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Author Topic:   My Capricorn, please help
lovemeruby
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posted September 03, 2013 11:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovemeruby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have been in an on and off relationship with a capricorn man for 9 years. We have one kid together and he's amazing. My sons father has worked out of town for over a year and now our relationship is over on his terms...Im very sad because I love him so much and always do my best to make him happy and comfortable, and yes I give him space. Each time he came home he was colder and more distant from just me...He tried to break up with me almost every month and he keeps saying he cant deal with me. I know in my heart Ive done everything right, but he blames me for pushing him away. He's depressed and finally when I agreed that we need to part ways he leaves town again and finds a job home, with us. So we are "broke up" and going to live together after the worst year of my life with my him. How do I handle this type of Capricorn, stressed to the max and deeply full of regret?

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hikoro
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posted September 03, 2013 01:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by lovemeruby:
I have been in an on and off relationship with a capricorn man for 9 years.

ok...so this history has its problematic roots...i see.

quote:
We have one kid together and he's amazing.

cute!

quote:
My sons father has worked out of town for over a year and now our relationship is over on his terms...

he doesnt want to be with you.

quote:
Im very sad because I love him so much and always do my best to make him happy and comfortable, and yes I give him space.

ok...

quote:
Each time he came home he was colder and more distant from just me...He tried to break up with me almost every month and he keeps saying he cant deal with me.

so, let me guess, when he would act like that, you would try to make him more comfortable and give your all, right?

quote:
I know in my heart Ive done everything right, but he blames me for pushing him away.

besides being a cold person...borderline emotionally abusive...he blames you for everything?
and let me guess, you still tried to make things work...

quote:
He's depressed

really? has he been diagnosed? is he doing something about it? are you implying that this "depression" is the cause of the problem? because again, you've been on and off for several years now with this man...,to me, it seems that there were always problems...they just worsened.

quote:
and finally when I agreed that we need to part ways he leaves town again and finds a job home, with us.

nope...not with you. he found a job where he lives but not with you. he is not with you. he already told you.

quote:
So we are "broke up" and going to live together after the worst year of my life with my him. How do I handle this type of Capricorn, stressed to the max and deeply full of regret?

this environment is not good for you or the child. you should leave him.
do you have any resources, people who could help you?
i dont know if my post will even help, to me, you are not looking at the big picture...you're prolly so used to catering to all of his needs...
even here, you are asking 'how do i deal living with him'...instead of, 'i should take my son with me, leave him and rebuild my life'


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hikoro
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posted September 03, 2013 01:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
ps.....

you posted this in june.

quote:
Originally posted by lovemeruby:
I can't make my Capricorn man happy. He is nice to everyone but me. I do anything and everything he requires and I still get pressured. Im so stressed out and he just keeps getting mad at me and putting me down. I need support but he doesnt want to give it to me. We have been together for almost 9 years and the majority of it has been long distance. We have one child (2year old) together and I do ALL the parenting work. I dont have a job, but he pressures me about that more than he sounds understanding. Hes just always so angry with me and I dont have to hurt his feelings for him to snap at me. Im not a doormat either, but I am sensitive. Hes just mean and always disappointed. How do you make a Capricorn happy without bending over too far for them?

yes, you are being a doormat.

edit: my responses are so cold...backtracking here.
listen, im not going to say that there is someone else who is worthier of you cliche....because, you dont need a man or woman to be happy.
now, i do recall you posting about not having friends...i dont know if it is because of you, or this toxic environment...obviously, not having a support group makes you feel as if you have nobody and your only hope is this man. but, it is obvious that this person is very toxic and, even though your son may be young, this is not good for him, and def. not good for you judging by the fact you have lost yourself by being in this relationship.
so, go where you are loved.

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Faith
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posted September 03, 2013 01:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
How should you handle this type of Capricorn?

It seems that the only thing to do is let him go.

He might come back later if you handle this graciously enough...Saturn is a longevity planet and that applies to relationships. It would also depend on whether or not you want him back at that point.

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lovemeruby
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posted September 03, 2013 05:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovemeruby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I want to let him go and I hung on for financial reasons and I had a glimmer of hope. I do not have a support group, not yet anyway. Im working on it, I have a therapist and a mother. I have no friends because I have moved around a lot in the past few years and the ones I came back to were not worth my time. I gave them another chance though and that was a bad idea.
He and I will have to live together again in a few months...He has been diagnosed as much worse things than just depression and hasn't got any help. I wasn't looking for cliche, I can make myself happy, I was just wondering if anything can make a Capricorn happy so maybe I can distract him with whatever it is that makes him happy and he can leave me alone. Anything besides money and expensive electronics...something I could say to him maybe?

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lovemeruby
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posted September 03, 2013 05:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovemeruby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I did not give my all when he came home disappointed, I gave him more space. I listened to him rant and then when he was done we went and did our own thing. Im not gonna fight in front of our son if I dont have to.

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lovemeruby
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posted September 03, 2013 05:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovemeruby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
And I have nowhere else to go just short of going to a shelter for two weeks, jobless. And then if I cant find a home and job in two weeks here, they have to send me out because unemployment here is very high and the homeless community is ever growing they need the space. If I don't find a way to stay in this beautiful house I just moved into my son and I will undergo a tremendous amount of stress. I've dealt with this man this long and I know I didn't have to, but I'm just looking for the least dramatic way to get out on my own for the sake of my son. If I have to endure his fathers negativity a little longer than I will, so we can have a nice home to stay in and food to eat and toys to play with. I'm sorry for the third reply but some of those were kinda cold, I don't need more of that. I can do me just fine I've been a devoted mother for 2 1/2 years and I'm looking for work again. Apparently being a mother makes me under qualified for a lot of things and that is stressful in itself. I'm very independent but I dont have the same opportunities as everyone to just get up and go do whatever it is I need to do. So yes, for my son and I in this situation it would seem leaving is an option, unless of course that is not an option.

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lovemeruby
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posted September 03, 2013 05:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovemeruby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
And I have nowhere else to go just short of going to a shelter for two weeks, jobless. And then if I cant find a home and job in two weeks here, they have to send me out because unemployment here is very high and the homeless community is ever growing they need the space. If I don't find a way to stay in this beautiful house I just moved into my son and I will undergo a tremendous amount of stress. I've dealt with this man this long and I know I didn't have to, but I'm just looking for the least dramatic way to get out on my own for the sake of my son. If I have to endure his fathers negativity a little longer than I will, so we can have a nice home to stay in and food to eat and toys to play with. I'm sorry for the third reply but some of those were kinda cold, I don't need more of that. I can do me just fine I've been a devoted mother for 2 1/2 years and I'm looking for work again. Apparently being a mother makes me under qualified for a lot of things and that is stressful in itself. I'm very independent but I dont have the same opportunities as everyone to just get up and go do whatever it is I need to do. So yes, for my son and I in this situation it would seem leaving is an option, unless of course that is not an option.

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Luminosity
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posted September 03, 2013 07:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Luminosity     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey hun, can you go and live with your mother? I agree that this is a toxic environment for you and your son to be in. Making him happy isn't your responsibility. You don't have to do anything for him, it sounds as though you have already done enough.

This sounds like a situation where going to live with a relative for a while would be good idea, just to save money and go to school or do something that will help you to get back on your feet. Is there a friend who lives nearby? A friend who lives far away? Someone supportive somewhere who you can count on?

This guy is no good, you owe him nothing, you owe it to yourself and your son to get out in any way that you can. From what you've written it sounds like you have self destructively put yourself in this situation by getting involved with him in the first place...this same situation with a different man may happen again in the future unless you are able to look at the underlying issues that enabled you to get into an unhealthy relationship like this in the first place...

You have the power to change your life and you can do it. We're here for you!

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hikoro
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posted September 03, 2013 08:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by lovemeruby:
I'm sorry for the third reply but some of those were kinda cold, I don't need more of that. I can do me just fine I've been a devoted mother for 2 1/2 years and I'm looking for work again.

except that you have been with this man for several years.....and you still groveled after him even before you had the child...
i mean, that post from june was all about making him happy...
even your op has hints as to how to make him happy....it is all about him, not about you and your son. it is as if he is your responsibility...are you a cancer or a pisces, by the way?
i know you may feel offended and put down, and, you want to come as strong and emotionally independent...but, im reading this as an outsider and you have lost yourself with him...
i think that the sooner you recognize the realities,...the easier it will be for you to leave him.

i mean, right now, you say that you're not asking for ways to make him happy but how to cohabitate...but...you know what it is most likely to happen? you get some tips or learn some online tips on how to live with this cap man...and, i bet my arse, that years will go by and you will still be with him, on and off...and once more, you will come up with some justifications as to the reason you continue living with him and exposing yourself and your child to this toxic environment.
that is the reason i recommend you to take your child and go.

i mean, isnt it obvious?
that once you tell him that you're done, he coincidentally finds a job in the vicinity? (so manipulative)
and you respond: with us...because deep down, you have that tiny hope...that only if i do things right, he will....(fill in the blanks)
you said: Im very sad because I love him so much and always do my best to make him happy and comfortable, and yes I give him space.
i mean, mental disorder or not, if he doesnt want to do anything to get better, then, that is his problem, not yours.

regardless, yes, the economic situation and with a toddler, difficult situation for sure. but gods, how many abused women with children say the same thing, never leave and end up dead versus the ones that leave and in spite of the struggle, are happier now...not saying that this will happen to you...
what i mean is, when there is a will, there is a way. you must know of someone.
honestly, im more concerned for your child, he may be 2+, but children are so impressionable at that age and beyond.

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Faith
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posted September 03, 2013 08:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sorry, I misunderstood your question. I thought you wanted to get back together with him.

I think mental illness overrides the sun sign, and the advice you seek ought to be tailored to his diagnosis. Capricorn is a volatile sign...as one astrologer put it, "There is a lot of violence pent up in the sign of Capricorn." A crazy Cap man is a scary thought to me.

But if there is no history of physical abuse, and if he's merely grouchy, it might be best to just to avoid him within the house as much as possible. Hope that doesn't sound cold.

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lovemeruby
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posted September 03, 2013 10:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovemeruby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
No I don't want to get back with him and I will not stay with my mom. My step-father is an alcoholic, a terrible one, I would never live there with my son.
Obviously I would have feelings for my Cap still. I just want to learn what Caps actually like to hear so he can shut up and leave me alone. Lip service if you will To keep the peace
Everything is always changing. More now than ever it seems. Im a Cancer sun Scorp rising Gemini Moon...as far as I know. My Cap is sun Cap Scorp moon Aries rising

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lovemeruby
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posted September 03, 2013 11:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovemeruby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I know my resources and connections and where to go if I really need to. I promise. Its true, hes a stupid jerk, but I have a plan for myself and Im following through with it as I live and breath. Trust me Coincidentally, Im learning a life lesson of dealing with things alone so I dont rely on others for this change Im going through. It still hurts though, to be alone. My son is safe also, thanks for the concerns
p.s. NOT a doormat, there is always a time and place to speak up. My will and sense of worth are strong Expressing worry doesnt make me weak or simple.

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Jkitty
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posted September 03, 2013 11:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jkitty     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by lovemeruby:
I just want to learn what Caps actually like to hear so he can shut up and leave me alone.

I think what this Capricorn wants to hear is that you have a job, can support yourself and don't need him.

If you're with him just to support your child and yourself, that is NOT good for you, for him, or for your child. If he suspects that you had his kid just to keep him around to support you, that really would make him feel used.

When was the last time you had a job? Did you stop working after you had the baby or before? What kind of work did you do before? What are your job skills or what skills have you developed since you've been off work? You need to find a way to be able to support yourself and your child. What do we have to work with here?

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