posted January 13, 2011 12:34 PM            

EXACTLY WHY WOMEN DON'T CARE AS MUCH ABOUT YOUR LOOKS AS YOU THINK THEY DO

Sure, I know what you're saying even as you read the title above.

"OK then, how come women go nuts over all those prettyboy actors?
And why do they openly talk about how physically attractive guys
are when they're hanging out together?"

I'm not going to lie to you. If a guy LOOKS GOOD to a woman, she'll
notice.

But remember, women are wired differently than we are.

We tend to see a woman's physical beauty. And usually, if it's not
there for any particular woman in our estimation she has little
chance with us.

But with women, if you watch closely they'll often notice guys from
afar who you wouldn't necessarily expect them to.

Meanwhile, when it comes to the guy YOU may have automatically
assumed was your biggest "competition" in a particular social
setting, women just roll their eyes.

Why is this?

Well, for starters, your idea of "masculine" may be different than
a woman's. If you're thinking in terms of a "man's man", she's
thinking more in terms of what IGNITES her femininity.

Big difference.

I call it "The Clark Kent Factor".

You know the story with Superman. His public persona is that of
"mild mannered" Clark Kent. The tentative, somewhat scattered "Mr.
Nice Guy" who Lois Lane, of course, sees as "just a friend".

He's unsure of himself. He is usually dependent on others for
guidance and leadership. He doesn't really have a plan. And he
speaks in a hushed tone, with a higher pitch than seems appropriate.

Meanwhile, Superman has no such issues. Lois is overwhelmed with
animal attraction when HE'S around.

And here's the kicker: It's the SAME GUY. Therefore, both Clark
Kent and his alter ego Superman have the same level of "natural
giftedness" in the looks department, right?

You could even argue that Superman still rules DESPITE the simple
fact that Clark Kent sports a smart business suit whereas Superman
has the added "liability" of wearing blue and red spandex.

Whatever.

It's WHO SUPERMAN IS that makes him PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE to Lois
Lane.

"Yes Scot, but that's FICTIONAL", you may be saying to yourself.

Granted. But the example is rooted in pure truth.

For example, Emily and I went on a nice trip to Japan and Korea
about a year ago.

While in Seoul, we booked a visit to the infamous DMZ, which has
always fascinated me.

Since the DMZ is the "no mans land" between North and South Korea,
who are still technically at war with each other, the tour was
actually guided by a U.S. Army MP.

Since I love my job, I tend to find it difficult to leave "work" at
home even when on vacation.

So I watched closely as the MP confidently boarded the bus, flashed
a friendly but decisively competent smile, and proceeded to tell us
very directly what we could expect from the morning and what the
"ground rules" were.

"I'm going to make sure you see everything that's important, but
please remember not to wave or gesture to any North Koreans along
the way. If you do, I'm going to have to remove you from the tour,
send you back to the bus and deal with the 'situation' after we get
back here to the base. And believe me, I'd much rather you enjoy
the tour as much as everyone else instead."

He was reasonable and direct, without being a douchebag about it.
He had done this tour at least a hundred times and it showed.

Suffice it to say we all paid attention. And as expected, nobody
created an "international incident". Nice.

BUT...the guy was approachable enough that everyone chimed in with
questions, which he cheerfully and competently answered.

He respected everyone on the tour, and fully expected to BE
respected in return. It was a "non issue" for him, and therefore
it was likewise a "non issue" for all of us.

Sooner than later it occurred to me that this guy's appearance was
VERY, VERY average in just about every respect.

He was of average height and build. And while his face wouldn't
scare small children, he wasn't going to be gracing the cover of GQ
anytime soon.

This was no "prettyboy" magazine model.

But he was CLEARLY a "Big Four" man. You know...confident, masculine
in the way women define it, able to make a woman (and everyone else,
frankly) feel safe and comfortable in his presence, and of solid
character.

One of the great benefits I enjoy while traveling, obviously, is
Emily's company.

In fact, sharing world travels and the life-long memories that go
along with them is one of many, many reasons why being in a great
long-term relationship beats the tar out of one-night stands.

As such, since she was sitting next to me on the bus I asked her,
"So, do you think this guy has any trouble getting a date?"

"Oh goodness no", was her immediate response...after spontaneous
laughter.

Indeed.

To say he was confident would be an understatement. Yet, his clear
sense of sober judgment about himself (as opposed to arrogance)
combined with a clear ability to put us at ease was nothing short
of amazing.

We were visiting what is inarguably one of the most politically
tense areas on Earth, yet everyone was laid back about it.

And as far as character goes, there was just something about how he
carried himself that openly demonstrated that passing the necessary
background checks to be in the position he was in must have been no
problem.

I turned to Emily again and said, "OK, now imagine the same guy in
another setting. More tentative, not quite as confident. Maybe
more of an approval-seeking 'Mr. Nice Guy'. There'd be a big
difference in how attractive he is to women, huh?"

"Is that a trick question?" Emily replied...again with a laugh.

No kidding. Were this guy to have been lacking in the "Big Four"
department, he'd be "Mr. Normal".

He wouldn't be leading tours to the border between North and South
Korea, that's for sure. And he wouldn't be the kind of man women
notice.

But the fact remained. Perhaps ironically, even while wearing
camouflage this guy stood out from "the crowd".

As a matter of fact, we downloaded a documentary on North Korea from
Netflix a couple of weeks ago, and guess who they interviewed when
they got to the DMZ? No kidding...it was the same guy who guided
our tour. I'm sure that was no coincidence.

So what's the takeaway?

Simply this: Even if you are average (or even below average) in
the "natural looks" department, it's going to be the "Big Four"
that TRULY decide whether women NOTICE you or not.

Sure, take care of yourself. Brush your teeth and don't dress like
a slob.

But remember "The Clark Kent Factor" always, and continue to
fine-tune the "Big Four" in your life until you become your own
version of Superman in your own "natural habitat", which is
presumably somewhere outside the DMZ.

And by all means do so without the tights, please.

Be Good,

posted January 13, 2011 01:14 PM            

and i have noticed CONSISTENTLY over the years that it is not the dropdead gorgeous girls who tend to get the guys, but those who make them feel important, needed, valuable in whatever way makes sense to the man himself.

so while some men go for beautiful women, most are happier with something invisible that defines the woman's character, how she makes him feel, WHO SHE IS. and the beauties go through men like paper plates...

posted January 13, 2011 01:22 PM            

But he was CLEARLY a "Big Four" man. You know...confident, masculine
in the way women define it, able to make a woman (and everyone else,
frankly) feel safe and comfortable in his presence, and of solid
character.

Now, I am not "ugly" by societal standards, but I'm also not a Brad Pitt by any means, but I've never had any trouble creating strong attraction. This author's "big four" concept makes a lot sense, now that I see it broken down. I have always cultivated those four qualities and attributes within myself. Confidence can't be faked, but it can be slowly created over time (not cockiness, but strong self-esteem). Women always want a masculine man that complements their own femininity (that doesn't mean a woman is weak at all--just that they want a man who acts like a man). Safety extends more than just to women, but women definitely want to feel safe around their guy. And character is something you build every day and continue to build, but it can be lost veey quickly. Character and integrity mean everything. I think the author synthesized these traits to make them easy to understand, and although he only briefly touched upon them, his real-life example spoke volumes. Smart guy!

posted January 13, 2011 02:08 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by katatonic:
funny you should bring this up. it was a man who first said to me, "it doesn't matter what she looks like really, but what is in her eyes..."

and i have noticed CONSISTENTLY over the years that it is not the dropdead gorgeous girls who tend to get the guys, but those who make them feel important, needed, valuable in whatever way makes sense to the man himself.

so while some men go for beautiful women, most are happier with something invisible that defines the woman's character, how she makes him feel, WHO SHE IS. and the beauties go through men like paper plates...

face it being that gorgeous takes effort. marilyn monroe spent 3 HOURS turning into MM daily...though she was beautiful without all the trimmings, she was not GODDESS au naturel...and focussing on physical beauty/perfection not only makes one insecure, but self-centered..these are not qualities that lend themselves to healthy relationships!

---

posted January 13, 2011 02:30 PM            

quote:

---

Some guys make you feel really beautiful.
This is prolly the biggest thing to make any guy attractive to woman.
The woman feels beautiful around him.

---

I think this extends to making life beautiful, you know? If life is great with the person you're with then it's not as much about the looks or whether your partner fits some mold, but rather it's that the union brings out the beauty both of you enjoy together. That's why nice guys can do just fine, because it's not always about some conception of masculinity. It's confidence.

posted January 13, 2011 02:46 PM            

quote:

---

I'm not going to lie to you. If a guy LOOKS GOOD to a woman, she'll
notice.

---

quote:

---

But remember, women are wired differently than we are.

---

quote:

---

We tend to see a woman's physical beauty. And usually, if it's not
there for any particular woman in our estimation she has little
chance with us.

---

quote:

---

if it's (my note here: physical beauty)not
there for any particular woman in our estimation she has little
chance with us.

---

quote:

---

she has little chance with us

---

quote:

---

But with women, if you watch closely they'll often notice guys from
afar who you wouldn't necessarily expect them to.

---

quote:

---

Meanwhile, when it comes to the guy YOU may have automatically
assumed was your biggest "competition" in a particular social
setting, women just roll their eyes.

Why is this?

Well, for starters, your idea of "masculine" may be different than
a woman's. If you're thinking in terms of a "man's man", she's
thinking more in terms of what IGNITES her femininity.

---

posted January 13, 2011 02:49 PM            

quote:

---

I think this extends to making life beautiful, you know? If life is great with the person you're with then it's not as much about the looks or whether your partner fits some mold, but rather it's that the union brings out the beauty both of you enjoy together. That's why nice guys can do just fine, because it's not always about some conception of masculinity. It's confidence.

---

posted January 13, 2011 03:03 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Randall:
Women worry over their own looks a lot (a byproduct of this commercialized society), and so a man who reaffirms that he finds her to be beautiful (and conveys this truthfully with a genuine vibe) and makes a woman feel truly beautiful from the inside out, is what most women long for.

---

posted January 13, 2011 04:05 PM            

quote:

---

However what that is/means varies from woman to woman.

---

I agree. I think there's a pretty wide scale of what women find acceptable as far as masculinity goes.

posted January 13, 2011 06:53 PM            

If a man smells bad, I am instantly turned off. I don't mean body odor- that can be nice-and it doesn't have to be a fabricated scent like cologne- I mean, unclean, clothes needing to be washed, or like a dog or whatever..ew.

I will absolutely appreciate looks on a man-on anyone to be truthful- but it is the shell that holds the juicy insides. I like the juicy insides.

posted January 13, 2011 08:15 PM            

quote:

---

The whole accepting thing---

---

posted January 14, 2011 09:19 AM            

Disclaimer---This is the opinion of one person only

posted January 15, 2011 01:13 AM            

So, night goes on, and we are drinking, and we decide to slow dance.
While we were dancing, he kissed me.
That was IT, all she wrote.
He was clean, and all that, but there was a smell, that did NOT 'fit' me.
I can't describe it, it was just his particular smell.
It was then I started to seriously look into chemistry and what that is all about, cos, either you have it, or you DON'T.