posted June 16, 2009 07:33 PM         

we're *still* familiar strangers. we've hung out yet it's like starting at square one all of the time. i try to do my part and make an effort to be nice and normal like i do with anyone i'm trying to be friends with, but this guy, it's like trying to befriend a wall. ie: i asked him what were the names of the books he got as gifts and his response was "fiction." so then i said...oh you asked your parents for fiction books...uhhh...i don't press for more info because i respect people's boundaries and privacy. though tables turned, he has probed and prodded me for information and i have been very honest.

there was a time when i gave up on this elusive stranger (nearly 2 years) and was like ah well that's the way it goes. then i was shocked out of my logical mind when he was terribly upset because he thought i was seeing someone. it was the first time i had ever seen him show some sort of emotion versus staring with a blank stare.

anyway it was odd to me that someone who could never even smile at me or even say hi, not even a nod, was now all sad and depressed on top of it being nearly 2 years and i never heard from him...and we're still technically strangers. how is that even possible? how can someone be so upset if they a) don't know you b) actually ignored you when you contacted them to be like hey how's it going and c) it's been nearly 2 years since the hey how's it going email?

just for kicks, just wanted to know if any of y'all had any thoughts on a situation like this or a person like this. why would someone who seems so cold and reserved go out of his way to come after a total stranger. why reach out to me if you're not gonna open up just a tad? to me it makes no logical sense. however like i said, i don't force people to open up so it's fine if he wants to remain a wall with me. i sometimes feel as if i get really close like i made progress, but then i'm forced to start back at square one with the next interaction.

his chart
Sun Libra 27°18'18 in house 11 direct
Moon Virgo 20°33'06 in house 10 direct
Mercury Libra 15°27'15 in house 11 direct
Venus Scorpio 29°49'43 in house 1 direct
Mars Scorpio 7°59'54 in house 12 direct
Jupiter Taurus 29°39'27 in house 7 retrograde
Saturn Leo 15°33'14 in house 9 direct
Uranus Scorpio 6°50'32 in house 12 direct
Neptune Sagittarius 12°05'16 in house 1 direct
Pluto Libra 12°12'36 in house 11 direct
True Node Scorpio 3°33'26 end of house 11 retrograde

some synastry points:
my sun in his 8th house
my mars/venus/moon in his 7th house

i feel as if the sun in the 8th house bit sums up this whole long drawn out interaction with each other.

posted June 16, 2009 07:55 PM         

I was in a similar situation where I had the biggest crush on one of my co-workers, but we never spoke until after I quit the job, and we hung out maybe twice. The worst part was we also went to the same college and one day I happened to run into him and he was the biggest jerk, he didn't even remember my name! Anyways he was a Sag. Sun with Virgo Moon, and I believe saturn was also conjunct his sun so he had some stand offish cappy qualities, he may of even had Libra Asc. as well, but I'm just guessing...

posted June 16, 2009 08:36 PM         

vertiver: yes the situations we have experienced together are intense and just really..no one would believe it. it's like some silent movie which i don't want y'all to forget...rarely has any of these situations involved speaking. we spoke for real spoke nearly 3 yrs later.

i said hi the one time before then to try to get things going (in my mind you say hi, they say hi, just kind of roll on from there but instead i hit a wall of silence or a wall of leave me alone. which again odd since he was the one who literally stalked me..but ah well...)

opposite to him or mirroring him, i'm a cancer with a lot of air in me though i take things like this really cautiously and slowly. i don't just say hey to strangers (esp. men). initially he was quite offended or something like that when i tried to be the one who had the courage to make a move. like really mad which confused me because it was like well how can we try to become friends if we don't do friend-like things. all i did was invite the dude out with friends and i was annihilated to say the least.

so then i just was like okay i'm really sorry. he made note that i wanted something from him and i was like huh? i apologized profusely for offending him and then just left it at that. (i know this IS a funny story isn't it?) after about a month he literally was like following me around and stalking me. not just me but my friends and he was looking for me. almost like hunting me down but i just disappeared because i had offended him and i didn't want him to think that i "wanted" something from him. to me that equals to stay away from me i don't want to have anything to do with you ever again. not okay it's his turn to stalk me...

posted June 16, 2009 09:45 PM         

Yours has Mars conjunct Uranus in Scorpio. That might make him flip on a dime... like stalking you and then wanting to cut off all contact completely or at least seeming to.

posted June 17, 2009 01:53 AM         

amowls: thanks for sharing your story. here is the synastry. i'm on the inside. he's on the outside. i just take this all with a grain of salt. it's bizarre i know

posted June 17, 2009 03:23 AM         

I finally ended up just out and out telling him I was interested, and he rejected me. I wasted a lot of time in a back-and-forth with his mixed signals. In the past I got signals like that from some guys and it meant they were madly in love with me, but intimidated (like one who ended up being with me for 14 years.)

I think what happened was:
-this guy was not fully conscious of all his actions and acted passive-aggressively or passively in career, love, and life, rather than acting intentionally.

It all got confused, too, because I thought we were playing an exciting game of sexual-tension-building and chase that would end with us finally coming together and being intimate. As a Leo, I like that better than some sort of boring "dating" scenario. So, a big part of the problem was that I was worried that he wasn't sure of my interest (because none of my exes were before we hooked up...each felt they had to really take a risk with me.) I kept expecting him to make a move, like guys did in the past--and then he DID ask me to a group event, and then signals were really even weirder after that, and I could go on and on.

Jealous fits and intense questions and stares exchanged are probably what this guy wants with you--he probably does not actually want to kiss you, make love to you, have real emotional intimacy with you, or even be your friend. I do not understand this AT ALL (it is waaay alien to any Leo,even an 8th house-y one like me), but I guess sometimes certain men get off on that kind of dynamic.

The thing is, it's so hook-y, because he dangles hints of his interest (jealousy of another guy, storminess about you), and then you quite reasonably expect him to follow them up with, say, asking you out on a date or trying to spend more time together or making a move to get physically closer, and when he doesn't, you end up posting about him on astrology web sites.

I just always felt that there was something big between us, but we just hadn't yet connected in the right way. I wasted a lot of energy on it. I wish I'd figured out earlier on what was going on...

posted June 17, 2009 03:45 AM         

quote:

---

hey thanks for responding. he is a scorpio rising which should explain the mean looking face most of the time. he's the type who won't address you unless you address him first

---

My ex boyfriend was a Libra, Scorpio rising, and he is very warm, friendly, and gregarious--always the first to volunteer, and would almost always address someone first. LOVES people.

posted June 17, 2009 07:14 PM         

let me rephrase my initial question a bit, i'm more interested in understanding or even hearing everyone's thoughts on how something like this can happen for so so so many years with a stranger (and i'm talking about some dude you crossed paths with onto the way to work. it wasn't a coworker or friend of a friend like some guy i never seen before). and from there, crazy intense situations happen over the course of many years and it's like you're almost psychically bonded in some silent movie and it's like why? i tried taking a break for 2 years but time doesn't seem to exist here. last year i had 2 conversations with him that was about 5-6 hrs in total and 11 mths had elapsed inbetween though it seemed like no time had elapsed. our first conversation was at the beginning of the year and the second was literally the end of the year. both were excellent talks with crazy sitcom-like episodes inbteween then.

posted June 19, 2009 05:44 PM         

The gist of what I wanted to say is that, whatever the synastry, if some guy stays a stranger for years after you know each other enough to have had even one long conversation...

Often that feeling of deep connection or profound attraction with someone before you're involved with them or know them well is PROJECTION. It's easier, unconsciously, to explore the fantasy that some random guy who is cold to you but stares at you stormily has a deep attraction with you than it is to be involved in a real live relationship where you two spend real time together. For this to have gone on as long as it has the way it has, my guess is one of three things is happening:

1) This guy is very disturbed, and is (consciously or unconsciously) sending vibes or signals your way that he is unable to act on. He is not actually able to connect with others or have a relationship, even just something as simple as a one-night stand (I mean, think about it--what kind of straight, single guy would want to exchange mixed-signal vibes for years with some girl who is obviously attracted to him without ever trying to actually kiss her or touch her naked body? A messed up one, OR a not-single one....)

2) He is in a relationship or still connected to another relationship, so he has a weird push me-pull you approach to the natural attraction between the two of you. He is intrigued and conflicted, but doesn't actually want anything to happen.

3) You are obsessed with him and with the fantasy that there is something between you, despite years of evidence that he does not actually want to go on a date with you, make love to you, or take the relationship to square two--his Libra/Scorpio combo is exacerbating this problem.

When I first met my Libra/Scorpio Rising ex, before we were together, ALL the girls at college had crushes on him and a bunch of them--and even one gay guy--thought he returned their attraction--his way of flirting and staring seemed waaaay more intense than it actually was. He would stare at people like he was madly in love with them and ask them intense questions about their lives...but he was the same way with, my mom, or the guy at the grocery store. Read Linda Goodman on Libras, LOL...yours is really unusual, because the Libra/Scorp combo guys I know are very friendly and outgoing OR, my Scorpio/Libra Rising friend--he just sends out lots of "hooks" to make sure everyone is in love with him--even if he is not attracted to them--but when he is actually into someone, he asks them out, and really lets them know clearly.

I guess I just think that these Big Attractions where the couple never actually gets together are usually somebody's obsession or fantasy, rather than real attractions. I do see that it's complicated, because lots of great relationships and passionate affairs start as those kinds of attractions....but when it goes on for more than a few months without the people actually wanting (needing!) to hold and kiss each other, it usually means one or both people are messed up, the attraction is one-sided, or a third party is involved.

I think fanning the flames of that kind of fantasy by analyzing it on astrology forums is not the healthy way to go--it can expand the fantasy/obsession at the expense of having real, mutual attractions and connections.

posted June 20, 2009 04:22 AM         

my scorpio ex and i just broke up 2 months ago. he has libra rising. i am SO sure he had strong feelings for me for 3 years or so before we got together, but lucia23, you've put the fear in my heart that it was all a hook! yikes!! he has that STARE and that sweetness at once, and god i feel like a fool that i may have misinterpreted that one (although when i look at the 'signs' that he was into me, it seems very apparent, so it's hard to say!).

posted June 20, 2009 04:45 AM         

but yes definitely shyness was a huge factor for the time lag. my first reaction was what the hell does this guy want from me? i don't talk to strangers especially those who always follow me around and stare me down. it turned out he was a chicken too so that didn't help matters. it's like the blind leading the really blind. when he walked up to me to introduce himself...man that was a sitcom moment. i couldn't hear him when he spoke and before then i made him stand there and wait for several minutes before i could muster up the courage to face him so he could speak (he won't speak unless i address him first/look at him first). he'll just stand in close proximity and stare and wait.

if anything out of this situation, at least i know for myself, if i truly feel for someone, i will break down my own barriers and go for it so i won't have any regrets. no matter how scared out of my mind, if someone is worth it, i'll do it.

a friend of mine, who appeared in my life during this several-year saga (and it's sad when it's several years and i'm in my 20's still hahhhha)...he really pushed me to step up and do something. he had gone through major life changes and told me how you never know what's going to happen tomorrow. he said to me, the guy could die, he could move away, you don't know. when you're in your 20's, you don't think about stuff like that so seriously. at least i don't. i guess i made the situation into a bit of a joke or something to laugh at. it's too weird, i have to laugh at it.

i never confessed anything beyond a hey man kind of a conversation of let's be friends. i've never let on that i wanted anything more. for myself anyway, i don't do confessions or anything like that. i proceed with anything like this with a very friend-like attitude. maybe it's my own problem that i gotta work on but i'll be honest and say that i approach any potential relationships or situations where i like someone in the same way i do with any new person i'm becoming friends with. as such, like friends. it's like whatever i do with a regular friend, whatever i tell them, it's gonna be the same for some guy i like. i don't know how to differentiate the two. i'm not so smooth in the whole i like you and i hope you like me department. i try to remain neutral.

posted June 20, 2009 05:25 AM         

in my experience the few scorpio rising i dealt with were always showing some kind of unbalance but i can see how dark sides can have an attractive edge to them

to me though your outgoing personality seems to clash w his obscure aura.
is maybe why opposites attract but in the long haul i dont know if this might work out
relationshipwise

posted June 20, 2009 02:36 PM         

lucia: does his birth time matter at this point? i guess i wanna keep with your advice and not delve in too deeply beyond what i've presented here. is what i posted of his chart not i guess explaining his weird-like behavior? i should say in general, he is a nice person. he comes from a nice family. nice upbringing. humble. very much a gentleman. think perfect guy but then very guarded. everyone i know who knows him and has observed him says the sme thing that he is quiet and doesn't open up much. i'm very much like him in those regards but i'm not that private that i will tell people what movies i like.