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Author
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Topic: Aqua Female incapable of love but wants a family - is it hopeless?
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bluegreyeyes
Knowflake Posts: 8
From: New York
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 13, 2009 08:54 PM
 
I'm Aqua Sun/Gem Moon/Aries Rising and I have literally no love life whatsoever. I'm friendly! I've never had problems making friends or just making conversation with strangers. The thing is - I am awesome at being platonic with men, just not romantic. When I'm attracted to a guy, I basically ignore him until things become platonic - I know that I'm sending the "unavailable" signals, I honestly don't know how to change it. I don't flirt, I CAN'T FLIRT. I can be sassy and witty and funny, but I just don't do that eye contact, smile, flip of the hair, touch of the arm stuff... I completely shut down whenever I feel like things go that way. Honestly, all of my (few) romantic relationships have been sorta platonic by nature, which I know is an aqua thing? Oh by the way - I'm not unattractive either - I look like Mischa Barton but with auburn hair and tan! None of this would really bother me except that I really want kids. I don't want a career, I don't want money or wealth, I don't want to be famous... I want a family. I want a happy little family, a wraparound porch, a few dogs and some kids. I'm not looking to be the Kennedy's - just happy. I want that stereotypical American family life - cooking dinner, bbqs, soccer games, etc. It worries me b/c I'm 26 and I don't know how to get over this fear of being flirtatious. There are a few men that I'm attracted to but things have already become platonic...with a casual "drinking pals" feel to it, so I don't think I can put on lipstick and start giggling after they've seen me in my football jersey doing shots of jameson! BTW - venus is in my 12th house. I think my chart is below? Is there anything in my chart that explains this... I really wanna know if I am going to have kids. I'm 26, and I am relationship challenged... I'm not looking to get married in the next year or two, but I'm looking to sorta get the move on, and at least gain experience with men/relationships and find out what I want/need/am looking for, because at this point - I have no idea! THANK YOU. (Sorry for this rant) 
<a href="http://s202.photobucket.com/albums/aa212/christinaemcc/?action=view¤t=cmchart.gif" target="_blank"><img src="http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/aa212/christinaemcc/cmchart.gif" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
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Aqua Sun
Gem Moon
Aries RIsing IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 247
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 13, 2009 09:03 PM
Saturn in the 7th will either get you married/committed early or late. Commitments are taken in all seriousness, but there's not going to be any half-way. You need a degree of intensity and someone who will break through the obstacles you put their way because some part of you is testing them (maybe without realizing it...also Pluto in the 7th). You need someone extremely sensitive to your needs and attuned to you(Mars Pisces). Flirting's overrated...don't worry about that. You just have a maturity about you is all. That's not a bad thing!
Maybe you might find love with someone older or just very mature.
Alternatively, you might do well with someone who needs a more stable, mature partner (you). Hope that makes sense. IP: Logged |
Kismet*
Knowflake Posts: 89
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 13, 2009 09:08 PM
first things first, you don't have to be outgoing to attract a great guy. You say that you can't flirt. Have you ever honestly met a guy you truly liked? I'm sure things would just come naturally for you if you did. Stop overanalyzing your mannerisms and just be yourself, then you will find that guy's will start gravitating toward you (You are what you attract).Your chart ruler is in the 12th as well as the ruler of your dsc. That seems a little tricky as far as finding your potential marriage partner is concerned. I'm not too sure about the 12th house. All I know is that it's felt internally without any others involved, although you may feel that way... You say you have casual drinking buddies that are men. STOP doing that! Become unavailable to them and stop drinking and
Stop wearing football jerseys! lol. If you want to be a housewife, then start acting like one. Become less like a guy and more like a woman needing security. Guy's naturally want to support a woman, but only if they deserve her. Become a prize to be won, and I’m sure you will find what you’re looking for.
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libraschoice7
Knowflake Posts: 54
From: Arizona
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 13, 2009 09:26 PM
Ok first off I agree with MVM about the Saturn in 7th house..but also your Venus in 12th can also make it where you have a tendency to not show your attraction to someone very well. Though you could be very attracted to someone, it may not show the way you want it to, or not at all. But I've looked at planets in the 12th house as not expressing themselves properly. I hope that makes sense..IP: Logged |
bluegreyeyes
Knowflake Posts: 8
From: New York
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 13, 2009 09:32 PM
My Virgo Mask -- thanks for your reply. I agree with you regarding the mature partner comment, I tend to gravitate towards men on the older side... I feel like I'm alot older than I am - probably b/c of my family history and childhood... but also, I tend to be a caretaker, so me being the mature one makes sense too. Kismet -- I have had a relationship where I genuinely liked the guy. It was a friendship before anything, and I honestly felt like he was the only guy I ever potentially could have been romantic with. I got burned in the end, which left me a lot weary of men in general. (on top of trust issues from an alcoholic parent). I've done the pearl girl preppy betty crocker drinking wine housewife act, but it's forced, fake and the men that I've met were pretentious jerks who just wanted a trophy wife. A common misconception is that *all I am* is a pretty girl... it rages me out b/c I'm not looking for a ring & a man - I'm looking for love, family, the whole package! I'm maternal - I like to clean, cook and I love kids... but I also love fashion, sports and astrology...I don't wanna have to turn off who I am to "hook" a guy, does that make sense? I really might be hopeless. Wow. ------------------
Aqua Sun
Gem Moon
Aries RIsing IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 247
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 13, 2009 09:49 PM
I honesty am not seeing you as the conventional housewife type. There. I've said it. Not in the trophy wife sense (as you know). You seem like you belong to yourself first anyway. You meet someone and have a nice life together and arrange it the way you two want...no need to box yourself into 'appearing' a certain way...you can be a complete package as yourself, and be a little bit of everything. That's kind of how it's *supposed* to be. But yeah, the Venus in the 12th can hide herself. And she can idealize. And she might also meet men (Mars in Pisces in the 12th) who idealize her too. But she might like being idealized to an extent (in a nice way)...to an extent, but she'd also need a degree of depth too. IP: Logged |
blue moon
Knowflake Posts: 144
From: U.K
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 02:35 AM
Not sure why you think you are incapable of love? Incapable of flirting isn't the same thing. Saturn is exalted in the 7th house. I have it, I tend to like older men but can I also suggest that Saturnian types might be for you? My husband has Sun CNJ Saturn. He isn't interested in me fluttering my eyelashes and looking pretty. He expects me to be all around competent and show signs of intelligence. Oh, and we have children. IP: Logged |
amowls*
Knowflake Posts: 127
From: richmond va
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 03:08 AM
Well there are sperm banks if worst comes to worst.But in all seriousness, I see nothing in your chart that would indicate a problem with "love" except maybe your Venus is in the 12th. Planets in the 12th are harder to tap into. But really, you have hardly any challenging aspects in regards to relationships. How many long term relationships have you had? Maybe in reality you're perfectly fine and you are just putting yourself down. Anyway, from one Aquarius to another, I sort of have the opposite problem of you. I flirt ALL THE TIME, or at least it comes off as flirting. Talking and showing active interest in what someone has to say might seem like I'm flirting. I have many guy friends and you would think we were actually dating. A lot of my relationships have sprung up from being platonic friends with the guy first. In fact all of them have, save for 1, and that one didn't work out too well anyway. Love relationships don't need to start with a missed connection or a glance from across the room. IP: Logged |
Writesomething
Knowflake Posts: 677
From: meet me in montauk
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 03:36 AM
You have a very interesting chart. I do think having a child, and marriage is very possible with your chart. Your life path is to have/start a family. You will NOT escape motherhood with your NN in the 4th(seen it with my own eyes plently). It might come later, but it will come and unexpectedly. Your venus in the 12th(hidden), with your ruler of your relationship house(DC) also in the 12th, and in aquarius, you hide your feelings. This brings some sort of sacrifice and suffering to the person. You probably love very deeply, and intensely but will have difficulty expressing it. I do not doubt your depth in regards to love. I would guess you'd have twins by the looks of your chart... 
anyways, I think saturn/pluto in the 7th, shows you like very intense, powerful men who are very charming and soft. You want someone to be your friend. You might find yourself attracted to people
you cant have properly(age, marriage, etc). I think since you havent married yet, it will happen later in life. Saturn in the 7th shows marriage verrrrry early or very late in life(to whatever standards you might carry). Since your chart shows such a strong 12th/pisces influence with neptune and love, i think
transit neptune on your venus, WILL bring someone into your life you will fall for deeply(most likely). I think you will not see this person clearly, and might break your heart or not be what you expected.
Keep your eyes open, and your vision clear of debris.IP: Logged |
lionseye***
Knowflake Posts: 47
From: edmonton, ab. ca
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 03:49 AM
You need a man who appreciates your no nonsense ways, loves being with you, and has the balls to say "Let's do this". I'm pretty sure you'll find him, and have multiple kids, simply because you have Leo taking up most of the 5th house, house of children , with sun sextile Jupiter from the 8th, house of reproduction. Not to mention Cancer sitting on the cusp of the children house, natural ruler of childbirth and motherhood. Moon in Gemini, the thinker. No wonder you think about this alot. Mercury/moon relationship is often indicated in births of multiples. Perhaps you'll have more than one child at a time?
hee hee carefull what you wish for comes to mind.
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bunnies
Knowflake Posts: 26
From: u.k
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 04:50 AM
Being an Aqua myself I completely understand where you are coming from.
It's actually nice to hear someone voice what I have always felt.
I got married the first time to have children. Pure and simple. I loved him in the only way I could, but from what I understand, not in the way that other people feel.
When I had the children (now there is a whole different feeling...mind blowing) deep in my robotic heart I felt he had served his purpose and promptly despatched him to "friend" category.
He was followed by two others. Why?
Not love. Just what you are supposed to do.
Find someone. Make a life. Grow old together.
Isn't that how it goes?
They too were promptly despatched without a backward glance.
And I mean that. I was married to the third for seven years. He left and the next day I seamlessly continued my life as if he had never happened.
Scary but true.
You are going to have to accept bge that we are the way we are.
I worship the ground my kids walk on. that is all the love I have.
There will never be that type of love for a man. I have accepted it now. I will never feel that passion that other people feel because when passion was doled out, I forgot to turn up!Oh I have gone through the motions but I feel it's a performance based on the "Your function is to attract a male and bear children. Therefore primp and posture, annihilate the competition and secure target". I have in retrospect, chosen men based on genetic potential. Sad but true.
My advice to you...which is opposite to all the advice you have been given. And I have to say, they are all right and I am not but...
Be honest with yourself. If you want children have them. Doesn't have to be in the order written. You have been honest with yourself in that you realise you can't naturally flirt.
I however was God's little joke in that I looked like the promise of wonderful things and delivered sweet **** all!
All just an act darling. Such a relief now I don't have to bother! Choose YOUR life. Not the way society dictates it should run. Satisfy your urge for a family. Doesn't have to be conventional.
Us Aquas are different but if we can live our type of existence, unfettered and unconventional, we are the sweetest people on the planet!
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lionseye***
Knowflake Posts: 47
From: edmonton, ab. ca
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 04:59 AM
Awesome. This blows the stereotype of women out of the water. Just awesome.IP: Logged |
lionseye***
Knowflake Posts: 47
From: edmonton, ab. ca
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 05:14 AM
One does need a roof over one's head though, when one cannot work and needs to mother a newborn. So a man is important, unless you have lots of money and a very good relationship with your mom or someone who doesn't work. Daycare is expensive. There you have the Saturnian aspects of a life path. The structure. It's important, but on it's own, it's kind of cold.IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 247
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 05:19 AM
Bunnies, that was awesome!!!!! I applaud you  "Grow old together."
I've never understood that, btw.
Stay young together, now that I understand 
Just live your own life... You don't need anyone, IMO. Don't be beholden.
Believe me, it can be a bother. IP: Logged |
Coffee
Knowflake Posts: 338
From: Leeds
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 05:47 AM
quote:
If you want to be a housewife, then start acting like one. Become less like a guy and more like a woman needing security. Guy's naturally want to support a woman, but only if they deserve her. Become a prize to be won, and I’m sure you will find what you’re looking for.
Yeah, get in that kitchen where you belong!  quote:
I can be sassy and witty and funny, but I just don't do that eye contact, smile, flip of the hair, touch of the arm stuff
As a bloke, I despise that in women. I wonder why they are doing that when all they have to do is be friendly, open mouth and talk. Very much like you do with your male friends. I dont really have any advice as to how you can move onto the next stage.
Looking at your natal, you mention children.
You are Aries rising with Leo on the 5th.
Astrologically there is no ticking clock saying you should children now, in a years time or by the age of 54. You have a period every 2 years where having children is ideal, and then every 2 years after that.
It doesnt have to be exact to the natal chart and you do have many options, but no need to worry about timing.
One of the negative bits based on your natal showing childbirth, is the square to Saturn from 5th ruler Sun. The 5th can also mean dating. Can be both. As Saturn is ruler of Capricorn, which is placed on the 10th house of mother, maybe your need for raising children and problems in dating are related to your Mother. The square to Pluto shows fear. Sure you know what to do regards help. There is plenty available, not least from the good people here.
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GypseeWind
Knowflake Posts: 103
From: Dayton,Ohio USA
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 07:13 AM
Bunnies OMG! That helped me to understand an aqua friend of mine. Her hubby was my bff and had a long illness....He was the only guy she had ever been with. The day my bff passed I was there. After they took him away she was...I don't know...business as usual. We took apart his hosp bed and all the medical stuff. Three weeks (yup I said weeks) later she had a new boy friend who was not only 20 years younger but an employee and good friend of her spouse. I was like "whoa what's the deal here?" and she said "life goes on." The boy toy is still there living in my bff house, living off my bff's widow. Honestly, I know it's not my business, but it has kept me up nights wondering how she could do this. I always thought there was like a code of ethics concerning the death of one's spouse, you know, like, a mourning period??
I just figured she couldn't be alone. But now I'm thinking its the aqua "gotta fix the problem" thing, because her departed spouse was a Problem, with a capital P.God rest his soul, and the new guy is all addicted and whatever. whew! that felt good to get that off my chest!IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 420
From: aspideronmars
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 07:15 AM
hihihihi bunnies
Can't mourn what's no longer there. Anyway, life is for living not for mourning. Best way l think personally, to mourn is to have a good cry lasting no longer than a day and then absolutely go at life without looking back!
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bluegreyeyes
Knowflake Posts: 8
From: New York
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 10:53 AM
MVM - I agree, I am certainly not conventional in any way, shape or form! On some level I despise the idea of being "just a housewife". I'm way too independent & interested into many things to stay at home... I want that balance of domestic goddess but independent thinker. Amowls - Haha - true about the "banks". I have had no long term relationships - a 6 month one which was immature...mostly based on physical attraction and common lifestyles/interests - we were a handsome couple, with great chemistry and had a lot of fun going out... but emotionally, zero. Another relationship was more of a friendship with intense emotional connection and later, sex.. but it was casual and turbulent. Luckily, wemoved away -he still calls, almost 4 years later... its crazy. Writesomething/Lionseye - Funny you both mention multiple births, because a palm reader I went to recently (no flames!) mentioned the same thing...twins. I don't have twins in my family though...hm... I like the idea tho, it seems challenging... it seems like something I could learn alot about! Bunnies - V. interesting post, a different angle on the conventional marriage/family dynamic. I like your advice. I don't need a husband or a ring or a certificate - plus I hate weddings, but I do want a companion, a partner... a best friend... it really has nothing to do with society's expectations or standards! I could be an Angelina in a heartbeat, but I'd still want my Brad - ya know? Coffee -- Funny you mention the mother aspect - she is/was an alcoholic. No traumatic stories, I had a great childhood and I'm close with all my family members, in particular her. But ya know, she drank secretly/frequently... the greatest woman I know, but she liked her booze when she was stressed...she happened to be stressed a lot. Thanks for all your posts - I appreciate them, and the advice / interpretations. I do *feel* my venus in 12th, if that's possible. I have the worst time expressing my emotions, and worst - showing any sort of affection or love to a human being. (Although dogs and children get smothered in my affection... haha!) It's ironic, because I am the most sensitive person ever, and I do have a lot of love for people - though, they'd probably never recognize it. I guess my "domestic-ness" is my thoughful way of showing people close to me that I care: I clean the apartment, I'll make birthday presents extra personalized and sweet, I'll bake scones for my Irish friends, I bring candy to my neighborhood bartenders, or I'll throw a party for my friends just for fun... but when it comes to saying the words "i love you" or "i really care about you" or "i miss you" - it just freaks me out and puts knots in my tummy. Too bad there isn't rehab or something for this.
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Aqua Sun
Gem Moon
Aries RIsing IP: Logged |
Just Mia
Knowflake Posts: 63
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 10:57 AM
"Too bad there isn't rehab or something for this."There just maybe... I have Venus in the 12th in Aqua as well and thankgod for my Pisces sun to help me out when I go through those periods of not knowing how to express love..I know how you feel, Even with a Pisces Sun I can be difficult with affection. IP: Logged |
carl
Knowflake Posts: 135
From: China
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 11:06 AM
I don't think you are incapable of love (S.O), I highly doubt that.At the ripe age of 26 I would not worry. You probably aren't quite ready on a subconscious level, and are repelling it until you grow a little more or become a better person. Work on becoming a better person, not to say you aren't stupidly fantastic already, but love will come at the most unexpected time. Key word unexpected, so just keep going on with things as you see fit. This isn't China where folks normally marry pretty damn young (around your time) and have kids. IP: Logged |
Coffee
Knowflake Posts: 338
From: Leeds
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 11:29 AM
If its any comfort, I am similar. Nothing about being incapable of finding love, flirting and all the actions that goes with meeting someone. I am not and will not be doing anything of that sort until I have moved and at least gained my independence.Rather than not being able to do it, I am biting my lip and CHOOSING not to do it.
I am older than you and possibly in more of a desperate situation, to others anyway. For me, this will probably happen in a few years. For you, it can happen any time you want. Nothing to worry about
If you are Female, it is easier as Men normally do the work. IP: Logged |
bluegreyeyes
Knowflake Posts: 8
From: New York
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 11:39 AM
wow, you guys are great - thank you so much for all your words of wisdom! @ Just Mia - that Pisces sun must help balance the Aqua 12th -- sometimes I feel like my aqua sun just solidifies my fear and discomfort with expressing my feelings. weird b/c i feel very in touch with my emotions, and very secure with who i am with the exception of affection/expressing love. @ Carl - ha, thanks for putting some perspective on things. i know, 26 is not "old", but i guess b/c i want experience with relationships, and i want to "work on myself", so i don't know how to go about it. i am "stupidly fantastic" hehe... but i guess there are ways in which i could grow up a little more? @ Coffee - you seem to be making the smart move, waiting until you're independent to even begin the process. i guess i feel like I am already independent - in the sense that I live far away from my parents, I pay my own bills, have my own apartment, have a job, a group of friends and a real sense of who i am, what my weaknesses are. I mean - I have ALWAYS been independent spiritually and personality wise, but now I am out of my own, making my own way, ya know? I just wish I could start the beginning phases of my next step in life (i.e. family!) haha. Thanks again to all. ------------------
Aqua Sun
Gem Moon
Aries RIsing IP: Logged |
Deliverance
Knowflake Posts: 20
From: The real world
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 12:31 PM
Hi,Firstly, I can kind of relate, I want kids, but dont want a relationship. I don't flirt or any nonsense like that. Perhaps you fear flirting because it's not congruent to your personality? IMO it's contrived acting. (I'm an Aquarian Venus also) Just be yourself & you will attract someone who is right for you (eventually). I suppose the universe will shove a man into your life.......26 is still young. Chin up! IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 318
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 01:10 PM
bluegreyeyes someone once said to me - i was about 10 at the time and amazed that the least attractive (physically or personally) girl we mutually knew had a boyfriend!! my other friend said "there's someone for everyone". what a great thing for a girl just shy of puberty to absorb!!it probably saved my life. i remind me a lot of you. and believe me there are PLENTY of guys who PREFER a girl who can't understand the flirting, femmish game! you just have to realize that you may kiss a lot of frogs before you meet a prince, trite but true. or not kiss them, your choice! personally i am repelled by frogs!! you may have to wait till you are old enough for a younger man to be old enough to claim you. or perhaps an older man with enough worldly wisdom to have figured out that those "girly girls" aren't always for real, they are just doing what they were told. my daughter has had similar problems. she is beautiful, smart, AND self-determined. she has no problem falling in love but being a very forthright, powerful person has run up against the macho type over and over again. she has only just found someone who is not threatened by her power. she is your age, by the way, and also has the saturn/pluto conjunction...which may look wide to some but i have watched her live it and it is VERY active in her life. stop worrying about what "men" want and be yourself - the only way to find the man who wants YOU. IP: Logged |
Writesomething
Knowflake Posts: 677
From: meet me in montauk
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 14, 2009 01:16 PM
wow LL is so supportive sometimes. its nice.IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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