother is my salvation? My salvation? Well then damn him. Damn him in every shape and disguise. Do I see myself in him? Yes. I do. And what I see sickens me. Do you understand me? Can you understand me? (the soul sits with his head lowered) I’m sorry.

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Posts: 432
From: neptune
Registered: Jun 2014

posted September 12, 2014 03:50 PM            

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DARK: I’m sorry.
LIGHT: That’s all right.
DARK: No.. I’m sorry. (the soul finally looks at him.)
LIGHT: How long have you felt like this?
DARK: All my life.
LIGHT: And that’s the truth.
DARK: It’s worse than that.
LIGHT: I don’t see what could be worse than that.
DARK: Rage is really only for the good ol’ days. The truth is there’s little of that left. The truth is that the forms I see have been slowly emptied out. They no longer have any content. They are only shapes. A trail. A wall. A world. Or a man. A thing dangling in senseless articulation in a howling void. No meaning to its life. Its words. Why would I seek the company of such a thing? Why?
LIGHT: ….
DARK: You see what it is you’ve saved.
LIGHT: Tried to save. I’m trying. Trying hard. My brother.
DARK: Your brother. (the serpent laughs) Is that why I’m here? You asked what I was a professor of. I’m a professor of darkness. A serpent of darkness. The night in day’s clothing. And now I wish you all the very best but I must go. (He pushes back his chair and rises.)
LIGHT: Just stay a few more minutes.
DARK: No. No more time. Goodbye. (He turns toward the door and the soul rises.)
LIGHT: Come on, Professor. We can talk about something else. I promise.
DARK: I don’t want to talk about something else.
LIGHT: Don’t go out there. You know what’s out there.
DARK: Oh yes. Indeed I do. I know what is out there and I know who is out there. I rush to nuzzle his bony cheek. No doubt he’ll be surprised to find himself so cherished. And as I cling to his neck I will whisper in that dry and ancient ear: Here I am. Here I am. Now open the door.
LIGHT: Don’t do it, professor.
DARK: I’m sorry. You’re a kind man, but I have to go. I’ve heard you out and you’ve heard me and theres no more to say. Your God must have once stood in a dawn of infinite possibility and this Is what he’s made of it. And now it is drawing to a close. You say that I want God’s love. I don’t. Perhaps I want forgiveness, but there is no one to ask it of. And there is no going back. No setting things right. Perhaps once. Not now. Now there is only the hope of nothingness. Doors closing. I cling to that hope. Now open this door. Please.
LIGHT: Don’t do it.
DARK: Fine, I’ll do it. (the serpent undoes the chains. They rattle to the floor. He opens the door and the professor exists. The soul stands in the doorway looking down the hall.)
LIGHT: Professor? I know you don’t mean them words. Professor? I’m going to be there in the morning. I’ll be there. You hear? I’ll be there in the morning. (He collapses to his knees in the doorway, all but weeping.) I’ll be there. (He looks up). He didn’t mean them words. You know he didn’t. You know he didn’t. I don’t understand what you sent me down there for. I don’t understand it. If you wanted me to help him how come you didn’t give me the words? You give em to him. What about me? (He kneels weeping rocking back and forth.) That’s all right. That’s all right. If you never speak again you know I’ll keep your word. You know I will. You know I’m good for it. (he lifts his head). Is that okay? Is that okay?

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Posts: 432
From: neptune
Registered: Jun 2014

posted September 12, 2014 03:53 PM            

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Posts: 64065
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 13, 2014 01:45 PM            

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Posts: 7788
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted September 14, 2014 12:39 AM            

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For some odd reason, "DARK" there reminds me of Dr. Smith of the future in the Lost in Space movie who hates his younger self (it starts off with the "younger" and still human Dr. Smith before the future Smith arrives even darker):
http://youtu.be/5jThEA2N2jc?t=23m55s

To about 26:10 when future Smith throws the human one...it missed where future Smith says, "I never liked me anyway."

Dang, it actually missed about half of the scene I wanted to show. Ah well...

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Posts: 7788
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted September 14, 2014 12:49 AM            

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Here's from December 18, 2005 (originally saved to my hard drive), emphasis added for the part relevant to the above discussion:

quote:

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I had gotten off the comp this morn when a friend that I had just emailed a few minutes before called (since she knew I was up). She wanted us to go surfing with them. Having just gotten over a flu, I was thinking of saying no, but my roomie really wanted to go, so I agreed.

I am so glad for that.

We surfed as normal and the lingering depression and such from fighting off the flu was banished and I really enjoyed myself and the company. The morn was cloudy, but it was still beautiful, with fog in the distant hills, and the ocean itself vanishing off into the distant mists. There was rain, but it was very light--I'm not even sure it counts as rain. And hardly matters when you're in a wetsuit anyway.

And then the wind picked up. Friends had a wonderful idea, to try windsurfing. This was interesting, and I wasn't sure about it, having never done it before. When I finally tried, it took me some minutes just to not fall over, though they said I picked it up really fast. It was difficult because I had to hold my feet differently, and dealing with the harness. But at some point, WHOOSH, the SPEED! I couldn't help it: I screamed with joy, and I was SO glad we had come.

And then the sun broke through.... not direct, but close. The water turned from gray to aqua, and I was suddenly recalling when I was like 6-10, how I'd get up before Mom & Dad (and often before dawn back then) and go outside and explore, play, go to friend's houses.... I felt so free and there was a stark beauty to life that I rarely feel (at least sober) since I guess I became a teen. And then I surpassed even that, and I reached a state that was nothing less than ecstasy, I'd say on par (though distinct and different in its own way) to mind altering dancing or sex, and perhaps even more fulfilling in its own way.

If there was any doubt about fighting to survive the dark times in my life, it was dispelled at this moment of utter beauty in which I lived totally within this miraculous moment, my shout and my heart praising the Goddess of Life and for this moment in Life, one that was worth every horror and ache I had endured just to be here. Tears came down my face (just a few), and I knew that when I die, should my life flash before my eyes, this exact moment will be replayed, and if it affects my body at all, I will smile then, at peace, knowing it was all worth it in part to this one ineffable moment.

What else is there to say? My cold seemed to come back but it went away again, and it was hardly even noted (at least not by me--and we were all wet enough anyway). I found out that the wind was LIGHT (like how fast would I have gone in a HIGH wind???) Because we messed with the boards (including the beginner board I had borrowed), we failed to miss the churches getting out and ended up eating at a Pizza Hut for awhile to give the traffic a chance to die down more.

Now I am home. I've showered, dishes are now washing, warms are washing and hots are drying. Today was awesome, and I'm sharing. If you get a chance to try something new like that, and to be out in nature in a way that helps you to fuse with it, if just for a moment, then avail yourself of the moment. If more people did, psychiatry would be an endangered profession.

As the Wiccans say, Blessed Be (it seems appropriate to now).

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Though speaking religiously, I'm glad I wasn't raised on "life is a veil of tears, only concern yourself with the next" as many into religion do or I may have failed to have been impressed and possibly not even tried. Seeing this life as a momentary gift is why I can appreciate moments like that (and a great many more that are subtle) a lot, even with a sense of spiritual awe, and part of that is because I see it as fleeting and possibly all I'll ever have...which makes it priceless. This is where I disagree with DARK where he asserts that because it can't be permanent it is therefore worthless, because I've found it's just the opposite, it's because of its temporary status (and no thoughts of some afterlife paradise that's perfect) that makes it priceless.

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Posts: 7788
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted September 14, 2014 01:03 AM            

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And if I felt there was some busybody meddling omnipotent deity at work in my life I'd be deeply disturbed, even terrified, than made optimistic the way so many others do who feel as if God is their personal bodyguard and caregiver. It's the freedom of accepting life as my own and the gods tangentially involved at most that gives me a sense of hope and joy, so again I disagree with DARK's assumption that those without a belief in such a god that loves and cares for us should make us suicidal and sharing in his attitude, because for me it would be about the opposite. With some of my life experiences, if I believed in the interfering god so many do I'd see Him (or Her) like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkJcFGvNgcY

Basically, the God of the Bible would be like that horrible little boy that we all had to pretend was wonderful no matter what horrible thing he did to us. And THAT is what would make me suicidal in despair and with a sense of futility, rather than the thought that "there is no God." So again, I have to disagree with DARK's reasoning.

And I know I'm not alone in thinking that way because I heard this said in a documentary:

"The more I listened to what they had to say about the Great Bearded White Man in the Sky the more I realized that he was no one I could talk to. You couldn't say nothing to the dude. He didn't answer prayers. He could go off on you at any minute and you were supposed to be grateful no matter what he did. This is nobody who made any kind of sense to me in my naiveity. So I put him down and hung with Mary [the mother of God]."

--Luisah Teish

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Posts: 7788
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted September 16, 2014 06:31 PM            

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Just so you know I was sharing my perspective, not trying to shut you up. One, we air signs like to exchange ideas and work on them together. Two, as a writer myself who works with other writers we like to give input, outside perspectives, and suggestions to each other to improve our stories and give them more depth so seeing something in a story form made that habit kick in.

I'm just saying because you haven't continued this yet and so many on LL mistake any sort of contrariness for a personal attack.

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