posted May 07, 2009 04:30 AM         

right now in my life, i feel as if i'm at a cross roads. i met a boy online when i was 12 years old. his name will be *nate* he was 12 as well but he lied and said he was 14. he also sent me fake pics and lied to me about his name. i found out when i was 17, after being in a COMMITED relationship for 5 years. it was really hard to be in a long distance relationship in high school, i felt really weird about it. i kept it a secret except for my close friends and i knew they thought i was so odd! so on top of feeling like a complete social failure i found out he lied to me and basically went into a depression. looking back now i know how dramatic i was being but unfortunately for me my frontal lobe was still not fully formed and i had very little life experience! haha like i have much more now, i'm only 20.

ever since then our relationship has been bumpy to say the least. we've been on and off for three years, mostly off. we "try to make it work" but shortly end up fighting. the fights are pretty unhealthy too we've said some horrible things to each other. the only thing that keeps us curious is the fact that we've never met. our chemistry is unbelievable. i feel like he's ruined me. the way nate makes me feel, the way he knows me, i have never felt that strong towards anyone else in my life. my *here* relationships never work. the guy never wants to move slow enough for me. nate and i let our relationship bloom for years. we were very slow moving and cautious with each other, we really got to know each other and bonded tightly. the distance really wears us down.

This relationship feels so toxic to me at times, but then the next second he lures me in and i want to try. when we fight, its horrible and the things he says are really malicious. he ardently claims that in text message is doesn't count and he would never be abusive like that towards me "in real life" i really can't bring myself to believe him. i'm scared to let go but i'm scared to stay. why do i feel so emotionally on edge with him?!?! no other man controls my emotions the way he can and its pure hell. here is our synastry~

thank you everyone for being the beautiful people that you are, i have learned so much from this place and my appreciation is infinite! you have all helped my mind open and have not even known it so thank you for existing!! peace!

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Libra*Cancer(Asc)*Leo(Moon)

posted May 07, 2009 11:42 AM         

I recently joined Lindaland, so I will just point out some aspects of the synastry chart which may be interesting.

First thing, his Moon is in your 4th House. I saw in another thread that this indicates the "you will always love him feeling." Is this the feeling you get?

Secondly he has his (retrograge) Mercury, Venus and Jupiter in your 12th House. The 12th House is the house of unconsciousness and mystery. I'm not sure what to say about this placement...perhaps others can help me here?

Your 4th and 12th Houses are activated. These houses are associated with "feelings", which may be why you feel strongly about him.

You said that you never met him, right? His Mars is very close to your Acsendant. Some sites suggest this attributing to a feeling of (strong)attraction , or (according to astrology-numerology.com) competitiveness.
http://www.astrology-numerology.com/synastry-houses.html
This site could be helpful with the whole planets in hoses synastry.

By the way, is your Venus conjunct his South Node? It certainly seems very close. If so, this aspect may indicate why you could be so comfortable with him.

posted May 07, 2009 12:53 PM         

Hello! nice to meet you, thanks for replying! Yes, I do "always love him" I always forgive him, I always give him the benefit of the doubt. Wow, thank you for the link about houses. I never really put much thought into houses. Very good info!

Swirl ~

Hi! I haven't actually met him yet, no. I'm really hoping one day soon when we're both more on our feet financially we can meet...after college maybe. I hope its not awkward! I'm a little worried about whether or not our chemistry will carry over...

Leapingle~

Haha, good luck dissecting me, i'm kinda difficult.

posted May 07, 2009 03:26 PM         

Talking of dissecting, allow me to make the first incision lol!

Neptune conjunct Ascendant
Well Sue Tompkins's "Aspects in Astrology" suggest you may be "looking for a saviour," pointing to a typical romantic lol.

Would you say you idealise your partner, since this could be a possibility?

The book also says about Neptune associated with the "exploiter and the exploited." I am curious as you claim he "lured you in."

Neptunian dissolution is suggested since you say it is horrible when you fight. I'm thinking you prefer some sort of quiet/romantic harmony.

posted May 07, 2009 06:15 PM         

do be careful - even though you feel you know him after all these years i would not put myself in an unprotected position with someone who has already lied to you and may still be doing so.

posted May 07, 2009 06:16 PM         

The problem with Neptune is that it can lead you to take your dreams and fantasies for reality, then you find out you were deceived. Chiron is exactly opposite your Neptune, so the potential for deceit is REAL.