posted July 19, 2009 07:35 PM         

DETAILS FOR THOSE INTERESTED (otherwise scroll down):

This recent passion regarding me was very sudden, and first it was strictly sexual (though we were comfortable with each other before, just no more than acquaintances). She called me over and I figured she wanted me to do some job, but she said she was hoping I could help her with something else...and things heated up. I figured it would be a very short fling and it certainly looked that way. Her kids didn't question my being there as I was careful not to ever be there come morning, and they were used to seeing me anyway (her daughter was among those I was paid to take to see the Hannah Montana movie, repeatedly). After a very brief fling, we continued on as friends and have had enjoyable talks, both silly & serious, with sex not coming up at all, so I figured it was over, just a new pleasant friendship.

Then her daughter called me to tell me her mom was extremely sick, and I found she wasn't exaggerating. Still, it was a stomach flu going around, so I didn't panic, I just took care of her & the kids (no flirtation involved, let alone sex), and gave the house a major cleaning, as well as arranging for her daughter's b-day.

I think it was about a week after this that she took to coming over to my house, finding out that I needed to find a new place, and told me I should move in with her, and she seems very determined to convince me. Personally, I want to think about this, but she's wondering why I'm not already packing.

Yesterday I accepted an invitation to see Harry Potter with her & the kids, and then took me to a pizza place and tried getting me a pitcher of beer. I turned that down, but everything else I tried to order was something they were out of (very strange, and suspicious), so I accepted the beer finally. After getting to her home she kept me around, got me to drink a wine cooler (I turned down a 2nd one) and then used the classic she couldn't let me go home in my condition (I don't even think I was buzzed). After I dismissed that, she kept shooting down my reasons why I thought I should get home (tailored to the kids being present) and she finally asked the kids, "Hey you two, how would you like Becky (*) to make us french toast (**) in the morning?" They were both eager. I gave in after that, though today I made it clear to her that one night from time to time is one thing, but I wasn't going to spending tonight there, too, and went home (after she used the same trick to get me to make them lunch, too).

(*Most call me Jane, but ever since she found out my first name, she's insisted on calling me that for some reason, and after awhile, so have her kids.) (**That would be the cinnamon kind, Texas recipe.)

END DETAILS

I expect she's going to get more determined...especially after her son's b-day in the very near future. So I really need to speed up my decision making. And here I'm asking primarily from an astrological context. The following 5 things being of particular concern to me:

A. She's always considered herself straight, though she said she had brief flings with other women in high school & college. If her passion regarding me is also brief, will it create trouble if we're under the same roof after her interest wanes? We DO get along without it, but then we've never lived under the same roof before, either.

B. She seems to be having a mid-life crisis, questioning EVERYTHING she's doing and has done, and I wonder if I'm not just an experiment, as well as someone she can talk to (which she also enjoys doing) as she tries to figure out what she wants to do with the rest of her life. Once she has her new path figured, how likely am I to fit into that at all?

C. Is this actually a strategy to get free babysitting & housekeeping, along with extra income to supplement her unemployment or whatever, should she decide that yes she's going to quit/get fired and look for a new job?

She LOATHES housework & cooking while appreciating a clean home & home cooked meals, one reason I know she wants me over. I suppose big-Os (once in awhile or often, circumstantial or regular) are a bonus in addition to extra money & someone taking care of all the boring little details. If so, I think I should take that into consideration in deciding what to do next. ESPECIALLY if it makes her feel "secure" enough to quit her job while looking for another one (adding her unemployment to what I bring in to pay the bills in the meantime), which I personally think would be reckless. (A possible alternative is that she's been wanting a bigger house, too, which I'd also be cautious about, though prices probably won't get better than now...)

D. She's already surprisingly demanding, with some definite control tendencies (not that she has to be "the boss," but she does want her way and seems to care little about how she gets it) ever since she set her sights on me. I know her kids are very aggressive (in their own ways) in getting what they want, too, and I understand their father (who died a couple of years ago in a car accident) was also this way (even more so). Just how much more controlling would she get if I moved in under her roof? She says she'll respect my space (as I always have to have a place like that, and there's a small room she says can be converted into my "lair"), but I'm wondering if she'll be as honorable once I'm in and finding it very inconvenient to leave? I THINK she would be (as long as she gets her own way otherwise), but if I'm wrong, I'm going to find myself in a very uncomfortable place.

E. What concerns me the most is how would her kids react to me? Right now they (and the cat) love me, but I'm just some cool babysitter to them. Should I actually move in, that changes the family dynamics, and they may not think I'm so cool after all--especially as they notice all the times I spend in their mom's room. They might be ok with this, possibly even happy, but also possible that they'll be very upset, too. I don't know, and it bothers me. (It also bugs me that their mom seems to care a lot less about this than I do.)

If it matters, the daughter speaks respectfully of her late father, but is quick to point out his flaws (she's actually this way with a lot of people...gotten in trouble for it before, though she holds herself to high standards, too--she's pointed out flaws in me, too, but I haven't been bothered by it yet, she kinda reminds me of Hermione Granger that way ). Her son, while speaking little of him, does seem to hold him in high regard still. Sagrl says she's very sad about what happened, but she thinks she'd be divorcing him by now if he had lived (he felt that he was smothering her, and even believes he wanted little kids so her own career would be stalled as he advanced in his).

*

I don't know how to put up images here of charts, so I hope it's enough that I provide the following info (I can provide more about planets & houses, it's just the image that I can't do--though when I was getting the birth times today, she scoffed at astrology, saying it was too simplistic, so I don't know how much info I can get out of her regarding her and the kids):

Mine is October 21, 1982, born in Houston at 3 AM (give or take 10 minutes).

Hers is December 14, 1970, born in San Diego at 4 PM

Daughter born July 11, 1997, in San Diego at 10:47 AM

Son born on August 2, 2002, in San Diego at 7:18 PM

posted July 19, 2009 08:10 PM         

IF, after you two have been a couple for a couple of years while living separately, you want to merge your life with this Archer's family, and she has not yet hurled along into the next adventure, THEN it is time to try living together. Otherwise you really could get stuck in a situation without adequate boundaries. Don't let anyone push you around, even if you like her.

Please.

posted July 19, 2009 08:34 PM         

Haven't looked at the progressed moons, but you and the mom have good living-together synastry, the kids could be a challenge.

posted July 19, 2009 08:41 PM         

I don't see a lot of sexy Pluto-Venus or Mars-Venus sexy stuff, just one semisquare--sooo it IS possible that the physical sex could peter out, unless the mutual Mars contacts are stimulating enough to play out in that way.

Her Sun conjunct your Moon and her Venus conjunct your Jupiter are both nice aspects, adding to a sense of fun and connection.

A red flag to me is your Neptune (in your 4th house of family) conjunct her Sun (in her 7th house of marriage/partnership)...this could lead you to be confused, deceived, or betrayed if you dive in headfirst while the Neptune haze/Neptune goggles are still on. It's not that people with biggie Neptune conjunctions like this can't ever have happy partnerships...it's just that you need to put in extra effort to take the time you need to make your decisions regarding this relationship with CLARITY. Her Neptune is conjunct your IC, so it's a bit like a double whammy...you both have the potential to get hoodooed by the Neptune haze. Also, you are the family kind and she is the marrying kind--you both need to be extra-cautious when Neptune is involved.

That said, you have some very nice quintiles and biquintiles in your synastry that could lead to creative breakthroughs, fun and surprises together.

My advice would be to keep your home life very independent from hers and to live separately, while also enjoying time together (including with the kids is fine--just set your boundaries strongly and do not become a free babysitter--I can see from your chart, all that 4th house, that you would enjoy the kids and are not scared of being involved with a woman who has a family, but still, take care)...

As a Libra with Sun-Pluto conjunction, and a love of connecting and communicating with others, you may natally have a problem with bending over backwards to comply with someone's wishes, and then letting resentment build quietly and going all scary-Pluto on her ass in a big burst, even though it's not her fault you didn't set your boundaries clearly...then again, with Saturn also in that stellium, you may be more disciplined about it than that.

With her Mars-Venus natally conjunct in Scorpio, and your Pluto-Venus natally conjunct in Libra, you are both some very sexy ladies, yikes! But I'm not sure sex is the main thrust here with each other--I'd have to check your love asteroids to see, but this truly could end up being a case where the sex would fizzle back to friendship, or to something else. Some of your worries are founded.

You are a great catch, and there are lots of people who will probably always want you in their home and bed. You are also young and single. With the 4th house so prominant in your chart, home is important to you. Give yourself the gift of a safe, private, uncomplicated home until you build a strong relationship with someone that makes you certain about merging your lives together.

posted July 20, 2009 12:15 AM         

I do feel like I'm being rushed, and I don't like that. I'd like knowing she was willing, but I'm uncomfortable with her INSISTING (especially ASAP). I also fear that there is some deception or ulterior motive, too, though what it is exactly, I don't know. It may simply be nothing more than a willingness to be more reckless if she feels I provide enough "padding in case of falling," and I don't want to encourage such recklessness (though I sympathize strongly with her disappointments in life & wanting to change some things, I just don't want her to "cast the die" so to speak with about everything riding on it, "Oregon or bust" style).

But I do like her and don't want to alienate her. And I do enjoy her company, especially our talks, be they intellectually stimulating or whimsically silly. And while there are days I enjoy living alone, other days I really want to change that, too.

Any advise on how to let her down gently & gracefully so that we can remain friends (and/or close) while living apart?

posted July 20, 2009 12:45 AM         

quote:

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Any advise on how to let her down gently & gracefully so that we can remain friends (and/or close) while living apart?

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I think based on her natals that she'll be just fine if you're honest with her. But one thing that you can say is that you want to slow down the living together specifically BECAUSE you like her a lot and are personally (sexually, romantically) involved.