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posted February 12, 2009 11:21 PM         

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Aspects? Synastry? Experiences?

Thoughts and advice on how one could overcome such hideous feelings?...

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posted February 12, 2009 11:28 PM         

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With my Sun-Merc-Mars in the 8th house (Leo and Virgo) and my Moon-Venus-Saturn in Cancer in the 7th, I have to fight this feelings about every guy I've ever been involved with. The Leo stuff makes me wanna be the center of the poor guy's universe, the Cancer stuff makes me tenacious, and the 8th House stuff makes me kind of jealous.

It's no fun, but I've learned that I get MORE clingy/jealous if someone has hurt or rejected me. If someone treats me right, it's easier to express my sweet, open-hearted, and nurturing sign after we move on. In that way, if I have MORE love with someone I'm LESS jealous. So the trick is for me to not get involved with anyone who's not kind and loving ever again.

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posted February 13, 2009 12:01 AM         

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Lucia,

Did you express your feelings to your partner? Did you overcome the jealous, clingy urges?

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posted February 13, 2009 12:07 AM         

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I overcame the jealous, clingy urges with partners who were able to be really honest and open up to me, and those relationships also ended very amicably.

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posted February 13, 2009 12:17 AM         

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But i mean when they were happening to you? When you were in those situations? Did you just end the relationship?

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posted February 13, 2009 12:29 AM         

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I also mean within those relationships. With a partner who was very mature, loving, and not defensive about my feelings, I got over it pretty fast.

These days, if I'm with someone where it's clear we mutually care about each other...even if it's a difficult relationship...I don't get too jealous or clingy.

Partners who are defensive, immature, and not honest with themselves bring out those negative, immature feelings in me, because my tender Cancerparts "read" their defensiveness as a rejection.

My relationships have never actually ended for that reason, although my longstanding sense of insecurity in the relationship with my Libra ex after we'd been together for many years was one of the things that contributed to my decision to leave.

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posted February 13, 2009 12:36 AM         

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What synastry aspects evoked these feelings from you? Do you remember?

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posted February 13, 2009 12:47 AM         

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Yep...I think it was his Sun square Saturn, and my Mars square his Saturn and Moon. We had lots of other challenging aspects, and he was at a life stage where he was struggling with issues from his childhood and family. I think if we met now we might both be better able to work with the challenging aspects. (We are still close friends.)

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From: Chiang Mai THAILAND
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posted February 13, 2009 02:50 AM         

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Sounds very Scorpio to me.

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From: peace.angel@live.com.au
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posted February 13, 2009 04:01 AM         

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It's fear - that you can't live with the amount of love you believe you are feeling and also that you can't exist without that person. That you will never have the opportunity to love anyone else like that again or the possibility of being loved again by anyone else as well. You think they fill a void that exists in you - but no other person can ever really fill that void. It's only how they make you feel about yourself and there are other means to that.

In truth - you don't own anyone and no-one owns you - so in a relationship where you are free to come and go you find the security that you truly desire, rather than in a possessive/obsessive relationship where your stomach is in knots and you are bending yourself inside, over and backwards to keep the person and being someone you may not really be.

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posted February 13, 2009 08:19 AM         

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Moon/Mars sounds like it could be part of the problem.

When i think of Saturn, i think of restriction- maybe insecurity stems from not being able to express your feelings? Or from feeling like you're uncared for because their feelings are not expressed?

I've been battling with myself, because such emotions are ALWAYS connected to Pluto, and i want to avoid putting all the blame there. There HAS to be other aspects that lead to feeling out of your mind, to feeling like you love someone so much you hate them. That bitterness. That longing. Pluto intensifies, but it doesn't make you go mad... i don't think.. not by itself anyways.

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posted February 13, 2009 08:20 AM         

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PA,

Great explanation. Very wise. I wouldn't have expected anything less.

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posted February 13, 2009 08:31 AM         

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deleted

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posted February 13, 2009 08:43 AM         

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"Moon/Mars sounds like it could be part of the problem."

Why would you point to this aspect? I thought the mars person basically could hurt the moon person with this aspect.

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posted February 13, 2009 01:35 PM         

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The Moon/Mars combo in synastry (if a hard aspect) combines the two energies of each planet. So, in my opinion, it can be volatile.

I'm thinking that the Moon would be highly sensitive to Mars. And if Mars was careless, or feeling frustrated, could crush the Moon's heart with a few venomous words without really realizing the damage Mars was doing.

Do you know what i mean?

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posted February 13, 2009 10:58 PM           

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Meta, I have Venus in Scorpio in my 2nd house, & Mars in Leo in my 10th/11th.
When I was younger, I got obsessed on a regular basis---maybe because I was "smoking" way too much...I believe that certain astrological placements don't do well with an excess related to alcohol or recreational drugs.
I feel much more balanced leading a clean-n-sober life----I am no longer tempted to extremes of destructive thoughts or actions

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posted February 13, 2009 11:20 PM           

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I really don't think it has to do with Scorpio..

Im a Scorp venus, Scorp ASC and have Pluto in Scorp conjunct my ASC. But my Venus makes mostly flowing/easy aspects in my chart. I DO become obsessed, but I keep it all inside. I don't try to control or change another person.

I think that hard aspects between Moon/Venus/Mars/Pluto can signify emotions or actions getting out of hand.

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posted February 14, 2009 01:03 AM         

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Do you think such feelings stem from actual love, or do you think they stem from selfishness? Neediness?

Can you truly love someone if they evoke such emotions in you?

I'm having a difficult time grasping the concept of being so fiercely in love with someone that it makes you resent them. Love turning to hate- as they say...

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posted February 14, 2009 01:10 AM         

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i think its all very natural
we have this ideal concept of love...loving slefishly...but the thing is when we love someone we expose our self and make it vulnearble....neediness , jeolousy, possessivness...these feeling arise cz no matter how much u love someone ...if that is not returned in the way we want ..we inevitably hurt...cz we are vulnerable....its v difficlut to love without needing and wanting...just cz we are humans does not mean we dont love

but then again at some point u need to stop yourslef...cz if that line is not drawn e thing can be destroyed...if the other person is not ready to protect u from that hurt ..u hv to let go for the sake of yr slef.....

it comes but with time ...give it time...it will come to u

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posted February 14, 2009 03:57 AM           

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i don't think that's real love. i've felt that before, sort of, but that definitely comes from neediness, feeling incomplete in one's self and projection. to have real love, you really have to love yourself. i believe it's about honour. honouring yourself, others, and being honoured.

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posted February 14, 2009 06:02 AM           

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Jealousy is a part of human nature, there is no getting rid of it but it can be controlled. I've known older couples who have been together for years, who still get a smidge jealous when they see their spouse getting touchy feely but their mature enough to respect their spouse's space and freedom.

My Aquarius cousin whose been with her Virgo sweetheart for 5 years, admits she gets a tiny bit jealous and he does too but it's not out of control though and their not hurting eachother, love should never be a painful prolonged process.

As for an aspect I would think Venus square Pluto.

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posted February 14, 2009 10:30 AM         

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Real love is an abundant feeling that is not clingy or needy.

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posted February 14, 2009 06:50 PM           

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I don't believe it has anything to do with real love.
For myself, I discover, in retrospect that the object of my obssession usually had "something" I wanted for myself.--for instance, I was totally taken by someone who was an expert in a field I was working to establish myself in...I felt extremely insecure about the progress I was making in my field of study, whereas the person I was infactuated with already had more than a 30 years career doing what I wanted to do.....
As I learned more, & became more confident, I began to "see" the REAL person & I came to realize that we are totally incompatible in our temperments, our outlooks on life....EVERYTHING---plus, I realize I'd be BORED out-of-my-mind
Now, of course, the other person is constantly trying to get my attention----its too strange!!!

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posted February 15, 2009 01:24 AM           

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scorpio, and in synastry venus with pluto, and moon with pluto.

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posted February 15, 2009 01:29 AM         

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real love dznt come out of no where
we have to build it
and the obsession issues arise when we get caught in wrong patterns....or with a person or situation that is making us hurt...of course its a blessing to not have to deal with these issues...but we do come across these issues in life....i dont think possessiveness or lack of it is any indiactor of "true love" it just indicates our needs in a relationship are not being met...and its v human to have needs...

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