posted April 08, 2009 04:58 PM           

I'll make it short - by asking you two 3 decisive questions only:

1.) WHAT the heck is this Synastry about?

2.) WHAT does HE want from me?

3.) WHY do I find it so hard to just shrug my shoulders and don't care about that anymore? (Why do I still hold the impression, that there's a final "riddle" to solve??? Yes - we had an intense love affair. Then he hurt me a lot, and I went away, about a year ago. Then he approached me again, about 10 weeks ago, via e-mail - after 9 months of complete silence between us. And even though I feel NO obsession anymore, even though I have started to crush on other men already ...even though his jokes seem rusty to me and he rather "annoys" than "entertains" me ... even though I find his latest pictures not "attractive" anymore ... I still cannot draw the final, final line and just tell him how I feel: "Leave it, man. It is over. Makes no sense anymore. Let us drop that once and for all times.")

Soooo:

1.a) WHAT is wrong here???

2.a.) WHY does he cling to that? (Even though he was the one who let me drop, about a year ago?)

3.a.) WHY does one part of me still hold some "curiosity" about all that - instead of dumping it, finally???

I WANNA GET RID OF THAT!!!

ME on the inside, HE on the outside:

posted April 08, 2009 05:21 PM           

Is he an AGGRESSOR to me? (Having bad/mischievous/manipulative/sadistic interests in me? Does he hold a "seceret agenda"? And if so: WHY? What could I have "done" to him? How could I have provoked that weird ... "aggression" then?)

Is he just SHY and/or is there too much VULNERABILITY and/or PRIDE on his side, so that he cannot just ... speak his mind??? (I mean: Why did he contact me again? If he LIKED and MISSED me ... why doesn't he say - or at least: allude so? He's pretending as if nothing serious had happened ... as if we could be "friends" in way. Extremely evasive ... and I know he feels some disappointment that I am not "after him" anymore, obviously, but he seems to feel my annoyance/my turn-off from him, etc.. Don't know.)

He once told me I'd be THE WOMAN I HAVE ALWAYS WAITED FOR ... then dumped me (our thing) as if all of our love had been a bad joke ... and then approached me again now, acting like some "buddy"/"friend" in a way, at the same seems to want more ... and seems to be totally CONFUSED, INSECURE, HESITANT ...

Can't help it - it all seems "harmless" on the outside, currently - but I do feel some disturbing undercurrent - having to do with his motifs, mostly. I JUST DON'T GET IT!!!

Am I over-estimating his aggressiveness? Am I demonizing him in a way? Or are my warning signals just, should I follow these and definitely interrupt all our contact again?

posted April 09, 2009 03:24 AM         

His Venus conjunct your Pluto
His Sun conjunct your Liltih
His Vertex conjunct your NN

posted April 09, 2009 05:06 AM           

I didn`t notice the BML action, but I agree, creepy, sexual, nearly pushing-over-the-edge yet endlessly frustrating attraction, scaring at least one of you (maybe both), and you always have the feeling there is something beneath the surface, something (maybe) dangerous and primal. BML to me is like a mixture of Moon, Pluto and Uranus (the Uranus-part probably stems from the fact that my own BML is in Aquarius and trine Uranus on the cusp of 11th house though);
we usually are not good in dealing with the very archetypical, uncivilised and primal nature of Moon-Pluto, and it leaves us being at least a little bit scared.

However, tzo see what is between the two of you NOW, I`d risk a look at the progressed synastry, too. Also have a look what is being triggered by transits.

And then lean back in your seat and wait what`s going to happen, once Venus turns direct again.
You know Venus and Pluto are both retograde, actually having formed an exact square, when Pluto also went retograde. And of course that is mirroring your synastric Venus-Pluto-conjunction.

And as far as I can see it, retograde Venus on 3° Aries (which was one Pluto also turned retograde) is on the mirrordegree of your Venus-Pluto-conjunction, and retograde Pluto is squaring that mirrordegree (a certain German school also considers the squaring positions of mirrordegrees and consideres them to be very strong, almost like conjunctions).

Also, I see that his Neptune, ruler of his DSC, opposes your Saturn. I once read an article about that aspect, being about karmic relationships, especially the karmic loss-scenario. So if that happened to you, maybe that is why you can`t let go? Cause you already experienced this pain of loss, and just don`t want to go there again? Completely I mean?
Because, honestly, in some cases, breaking up with someone, doesn`t sever the ties that bind you; you`ve only managed to really move on and cut the ties, if you are able to think of him in a balanced, unemotional, unobsessive way and are even able to not think or dream of him most of the times (of coruse that is only my opinion).

Here you can read the article, if you are being interested.
http://www.throughnightsfire.com/SaturnNeptuneconnections.html

posted April 12, 2009 08:26 AM           

Guess I have to vent once more.

You folks and I, we don't know each other in person, if you'd know me, though ... you' d know that this whole story with that man is so anti-typical for me - I cannot mention my age often enough (38), and point out that I am a "reasonable" woman, got my life in order, the opposite of a "woman miserable in love". I've got my Venus in Virgo, 9th house, my head is ALWAYS with me, and my pride, my talent for "self-containment" is one of my strongest personality-factors;-) (the Scorpio/Pluto-Factor in my chart). I have have NO martyr-like tendencies or something ... Rather the opposite is true: People rather tend to critisize me for too much "detachment" or "self-containment". ;-) And being an 8th-house-stellium person, I usually surely know when a thing has ended - and am very good in drawing a line - accepting it - and move on - and start anew. I've got "Change" and "Phoinix" in my 1st house, widely conuncting my ASC... And mentioning all this, feels as if I am trying to "defend" myself or to reassure myself. I just wanna point out: I feel so stuck with that man/that story - it is unbelievable to myself! I AM NOT THAT WAY!!! Have never been!!! There are millions of reasons to finally forget about this!!! I haven't even seem him for over a year now. And, again: I AM NOT IN LOVE ANYMORE! (Grrrr ... Do I believe myself here? Don't know.)

Next Friday (17th of April) will be THE DATE when we spoke to each other for the last time ever, by the phone - after that it was all over. So, it's like our break-up anniversary coming up. HAh!;-)

I am vacillating between two perspectives ... maybe WRITE HIM/TELL HIM a very very last time, be KIND a very last time, and honest, and admit openly to him, that I still do think about him a lot ... or mantaining my COOL - not giving in an inch, pretending that everything's okay and easygoing - and that we could be just "buddies" from now on ... Just not SHOW him how often and intensely I think about all that ... STILL!

In fact, deep inside of me, I feel BOTH things simultaneoulsy - or: my mood is changing by the hour!!! NEVR felt stuck in a conflict between "head and heart" like this - I just cannot decide!

My heart tells me: He's weak - but "loves me" and cannot forget me - something deep inside tells me that this is a big, big thing between us - one thing that maybe ... you experience in your life only once. Sometimes, very seldom now, but sometimes, when I lay in my bed and fall asleep, I just sense him beside me or: Wish he was there, I kind of cuddle up to my pillow, and I feel such warmth and relief and closeness to him then - and I know that there was this magic "closeness" that we used to experience - apart from the "sex" and other things we had - some extreme familiarity/closeness, sooooo soothing, calming, when we just ... held each other. It made us both feel breathless and my heart just felt plain ... HAPPINESS then - despite of all the things he had done (we both had done) to also hurt each other, in a way. There was such a basic physical need with us, to hold hands, to just be together, physically, no need for erotic extremes, very often, just a wonderful, basic, "innocent" need for ... holding each other. This IS one of the weird things about this psychoterror-relationship we had. Sometimes I STILL plunge into the depths of this feeling. Something ... was just ... GOOD with us. And what is remaining ... is a big big wound - that we're not able to just "live this out". Call me crazy: But meanwhile, I have grown very sure that this is the same for both of us.

But my head tells me: It won't work. I do know about all the little (and sometimes bigger) things he had done ... really difficult to explain. (All the BML-stuff mentioned above describes it best.) The meanest things. He knew which darts would hurt me most - and he had fired hundreds of those against me - admittedly. Yes - he admitted that. "Want to hurt you so that I can feel you better, you must say that you love me and no one else." Who knows: Maybe I've done things as well, that confused or hurt him, without even knowing. BUT: If I took more of the "initiative" now ... it would be a repetition in a way - again, it would be ME who would reach out a hand to him - which, one the one hand, would be necessary to get any further at all (I KNOW that - he needs so much re-assurance ...) But on the other hand ... it would leave me open to be wounded by him once more. My head clearly tells me: After all that has happened there is NO WAY you should do that, girl. And I know that my head is right! There is no doubt about that. And I am so ready and wiling to follow my head in this, believe me. My head is right, right, right. It would be him ... who would have to make a move now. I mean: A REAL move, Not only contact me again via email. He would have to risk more than that. There's no other way. We'd just re-play the old dynamics again. It is clearly HIM who would have to proove to be flexible now. I have been the flexible one always - now things have changed. He'd have to signal clearly that he is willing to evolve. I am not sure that he is. He'd have to show me clearly, though. He'd just have to give in an inch ... make himself "vulnerable" in a way. Not because I want to take "revenge" on him. But to see that he is alive! Able to evolve! Open to learn and be "close" in a human way! I know about his defense mechanisms already. WE HAD THAT. If HE made the effort to contact me again ... he'd have to be pretty sure that he REALLY wants it ... to maybe ... meet again and all.

He let me know that he didn't have a new girlfriend since we split - and I told him that I didn't have a new boyfriend either. He said that he could imagine that meeting again would be okay, he said "I do believe we could handle that" - I agreed. Then he said: "But let's not force things, let's stay relaxed, let's wait some while longer ..." - which I found pretty ridiculous. I replied: "All right, just as you like it. I'll put the emphasis on the "relaxed"-part - not at all on the "waiting"-part, okay?" On another occasion I wrote to him: "... now, that we're just buddies..." - and obviously this has made him fruious or disappointed. He wrote: "Oh, okay. Cheers, YOUR BUDDY". Haha!!!

Anyway: That undercurrent (the huge emotions): still there.

I can name ALL the things I DON'T like with him - hundreds! I even don't find him so attractive anymore! Looking at his latest pics and all ... Some major part of the original attraction is just OVER, I cannot help that. I know about his jokes - they seem rusty to me now. I can tell two dozens of things that annoy me with him. I can give you 100 explanations why he is "no good", why being together with him would mean that I'd have to my pay dues in a way - and I don't know what for! I can see, that I lead a healthier, much more releaxed life now, since he's out of my life. My face looked really stressed, in the final stages of our relationship, I was about to turn into a sad, confused, disappointed woman then ... only since I have left him I returned to my basically sunny disposition! He used to drain my energies - I feel free, relaxed, happier now. This is 100% true!!!

Still ... I am afraid that he might the perverted "love of my life" in a way.

Still ... what I NE´VER felt with anyone before: I know that he needs me in a way - and I can hear him calling me. (Sounds spooky? It IS spooky.)

Speaking of "Karma": One vision has absolutely grown more intense inside of me, it sounds SO silly, but I am pretty sure about this: If we have met before, in another life, I must have done something bad to him - and I see a vision ... of me being his mother. There's a deep need inside of me for having him TRUST me. But he won't grant that "trust" to me now. It is all very obvious, in THIS life: HE was the one who let it all drop in a way ... HE is the one I should be doutbful of (and I am!)! But the pervert thing is: I do know that it is him who doesn't trust me! THIS IS THE CORE OF THE PROBLEM. From a "karmic" standpoint: If I apply all my Neptunian qualities (my Neptune cj. my ASC and all...) the story goes like this: I feel a deep need to reconcile with him (from a former life), just hold him and enjoy these soothing moments, just to make peace (and maybe pay some of my "dues" for what I've dione to him before...). But he won't allow me to do so, he fights for NOT being with me again, is suspicious, cannot forgive me - and feels a smilar longing in a way, which is unexplainable.

WEIRD: In fact, he was the one who hurt me so much, this time! I can forgive him, instinctively. But HE cannot "forgive" me. Somehow like that ... Guess we won't be able to overcome this.

SORRY, for writing so much abot this again.

posted April 12, 2009 08:34 AM         

------------------
Sun.. Cancer

Moon.. Gemini

Mars.. Cancer

Mercury.. Cancer

Venus.. Leo

posted April 12, 2009 08:42 AM           

I know, you're a CANCER-Sun and -Mars too, and I've read about your own musings on Tr. Uranus to your Sun and all ... ;-)

Yeah, actually, I have that right now and it will return: Transiting Uranus trining my Sun (refreshing my sense of self) - at the same time squaring my Moon (re-vamping my emotional make-up).

Even better (more promising) is this: Tr. Uranus will trine my Ascendant from June onwards, and will later trine my Mars! (Before going retro and do the thing to my Sun, Moon and Ascendnat AGAIN). So: personal/emotional resfreshment is clearly in the air for me! AND FOR YOU TOO; belgz! Let's keep each other updated about this, haha!

Most promising to me, though: Tr. PLUTO wil start to trine my VENUS and JUNO from the end of this year for the whole of 2010. Probably .. I am currently in a "preparing" phase for a new, earth shaking love experience that is awaiting me ... cleaning out my closest, still struggling to "learn and understand" what that story with the man above was about to "teach me" ... in order to be able to face the new things that will happen in my love life then ...?

I HOPE SO! ;-)

posted April 12, 2009 08:48 AM           

I feel for you. In some weird and twisted sense I know exactly what you`re feeling.

My instant thought was actually: Soulmates, when I read that (and I so hoped I had overcome that fixation. lol).

And the second was: heavy unfinished business.
And it seems that your soul tells you that you NEED to finish that business with him, before you can really move on.

I`m not really in your shoes, so only you can know what to do, but it seems to me that running away from this will get neither of you anywhere (excpet for being back at the exact same point next year or so).

Why did he contact you?
Can`t you ask him what he really wants from you?
And if he is willing to listen, tell him how you feel (as much as you are comfortable with). Of course you can`t force his trust, but you can show him, that you know about all the good things that were there, too, despite all the bad things that happened. And maybe if both of you are mature enough, you can find out what exactly went wrong between you two.
Cause to me it seems that it was a very deep and meaningful love you shared, and that neither of you can walk away from that.
Maybe just acknowledge to each other: Yes, you made me happy. Maybe happier than I have ever been before, and I am very thankful that I could experience something so deep and meaningful with you.

posted April 12, 2009 08:58 AM           

The STRANGE thing now ... if I put all the guys in a row that I have lightly crsuhed on, lately ... they have a complteley new astrological make-up!!! That guy above, he's a LEO - and 3 out of 5 serious relationships I had have been with with LEOS. So, this is the "usual type" I tend to fall for...

BUT BUT BUT, the men I crushed on since we split, they all are of a very different kind, atsrologically speaking - I NEVER had something going on with these astrological types before in my life!!!

1st guy (last summer) was a TAURUS - and proud family man (single-father of his son). (In fact, Taurus is my DSC, my Juno and Ceres ...)

2nd guy (early March) turned out to be CANCER - like me! For the first time ever did I feel some attraction for my fellow Sun-sign!

3rd guy (just a couple of weeks ago, I posted a thread on him, 10 years younger than me, awfully attractive, but: too young, just a light flirtation for me) - met him again last night! Was pretty sure that he must be a Leo, again. But a girl I know just told me last night: "He's a very down to earth and a tad boring CANCER!" Haha!

4th guy: Met him by accident, in my new neighbourhood, moved here just 7 weeks ago, he approached me in a café, while each of us had a cup of coffee, just sitting there. He's really nice! We had great fun with each other with our first date lately. Now he invited me for dinner for tomorrow. Might be that he crushed on me a bit ... While I am not sure about my own feelings yet. Again: A CANCER!!!

posted April 12, 2009 09:11 AM           

At the same time, I see: We're both still struggling with it. Maybe I'll use the two more days off over Easter ... to work through this again, once and for all. Maybe I WILL let him know. Without asking for anything - in fact, I'd be afraid that he might get the impression that I WANT something from him. In fact I DON'T. I just wanna grant each of us some ... relief, in a way. I feel it so strongly: Neither of us it at peace with what has happened. Both of us have our personal pride-instincts and all ... Maybe I should be the one to make that next step .. to try to ... clean up the mess.

You mentioned the "maturity"-factor: One part of me loves/loved him for exactly that fact - and the other part hates him for that, but: He's the most "immature" human being I ever met! ;-) An ego-tist like a three year old toddler.

THANKS for you input again.

The need for making peace with all that ... is really strong, you got that right. I hate "unfinished business". I'm great "finisher" (8th house, Pluto, etc...). This is a basic need for me, personally, that is right. Maybe I should grant that to myself - to "finish up" that business, in a way.

posted April 12, 2009 10:43 AM         

You never mention what his being the "aggressor" meant. That can mean anything from him being overbearingly manipulative to you or being down right violent.

Then you mention (I think it was you) an underlying creepiness? What does that mean?

Last but not least, you have to remember that you are not controlled by your chart. Now that you are conscious of how your charts are set up and part of what they communicate, you now have the power to alter what it says.

Your chart only tells you "the potential" you were born with. You are not a slave to your chart and you are not a slave to karma with this man.

Ask him what his intentions are. At your age and his age (I know what it is from the charts) you're both too old to play games. If he made a mistake by letting you go then he should say that and then let you know what his intentions are for the present and the future. You don't owe him anything. It is clear that you want to move on with your life, but from the amount of information you have poured into this thread it really appears that you have become stuck around what to do about this guy.

posted April 12, 2009 05:36 PM           

*edit*: The "aggressor"-factor would be manipulative mindgames stressed to the max. And even admittedly so. As I mentioned somewhere before, in another thread: He tried to make me feel bad or "smaller" very often, by dropping a remark here, leaving some vague notes, alluding that there always were "other women" around - he even admitted to do this, so that he could see "my reaction" - whether I was serious with him - nonsense like that. They have been quite so easy to detect, these attempts, and very often just came up as "desperate" (from his side). 85% of these attempts didn't hurt me, really - but let me feel some empathy for him - and some sympathy for his fragile ego. I LOVED him - I wanted to make him feel secure. But he wouldn't stop! And the remainign 15% of "nasty mindgames" have been evil enough to really ... drain me. And he just would never ever stop! The opposite seemed to be true: The more I tried to "prove" my love to him, the more "over the top" his mindgames grew ... just: insatiable. Insane!

After this attempt with that letter, I read your reply. The things you said, especially the "puppy"-thing ... And it made me postpone that "letter"-idea immediately! Or maybe: put it aside once and for all! (That would be the best thing to do.)

Currently, as long as Venus is still retrograding (or: stuck at 29° Pisces) - up until it will start its forward movement again next week, I have tr. Jupiter suqaring my natal Saturn. They say: "Don't hurry now under this transit - wait this one out - while tr. Jupiter sqauares your natal Saturn, you feel a desperate need to move, but somehow you can't and you have to be patient in a way." This is really simultaneously happening for me, while we are all waiting for the turning point of transiting Venus now. Best bet for me probably is: NOT to move right now. Thanks for accompanying me with this one, at least in your toughts! ;-)

Soon, trans. Juno will cj. my natal NN - we'll see what happens then.;-)

posted April 12, 2009 05:37 PM           

What first struck my eyes: His progressed Mars is at 26° Scorpio – and this is not only very close to my natal ASC (27° Scorpio) – it is exactly the place where my Name-asteroid is located in his natal chart! (My name in his chart: at 26° Scorpio). No wonder, that he tends to behave “aggressive” towards me…!

Don’t know how to make-up/post a progressed Synastry, but here are some aspects from our progressed to our respective natal charts:

conjunction/oppositions only (tight orbs 0-2 dg.)

His progr. ASC
cj. my natal Cupido
cj. my natal Mercury/Eros
oppos. my natal Destiny
oppos. my natal Triumf

His progr. SUN & MERCURY
cj. my natal Uranus
cj. my natal Sun/Moon-Midpoint

His progr. MOON
cj. my natal Life
cj. my natal Change
cj, my natal Phoinix
cj. my natal Urania
oppos. my natal Karma
oppos. my natal Chronos
oppos. my natal Ophelia

His progr. VENUS
oppos. my natal Saturn
oppos. my natal Hades
oppos. my natal Anteros
oppos. my natal Sirene
oppos. my natal Strong

His progr. MARS
cj. my natal ASC
cj. my natal Neptune
cj. my natal Moon/Jupiter-Midpoint
oppos. my natal DSC
oppos. my natal Psyche
oppos. my natal Identity
oppos. my natal part of Success

His progr. JUPITER
cj. my natal Lucifer
cj. my natal Icarus
oppos. my natal Valentine
oppos. my natal Interkosmos
oppos. my natal Plays
oppos. my natal Achilles

His progr. SATURN
cj. my natal Pallas
cj. my natal Part of Sexuality
cj. my natal Part of Talent
oppos. my natal Vesta
oppos. my natal Venus/Pluto
oppos. my natal Mars/Jupiter

His progr. CHIRON
cj. my natal IC/oppos. my natal MC (!)

His progr. VESTA
cj. my natal Vertex
cj. my natal Aura
cj. my natal Destinn
cj. my natal Aeternitas
cj. my natal Faith
cj. my natal Martir
oppos. my natal Eros
oppos. my natal Love
oppos. my natal Tolerantia

His progr. JUNO
cj. my natal Humptydumpty
oppos. my natal Mercury/Mars

His progr. EROS
cj. my natal North Node (exact!)
cj. my natal Devota
cj. my natal Juno/Eros-Midpoint
oppos. my natal Venus
oppos. my natal Anacreon
oppos. my natal Sensitivity
oppos. my natal Deceit
oppos. my natal Prudentia

His progr. AMOR
cj. my natal Juno
cj. my natal Harmonia
cj. my natal Moon/MC
oppos. my natal Happiness
oppos. my natal Popularity
oppos. my natal Wildcat
oppos. my natal Geisha

Wow! I am a bit shocked by this … Because it seems so obvious: His progressed Sun, Mercury and Moon appeal to my potential for “Change” so strongly! They scream “wake up, girl!” so loud!!! While his progressed Venus and Mars – compared to my natal chart - speak of some road much tension, blocked energy. But his progr. Amor goes very well with my natal Juno- and “popularity”-placements. His progr. Jupiter seems to provoke and/or increase my natal “risk” potential. While his progr. Chiron, Vesta and Eros sit right on top of some very decisive natal-chart-points of my own! I mean: His progr. Eros cj. my NN exactly, by the minute!!! Wow … should I be the pupil here??? Not the teacher???

Let’s have a look from the opposite direction: My progressed chart compared to his natal – and again a super obvious element of “aggression” at first sight: My progressed Mars sits right on top of his natal Sun! Huh …!

My progr. ASC & VALENTINE
cj. his natal Storm
cj. his natal Neptune/Juno
oppos. his natal Jupiter
oppos. his natal Vesta
oppos. his natal Benevolence
oppos. his natal Weddings
oppos. his natal Sado
oppos. his natal Sun/Amor

My progr. SUN
cj. his natal Odysseus
cj. his natal Horus
cj. his natal Disappointment
oppos. his natal Vertex
oppos. his natal Medea
oppos. his natal Juno/Ciron
oppos. his natal Juno/Eros

My progr. MOON
cj. his natal Psyche (!)
cj. his natal Chronos
cj. his natal Nessus
cj. his natal Sun/Chiron
cj. his natal Sun/Eros
oppos. his natal Happiness

My progr. MERCURY & progr. PLUTO
cj. his natal Venus (!)
cj. his natal Proserpina
cj. his natal Drakonia
cj. his natal Sun/Mars
oppos. his natal Moon/Vertex

My progr. VENUS
cj. his natal Cupido
cj. his natal Poseidon
cj. his natal Amazone
oppos. his natal Moon

My progr. MARS
cj. his natal Sun (!)
cj. his natal Hybris
cj. his natal Echo
cj. his natal Sun/Mercury
oppos. his natal Porta Coeli
oppos. his natal Saturn/Juno

My progr. JUPITER
cj. his natal Union
oppos. his natal Admetos
oppos. his natal Part of Danger
oppos. his natal Illness/Accidents

My progr. SATURN
cj. his natal Lovers
cj. his natal Anger
cj. his natal Caution
cj. his natal Clinch
cj. his natal Moon/Jupiter
oppos. his natal Aphrodite
oppos. his natal Passion
oppos. his natal Guinevere
oppos. his natal Sweet

My progr. VERTEX
cj. his natal Isis
cj. his natal Lovejoy
cj. his natal Aura
cj. his natal Pinocchio
cj. his natal Venus/Jupiter
oppos. his natal Pallas
oppos. his natal Part of Marriage
oppos. his natal part of Unusual Events

My progr. EROS
cj. his natal Mars/Vertex
oppos. his natal Devota
oppos. his natal Benevolence
oppos. his natal Moon/Uranus
oppos. his natal Moon/Pluto
My progr. PSYCHE
cj. his natal North Node (!)
oppos. his natal Life
oppos. his natal Catastrophe
oppos. his natal Harmonia
oppos. his natal Interkosmos
oppos. his natal Mars/Pluto

My progr. AMOR
cj. his natal Moon
oppos. his natal Poseidon
oppos. his natal Amazone

What I see from here … seems pretty intense as well. My progr. ASC & Valentine obviously inflate his natural romantic optimism. My progr. Sun, Moon and Mercury-Pluto-conjunction challenge his inborn tendency for idealization – can you say so? My progr Jupiter really put his potential “weak spots” in the limelight – while my prog. Saturn again is cooling down his idealizations concerning love. (the typical “wet blanket”-factor). At the same time, my progr. Vertex and Psyche appeal strongly to him. Hm - quite a mixed bag.

Anyway: I am astonished by these strong connections between our respective progressed and natal charts! Especially about these MARS-placements!!! Sitting right on top of my ASC and his SUN!

WHAT THE HECK …????

posted April 12, 2009 05:47 PM         

I'm so glad to hear you say, "It's not about HIM now." That's the perfect state of mind for you. You just realized that it's not your job to take care of him anymore.

Another important thing for people to remember with synastry and relationships. They actually have a "shelf life". Most of them have a shelf life. Wouldn't it be wonderful to understand that you have already lived out your karma with him? You've already been through the heaven and hell that the chart comparisons have spelled out. It's up to you if you decide to go back for more.

My opinion (just thought I'd preface that) is that if you have been away from him with no contact for a full 9 months already, I think you know that you can survive without him. You'll never forget the good times and never forget the bad times, but you now have those memories in your basket of gifts that God has already given you and you can use those memories as tools for your future happiness in the new relationships that you cultivate and enjoy.

And what a wise decision to sit still with this situation for awhile. There's no rush. You are using your astrological knowledge of Venus-RX as a tool to help yourself. Awesome!!

posted April 12, 2009 09:36 PM           

Of course, that title made me curious. At first, because I was suspicious about myself: Could I be "obsessive" about that man? Maybe ... for the 1st time in my life? But then I read the material Peri has posted there - and got a whole different impression. Now it rather looks as if ... that guy has some "obsessive" traits ... and that it is more or less "logical" that I got shocked by that (shocked by the "cruelty" that may come with obsessiveness, as this material is saying.) Now it seems plausible to me that I am still struggling with the question: WHY? But when I read again how I've described that relationship above ... and if I compare that to Peri's "obsession material" ... I see more clearly. Here are my favourite quotes from the "obsession article" there:

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Phase one: Attraction phase (...) An immediate urge to rush into a relationship (...) Unrealistic fantasies about a relationship with a love interest, assigning "magical" qualities to an object of affection. (...) The beginnings of obsessive, controlling behaviors begin to manifest.

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Phase two: Anxious phase (...) The continuation and escalation of obsessive, controlling behaviors.

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Phase three: Obsessive phase (...)Neurotic, compulsive behaviors (...) Unfounded accusations of "cheating" due to extreme anxiety.(...) Extreme control tactics, including questioning a love interest's commitment to the relationship (guilt trips) with the goal of manipulating a love interest into providing more attention.

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Phase four: Destructive phase (...)Anger, rage and a desire to seek revenge against a love interest for breaking off the relationship.

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And more interesting thoughts:

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The obsessed is always focused on his (or her) own desires and the object of obsession is incidental.(...)For the obsessed the centre of his attention is an object with no desires, no life independent of the intense desire that the obsessed has for the object. He (or she) is almost like a child who is mad for a toy and will take the toy with him (or her) to bed, to garden, and even to the toilet. But if one day the toy hurts the child, there is immediate rejection. (...) The pathos of cruelty that an obsessed displays can be seen in an innocent form in the craving that a child has for a favorite toy.

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The other facet of violence manifests when the obsessed gets hold of and becomes the owner of the object of his desire. No, they do not live happily thereafter. The relationship of the obsessed one with the object of obsession is not a relationship of caring. It is a relationship of power, a display of brutishness, a game of ego. The ownership has to be absolute, to the exclusion of everyone else, and the obsessed needs to demonstrate it every moment to get any pleasure from it. One is not concerned if this stifles or even hurts the object of obsession.

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Here's Peri's last word on all that - from my experience, I subscribe to 100%:

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it is extremely hard to love someone who is obsessing and getting jealous for no reason and hurts you for no reason too ... obsessive people don't let anyone love them, they do everything to push the love they need so much away.

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posted April 12, 2009 11:38 PM         

God bless Peri for providing that information. There are times when I want to explain to clients about obsession and never had the words. Also, I think we've all had some form of obsession and been on the receiving end of it and these words described it perfectly.

Good luck, Alvarella. You're quite a student.

Geocosmic Valentine
Professional Astrologer
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posted April 13, 2009 12:36 AM         

This sent me into a whirl, distracted me from getting on with my life, and ruined the following 8 months of dating.

But after that phone call and a couple of coffees later, I never heard from my Ex again.

On reflection, I wished my Ex never did that to me. It felt like a nasty selfish trick and it set my healing back another year.

Be careful of these manipulative approaches. Sorry to be a wet blanket, but just don't want you to get drawn into his need to satisfy something in himself (however, momentary it is). He needs to get honest and up-front with you and stop playing the elusive wishy-washy playboy.