Lindaland
  Astrology 2.0
  Why do I beat mysefl up so badly?

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   Why do I beat mysefl up so badly?
hikoro
Knowflake

Posts: 22
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 04, 2009 11:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message
Folks,

I find that when it comes to romantic relationships, I beat myself up in a horrible way when I make a mistake or when I feel I have made someone else uncomfortable.

For example, I made my Virgo uncomfortable yesterday. I apologized to him, I asked for his forgiveness and he said that I was forgiven and not to worry about it. Well, I continued feeling very bad and I ended up apologizing again and crying…..crying like a baby.
He told me that it was not a big deal. Well, first he asked, “Apologizing for what?”
I continued and asked him if he was mad or angry at me…he said no.

The deal is that whereas other people either don’t care when they hurt others or can move on pretty quickly when they hurt someone they care for…I tend to feel extremely bad about it.

I lived in a household characterized by domestic violence and I was physically/emotionally and mentally abused while growing up.
I notice that my emotional reaction is the same for real or silly crap.

For example, if I argue with someone I care about….I feel as bad as if I had hit that person. Normally speaking, you would have more guilt and feel worse with the latter than the former and, you should be able to move on faster with the first incident. (And by the way, no I do not hit). But for me, both feel the same.

If I argue with someone I care for, I have this fear….
I know everything is going to be all right but since arguments between my parents always escalated.
Then, I have difficulty adapting to the fact that arguments do not have to lead to violence. Get what I mean?
My Virgo and I have had arguments and I know that everything is going to be ok and that arguments are normal but since at home, arguments never ended up being normal…then I don’t know how to adapt to the fact that it is ok to argue.

I also fear that the person is very angry at me and that he will do something against me and that he will abandon or reject me. Now, I feel very ashamed. I just want to disappear and never see my virgo again.

It all has to do with the fact that I am used to violence…so when it does not happen then I feel weird.

quote:
“Where is the violence? Ok, it is not happening but that is weird. I am not used to this.”

My emotional part has not gotten used to the fact that violence does not have to be a by-product of arguments.

I am not saying I want to get hit….not at all. No man I have dated has ever done that to me and if I ever got hit again, I would probably kill that person. But, despite all the relationships I have been involved in. I still find it fascinating that I can argue with someone and that there is no reason to worry about it because at the end, things are going to be fine.

Still, I don’t know, do I beat myself up because of my past or does astrology have to do with this? Maybe both?

Anyways, here is my chart just in case it tells something about it.

IP: Logged

wheels of cheese
Knowflake

Posts: 143
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted June 04, 2009 12:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for wheels of cheese     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
I lived in a household characterized by domestic violence and I was physically/emotionally and mentally abused while growing up

That's why sweetie.

I don't have much time to reply now, just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you are going through. Your Virgo sounds like a doll, so please try to believe what he says. I know many Virgos and the thing I love about them the most is that they are very upfront if they have a problem. So you need to trust and believe what he says to you. I know this is easier said than done. Be well. Hope you find peace and someone to come along and have a look at your synastry.

IP: Logged

wheels of cheese
Knowflake

Posts: 143
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted June 04, 2009 12:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for wheels of cheese     Edit/Delete Message
Mistakes are how we grow, it doesn't mean the end of the world and you have some awareness of what's happening and why. This is all good.

IP: Logged

hikoro
Knowflake

Posts: 22
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 04, 2009 01:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks....

I hope someone gives some insight on my chart.

Yeah...I know that I learn via my mistakes but I feel awful with myself. That is not good either, especially when it was not a big deal at all.

IP: Logged

Virgovenusleo
Knowflake

Posts: 152
From: unknown
Registered: May 2009

posted June 05, 2009 01:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgovenusleo     Edit/Delete Message
You have neptune in his 12th house do not lie to him make sure he knows the real you all the wayy. The planet of deception in the house of the deception is pretty bad. You also got moon conjunct his Ic. You sooth him emotionally.

IP: Logged

blue moon
Knowflake

Posts: 258
From: U.K
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 05, 2009 02:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for blue moon     Edit/Delete Message
Why don't you write a letter putting what you said in your post and send it to him?

It was very insightful, very well put. If I get time I'll take a look at your chart. Astrology really helps work through these kind of problems, or so I have found.

IP: Logged

hikoro
Knowflake

Posts: 22
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 05, 2009 07:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message
blue moon

I thought about writing the post as a letter since although he knows about my experience with child abuse and domestic violence, he does not know the way it affects me.

But, he is a virgo. I don't know if reading this will make him feel uncomfortable.

IP: Logged

Virgovenusleo
Knowflake

Posts: 152
From: unknown
Registered: May 2009

posted June 06, 2009 12:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgovenusleo     Edit/Delete Message
We virgo's hide emotion under a shell we feel teh need to be perfect at all times therefore we hide under a facade of being proper you should tell him he would understand even if he dontsay anything

IP: Logged

hikoro
Knowflake

Posts: 22
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 06, 2009 01:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
We virgo's hide emotion under a shell we feel teh need to be perfect at all times therefore we hide under a facade of being proper you should tell him he would understand even if he dontsay anything

Thanks. I shall tell him. You know, I also see that in me. I can be quite a perfectionist too and if I do a mistake, I feel awful. At the beginning, I thought that maybe I had virgo in my chart but I don't, with the exception that Virgo is in my 5th house.

IP: Logged

Izo
Knowflake

Posts: 85
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted June 06, 2009 01:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Izo     Edit/Delete Message
It's not unusual for ppl growing up in the type of environment you did to develop feelings of guilt or shame, which are reawakened when they feel they are confrunted with similar circumstances. I think we should be looking at your natal chart instead of the synastry with your Virgo, because these problems have their root there. However, I think that North Node - Chiron conjunction you two have can be your salvation, not saying it will be easy or comfortable, but he has the power to open a healing process for you, if you are up for it.

------------------
Every day is a battle with yourself, one you can never win, nor lose, nor abandon.

IP: Logged

Crabclaw
Knowflake

Posts: 3
From: Los Angeles
Registered: Jun 2009

posted June 06, 2009 02:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Crabclaw     Edit/Delete Message
Wow this sound like something I'm going through with my girlfriend I'm a cancer and she is a scorpio.

All I can make out of it is that a relationship can be the hardest thing to commit to, not meaning that I rather be promiscuous but that you can never know what another person really thinks, wants, and so on from you(unless you ask).

I wouldn't blame my self. If you really like this person and don't see any other way out I would just love this person to death (although this is extremely hard I think its the only way) Other than that you can just focus more on goals that don't involve people.
thanks for reading and good luck.

IP: Logged

meta_4
Knowflake

Posts: 83
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 06, 2009 05:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for meta_4     Edit/Delete Message
hikoro,

The first thing i thought when i read this,

quote:
I find that when it comes to romantic relationships, I beat myself up in a horrible way when I make a mistake or when I feel I have made someone else uncomfortable.


.. was "Cancer". I have a Venus/Chiron/Jupiter conjunction in Cancer and this sounds like a statment i would make.

What you are, my friend, is something i like to call a dweller. A dweller is someone who cannot let things go. You replay the situation over and over in your brain, thinking what should have done differently, what you should have said. It takes away all of your energy, and you're left feeling hopeless and disgusting.

Perhaps this is because we've experienced similar things, but it also may be the water in your chart. I too am mainly water. Could you post your natal chart? Or even take a look at your Draco, see what placements you have.

IP: Logged

hikoro
Knowflake

Posts: 22
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 06, 2009 06:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message
Oops....

I meant to post my natal, not the synastry. Here it is:

IP: Logged

meta_4
Knowflake

Posts: 83
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 06, 2009 06:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for meta_4     Edit/Delete Message
Well, from the looks of it your Moon is being punched from every angle. This would make you easily emotionally unstable- i say that with no intention of offending.

The Sun/Moon opposition, i have found, insinuates the dangerous home life. Sun represents the father, and the Moon represents the mother- so when they oppose each other, what does that say about your domestic life?

Plus your Moon is Opposite Mercury, Venus, and Pluto. PLUTO touching the Moon at any angle makes you feel things very intensely. It makes you hypersensitive- and this is an opposition so there is a challenging energy added.

Also, your Venus is conjunct your Pluto tightly in Scorpio. That's an extremely emotional placement. Pluto magnifies and darkens anything it touches, so by it contacting your Moon and Venus it just makes you feel things fiercely.

IP: Logged

All times are Eastern Standard Time

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com

Copyright © 2008

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.46a