Posts: 2385
From: Orbiting
Registered: Sep 2010

posted October 08, 2010 11:27 AM         

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Please explain how early

Please explain about the relationship,in as many details as you can. Please explain it's course as best as you can.

I hope my question is not too intrusive. My 8th house stellium made me do it

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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend.

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Posts: 1828
From: richmond va
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 08, 2010 11:37 AM         

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Yes. That is how I start most relationships.

Except my current boyfriend, we would sleep in the same bed and not kiss at all. BUT we didn't become "official" until we did it.

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Posts: 2385
From: Orbiting
Registered: Sep 2010

posted October 08, 2010 11:52 AM         

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It seems like no one comes on this forum--apologies to the people who are

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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend.

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Posts: 4
From: Dallas,TX, Us
Registered: Oct 2010

posted October 08, 2010 12:01 PM         

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This has occured with me a couple of times. I used to joke with my now ex husband that I was the one night stand who wouldn't go away.

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Posts: 2385
From: Orbiting
Registered: Sep 2010

posted October 08, 2010 12:56 PM         

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Well, I have a theory--please don't anyone jump me --lol -- that if you have sex before you build respect and emotional intimacy---it won't last or if it does, it will be unhappy.

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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend.

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Posts: 4
From: Dallas,TX, Us
Registered: Oct 2010

posted October 08, 2010 02:55 PM         

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Ami Anne,

No offense taken. LOL! Actually, my ex pursued me after the fact. Everything crumbled after I had our daughter 2 years later. He just wasn't ready for the work it takes to maintain a family. Oh well, he had some harsh aspects to our daughter's natals. I prefer that I do the majority of the child rearing to minimize any detrimental affect on Kiddo.

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Posts: 1818
From: 49N35 34E34
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 08, 2010 03:00 PM         

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I used to think so too, Ami but in fact it depends on a person, for example, I have a friend and all of her relationships started as one night stand, the most serious lasted more than 3 years (they lived together) but then I don't find it surprising cozz she is a triple Sagittarius with Mars in Aqua

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Posts: 2385
From: Orbiting
Registered: Sep 2010

posted October 08, 2010 03:12 PM         

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When I say "last", I mean like a great love affair like Paul and Linda McCartny type.
Those are very few, anyway, of course.

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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend.

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Posts: 136
From: redlands, ca,usa
Registered: Jul 2009

posted October 08, 2010 03:36 PM         

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With my ex husband we had sex maybe after the 3er time it lasted more than I cared.

With an ex boyfriend we had sex the first time and we were together for 4 years 1/2, we remain good friends.

With another ex boyfriend we work together we saw each other every day and talk every day we had sex after about 1 year that relationship lasted about 8 years. I think it depends of the synastry, what was going on with your life at the times, when I meet a new man I can tell right away if that person is going to be important in my life or not, I think the older that I get the sooner I have sex with the new person. If the sex is not very good I don't need that person.

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Posts: 136
From: redlands, ca,usa
Registered: Jul 2009

posted October 08, 2010 03:48 PM         

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I think Saturn is very important with my Ex husband we had Saturn scuare Sun, scuare Venus, scuare Mars, Scuare Mercury, Moon scuare Moon, I was in love crazy but he made my life miserable complaining and criticizing me all the time the scuares with Saturn were from his Saturn to my personal planets.

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Posts: 2418
From: Ohio
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 08, 2010 04:43 PM         

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*edited. I'll try to email you.

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Posts: 5
From:
Registered: Oct 2010

posted October 08, 2010 05:32 PM         

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Yes twice. Once the very first night and the second time after the 4th date. But both times I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would be having relationships with these people, I just knew and I did with both, one for 4 years and one for 2 years. Normally I tend to take my time though.

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Posts: 2385
From: Orbiting
Registered: Sep 2010

posted October 08, 2010 08:40 PM         

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Thanks for all the responses

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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend.

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Posts: 1717
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 08, 2010 11:22 PM         

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Yes, my ex and I got physical the first time we went out, had sex the night after that. We were together for about fifteen years. We're still very close. (I'm Leo, he's Libra.)

In my opinion, the right man for a relationship(one who is not sexist, misogynistic, or backward) will not judge a woman based on how soon they have sex...it will happen when both people feel really into it, whether that involves hooking up on night one or waiting a year until it feels right to take that step.

Different kinds of intimacy develop at different paces for different people.

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Posts: 1514
From: Avendesora
Registered: May 2009

posted October 09, 2010 08:01 AM         

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quote:

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In my opinion, the right man for a relationship(one who is not sexist, misogynistic, or backward) will not judge a woman based on how soon they have sex...it will happen when both people feel really into it, whether that involves hooking up on night one or waiting a year until it feels right to take that step.

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I agree and I was just about to say something similar on the opposite side of the fence: if a guy has less than honorable intentions to begin with, then it won't matter if you hold out one day or one year...you'll still get dumped.

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Posts: 2385
From: Orbiting
Registered: Sep 2010

posted October 09, 2010 12:11 PM         

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quote:

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I agree and I was just about to say something similar on the opposite side of the fence: if a guy has less than honorable intentions to begin with, then it won't matter if you hold out one day or one year...you'll still get dumped.

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Benedict
Now that I know your chart, the first thing I thought was Cap ASC

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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend.

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Posts: 1184
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 11, 2010 06:19 PM         

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I have this feeling that chemistry/affinity means a lot when it comes to relationships - for some people, whatever you do might just seem ordinary, while for others, they might see the world in whatever you do. Some people might not interest you whatever they do, while some just seem to catch your attention and sensitivity whatever they do.

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Posts: 1696
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 23, 2010 04:20 PM         

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I agree with Ami. I don't see how it could be one of those rare love-of-your-life types if it starts with sex. Me, personally, I don't have casual sex. I always wear a suit or a tux, or at the very least nothing else but a tie around my neck.

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"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's okay though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation...so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type...I'm like, 'hey girl, magenta!' and she's like, 'oh, you mean purple!' and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, 'no - I want magenta!'"
-John Mayer

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Posts: 321
From: Netherlands
Registered: Dec 2009

posted October 24, 2010 01:09 PM         

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I must think of that song from George Michael "I can't make you love me if you don't".

It's funny with the sex thing it's everything and nothing at the same time.
You don't know what some relationships between people are about and where they are based on. Buth I can be afraid of someones positive fantasy about it at some point. While waiting for it people have the time to build a fantasy about it and when it's there it can be disappointing. Buth still I think it's better to wait awhile. Of course it depends on your intentions. Always a difficult subject. Because it's human and I don't trust human.Yes, I'm negative, sorry for that,get used to it.

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Posts: 146
From:
Registered: Nov 2009

posted October 25, 2010 07:25 AM         

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i'll be honest, i don't think i've ever waited. and i've had a 6 year relationship, followed by a 12 year relationship and am now single for about 16 months. i didn't make any of them wait, but i knew them all already.

i've never had a one night stand turn into anything - more because I didn't want it to - though i did have a weekend fling who has turned into the single greatest love of my life.

i will say i probably have a more masculine approach to sex, aries sun, moon, ac, venus in aqua, and mars in gemini.

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Posts: 12
From: Orlando, FL, USA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted October 25, 2010 10:08 PM         

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I think it depends... There is that guy who is a friend first and you are really interested and you want to have a long lasting relationship with him so you wait - make them wait - sometimes it works, but sometimes it is downhill after sex.
Then there are those guys you are just trying to have fun with, so you don't worry about waiting. Yes, there are the one night stands that remain that, but there is the one that will actually call the next day (and keep calling) and you end up spending years with.

What I mean to say is that "rules" have exceptions, and I don't think there is a rule-book on dating that actually makes the cut. Just go with the flow and do what you feel is right.

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Posts: 5142
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 28, 2010 03:40 PM         

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quote:

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Well, I have a theory--please don't anyone jump me --lol -- that if you have sex before you build respect and emotional intimacy---it won't last or if it does, it will be unhappy.

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I have this theory too, so does Linda Goodman and anyone else with a bit of sense

The reason it won't last is because sex before intimacy or respect kills any chance of gaining respect and intimacy so basically the relationship won't have any.

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Posts: 3888
From: acousticgod@sbcglobal.net
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 29, 2010 09:01 PM         

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I agree with amowls, Peri, Lucia, BenedictMoon, and grayblue. I also have three Sag planets, and my Mars in Scorpio.

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Posts: 2916
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 29, 2010 09:35 PM         

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My longest lasting relationship (3years) ...we jumped right into it. I agree, that it depends on the people, where theyre at, what they want and love that is able to develop between them. Sex at the beginning doesnt necessarily kill it.

imo.

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Posts: 1717
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 30, 2010 12:39 AM         

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I think sometimes respect and emotional intimacy are just sort of intuitively there--you get a strong, accurate sense of who each other is right away. (Like in the case of my ex where we were together for years, we both had a "love at first sight" feeling. Now, that it NOT the same as the kind of deep "knowing" you get from living together every day for 10+ years. But if you have a real connection, some erotic fun before you know each other as well as you will a couple of years later isn't going to ruin it.)

In other relationships, emotional intimacy and rapport take more time to develop, and it feels right to one or both people to wait for sex.

Also, re: respect. Some people respect and have compassion for all beings. And those people tend not to be sexist, racist, or trapped in old-fashioned gender or sex roles.

Even if people have sex before they've developed enough emotional rapport, that doesn't mean those same two people can't develop the greater intimacy and respect later, by slowing it down if they need to. Early sex doesn't brand, spoil, or doom a couple, even if it feels too early to one or both of them. And sometimes it feels right to both.

I strongly disagree that sex "kills any chance" of developing emotional intimacy and respect later. I can imagine that murdering someone's parents, stealing from their wallet, or vandalizing their home would "kill any chance" of respect developing. Not sex.

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