posted April 05, 2009 07:57 AM           

I am 38 years old now - and having studied myself over the years I surely know the difference between “liking” someone, “respecting” someone, “admiring” someone, genuinely “loving” and … “wanting” someone. I’m sure, all of you have got a “pattern”, a unique “taste” for specific character traits or looks in a man/woman, that make you fall for them in a way, over and over again. Just … a certain “type” of man/woman. Reasonable, what I am saying here? Just a certain TYPE that catches your eye – and you can’t help it!

The magic (or: stupid?) thing is: There is some “first sight”-factor about the thing I am trying to describe here. When you just see someone, watch them walk or dance, hear them talk – just from the view you get on this person … you sense some overwhelming attraction. (I’ve got my Venus in intellectual Virgo in my intellectual 9th house … I shouldn’t have such superficial or shallow feelings, haha! But I’ve also got my Venus square my Neptune .. and am prone to fantasizing/illusions in this regard – I know about that!)

Anyway: Last night I was dancing – and I saw THAT GUY again. I’ve seen him before, about one month ago – and he’s got really EVERYTHING that gets my, ehm, juices flowing, haha. The funny (and: impossible!) thing about him: He is 10 years younger than me!!! There’s just no way that ANYTHING could come out of this – he’s very active in the local nightlife scene, just 28, and I am 38 … Fact is: I’d NEVER try to start something real with him! Even though I know that I might be an attractive woman in some people’s opinion … I’d never dare to approach him – just because of the age difference. And: I am not “in love” or anything! It’s just plain, basic ATTRACTION – he is the impersonation of ALL that I’ve ever liked in boys – watching him talk, walk, dance last night … it was like a very clear vision to me last night! I thought: “Wow, If I was in my late twenties, I’d be totally lost now!” Since my own sense of reason forbids me to “fall” for him (the age difference!!!) I took the opportunity just to “study” him – without really “wanting” him. And I’ve seen both my former great loves in that guy! All my crushes! Ally my flirts! All my affairs – like: merged into THAT guy. He’s really the essence of what I find attractive in a man. He’s tall, not very slender, rather has a small belly, gains some weight easily, I suppose, classical “male” face, but some sort of “outgrown boyish-ness” in his moves, dark haired, light fifties style, not very elegant in his moves, rather a bit bouncy – but funny! Sings along loud with the songs he likes best, when he’s dancing, in a very emotional, funny way – like: ironic. Has a very natural “performer’s” personality, obviously – not pretence, no vanity, just a strong “presence”. A natural, playful way – “LEOnian” came into my mind immediately – and in fact: 3 out 5 men I have seriously been in love with have been LEOs. I just SAW that LEOnian kind of attraction yesterday – incorporated in that 28 year old GOD of a man, haha! (I don’t even know his star sign or anything.)

If I try to understand WHAT EXACTLY happened last night, I have to rely on the transits to my own natal chart only. I felt an extraordinary ATTRACTION – combinded with a strange “wisdom” inside myself – some strong, physical longing – paired with a very “adult” attitude of “detachment”. It also was … kind of … supernatural. As if the UNIVERSE was trying to show me something, by letting this guy dance in front of me. ;-) Here’s what happened to my chart last night – guess these transits are quite telling, describe my feelings well – if you read down these … you get the whole story! It’s amazing (at least for myself, haha):

(conjunctions/oppositions only - tight orbs: 0-2 dg)

Tr. SUN (in my 4th house)
cj. my Amor
cj. my Curiosity
oppos. my Libido
oppos. my Lovers
oppos. my Actor
oppos. my Great Attractor

Tr. MOON (in my 9th)
cj my Desire
cj. my Husbandry
cj. my Amanda
cj. my Sun/Venus
cj. my Venus/Mars
oppos. my Moon/Uranus
oppos. my Neptune/Juno
oppos. my draco Medea

Tr. MERCURY (in my 5th)
cj. my Destiny
cj. my Chaos
cj. my Triumf
oppos. my Cupido
oppos. my Poseidon
oppos. my draco Pluto
oppos. my Mercury/Eros

Tr. VENUS (in my 4th)
cj. my Juno/Node
oppos. my Uranus
oppos. my Hekate
oppos. my Moon/Vertex
oppos. my Venus/Jupiter
oppos. my Mercury/Neptune
oppos. my Nemesis
oppos. my Champion

Tr. MARS (in my 3rd)
cj. my Hera
cj. my Saturn/Eros
oppos. my Nostalgia
oppos. my Venus/Pluto

Tr. VALENTINE (in my 7th)
cj. my Deep Refelction
cj. my Storm
cj. my Clinch
cj. my Mercury/Saturn
cj. my Mars/Psyche
oppos. my Valentine
oppos. my Interkosmos
oppos. my Juvenalis
oppos. my Security

Tr. EROS (in my 3rd)
cj. my Danger
cj. my Moon/Uranus
cj. my Neptune/Juno
cj. my draco Medea
oppos. my Husbandry
oppos. my Desire
oppos. my Amanda
oppos. my Sun/Venus
oppos. my Venus/Mars

The slower running planets ….

Tr. JUPITER square my SATURN & trine my CUPIDO
Tr. URANUS trine my SUN & square my MOON

… and:

Tr. CHIRON oppos. my BM LILITH (!)
tr. BM LILITH square my CHIRON (!)

posted April 05, 2009 09:39 AM         

What I'm trying to understand though, is why the age difference bothers you so much. He's 28, not 18....And even if he was, he'd still be legal I guess I don't get it, because age never got in my way when it came to attraction. If it was a serious relationship it might make me pause, but I think you never know. I know some 45 year-old men who are completely immature, and some 28 year-olds who have a well of wisdom....so who's to judge?

In all seriousness, I can relate though to the merging of attraction, boiling it down, etc. But I don't really think age difference should be a problem - especially not with magnetic attraction like that. It's like a gift that's been made for you ....don't shut out gifts from the universe

posted April 05, 2009 10:02 AM         

Attraction and getting along really have nothing to do with age, imho (as you are now seeing, alvarella )
Why not approach him and see what he's like in conversation?? 38 is not over the hill!! MVM made a great point about the maturity of people -- it's the EMOTIONAL maturity that's important, not their physical/chronological maturity. Men marry women 20 or 30 years younger, I wish the social taboo of women doing the same thing wasn't so programmed into us by our cultures

posted April 05, 2009 10:08 AM         

I never read anywhere that God didn't intend for 38 year old women to be with 28 year old men. No one is inferior just because they're younger. If anything, it makes more sense physiologically than psychologically.

I've also met immature 50 year olds and extremely mature 25 year olds.

posted April 05, 2009 12:07 PM           

I totally get your point(s). And I am really not the overly "conservative" type (the opposite is true, haha.) I am just ... afraid. And want to protect myself from a potential hurt ... and this makes sense to me.

The last time that I had immersed myself into a "story" with a man ended extremely hurtful, about a year ago. Actually, he was 43, so: 5 years older than me. And: yup, the most immature man I ever met.

I do know that 28-year-olds can be of "equal strength and charactre" to someone who is 10 years older.

But ... there come several things with a relationship like that, that would be completely new to me - maybe too new and too much to swallow at once.

It has to do with my own "conviction" or "habit" that I want to have a "strong" partner ... it seems engraved in my mind, that "he" has to be a tad older. (I know about the shallowness of this thought ... still ... I stick to it somehow.)

And it has to do with my own ... "ego" ... or ... need for feeling "attractive" inside a relationship ... or ... say ... my need for "control". (Damn - I must admit that, hmpf.) I'm a Moon-square-Pluto person, Moon in my 1st, Pluto cj. my MC in 10th - so this square is prominently placed in my chart. Entering romance with a new man does bring its own insecurities anyway - of course I accept this, it's thrilling: But entering a romance with a man who's a decade younger than you ... would INCREASE these insecurities so much ... ("Am I attractive enough in the longrun...?" - all that RUBBISH!) So ... currently and after the latest hurt in love, all my instincts (self-defense-meachnisms) warn me: Don't put yourself out for another hurt, girl, that is forseeable. My whole image of self, as I tend to see myself in relationships, would change - if I entered a "thing" whith that younger man.

At the same time ... Tr. Uranus is trining my Sun and squaring my Moon currently ... and will do so for another while. In a few weeks to come, Tr. Uranus will trine my Ascendant ... So I am OVERDUE for some changes with my self-image, haha. I KNOW. (I am observing this with great curiosity, haha.) In late fall, Tr. Pluto will start trining my Venus AND Juno, for almost a year long ... I have the strong feeling, that something IS moving.;-)

But ... guess I won't approach that guy actively.

P.S.: Fact is, yesterday night, he had layed his eyes on me too, haha, I noticed that clearly. I just moved to this town a few weeks ago, and I am quite new in this particular nightlife-subcultural-pocultural scene over here (I am very much into music, a particular retro-style and all.) Funny thing: I saw him watching me dance as well! I know I am a very good dancer, and quite expressive, really: good foot work ;-) I caught his sight, I noticed that he was watching me respectfully. Of course, there's that "new girl in town"-factor about me, currently. Several of his pals and acquaintances (all male) talked to me yesterday night, all very charming, made me compliments for my dance-style, my dress, asked where I come frome, etc.;-) But HE was watching me from afar, only. So did I. (Watch him, haha.)

Coincidence: With two or three songs, we suddenly danced very (!) close to each other, by coincidence, because the dancefloor was packed. We really had the same rhythm, I didn't dare to raise my head and look him in the eyes ... I just looked at the ground, saw his legs before me, and all. Gosh, I was so shy! With one of these "close dance"-occasions, very late at night, when we all had been lightly drunk, we bumped into each other, and his cigarette touched my right hand a bit (not bad! just lightly). He apologized, he looked shocked, said "Oh, sorry, sorry Lady!", and I smiled and said: "It's allright, don't worry." THAT'S ALL. Haha.

I don't think that he felt "it" as strong as I did. I believe that he noticed me, but ... I played desinterested, more or less "ignored" him watching me (well, I noticed all that, but pretended not to see it, and all.)

I do believe that we'll meet again. Just because that "people's scene" is rather small, there will be another occasion. But I think that this will not be going further. He'll see me again ... and then again ... and he'll think something like: "Gosh, she's a fine lady. I hope my 22 year old girlfriend will look as marvelous as her when she is THAT OLD..." HA!

posted April 05, 2009 09:50 PM         

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look, my ex-girlfriend was 6 years and 7 months older than me (I'm 28) and her age in itself was never a problem for me. I really really loved her.

Problems that might arise: you and this guy may not be in the same wavelength in terms of relationship goals. "Mutual project" compatibility. Unless he's the "marry early/security oriented/routine" type of guy.

I, for example, am not. I didn't feel the need to have other women, but I still needed (and need) to discover myself in other areas of life. And I felt I didn't have enough space...
Now that I'm single, I've started a short course in photography. Tuesday night, I'm gonna be walking the streets in Lisbon, giving food and clothes to homeless people. I'm going to visit the Taizé comunity (spiritual comunity in France based on the Jesus Christ's calling) as soon as I can take a break. If I was still with her, I couldn't do this. She wanted a man to be there at home with her, as a family man (also, she had a kid).

Metaphorically speaking, I am in the spring and she is in the summer. So it didn't last longer than a year and a half. And i'll be honest, I ended up heartbroken. But the thing is, it doesn't necessarily have to be like that for you!

My advice to you is this: if you're a flexible person and tolerate these eventual diferences in your guy, then don't hesitate! If you have bigger plans for him, then I can't promise you it'll work (or that it won't work).

Don't worry about anything else other than what your heart says and if you go for it, enjoy.

And remember that chemically speaking, you're both in your prime and I'm sure you wouldn't mind some extra stamina/enthusiasm in a man...

posted April 08, 2009 04:17 PM           

BUT: Taking an honest look on where I am standing in my life right now ... I must admit, that "running around" late at night, hanging out in bars & clubs every other night ... is just not "my cup of tea" anymore. I've enjoyed sooo much of the good life (night life) that it is starting to bore me a bit. And that guy I am (almost) crushing on, a little bit, he's totally involved into these matters - a "wild one" as I like(d) them, always!!! ;-) Well, he's 28 - it's natural and wonderful that he does that! In fact ... my own interests are changing a bit, these days. So the potential for disappointing each other at the end ... is quite high. Just ... different perspectives, I am pretty sure about that. It is like: I am more or less "through" whith all that he is "fascinated" about, at this time of his life.

Who knows ... maybe I'll meet him again ... maybe not. His shere presence really struck me, haha. But as long as he's not around, I don't feel any "need" to see him again or something. Even though the attraction was so strong, there's no trace of "obsession" with this one. I can plainly tell! (Because with my last love the "obsessive" factor was very strong, I can sense clearly whether this is the case or not.)