posted February 05, 2009 02:54 PM           

but holy cow!! a pattern has surfaced that is quite amazing, and i figured out what the healing has been about. i have moon opposite uranus exact in my natal chart. moon is 20 taurus, uranus is 20 scorpio. my family is totally messed up, mother especially. total psycho. she raged at me constantly, kicked me out constantly, told me she hated me constantly, showed zero affection toward me, was totally cold, tried to kill me several times. my dad is similar, but opposite in some ways (extremely emotional, but a raging alcoholic, hardly saw him, but was affectionate on occasion). basically i had no stability, never felt safe, and went into an insular bubble to protect myself. family did not care or help and i was not close to anyone except my grandmother who passed when i was 13, and my little half-brothers who i babysat maybe once a month.

wellll.. my boyfriend has mercury and saturn at 24 and 27 degrees scorpio, in his 2nd house. and for the first week or so i was overwhelmed with how CLOSE we became, so fast. it felt totally safe and i just knew i could trust him. it was like pure surrender and intimacy, for both of us. and it scared the crap out of me. to the point i wanted to run away, instinctively. then i realized, this is my uranus being activated! my intimacy is linked with running away, being independent, LOOKING FOR that intimacy, but never feeling secure or safe.. because it's opposite my moon. more amazingly, once i started to really feel all this and let myself explore the reasons for my wanting to run away, i found i needed to explain to him, because he felt my overwhelmedness/resistance as little rejections, so he encouraged me to open up, and i've told him so much about this, which i have never been able to express with anyone (too painful). but he listened and cared and was so supportive and understanding and it enabled me to ease into that vulnerability AND trust it, uniting that opposition within me!

okay and even more interesting is that his NN is in taurus, conjunct my chiron, and his sun/pluto are opposite my chiron. ALSO in taurus/scorpio!! so my dealing with and feeling my wounds are helping me heal and thus helping me heal him. he is so similar yet somewhat opposite. he went insular in his life because of a difficult childhood with a lot of chaos around him as well, and does not talk about his deeper feelings with anyone, either. he's longed for the same depth of intimacy as me, and the same safety and security as me, too. so i feel like we're both part of this taurus-scorpio circuit and we're both healing one another and providing this balance of opposites for one another too. in placidius, we both have sun and mercury in the 2nd and NN in the 8th, and he has saturn in scorpio, and i have saturn in the 8th. so even more reinforcement of these similarities and needs.

and it gets better! i've been realizing that his mercury conj my uranus gives him an innate understanding of my urges to run away to FIND intimacy/stability, but then i began to notice that his saturn (conjuncting) is actually STABLIZING my uranus as well. aaaaannnnnnddd.. i didn't even notice till the other day that the current saturn-uranus opposition at 20 pisces and virgo is making a kite with my urnaus-moon opposition!! and the theme there is, obviously, stablization of erraticness/rebellion.

okay and THEN, yesterday was my birthday and this morning i did my solar return chart and my rising is 20 taurus!! so holy cow talk about some serious confirmation from the universe, and some major patterns helping me stablize. what a lovely birthday gift!! also.. in my solar return chart, moon is 25 taurus and is actually in excellent aspect, with only one square (but two trines, two sextiles), whereas in my natal, it squares a lot of stuff.

posted February 07, 2009 12:16 AM           

Even i'm starting to notice a slightly better year, but that must be because of my Jupitor in Aquarious.

Happy bday by the way, it was the same day as an aqua freind of mine.

posted February 08, 2009 01:58 PM           

belage, ah okay, i get you! i have known him for 4 years, and had an opportunity to get to know him well before we got together. about 6 months of interacting with him 2-3 hours a day. so i do feel like i know him pretty well, though within the new context of RELATIONSHIP i suppose i don't know him that well yet. for me i guess it's difficult to distinguish between caution and fear, since he feels entirely trustworthy to me. and this is coming from someone who's been with some master manipulators. this guy is the polar opposite; completely humble and considerate, genuine, etc. we just ARE close, and it just happens naturally and spontaneously. the energy that exists between us feels very good, and it does not feel like a neurotic reaching-for, it just IS, do you know what i mean? meaning, i don't think i'm deluded in feeling the trust and goodness i feel, so it's hard for me to consider that i should be putting up a wall of caution, because there seems to be no need for one!

katatonic, thanks for that info. hmmmmm.. i can see how there can be work involved, but there always is, isn't there? fortunately his NN conjuncts my moon (opposite the midpoint of his sun/pluto, mercury/saturn) and i do feel there is a grounding taking place for both of us, just as much as a scorpionic depth and intensity thing.

one thing that is interesting is that sometimes we are both a little TOO considerate to one another, wanting the other to be happy and the other's feelings to be priority. that is definitely something to be balanced. i think it's cuz we both have venus in the 1st conj ascendant. i think there may be some work involved with that one, but it is kinda sweet too.