Posts: 4651
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 28, 2010 07:48 AM            

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I figured this out. It is not from "me" but from study over the years including a conference on right brain healing.
It came together for me, yesterday.It came,together as an epiphany.

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted December 28, 2010 07:53 AM            

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I have personally read so many books that stayed in my head but I could not put them ,together,in to an organic whole and make them function ,in my life.

The books which were pivotal for me were
Cure By Crying by Stone
The Primal Scream by Janov
Reclaiming Your Life---can't remember the name now

I,also, went to a conference given by a concert pianist who studied the right brain and healing trauma.

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted December 28, 2010 07:56 AM            

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Yesterday,it all came together for me.I had a strange day where my usual "distractions" were gone.
My mother is not speaking to me, anymore.
A friend I really liked(not on here lol) seems to be distancing from me---no comment
I had no one to talk to ,yesterday,on msn or real life.

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted December 28, 2010 08:01 AM            

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I started thinking about natural healing. I have studied natural healing,a lot, and have worked in that field.

Natural/Homeopathic medicine is opposite allopathic medicine.
With natural medicine ,you will allow the "symptom" to come out and rise to it's natural conclusion.
This is cuz you trust the body's wisdom.
This is the KEY, with natural healing modalities.

In allopathic medicine, you cut off the symptom and call that a "healing".

A simple example would be a fever. In natural medicine ,a fever is considered good.
It is seen to be the body's way of heating up to burn up virus' and bacteria.
It is never taken down by artificial means such as Tylenol.
(Of course,if someone were dying,it might be lol)
However, barring that,it would NOT be

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted December 28, 2010 08:03 AM            

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In Allopathic Medicine, they cut off the fever and think the patient is well.
They have merely cut off the smoke detector. When you do that enough,you weaken the vital force of the body.

So, the natural and allopathic approaches are diametrically opposed.

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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Posts: 4651
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted December 28, 2010 08:08 AM            

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Yesterday, it all came together,for me.
I had no support system.

I felt the loss of my mother due to my stance.
I have another dear friend(not on here) who won't talk to me---no comment

However, yesterday,I did something totally different.
I embraced all those feelings as legitimate. They are MY feelings. They are like the fever. They are coming up cuz they want to heal.
They ARE me.
If I run away from them, I reject ME.

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted December 28, 2010 08:10 AM            

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I sat with all these feelings.I was soooooo sad.
I felt that sadness which was "go in to a hole" sadness.
I did Kundalini yoga.
I play U tube while I do it.
I found an old song "He Ain't Heavy.He's my Brother"
When I put this on, I sobbed for a long time.
It reminded me of dear people.

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted December 28, 2010 08:14 AM            

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This morning,I woke up and I am different.
Some of that heaviness is gone.
Moreover, I know HOW to heal the rest of it.

It is about EMBRACING any pain. Own it.It it there as your means to heal.

Don't push it away like an unwanted mentally ill relative consigned to the attic.

God gave easy ways to heal all sickness--physical and emotional.

The body was designed to heal,made to be able to heal.
The ingredients for healing are not exotic.
They don't cost millions of dollars.
They are within reach.

Thank you for listening to anyone who is

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted December 28, 2010 08:34 AM            

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I will say one thing, though, to anyone who attempts this.
The feelings are really, really scary. The feelings of sadness make you really afraid.
*I* could not do it without my belief in God cuz it would be too scary.
Also, I think you need some people to share with,too,who will accept the process.
I find that my friends with prominent Pluto are able to be there throughout times like these.
I guess it is a Pluto process I am describing.
It is an unearthing which is what Pluto does.

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted December 28, 2010 08:42 AM            

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1KtScrqtbc&feature=related

Thank you to all my dear friends who have given me a leg up.
I am on my way ,now

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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posted December 28, 2010 11:13 AM            

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but ami pushing the pain away is exactly what you do when others on this board do not CONFORM to YOUR idea of what a response should be. you refuse to let it in, don't you? owning the pain would be responding and examining the WHY of all these "opposing" views coming at you.

i would respectfully suggest that this MO is CAUSING a lot of your pain and until you acknowledge that you will continue unhealed. yes, going THROUGH the pain is essential. but WALLOWING in it is counterproductive.

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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted December 28, 2010 11:22 AM            

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Sorry Kat
I KNOW who my friends ARE and who my friends are NOT.
My gut knows WHO is on my side and out for my good and who is trying to hurt me.
I go by my gut and nothing and no one is gonna change that !

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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted December 28, 2010 11:26 AM            

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Certain people can tell me things and I will listen like Lonake, Nicki,Popcorn, Banx,Road(my new friend)Mir,Teasel,Mblake, AG or Randall.
They had to earn that by their personal qualities.
If someone has not earned it with me, I won't receive it.

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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From: Down the Rabbit Hole
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posted December 28, 2010 11:42 AM            

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This was a good post. I agree with the concept. Pain is not something to run away from; it will not go away on its own but rather lurk beneath the surface and manifest when least expected. It needs to be healed (through acknowledgement) to disappear.

LEXX has often mentioned the use of primal screaming as healing--there must be some merit to the practice.

As an emotional person, I have to express my emotions or die. One thing I find interesting is that David (the Biblical king) was the same way--most of the Psalms are incredibly emotional and filled with pain, joy, loss, lament, fear, triumph, etc. A lot of them were designed to be sung.

Obviously he wrote/sang a lot in order for his musings to be passed down through the eons. Writing and music are incredibly therapeutic to the human spirit. Another thing about David that I admire is that he sought solutions to his problems through the Divine, not man. He worked through his problems spiritually. That is something on which I need to improve.

Not sure about the screaming but will give it the old college try next time I'm alone--it would creep my kid out otherwise.

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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted December 29, 2010 03:22 PM            

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Just need to share this cuz I share with you guys.
I think my mother wrote me off after I forced her to face herself.
It hurts really,really badly.
If you have a crazy family, at least you have one.
When you have none,it seems worse but it isn't.
Honesty is always better,always.
I know that.
I took the life out of her when I made her admit what she did.
However, it was taking the life out of me at some deep level to lie all the time.
Sometimes, the best solution is still a bad solution.
It is so funny about my chart. It is easy until you put my mother's next to it.
Then,it is hard.
When I would have my chart done,alone, when I was younger, the astrologer would wonder why I was not a "rah--rah" girl, as I call them.
My Aunt is a rah--rah girl.

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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posted December 29, 2010 03:26 PM            

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My Aunt's(my mother's sister) life worked in some basic ways.
She does not KNOW what it is like to have a crisis of confidence or any of the other ways I struggled not to go under some waters that were too deep to navigate.
She doesn't get finding God cuz there was nothing left.
She gets my humor so that makes me think that she must get life even though she had such a different one.
Maybe,humor is universal for the fact that life simply doesn't work.
Humor is funny for that basic fact.
Thanks for allowing me a place to write.
I,always, feel better when I do

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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posted December 29, 2010 03:41 PM            

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I think you are very brave for confronting the problem. There is a phrase that I always come back to in my life - 'be careful what you wish for'. Sometimes the outcome is not what you would wish for, and that's always sad.

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posted December 29, 2010 06:28 PM            

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Interestingly enough I only recently learned about right brain being the place where trauma is stored ... apparently the problem with dealing with right brain trauma is that that part of the mind isn't verbal so words don't touch it ... Difficult...
Well Ami Ann I don't know your story with your mother but I cut off from my father years and years and years ago ... It's much better that way. Like cutting off a limb that's got gangrene or something. My mother is luckily wonderful because SHE had a horrible mother and kept on hanging in there for the family's sake for many years when actually it would have been better to do what she does now which is to have like the absolute minimum of contact with them. I wish you good luck with your problems with your mom and thanks for this thread ... I don't post a lot yet on the topic of my own trauma but it's like the real thing ... I guess what people who haven't been REALLY traumatized don't get is how REAL it is. It's like Vietnam Vets who get a panic attack when fireworks go off because they are totally 100% back in the past, with ALL the physical sensations of fear overwhelming them in a way which is basically almost impossible to control. I agree with you that it is actually necessary to face all this s h i t ... I used to think I shouldn't wallow, but now I allow myself to wallow ... It's like a steam valve or something and it's really scary how intense the emotions are that come out. My story is that I met my biological father for the first time when I was sixteen and when I was eighteen he took me on a trip to Europe where he raped me. Actually at the time I thought the 'relationship' was consensual ... Years later in mental hospital when someone used the words "when your father raped you" I wanted to say ... actually he didn't rape me I said it was OK .... and then I stopped myself and didn't say it and since that day I call what happened rape. Well, I thought I was in love with my own father at that time, but I can tell you one thing .... I am DEFINATELY not in love with him anymore. I also realised that this is a typical response to incest.

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be who you are and say what you feel cos those who matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter!

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posted December 30, 2010 08:18 AM            

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I JUST read that, Fatinkerbel.
YES--totally about situations taking you BACK to those childhood feelings.
I am so embarrassing to myself at the dentist lol
That is just ONE place I revert back to the little girl in the corner .
Your post was VERY affirming, Fatinkerbel.
I think we are gonna be friends

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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posted December 30, 2010 08:23 AM            

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This is funny,Fatinkerbel.
I had a 500 post thread where I gave all the details of my mother.
One day,I looked at the thread and wished it would disappear.
The next day,it did LOL
I will write the details of my mother another time.
I am feeling pretty good at the moment and don't want to jinx it.
The short story is that she molested me.
She is a therapist,practicing still.
However, I WILL say this , she is attempting to own all of it.
That is more than most people will get and I am grateful for that.
I think that if I can get my sanity and emotional health back, I will have something unique to offer others.
It is not often that you see a healed and whole person who has gone through what we have.
That would be a testimony to God ,in my case, and to myself, to some degree, for trying so hard to overcome it.
I think you are doing the same

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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posted December 30, 2010 08:39 AM            

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Fatinkerbel
When you let the feelings come out from the right brain i.e. you do not distract from them by using the left brain for an activity,it hurts sooo badly.
It is sooo scary.
You think you will die from the pain,almost literally die.
I am doing it ,now, since last week.
It is such a relief when the pain has left and you are a little more sane and feel a little better.
Come write on here when you are going through something like this and I will too

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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From: South Korea
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posted December 30, 2010 05:31 PM            

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Thank you Ami Ann : D I think you're a great mod for this topic.
: starheart:

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be who you are and say what you feel cos those who matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter!

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posted December 31, 2010 03:33 AM            

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I have come to my newest revelation.
I talked about it on Randall's marriage thread.
I KNOW why I got so screwed up.I don't just know it ,in the head.
I know it in the gut.
I cut off myself from the neck down. That means I cut of my feelings,my perceptions of what was going on,my reactions and my sexuality
I was a HEAD

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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posted December 31, 2010 03:36 AM            

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I talked to my father ,last night.I was telling him everything that was going on here.
He was laughing cuz a lot of it is nuts lol
He is in bad health.
I was thinking how he was a "head".
Feelings were not allowed for him, either.

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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posted December 31, 2010 03:39 AM            

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For me, as I was talking to him,I was talking about the Alpha Male syndrome.
I realized that all this stuff goes on below the surface while we live ON the surface with our hair,make-up and clothes, just so, while REAL life is either in the gut or below the belt
My life convinced me that all that primal stuff was bad.
I was bad if I was primal.
That is what "bad" is, to me.It is primal.

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh.

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