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Author
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Topic: Capricorn Ascendants and wishing never be born
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Hera
Knowflake Posts: 1245
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 02, 2011 09:00 AM
  
The issue came up during my last therapy session. My therapist asked me how I view my life and I described what she thought was a metaphor for my mother's womb, also the anxiety when being compelled to leave this place, in which I'm neither happy nor sad, just at peace. And it stroke me because I read somewhere, probably in here a few years back, that people with Cap Asc were reluctant to step into this world and reincarnate because they knew a hard life was ahead. I think this is true in my case. I don't think I really wanted to be born, but knew I had to. Judging from 5 retro planets and Nodes direct in motion I had a lot of debts to pay. Currently progressed Mercury also turned retro, so make that 6.
I contemplated suicide many times, but know I'm not gonna do it from the same sense of duty as I am committed to solving my issues and pay my dues. I don't think I would have been able to keep going if it weren't for my Cap Asc, which is a blessing and a curse at the same time. Probably the most awful Ascendant to be born with. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 30162
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 02, 2011 09:07 AM
it "stroke" you-- Freudian slipI have Saturn retro conj the ASC
Yes, if I could have had a choice, I would wish I were never born.
People jump on your case when you say that. *Hi, Fire sign woman* However,one's feelings are very,very important and should never,ever be minimized.
That is my life lesson, to date. ------------------
Do You Think This Psychic Is Cute?
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 3087
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 02, 2011 09:12 AM
wha? cap risings are awesome holmes! i'm not sure about them wishing never to be born. i read a lot of mumbo jumbo like that not even related to astro. honestly i think a lot of people feel that way when their life is not ideal. i hear it from all risings.i think i can tops ur rising/ chart a lil bit ehehe! scorpio rising with pluto right smack on it. 6 retrograde planets. nodes are direct too. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 30162
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 02, 2011 09:16 AM
Sand
Do you suffer from depression?You seem so upbeat?------------------
Do You Think This Psychic Is Cute?
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Hera
Knowflake Posts: 1245
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 02, 2011 09:20 AM
((((Ami))))
Sand,
I'm not trying to say I have the worst chart out there nor trying to feel sorry for myself. Okay, maybe just a little, coz nobody feels sorry for Miss Capable Cap Rising. She has it all under control underneath that cool appearance. The difference is the ATTITUDE one has regarding life and its hardship. To a Cap influenced person, that is like adding another 5 kilos on top of a burden that's already very heavy. This is how every day feels like. Or maybe just lately, since Saturn is giving me a horrible time. IP: Logged |
Hera
Knowflake Posts: 1245
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 02, 2011 09:22 AM
Another slip. Freud must be so proud. IP: Logged |
SparklingSag
Knowflake Posts: 551
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted September 02, 2011 09:24 AM
Cappie Asc here: I sometimes feel it is tough one to have but an astrologer once said that without it grounding me all my fire and air planets will leave me with no support and I would find it hard to accomplish things. Although I do look younger than I am and can find the saturn tough, i feel things will get better as I get older.Chin up, we are all here for a purpose  Sparkling IP: Logged |
Hera
Knowflake Posts: 1245
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 02, 2011 09:32 AM
Same here, Sparkling. 7 Fire planets and a singleton for each other element. And somehow Cap/Sat dominates all of that. Oh, I know there are brighter sides to it. I have many accomplishments to thank my Asc for. It's just that it's a placement that kills the joy out of living. Life is duty and responsibility. I don't want to go to work but I have to because my patients are counting on me. I don't want to participate in a clinical trial but have to because my boss is counting on me. It's tiring sometimes. All these HAVE TOs. IP: Logged |
Hera
Knowflake Posts: 1245
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 02, 2011 09:36 AM
Anyway, this is not the purpose for this thread. I can manage my burdens, otherwise wouldn't have chosen this path. I want to know if you guys read anything similar about this or felt like this too. IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 3087
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 02, 2011 09:42 AM
...IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 3087
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 02, 2011 09:56 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
The difference is the ATTITUDE one has regarding life and its hardship. To a Cap influenced person, that is like adding another 5 kilos on top of a burden that's already very heavy. This is how every day feels like. Or maybe just lately, since Saturn is giving me a horrible time.
ic ic.. saturn as chart ruler must indeed be abit of a toughie. seeing the world thru scorpio eyes isn't the greatest either. i actually have saturn in 12th house transit right now. actually for quite some time. i just looked it up the other day and i noticed that without looking at transits i was doing my saturn and taking stock of things. it's still gonna be there for quite awhile but i feel that iv done my homework already. IP: Logged |
Delilah
Knowflake Posts: 498
From: U.K.
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 02, 2011 10:00 AM
Hi Hera. I have Cap Rising too and know what you mean. I wanted out of this life when I was a small child, but my brother kind of reminded me that I have a duty before I can leave. You somehow feel responsible from a young age and that never quite goes away. I'm not depressed, but know that I can end it all. But if I do I know I'll miss my chance at something amazing that I came back for. I've known since I was a kid that there was something missing and because of that I've been miserable in looking for it.
The weight of responsibility isn't so hard for Caps Rising because Saturn gives us endurance to push through daily bs and setbacks. I read something similar to what you mentioned and that with Capricorn on the Ascendant you find a way around obstacles, no matter how long it may take to reach your goal.
I know very few people who understand me and those who are the most accepting don't know me as well as they claim to, not even my own family. IP: Logged |
Hera
Knowflake Posts: 1245
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 02, 2011 10:01 AM
I can somewhat relate. The Scorpio eyes don't seem so puzzling to me. Saturn is natally in Scorpio, conjunct Pluto. Don't get too complacent about doing your homework, Sand. The thing about Saturn is that if you show you're capable, you're given more responsibility. More homework lol. That's why this is so burdensome, you do what you're supposed to do and the reward is more work. Saturn currently transiting 8th house. Wants me to learn about death, taxes and letting go. Sex too, as in what does not having any do to you. IP: Logged |
Hera
Knowflake Posts: 1245
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 02, 2011 10:12 AM
Delilah... my thoughts on the matter are similar. Just can't quite see that *reward* at the end of the struggle right now. Too clouded by responsibility. Don't know, I just wish sometimes I could act out more from my Aries Sun/Sag Moon than only Cap Asc and duty, duty, duty. Feel lighter and freer. Enjoy this silly life instead of clenching my teeth through passing troubles. ------------------
Whatever you give to a woman, she will make it GREATER. Give her SPERM, she will give you a BABY. Give her a HOUSE, she will give you a HOME. Give her GROCERIES, she will give you a MEAL. Give her LOVE, and she will give you her HEART! She multiplies and enlarges what she is given. So, if you give her CR@P, be prepared to receive a ton of SH!T! IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 3087
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 02, 2011 10:21 AM
...IP: Logged |
fireopal
Knowflake Posts: 287
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted September 02, 2011 11:15 AM
Never wished that I was never born, but have a few times decided I wanted to leave the planet and go home!There is always a choice in taking on the responsibility - you don't have to do anything that you don't want too. This is something I learned from a young age and it's something which doesn't always sit well with what other people 'expect' or 'want' you to do or be. But I've realised if I'm doing things for others and not through my own guidance then I feel put upon. So, even though deciding not to do this or that creates conflict from other people because THEY want me to do this or that - I have found it's the best way forward becasue ultimately I do what I need to do. The price is not always being in favour, but I can live with that. The responsibility is something to grow into. As you take on more the universe will give you more. If you stand up and show the universe in one area that you are willing to take on the responsibility then more of the same comes your way, but there is always a choice. Some of the difficulty I've found with this placement is that sometimes you know more than others and at times it can be a little burdensome because of two reasons 1) Knowing how to act because of what you know (with the knowledge that many will just not understand - because their own level of understanding has not developed to see or be aware of certain things & 2)Is accepting the level of responsibility which you know you have here in this lifetime. I think that once you remember or reclaim your own power then instead of the responsibility being burdensome it can become a great transformer, but needs you to stand up to the plate and take it. Which may mean going against what others expect of you, it may mean speaking up and out when everyone else won't etc. When difficult times come the 'practice' at being responsible will kick in and I think that's when your abilities will shine - because you've been through many trials and tests already. I once had a girl say to me 'You're so serious, lighten up' -- well...she just didn't understand what I understood. Please don't think there is anything missing or wrong with you, because there isn't. Everything is just exactly as it needs to be and we don't have to take a journey to anywhere to discover that - it's already here. IP: Logged |
dysfunctionalmystic
Knowflake Posts: 935
From: England
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 02, 2011 11:28 AM
I want to contribute here but have to cook dinner so I'll be back later. It's the 9th house for overall perspective on life and the 1st for the mask we were and how we present our self to the world which does kind of include how we see things. I'm thinking there has to be a connection to the 5th because that's the other fire house and all fire seems to deal with identity in one way or another. I've read it about having neptune strong in the chart - the not wanting to be born thing..but need to write more later. IP: Logged |
abcd efg
Knowflake Posts: 1118
From: India
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted September 02, 2011 12:00 PM
I have Sagi Asc according to Hindu Lahiri. But according to western I have Capi Asc. Never felt like not wanting to be born earlier in my life. But of late say last several years i feel that i could have been born in a better world. I hate this fighting, struggling,selfish business. Virgo moon too and saturn is transiting virgo in 10th. So feel like i could well welcome an OUT. Never used to be like this before. I think this might be depression? But within i am quite in joy and could go on like that for ever. What is this paradox i wonder? ((((((To all Capi ASC and those who are feeling down and out))))))Plus Pluto going through my ASC and Neptune in 12th. What a combo! LOL IP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Moderator Posts: 2563
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted September 02, 2011 12:09 PM
As you know I have Saggi ASC, but it progressed into Capricorn a few years ago.
It felt like that coincided with "growing up" and dealing with responsibilities a lot.
It has its good and bad sides.I never felt like I didn`t want to have been born, but sometimes I wish my life was a lot more "normal". You know, nice husband, one and a half children, a house, a Volvo.
Usually this is a nightmare to me, but sometimes it feels like I really would like to want thatn and have that. (I know it`s just not me though) I would never be happy or content with it, but sometimes I almost envy people who have that and are content. But I guess that is something different than wishing to never have been born.
Funnily it feels like the more ASC is progressing through Capricorn, the more I really come to terms and feel comfortable with being a physical being and not just a walking mind and spirit. IP: Logged |
fireopal
Knowflake Posts: 287
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted September 02, 2011 01:34 PM
With having a Sag Sun I also find that I actively rebel against the responsibility at times. It seems to go in cycles over a few years at a time. One cycle is I walk aimlessly and take everything as it comes and let life guide me wherever and feel the freedom of that. Then after a few years of this way I flip to a more structured, planned and focus route. The more structure leads me to feel more secure, however when I'm going through the cycle (which I feel I'm at the end of right now) of going wherever the wind blows I feel a wisdom in the insecurity of life. So there seems to be a valid experience in both ways for me. I go to extremes over a period of time. Right now with being at the end of a cycle in having no structure or plans the urgency comes to become more structured again and so as I go in this direction eventually it happens again that I find I become far too organised and structured and need to let it all go and see where life takes me once more and so on. I don't have a lot of retrograde planets, but I did read that it was an indication of an old soul and someone who could become a master spiritually speaking. IP: Logged |
mochai
Knowflake Posts: 1168
From: Charon
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 02, 2011 02:22 PM
Yeah, I wish my soul was never created. Neptune/merc/jupiter/venus in cap, cap ruling my 6th house, direct nnode. Karma conj saturn in a horrible pseudo grand cross that makes me feel like the antichrist when I look at it.People are always like.. that person has terminal cancer with 2 weeks left to live.. and they feel so bad for him and to myself I think.. lucky.. *goes off on an extremely jealous rant*. I've had chronic suicidal ideation since August of 2000 (born dec 1984), and pretty severe depression most of my life. On the plus side my most recent lucid dream told me this was my last incarnation. It doesn't change me wishing my soul didn't exist. IP: Logged |
Astra
Knowflake Posts: 319
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 02, 2011 03:50 PM
It isnt easy being a cap rising--that's for sure. I have moon in capricorn along with cap rising and saturn in scorpio. That's a tough combo to handle. lol. Yes, this placement brings a lot of responsibility and stress, but you just need to remember one thing: life doesn't throw anything at you that you can't handle. No matter what trials and tribulations you have to endure, you will get through it. Strangely enough, I find that life becomes more pleasant as I grow older. I feel more confident and laidback. My childhood was very difficult, but adulthood is pretty damn easy in comparison. IP: Logged |
SparklingSag
Knowflake Posts: 551
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted September 03, 2011 04:25 AM
Astra- I have heard too that childhood can be VERY difficult and hard but adulthood gets better I hope so, am 27 so counting on it. IP: Logged |
abcd efg
Knowflake Posts: 1118
From: India
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted September 03, 2011 09:57 AM
quote:
Originally posted by mochai:
Yeah, I wish my soul was never created. Neptune/merc/jupiter/venus in cap, cap ruling my 6th house, direct nnode. Karma conj saturn in a horrible pseudo grand cross that makes me feel like the antichrist when I look at it.People are always like.. that person has terminal cancer with 2 weeks left to live.. and they feel so bad for him and to myself I think.. lucky.. *goes off on an extremely jealous rant*. I've had chronic suicidal ideation since August of 2000 (born dec 1984), and pretty severe depression most of my life. On the plus side my most recent lucid dream told me this was my last incarnation. It doesn't change me wishing my soul didn't exist.
Hey mochai!  This was your second last as i read in one of your earlier posts, if i am not mistaken, and now its come down to one. So great! Do pull me out too as you go. And we are not talking about suicide. (Just in case someone reads this and gets the impression).  IP: Logged |
Hera
Knowflake Posts: 1245
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 03, 2011 12:52 PM
Thank you all for your replies.  I hope it is true what it is said that it gets better with time. Indeed, adulthood has been much easier than childhood. Can't complain much about my life, career is promising and rewarding, got myself a house and a car, have few friends but good ones, I think. Only thing missing is a family and that tends to outweight everything else. I wish I wouldn't have to go through this life which is hard as it is all by myself. Ceridwen, I envy those people too. I mean, not really envy as in hateful feeling, but it makes me feel sad because it becomes even more striking how lonely I really am. Today I had a beautiful child as a patient, only 1 year old. And I could have watched him with his mom for hours and hours... it was wonderful and so heartbreaking at the same time. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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