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Author
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Topic: How Important is Sex in a Relationship? Answer in percentage please (:
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1-scorp
Knowflake Posts: 103
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted November 29, 2011 11:01 AM
  
"when u have sex with every single person you date the sex becomes meaningless, just a course of action like having dinner or brushing your teeth.. where's the spark in that.."Exactly.
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downtomars
Knowflake Posts: 1077
From: NY
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 02, 2011 01:56 PM
quote:
Originally posted by anongrl10:
LOL, I always thought that those who say "sex is overrated" never really had good hot sex.
I cannot be in a sexless relationship. I have met people with whom I bond mentally, emotionally, but not physically. It never lasted. We stayed friends and I consider them my soulmates, but they can not be my life partners. A good relationship is a manifold of attraction; it's the sex, the communication, the emotions, the whole experience. When you lack part of it, the relationship is lacking. IMO.
Wow, this entire post is exactly what I was thinking! You do that to me a lot Anongrl!  IP: Logged |
lilithpluto
Knowflake Posts: 1412
From: pluto
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted December 18, 2011 07:29 AM
When in love, sex is 70% important to me.. I just get so physically attracted to him that I-must-have-sex-with-him.. its as if that is my way of showing how much i adore him.. I actually feel that I am more sexually aggresive than him at times.. words just so meaningless, lets get down to action..  This post is interesting cos last night, an ex-ex-bf hinted that he wants to start all over again with sexual undertones in every word he said. He knew I am currently having a break from my bf.. I didn't want anything to do with my ex-ex-bf. I realized that once out of love, whatever sexual attraction I had for him before becomes 0%.  IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 4041
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted December 18, 2011 11:28 AM
I can't see it being very important, and I'll rate it a 50%. My Mrs. would rate it 100% 24/7/365. IP: Logged |
Betty Boop
Knowflake Posts: 3377
From: Betty Boop Land
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 19, 2011 12:13 AM
Since I rated it - a low 10%... I wanted to add that I don't think sex is overrated at all. I just don't have a sex drive when single. There is zero desire in me - to go out and find a guy.
Someone has to spark my sex-drive... and that takes some time (damn Capricorn Mars conj Nept lol...)
Everything just takes such a long time for me. Being turned on also takes a long time. But I love sex with the right person. My relationships start by someone randomly falling in my lap.. I'm never looking. IP: Logged |
LEXX
Knowflake Posts: 9742
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted January 16, 2012 11:14 AM
Update..........
not so sure about sex and or relationships any longer.
I am seriously considering giving up on the concept of sexual intimacy with any one ever again.
Oh I am still an orgasm addict but my solo self can take care of those needs just fine thank you. Better than with another person.
It is just that sexual union with anyone is feeling like way to much risk and effort to bother with, and the timing of such may be just too out of sync because of my body woes/disabled conditions.
My windows of opportunity when my body can participate are rare.
The odds of it syncing with anyone on a regular basis is uber slim.
Add in the retroactive virginity, which might require surgery to have vaginal sex.
And well,
just seems easier to give up on sex except with myself and avoid all risks and entanglements and potential heartbreak.
I could of course change my mind if my body heals and I become less disabled......
but I would need a lot of convincing before I can even go the sexual route with anyone.
It hit me the other day that I do not trust any sexual come ons any longer no matter how much I like or love anyone.
Been burned too many times and too badly and
frankly, the scars are far deeper than I had previously realized.
I feel too that my history pre 1970s, has deemed as me to most guys, as being used and tainted goods.
Every man I have been totally honest with has thrown my wild youth in my face one way or other.
The most common from a few of them has been;
you had your wild times, so do not tell me I cannot have mine.
I am like;
excuse me?
Those wild times happened before we met, or when you were a child, or not even born yet.
So for now and the future,
might as well concentrate on other things and put any dreams of intimacy far far to the side as a maybe but looks realistically unlikely thing.
I will never have what I want......
so why drive myself nutters with unrealistic yearning?
I know damn well despite my sexual expertise, I will never be anyone's ideal partner in too many ways.
Better they find the right physical partner than try to make the unrealistic work out, because in the long run I will be a burden not an asset or a person to be realistically physically desired, only tolerated.
No,
I am NOT talking resigned or depressed.
Just came to my senses and faced the brutal reality.
I have other passions of the intellectual variety I can throw myself into.
I can live with that.
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amowls**
Knowflake Posts: 1911
From:
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted January 16, 2012 06:28 PM
50% I guess. Sex is important because it determines whether its just a friendship or not (typical Aqua lol).IP: Logged |
amowls**
Knowflake Posts: 1911
From:
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted January 16, 2012 06:33 PM
quote:
Originally posted by 1-scorp:
"when u have sex with every single person you date the sex becomes meaningless, just a course of action like having dinner or brushing your teeth.. where's the spark in that.."Exactly.
I could not disagree more. There is just sex and then there is loving, mindblowing, intimate sex. Just like there's just meatloaf for dinner and then there's SPECIAL dinner where you go out to a fancy restaurant and get 5 courses followed with desert. Not having sex doesn't make it any more special. I've also never been the type of person to put sex on a pedestal. IP: Logged |
mockingbird
Knowflake Posts: 697
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted January 16, 2012 10:41 PM
It seems like the thread has moved beyond this, but my answer to the first question:When both partners are satisfied, it's between 10 and 20%.
When one or both aren't, it's more like 80%* * Dissatisfaction can have myriad roots and just as many remedies. ------------------
If I've included this sig, it's because I'm posting from a mobile device.
Please excuse all outrageous typos and confusing auto-corrects. IP: Logged |
Venus
Moderator Posts: 1569
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted January 17, 2012 01:26 AM
fine, i have a questionwhat if you are dating someone who is abstinent, would you simply not peruse the relationship?
Doesn’t make sense.. --- because what i understand from the posts that a relationship cannot hold without sex.. funny i thought most romantic tales of our past and literature had rather "innocent" relationships between lovers.. the comment about those who think sex is overrated never had good sex, well that is just dis-tasteful and also pretty lame coz ive heard it before..
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mockingbird
Knowflake Posts: 697
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted January 17, 2012 05:52 AM
quote:
what if you are dating someone who is abstinent, would you simply not peruse the relationship?
Doesn’t make sense..
There are many who wouldn't, and I'd say that they have just as much a right to that as a celibate person does to chose to not pursue a relationship with someone who insists upon sex as a relationship condition. ------------------
If I've included this sig, it's because I'm posting from a mobile device.
Please excuse all outrageous typos and confusing auto-corrects. IP: Logged |
anongrl10
Knowflake Posts: 4557
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted January 17, 2012 06:03 AM
quote:
Originally posted by downtomars:
Wow, this entire post is [b]exactly what I was thinking! You do that to me a lot Anongrl! [/B]
You too, downtomars!
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Venus
Moderator Posts: 1569
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted January 17, 2012 06:04 AM
^fine, sure they have the right thats not my question.. i was asking if that was a sensible thing to do, couldnt they be missing their one chance at true love?IP: Logged |
anongrl10
Knowflake Posts: 4557
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted January 17, 2012 06:04 AM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
I can't see it being very important, and I'll rate it a [b]50%. My Mrs. would rate it 100% 24/7/365. [/B]
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mockingbird
Knowflake Posts: 697
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted January 17, 2012 06:21 AM
*shrugs* I think that pinning everything on "one chance of true love" is unrealistic.As for the wisdom of turning away that relationship, I don't know. Might it be unwise for celibate individuals to turn aside a sexually active person when the same could be true? ------------------
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Please excuse all outrageous typos and confusing auto-corrects. IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 4366
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted January 17, 2012 06:52 AM
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anongrl10
Knowflake Posts: 4557
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted January 17, 2012 06:59 AM
quote:
Originally posted by mockingbird:
*shrugs* I think that pinning everything on "one chance of true love" is unrealistic.As for the wisdom of turning away that relationship, I don't know. Might it be unwise for celibate individuals to turn aside a sexually active person when the same could be true?
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mockingbird
Knowflake Posts: 697
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted January 17, 2012 07:05 AM
RP - I don't think it's unwise, either, in either "direction". If two people aren't sexually in sync, they're not sexually in sync.The point I was working towards is that I would no more question a celibate person's choices than I would those of someone for whom sex is an integral part of a romantic relationship. Edited to add: Similary, if someone recognizes that mutual monogamy is (or isn't) a priority for them, it would be unfair (to all involved) of them to enter into a romantic relationship with someone with stated inverse priorities. ------------------
If I've included this sig, it's because I'm posting from a mobile device.
Please excuse all outrageous typos and confusing auto-corrects. IP: Logged |
Venus
Moderator Posts: 1569
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted January 17, 2012 09:29 AM
the way i see it is that sex, clouds one's perspective in a relationship..how differently would you think about the person you are dating if you knew for fact you will NOT be having sex soon..
i dont want to come off as an uptight prick, im not. personaly i can only date men i am physicaly attracted to even if we're not actualy gonna have sex. and it scares me sometimes when people say you cant have a real relationship without sex, i've had some and they worked..
annongrl why not share some thoughts instead of just giving thumbsup i did mention i thought ur comment earlier was a tad out of place, dont you think? remember guys nothing is black or white, sex does not always mean happiness there IS more to life you know.. IP: Logged |
amowls**
Knowflake Posts: 1911
From:
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted January 17, 2012 01:30 PM
Sex and love aren't mutually exclusive, though (obviously). I don't think sex clouds anything. It's just one facet of a relationship, like communication. Some people would say "I can have a romantic relationship without any mental connection" but that would be kind of absurd (I've actually had that kind of relationship... where mental connection was simply not there but extra sensory FEELINGS were totally in sync, as well as our sex drives... of course it didn't work out, just like if you weren't in sync sexually with someone, it wouldn't work out).Many things go into romantic partnerships, and sex is one of them. We do this thing in western culture, where we reject the physical, but the physical is part of our human existence and just as equal as the rational/logical and the heart. IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Knowflake Posts: 1054
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted January 17, 2012 11:02 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Venus:
i thought most romantic tales of our past and literature had rather "innocent" relationships between lovers
Like porn, I've considered the vast majority of the Romance genre, past and present, to be fantasy and not to be taken as real (though plenty try to live up to it). It's pretty formulaic and often outlandish. Just as a guy shouldn't expect some strange woman to offer to blow him on the spot as frequently happens in porn, neither should a woman expect some wealthy gentleman (or landlord, pirate, executive, etc) who annoys or even threatens her to be tamed (and "innocent") and turn devoted to her whims. It's fun to read, but not what I expect to happen in real life. My having read a guide on how to write romantic fiction only reinforced this view for me. quote:
Originally posted by Venus:
what if you are dating someone who is abstinent, would you simply not peruse the relationship?
Perhaps it's ironic that I have a low sex drive because I guess that's why I'm always the one to be pursued by people who want me (and they have much stronger drives). Since they have a much stronger drive I try to be accommodating to them IF I decide they're worth it (which usually I don't), though my sex drive is such the more sex I have the more I enjoy it (whereas the less I have the less I desire it, which is very convenient). Of course I have all kinds of relationships with people without sex (or sexual chemistry). I call them friends (or relatives, etc). And I'm so close to my BFF (with whom I will never have sex) that my current partner would be a fool to try to come between us. I consider my BFF closer to being a "soul mate" than my lover. Also, I don't need to be in a "relationship" to feel complete the way many other women do, and perhaps this makes a difference as well. But I'll suppose for a moment that someone has shown interest in me as a potential wife, yet doesn't want to have sex until after we are married (and if they don't want to have sex even after that then they're friends, end of story). This seems a very puzzling thing to me, but I've dated plenty of other odd people before so I think I could handle this, if it were presented to me (and it would have to be explained to me or I'd just think of us as friends getting together). I'd be a bit nervous to marry someone for fear of finding we're not sexually compatible, though (unlike others I know) I can be very forgiving of inexperience (as long as there's willingness to learn). That's all I can really say without more details. IP: Logged |
Venus
Moderator Posts: 1569
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted January 18, 2012 01:39 AM
i guess the definition of relationships has changed over time, it must sound absurd to some that say a woman, or a man, saves themselves for marriage.. cant blame them too, just like almost every other value is lost over time.. everything in the media, books, movies, music, art everything screams SEEEEX.. nonetheless it is possible, and also very realistic that two grown adults have a perfect relationship without sex, and that doesnot make it simply a friendship..sex and love are not mutualy exclusive, i agree. thats why i give sex a solid 10% in a relationship  IP: Logged |
JohnFKennedy
Knowflake Posts: 559
From: US
Registered: Aug 2009
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posted January 18, 2012 04:50 PM
It really boggles my mind how people demonize sex on these boards. I really can't even fathom it, and I said this as someone that was once a major prude and waited until she was 20 to have sex (which is archaic when you grow up in Los Angeles, but I digress). Sex is important to me. Why would I continue a relationship with someone that was celibate? Sure, I could absolutely fall in love with them regardless, that goes without saying. But for me to deny a vital part of my human nature in the name of love just doesn't make any sense. I would become miserable over time, and why place unhappiness like that upon the celibate person? Obviously, there's nothing wrong with abstaining from sex (I did it for a very long time), but I understand what my body hungers for and there's nothing terrible in that. I would give sex 75% in a happy relationship, everything else withstanding like similar values, emotional synchronicity, general attraction, humor, etc. IP: Logged |
Venus
Moderator Posts: 1569
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted January 20, 2012 08:56 AM
quote:
Originally posted by JohnFKennedy:
It really boggles my mind how people demonize sex on these boards. .... I would give sex 75% in a happy relationship, everything else withstanding like similar values, emotional synchronicity, general attraction, humor, etc.
1) no one demonized sex on this topic 2) so 75% for sex and 25% for all the rest (?) so if say somewhere in the middle of the relationship your partner becomes incompetent (say for medical reasons that cant be reversed) then you dump his/her a$$ ? IP: Logged |
pandacake
Knowflake Posts: 321
From: Europe
Registered: May 2011
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posted January 20, 2012 09:36 AM
Not important to me so 0%, but I do enjoy it 100%. I see sex as a means to get intimate and show love but it's not the only way. If he isn't able to perform anymore (like due to illness/medicine) it won't be a reason to break up, cheating/betrayal on the other hand ... I will never give up the mental, emotional and spiritual aspect of a relationship just because the physical is lacking. (I'm speaking only for myself though, I know a guy probably has different values & needs ...) IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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