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Author Topic:   Failure To Initiate Sex? Delays, bad timing, despite intense chemistry?
IndigoDirae
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posted December 11, 2013 01:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Anyone have any tried-and-true 'problem' aspects? I feel like I must be missing something. I can't quite get this 'failure to launch', so to speak. Delays, off-timing, and just general lack of initiation. Either of us. It's ... crazy. Rather bewildering.

Rather than tell you what I've got, (natals and synastry) I'd prefer some unbiased 'these are what I've found to be problematic' type things to look for.

That way I can maybe isolate the issue. Somewhat.

Anything you can give me, I'd be VERY grateful. And soon.

Thanks!

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IndigoDirae
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posted December 11, 2013 02:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh, and SATURN is a given. But if it's in someone's 8H is that enough to frustrate or restrict everything of a sexual nature?

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Violets
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posted December 11, 2013 02:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Violets     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Oh, and SATURN is a given. But if it's in someone's 8H is that enough to frustrate or restrict everything of a sexual nature?

That sounds like a good point. Maybe Uranus square Venus? That always seems like an "off and on, never quite hook up" aspect in synastry to me...

But I really don't know. I'm just throwing some guesses out there.

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summerlite
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posted December 11, 2013 03:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for summerlite     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
what are your Mars signs?

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Rosalind
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posted December 11, 2013 04:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Rosalind     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My guess would be a Moon/Mars CONJUNCTION. With a square would be right away.

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bittersweet81
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posted December 11, 2013 09:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bittersweet81     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I also place my bet in Uranus... Uranus can cool the most torrid attraction, but itīs not the end, itīs only that sex is not the main issue in the relationship, it takes the second place...

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Ellynlvx
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posted December 11, 2013 09:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ellynlvx     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
South Node can mess with the timing...

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NandiNode
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posted December 11, 2013 10:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for NandiNode     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm having the same problem with someone who has Saturn going through their 8H, FWIW. On my end, Saturn is opposing Mars and conjunct the ruler of the fifth. Incredibly frustrating, when the chemistry is unquestionable and intense as you say.

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IndigoDirae
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posted December 11, 2013 12:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Rosalind:
My guess would be a Moon/Mars CONJUNCTION. With a square would be right away.

Really? That's hilarious. My Twinflame and I opted for his MOON on my MARS, and my MOON square his MARS this time around, apparently. Intensity, for several years, but at a distance, and the prevailing 'never quite'.

I'd no idea that MOON-MARS conjunction would frustrate a sexual relationship. Is this from your records, Rosalind?

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Belage
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posted December 11, 2013 02:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Belage     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Delay usually involve Saturn. Conjunctions are not as bad as squares or oppositions or quincunxes.

Off timing I would say perhaps Uranus square or opposite Venus or Mars.

Neptune square or oppositions to Mars and/or Venus can also promise but not deliver.

------------------
http://www.lightofthestars.com

Every Chart has a Gift

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Rosalind
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posted December 11, 2013 02:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Rosalind     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Really? That's hilarious. My Twinflame and I opted for his MOON on my MARS, and my MOON square his MARS this time around, apparently. Intensity, for several years, but at a distance, and the prevailing 'never quite'.

I'd no idea that MOON-MARS conjunction would frustrate a sexual relationship. Is this from your records, Rosalind?


Experience. Like I said squares are better for sex and attraction.

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IndigoDirae
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posted December 11, 2013 02:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hurrah for double-posting during updates-period!

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IndigoDirae
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posted December 11, 2013 11:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by summerlite:
what are your Mars signs?

His is 11H 9R @ 22° LIBRA; opp MOON (exact); sextile VENUS (1°; 23° LEO). It's also conjunct LILITH, 23° LIBRA.

Mine is 3H 8R @ °0 SAG. Loosely conjunct 24° SCORPIO MOON, and 23° SCORPIO URANUS. Can't recall if it's quintile my SUN-PLUTO (19° and 21° LIBRA, 2H).

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IndigoDirae
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posted December 11, 2013 11:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Violets:
That sounds like a good point. Maybe Uranus square Venus? That always seems like an "off and on, never quite hook up" aspect in synastry to me...

But I really don't know. I'm just throwing some guesses out there.


Ahhhh, yes.

His 23° LEO VENUS and my 23° SCORPIO URANUS.

No doubt there's an off-again, on-again flavour. THAT we expect. It's when we're both REALLY wanting to be with each other, but there's this odd ... it's a daunting thing until we actually ARE together. EVERYTHING suddenly changes - very rapidly then. Like a switch being flipped.

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IndigoDirae
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posted December 11, 2013 11:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by NandiNode:
I'm having the same problem with someone who has Saturn going through their 8H, FWIW. On my end, Saturn is opposing Mars and conjunct the ruler of the fifth. Incredibly frustrating, when the chemistry is unquestionable and intense as you say.

SATURN is my 5R, so, I hear you.

Huh. Would one's 5R being opposite the other's SATURN be something? Especially if it's IN the other's 8H?

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IndigoDirae
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posted December 12, 2013 12:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Rosalind:
My guess would be a Moon/Mars CONJUNCTION. With a square would be right away.

My MOON and his MARS don't do much. Semisextile at 2°. My MARS (which is also parallel my EROS) is parallel his ASC. His MOON is parallel my ASC, and VENUS.

His MOON is biquintile my MARS. ... Seriously. That's it.

Looking deeper ...

His MOON is 8R. MARS is my 8R, so, meh.
His MARS is his 5R, and my MOON my 11R. Mild MOON/MARS affinity there, since his MARS is 11H.

I don't think there's much happening on that front. Is that why? I wasn't sure that was such a 'deal-breaker'.

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IndigoDirae
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posted December 12, 2013 01:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
What SNODE aspects wreak havoc?

My SNODE (18° AQU) is opposite his VENUS-KARMA. His SNODE (4° SCO) conjoins my KARMA. It's too far out to hit my EROS, though.

His SNODE is parallel my MOON and SNODE and contraparallel my CHIRON.

My SNODE is also parallel his NEPTUNE (IC-R).

Not sure what I'm looking for there ....

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summerlite
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posted December 12, 2013 07:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for summerlite     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
He has moon opposite lilith.
http://darkstarastrology.com/moon-opposite-lilith/

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Ceridwen
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posted December 12, 2013 07:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ceridwen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Anyone have any tried-and-true 'problem' aspects? I feel like I must be missing something. I can't quite get this 'failure to launch', so to speak. Delays, off-timing, and just general lack of initiation. Either of us. It's ... crazy. Rather bewildering.

Rather than tell you what I've got, (natals and synastry) I'd prefer some unbiased 'these are what I've found to be problematic' type things to look for.

That way I can maybe isolate the issue. Somewhat.

Anything you can give me, I'd be VERY grateful. And soon.

Thanks!



Some thoughts:

Since 5th house is about sexual expression, but so is 8th house, just 8th house is about sexual intimacy with a partner (5th house is more about the individual sexual style), it could be that while the 5th house connections are strong, there might be a problem associated with the 8th house.

Or

the natals show a basic sexual compatibility and resonance, but due to the lack of synastric aspects, it just doesn`t happen.


Or

the natals might basically indicate sexual attraction,b ut there is just nothing happening in the progressions.


Or

While the synastry shows about how you affect each other, the composites seem to indicate what is actually happening to you as a couple.

'so it might be that a great sexual interest is generated through the synastry, but the 5th and 8th house inc omposite is blocked (like 5th house ruler opposite Saturn in 8th house for example).

Saturnd does not ALWAYS hinder sexual expression,b ut he is the first of the usual suspects (there seems to be an exception if saturn is part of your relationship/ sexual profile though).

Saturn is more about restriction or blockages

Uranus is on and off. The attraction sometimes seems to simply disappear jsut to come up again.

Neptune sometimes dissolves the actual sexual act. It is difficult, esp. in terms of Mars-Neptune-aspects (challenging ones). the sexual fantasy and chemistry can be extremely strong, but the actual deed might be lacking (unless we are talking tantra here, or a spiritualized form of sex - depends on the people involved though).

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Venusian Moon
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posted December 12, 2013 11:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Venusian Moon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Uranus, saturn maybe.

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IndigoDirae
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posted December 12, 2013 04:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hooboy, Ceri. That's a lot. Lemme break it down.

First off, what sorts of progressions do you even look for when a physical relationship is indicated?

I certainly found it curious both of our VENUS have progressed to PLUTO.

Here's what I'm seeing at first brush:

His p-SUN conjunct n-VENUS (on my n-NNODE, his KARMA)

p-EROS is OOB - and exactly parallel our TISIPHONES? (32N) (WTF? AND his TISIPHONE progressed to 36N - parallel my NESSUS? THAT'll take investigating, for sure.)

Oh, wow. My EROS is OOB now, too. 26S.

His DEJANIRA's no longer OOB; and mine is parallel my MOON now.

My p-SUN and p-MOON are parallel, and conjunct our c-MOON-EROS.

My p-MARS is trine his n-VENUS.
My p-VENUS is conjunct his n-MARS.

His p-VENUS is conjunct my n-VENUS-ASC.
My p-SUN is conjunct my n-URANUS, square his n-VENUS.

Oddly enough, my p-EROS is conjunct his p-MOON. I find that VERY interesting, as they're both getting pretty OOB.

His p-MARS and p-PLUTO are in a tight contraparallel. n-5R and n-12R.

His SUN is now 8R; so, it's conjunct my p-VENUS, which is my p-chartruler. And my p-ASC is 8 LIBRA. (HAH! That fits.)

VENUS is also my p-8R; his n-VENUS-KARMA is right on it.

Ohhh, boy.

Why am I getting the feeling this has REALLY REALLY REALLY GOT to happen - and we're both absolutely terrified and wish it would just ... HAPPEN and NOT be a huge deal? Rather, the humongous deal it is?

Aggggghhhhhhhh.

So. That's progressions. I dunno about you, but I'm seeing 'activity' there.

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IndigoDirae
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posted December 12, 2013 04:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh, and since I kept ATROPOS in there, here's what's up with that.

My p-ATROPOS is conjunct my p-DSC - which is my n-8C.

Wait ... his p-EROS and p-TISIPHONE are conjunct, too? On ALGOL. I'm ... daaaahhhhhh ...

Oh, I wish I drank. I would SO be drinking right now. A LOT. A LOT OF DRINKING.

And his p-EROS and p-ATROPOS are contraparallel. p-NESSUS is also parallel n-TISIPHONE and p-EROS now.

And, of course - because - hell, why not at this point? - p-ATROPOS is super-conjunct p-MADHATTER. Which does not appear to be breaking away from SATURN anytime soon; p-SATURN is now retro.

Yeah, THAT freaks me out on multiple levels.

Curiously, while his p-DEJA is on my NNODE (and his KARMA-VENUS - which is now conjunct his p-SUN, which is his p-8R) my p-DEJA is parallel my n-MOON, and conjunct n-MERCURY and n-EROS.

AND ... his n-SNODE.

Ohhhh, boy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm losing my nerve. Quickly. And yet? I know. I just KNOW. It's time now.

Oh, well, I'll look at transits, too. But it's certainly looking like it.

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IndigoDirae
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posted December 12, 2013 04:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
TRANSITS.

When we got back together (so to speak) or became more deliberately 'on' than 'off', rather, the t-NNODE had just touched off his n-SNODE, and my n-KARMA.

t-EROS jumps out at me immediately, as it's opposite his n-EROS right now (along with being conjunct my n-APHRODITE). It's exact.

t-EROS is also conjunct his natal 5H MOON and NYMPHE. (Very loosely opposing his LILITH-MARS).

He's had t-URANUS squaring his SUN for awhile, too. Exact. It's going through my 8H and his 5H, (His SUN is 8H).

Huh. t-DEJA is conjunct my p-DEJA, and n-MERC and n-EROS.

t-KARMA is RIGHT on my MOON-URA, and conjunct my p-SUN. Means it's also quincunx his n-MOON-EROS and square n-VENUS, p-SUN.

t-NESSUS and t-KARMA are travelling together, OOB, 25S. Lovely ....

MOTHER OF SH-

t-TISIPHONE is contraparallel our n-TISIPHONES. Not even joking. t-DESTINN is conjunct my n-TISIPHONE and his SUN ...

... and ... his p-MADHATTER, which is also opposite the t-MADHATTER. Oh, and t-ALICE is conjunct my p-ALICE, too. On my VX.

OKAY. THAT'S IT.

I'm moving galaxies. Or hiding in a hole, until ... adequate transportation ... has arrived.

Dear God in heaven. This is too much. Circuits are overloading. Can't process. Too, too, too much.

If you should need or desire to proffer advice, I'm still most grateful. Throw rocks to get my attention. Aside of the hole. Very, VERY large rocks. Boulders. Throw boulders.

Thank you.

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IndigoDirae
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posted December 12, 2013 05:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Addendum:

Composite's pretty clear.

VENUS is 8R; it's conjunct SUN-JUPITER, less than a degree. Parallel, too. 10H.

SATURN is loosely square PLUTO and quincunx 4H MOON-EROS, though. CAPRICORN was completely intercepted into the 3H, though, so SATURN isn't ruling anything. Weird.

The EROS and MOON are parallel, too. But CANCER is intercepted into the 9H, of course. Honestly, the 9H interception doesn't surprise me, considering the sort of karma we seem to be working through - or something.

I think I'm seeing that there's nothing 'blocking' it, and the delays are possibly a VENUS-URANUS thing; and I DO think there's a lot to be said for the LILITH activity.

But it all comes down to it being a big, BIG thing, and we're both ... damned terrified. This is one of the things we're friggin' here TO do - and I think that's terrifying.

Nobody's laid that track. Nobody knows WHERE it's to go. That's probably why I've been playing the 'what-if?' game in my fiction, (he has, too, actually) for so, so long.

We prefer to play what-if?. We're terrified of the consequences of decisions, since they've been SO monumental before, and did NOT work out well - AT ALL. We're talking absolute worst-case-scenario here. I've contemplated it all; I'm sure he has, too.

My own fear insulated us both from having to contend with it at all. And yet, all along, I'd had NO idea it kept us at just enough of a distance, too. A weird, imperceptible, but VERY there distance. The only time that distance wasn't there was when we were more physically intimate than we'd ever been before.

Though we've both admitted the strange importance of a sexual relationship to each other. How, THIS time around, it would make or break everything. So, I said - okay, I'm resolute now. Let's do this. And I really, honestly did mean it - I still do.

And, of course, everything got in the way. I presumed excuses responsible; his own unexpressed fear. But he'd state firmly to the contrary, and I'd figure - okay. Okay.

And maybe that's true. Maybe like last time, my being unable to believe his own resolution, left me to panic and assume the worst. It really hasn't been like that since, and I DO give him the benefit of the doubt.

It's just been ... delays. The sorts of delays which impeded and impacted us the last time (3 years ago). But THIS time, I'm not just letting it go and fall by the wayside; asking no questions, and just 'going with it'. Nor has he been evasive.

But there is that fear. And not even THAT fear. There's a WHOLE other fear which goes beyond ... ANY of this. There's an inexplicable fear, and an absolute terror of the magnitude of this I can't even begin to express.

Hence, the hiding in a hole. Processing.

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summerlite
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posted December 12, 2013 05:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for summerlite     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
didn't u say you are a sex therapist?

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