posted June 01, 2009 07:54 AM         

I've been reflecting on how very different I'd been had something happened differently. And I'm just burning with curiosity to know what I'd be like and what we'd think of each other (and how our lives turned out) if we could meet.

posted June 01, 2009 01:51 PM         

If I had not married my ex-husband, I would not have moved to Maryland. If I had not divorced him, I would not have gotten engaged to the idiot I call a$$face.

If I had not gotten engaged, moved to AZ and broke up with him, I may not have joined the Elks Lodge.

If I had not joined the Elks Lodge, I may never have met the love of my life- Bear the Leo

posted June 01, 2009 04:24 PM         

i think merlin talked about looking at your life as if it were being played backwards from an old person to the person you are now, and everything either taking you towards the end person you imagine or away from it. as if living your life in reverse in your mind will better the outcome or shall i say, make it more like what you want it to be. i am quite sure i didn't explain it well at all, but the words and thoughts are hard to connect to convey the thought process. it is a very interesting theory though.

since i do think like that, i think it is easier to move toward my goals though and make decisions that will enable me to look back with pleasure and not regret in years to come, with goals realized.

some things are fated and meant to happen, but had we made other choices, perhaps a much different fate was behind door number two.

posted June 01, 2009 05:33 PM         

I recommend Holosync. Go to Centrepoint.com to discover more.

Their system is a gradual developement to build the brain through the phases to higher levels. You will be led to a deep meditative state to begin with. As you progress through each level, the technology can lead you to deeper and more mature states of meditation.

It works on hertz and frequency, as well as your own subliminal positive affirmation. You own positive affirmations are added at level 1, after the introductory level.

The technology works by creating vibrations against your eardrum, which stilmulates a physical change in your brain - more connections (pathways) are made within your brain. This system also creates additional production of DHEA - an amazing chemical process that naturally takes place in the body for optimum health.

There is an element of risk with ANY meditation. As one grows in self-acutalisation and awareness, the immediate world around them may start to feel uncomfortable - like growing out of an old favourite vest. Just be prepared to make huge changes in your paradigms - the way you view the world.

There is another option too. It's through Learning Startegies. Their positive affirmation cds are aobut $30.00USD and are worth starting off with. They use Holosync's audio technolgy which is a leading and superior sound system. (Apparently, Hollywood are after it).

These cds are fun to listen to. They're designed for left brain and right brain stimulation. They're wacky and amazing to listen to. Highly entertaining and a great place to start to gear the brain up for a physical change.

Good luck!!

EDIT - sorry, I just noticed "to meet the one". Ummm, become the person you want your soulmate to desire. Become a warm, loving, caring soul. Get out and engage in the world. Embrace all things important. Show you are a person with priorities - someone who has integrity. Be dynamic and stand out from the mediocre crowd.

'The one' will be out there, but as they say, you have to kiss a few toads first. You could be anywhere, the day your eyes lock. If Fate favours you, or you have the desire and capacity to be with them, then it will happen.

posted June 02, 2009 03:14 PM         

I often wonder, if I would not have gotten pregnant, then gotten married (I know backwards) then I probably would be an artist living alone in a loft in Soho.....

posted June 03, 2009 01:10 AM         

I looked up that Burt guy and found him on YT. This struck me as particularly inspirational:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Glv8YEqtSWc&feature=related

That reminded me of an experiment I did years ago when I was learning about the occult that was one of those that made me change my mind about magic just being a "psychological boost." My memory is vague & I don't want to go on forever about it, so I'll just say if anyone is interested in this guy's technique, I bet you'd also enjoy the commentary & exercises in the books Prometheus Rising and Quantum Psychology by Robert Anton Wilson (read Prometheus Rising first).

Anyway, instead of envisioning myself wealthy, I can "attune" to someone with "the road not taken" to see if I can increase my awareness "across quantum divisions." Maybe it will inspire dreams, or astral travel, or even be like that one time when I--who didn't believe that I had any past lives--spontaneously recalled multiple past lives in vivid detail (though it mostly faded, like a dream, though I still recall some of it). At the very least, just have inspiration in figuring out what I'd have been like.

It just teases my mind.

(One that haunts me is how I formed a mindset that's been repeated when I made my own breakfast at 5 years old. But had I fallen off the chair I balanced on, I probably would've had a very different mindset & life. Maybe if such an "alternate self" exists I can send forth some of my "personal vibes" to her...heh.)

The version of myself that was close to being the way I was probably would've never heard of Linda Goodman (though I don't know that for sure...). I think I'd still be me overall, but I'd have such a different context for measuring life with, and some things would've just happened differently for sure. I wouldn't be on the net now in all likelihood, nor would I be anywhere as "cosmopolitan" as I am now (I'm not sure I'm using the word right, but I mean I'd have a lot less exposure to people & life than I have). I think I'd have been happy, though, at least just as good as I am now. Not that I regret losing that, just I am so intensely curious.

posted June 04, 2009 08:55 AM         

At 35, I am the person I wanted to be at 15, and yeah, I am content with that fact.

Love,

posted June 04, 2009 05:41 PM         

I'm not wondering out of regret, I'm wondering simply out of curiosity.

For me, I also have used sheer will to make who I am, yet I see that what others do has far more an impact than I do. I can slip and slide the way I want, but I can't control what others do--and many times more so when I was still a kid.

One thing that could've happened is that while I was still with Granny, Mom could've died (especially as Dad tried killing her at least twice during the divorce), and that wouldn't have anything to do with my sheer will, but WOULD have greatly changed my life. If that had happened, then I never would've runaway (and my best friend of that later time might not have had the courage to runaway by herself and might still be alive today, for all I know). So I'd never become streetwise, and learn that what goes on in Third World countries also goes on quite frequently in the good ol' USA (but we're not supposed to notice). I never would've traveled from TX-CA, which was a major life shaping experience for me, would've never found the people I did who radically changed the course of my life (and also exposed me to Linda Goodman, btw). I wouldn't have gained the training & experiences I did and become who I am as a result.

And I got to thinking about that while talking with someone else about how sheltered this guy felt next to me. As I pointed out to him, I was raised real similar to him (my 'rents were far more dysfunctional, but still...) for the most part UNTIL my parents divorce set up a chain of events that changed my life radically, at first for the worst and then for the better.

And what if I hadn't been exposed to the harsh life? Would I have a perspective more like his? Hard to say. Especially that the most likely divergence that would've prevented my being exposed to some very negative aspects of life would've actually meant that I spent my teen years in a very small East Texas town living with my granny instead (and expect I'd still be there today). And actually, despite a lot of people who made trouble for me there, I was actually happy there, and was extremely close to my cousin (Zack, but I liked to call him Zeke in making fun of his redneck ways). So I'd actually be more redneck (*) than like the sheltered guy, though far more sheltered than I am today(**).

(*This isn't to imply the caricature or stereotype. While I suppose the song "Redneck Woman" by Gretchen Wilson very easily could've described who I'd have become, I was always free spirited and tolerant, not to mention casually blasphemous toward fundies who gave me a hard time, feeling more curious than threatened by those who were different.

And I believe--careful now, this is getting confusing talking about alternate time lines merging--that had redneck-me met me-me, she'd be as fascinated by the meeting as I'd be, and have very mixed feelings about how our lives differed, since she'd envy most of my experiences that shaped who I am now, but would hate to have faced the trauma I endured in having those experiences. Redneck-me might have children that she couldn't imagine living without, too. OTOH, whose to say redneck-me wouldn't have had her own traumatic experiences? Heck, she could be dead by now for all I know. What irony!)