posted January 13, 2009 04:30 AM           

You should see the movie "Matrix", a dialogue where Morpheus taunts Neo saying "You think that is air you are breathing?"

So you think this physical existence is the only life?

You have like 20+ incarnations belonging to different races and epocuhs in the history of Earth Timeline 1 itself. There are 7 Earth Timelines. We have dozens of other existences as human and alien and astral in various timelines across galaxies in the multiple Universes. I should know because I have seen and relived many of them!

All these experiential riches belong to your Soul, and you are starving it in this current lifeline by being unaware of its richness.

In one way, the silent treatment is necessary, you can use it to just meditate very deeply, sensing every part of your body with as much awareness as you can. That is when you will feel your chakras. Deep sleep after this may show you some past lives/future lives too.

Sensing your spinal base with awareness while imagining golden energy enter your body through the crown chakra will give you more energy than what you though you had in your entire life.

God, our Higher Self and our Soul, never face economic recession, the spiritual energy is infinite. Just try channeling with a focused attitude, it will work wonders for you. Your paintings will also come alive in a few days of these exercises.

Cheers!

posted January 13, 2009 11:01 AM         

Being tired all the time is a sign of depression. And depression is usually a sign of anger turned inward (sorry to sound like I'm always talking about anger).

Saturn conj sun could bring a depression.

posted January 13, 2009 11:17 AM         

Anger? Well, I get angry from time to time, sure. It's the depression from the lack of inspiration. I think I'm lonely, actually. Pretty isolated at the moment, and have to wait to move. That's what's driving me bats*it crazy

posted January 13, 2009 11:20 AM         

On another note, I made steak and Bearnaise sauce the other day and thought of you

posted January 13, 2009 11:30 AM           

I want comfort food now, we could get a ton of sushi, some saki, sit and talk about what a jackass he is until we are stuffed and happy and I would help you pack and plan. I do seriously wish I could be there for you. Real friends to talk to are sometimes hard to find and never seem to really understand anyway.

posted January 13, 2009 01:32 PM         

If you want to talk, my email is gotgemini@gmail.com
Hope you feel better.

posted January 13, 2009 01:44 PM         

Gotgemini, thank you also, and I'll remember to email if things get really bad
I do try to be positive. Actually, I don't always try, I am lucky that it comes to me on its own, and hate that I have to try for it sometimes...I guess I'm just being lazy lol...but yes, the stagnation of being in a place I really dislike and which offers nothing in the way of creative community does not help at all.

posted January 13, 2009 01:46 PM         

It appears to me that you're being too hard on yourself
We don't expect a car to run without a battery and without gas to run the engine.
But it seems that's what you're expecting of yourself. So you try to push that car, and it's really heavy and you get tired of pushing. Perhaps you might be letting the *shoulds* get the better of you -- those pestiferous little expectations that whisper to you all the time that you SHOULD BE DOING SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE!!!

MVM, I think you need some time for yourself. As cheerful as you are here at LL, I still sense this element of you barely having enough energy to get you thru your days. You were totally drained when you departed your marriage, and it takes time to build your endurance/stamina back up.

A lot of people consider Saturn conjunct Sun to be depression. I don't find it so, I have it natally -- I think it's more a matter of being more serious and sober about how you want to spend your life energies, and structure exactly how you want to distribute your self-expression or interactions with others.

Young people burn the candle at both ends, both because life can be new and exciting, and just because they CAN
It takes longer to recoup those spent energies when you get older, even though you still believe you can recover as quickly as you did at 21

I feel this is a time for MVM to spoil and smother MVM in all kinds of sensual, visual, emotional and spiritual pleasures. Read, walk in the park, take long bubble baths, burn fabulous candles and just sit in front of them and meditate -- no seeking out the Muse yet, that will come when your batteries are recharged.

posted January 13, 2009 02:03 PM           

quote:

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being more serious and sober about how you want to spend your life energies, and structure exactly how you want to distribute your self-expression or interactions with others.

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i need to thank u for telling me that i overstepped the mark regarding fist. thanks

posted January 13, 2009 02:12 PM         

the silent treatment is probably perfect. this too will pass...but these "down" times are like chrysalis periods. prepare to be more creative than ever soon!..

posted January 13, 2009 08:17 PM         

I love the Leonine passion, but occasionally it gets away from us..... it's OK

Zala

Sun: | Asc: | Moon:

MVM ~

posted January 13, 2009 08:26 PM         

quote:

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Every time he touched me, I wanted to throw up.

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posted January 14, 2009 02:25 AM         

Zala thank you too. You're so right about how tired I am. I am exhausted and keep trying to push myself and it's not working, which has frustrated me. So I'm just trying to take it easy on myself, which can be very hard for me. It's really hard because even if I have clients who are going through a completely difficult time themselves, I can't help them without hitting a wall eventually, and being tired.
Anyway, I think I'm okay for the moment

Thanks, leaping.. (((HUGS))) right back at you

Katatonic, yes, vampire is accurate. Right as I read your post, I remembered the 6 months before I got divorced. I kept having dreams about vampires, really horrendous dreams. Usually I don't have nightmares, and my 'dream characters' and I wind up resolving whatever conflict is in the dream. This was definitely different tho..

I'm looking at a journal from about a year ago, and what I wrote then still feels applicable: You don't realize how hurt you've been sometimes, until you start to heal.

posted January 14, 2009 08:20 PM         

quote:

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You don't realize how hurt you've been sometimes, until you start to heal.

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posted January 14, 2009 11:54 PM         

I just want to put in my two cents also and say that you really do have a sweet and enthusiastic energy, even if you don't feel it right now, it's always there under your posts and it's appreciated.

The good thing about astrology is that you know that Saturn on your Sun is temporary. You won't feel it the whole time, it's just that the third time it hits you will be in August so don't worry about feeling like this all the way through August.

I have a MySpace friend who is a singer and she was feeling really down about her doctor telling her not to speak for three days or something and I told her to think of it as a spiritual vow of silence and to turn them into "spa" days, kind of like being in a temple. That boogie head Saturn, he's stopping you for some reason and he is a teacher. Sometimes we are stopped in our tracks in order to reactivate our vitality.

It reminds me of when people go into comas and we don't understand why. Sometimes your whole body may have to shut down for some very deep healing to happen and it needs you to just stop moving so the body can do what it needs to do.

I really hope you can find things to make you feel a little more upbeat while Saturn has his Monty Python foot on you. Maybe his feet are ticklish and he'll jump away.