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Author Topic:   I'm 30 and still can't get it right :/
EverEvolvingSpirit
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Posts: 248
From: A Place of Pure Love <3
Registered: Feb 2011

posted February 20, 2011 02:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for EverEvolvingSpirit     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I thought I was tough, intelligent, I thought I understood relationships. I am a sharp Brooklynite, I can spot ******** coming, or at least I thought I could.

If this is so, why did I once again open my heart to the wrong guy. I believed the song and dance (I still do even though they're lies)about loving me, me being the ONE, I not only thought he was the one but knew he was, planning my life around him, being 1000% honest with him always, being his support in all aspects, not taking his sh*t and being tough when need be.

I still got it wrong.

Then I wonder . . . was my family right about being ugly, useless, a bum, no man will ever want or love me.

I think about how my dad was a no show in my life and 8 out of 10 times he disappointed me.

Sigh . . . I don't know anything at all.

But anyway, this man gave me butterflies, made me laugh, understood me like no other man ever has, but obviously *I* wasn't good enough for him. This is how I feel, it all goes back to that.

Miss Ami talked about my *little girl* this morning.

I'm not sure where she is right now. My lover saw a lot of her in the beginning. She yelled, screamed, abused, shut down, she was confused . . . why would anyone love her?

But eventually she extended the olive branch and accepted his love, which always felt good to her.

Why would he endure that with me? This is what had me confused and still does. Go through the motions with me and still cheat?

Anyway, either way I still got it wrong. I was so good before this, didn't care about men or relationships. Now I'm back to the damn drawing board. Sad, heartbroken, confused, angry, let down.

Not very good feelings to have.

I kick myself for finishing my school assignments 3 days earlier, I need something to DIVE in. Now I have to wait until midnight for my new assignments.

Anyway, I feel like, after this I never want to be with anyone again. I know the feeling will pass but the experienced will always go unresolved because he was the first to ever make me feel this way.

So I will always compare. I'd rather be alone and become a cat lady than to be with a guy that doesn't give me butterflies (no offense to cat women, I really meant cat lady from the Simpsons)

30 years old. Still kissing frogs, while all my old classmates on facebook have the love of their lives.
Maybe I'm just fated to be alone.

I sit and wait for his call and feel sick and nervous.

What will he do? Will he fess up or attempt to bullsh*t me?

He's called 12 times since last night. Maybe he's given up. Maybe he knows it's over.

DRAMA, I hate drama. I try to keep my life drama free and now I have drama with someone close to my heart.


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LEXX
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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
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posted February 20, 2011 02:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
EverEvolvingSpirit
Keep talking here please!
I know exactly how you feel, as many here do.

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Lucia23
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posted February 20, 2011 02:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
(((hugs))))

First of all, a Cancer Moon makes us take stuff like this sooo, so, so hard and internalize it and blame ourselves, and connect it to bad-nurturing messages we got in childhood or our mother's patterns.

Second, his behavior isn't about you. (And I'm not saying that in a trite self-help-book way, because I think most behavior in relationships IS relational...I mean I looked at your synastry at one point and I'm talking about what I saw, in my great wisdom as a stranger on the internet )---

His chart shows that he's someone who craves a lot of freedom and fidelity would be a challenge for him, no matter how he felt about his partner or what the relationship was like. Not to say he couldn't do it, it would just be something he would have to really, really, really work hard at...the way Cancer Moons have to work on not beeing clingy and needy and letting our self-esteem hit the toilet.

You are both trying to navigate the relationship. 30 is YOUNG, and you haven't done anything wrong.

As for those happily-settled people on Facebook, when i was 30 I looked like one of those...I'd been with the same great guy for over a decade at that point. He adored me. And I miss having that face to show the world, I miss it so much, but it wasn't a right lifelong match for either of us.

It sucks that you're going through this. And it's hard to understand that these challenges come up even when you're doing your best...that it doesn't mean you got it wrong.

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Lucia23
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posted February 20, 2011 02:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Also it's probably hard for you to understand, because to you, loving someone means you wouldn't cheat on them. But for him, everything he said might have been true and he still could've cheated. Just as even if you love someone, sometimes you still probably fall into the rut of getting weepy and clingy.

That's not to exonerate him AT ALL or to say that he shouldn't lose you over this....if he did cheat, he's not mature enough for a relationship. But in his chart it seems like, unless he's at peak maturity, he could love someone just as much as you love him, and still not manage to fight those tendencies.

We all have challenges in the chart, whether it's Cancer stuff (self-esteem, weeping, overeating, moodiness), Neptune stuff (drugs, other addictions, escapism), Virgo stuff (OCD)....he bumped into a BIG challenge in his. I strongly suspect that this is not about him deciding you aren't "good enough"...that this is a challenge he could've gotten tangled up in even if he thinks you are the best thing that ever happened to him.

I hope you know from my posts to others that this is something I would be honest about, not just try to bolster your self-esteem in a hollow way.

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted February 20, 2011 02:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Baby
YOU are right no matter if he is or he isn't
YOU are.
That is YOUR lesson and all of our lessons
I love you

------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs

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EverEvolvingSpirit
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Posts: 248
From: A Place of Pure Love <3
Registered: Feb 2011

posted February 20, 2011 03:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for EverEvolvingSpirit     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LEXX,
Thanks for telling me that as it's pretty hard for me to open up like this, but I'm desperate for any outlet.

Lucia,
You see me and my situation very clearly. Thank you for this

If fidelity is challenging for him, thats the phucking deal breaker. I asked time and time again to lets be friends because I understand this is long distance and he's a 24 year old man with needs, he always said no, he only wanted me. Why not take the deal I made? Now he forfeits. He can't have me as either.

Ofcourse he knew if he told me it's be over and I still wouldn't be friends with his ass, he knows me too well and I guess he was scared to lose me.

The other night he told me he was in love once before and he phucked it up. He said now that he found it a second time he would never phuck it up and he's doing all the right things with me and being faithful even though I may not always think it.

Why say that?? Is that not plain old manipulation? Or did he honestly mean it? You tell me this while you're with the next b**tch???

I need a gtdmmed cigarette, brb.

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EverEvolvingSpirit
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Posts: 248
From: A Place of Pure Love <3
Registered: Feb 2011

posted February 20, 2011 03:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for EverEvolvingSpirit     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sorry, Ami and Lucia, didn't see those last 2 posts as I was venting in my additional post. Reallly need a cig, so brb.

Ami

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EverEvolvingSpirit
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Posts: 248
From: A Place of Pure Love <3
Registered: Feb 2011

posted February 20, 2011 03:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for EverEvolvingSpirit     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lucia,

I always read your posts and I know you are always 1000% sincere. I treat every word you say as a golden nugget, believe me.

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LEXX
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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
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posted February 20, 2011 03:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

How did you find out?
Did he confess?

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EverEvolvingSpirit
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From: A Place of Pure Love <3
Registered: Feb 2011

posted February 20, 2011 03:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for EverEvolvingSpirit     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
No. He always calls me at night and I usually miss the call as I'm sleeping, and every time I wake up to call him back his phone would go straight to VM, I thought it was dead, until he told me that means he is on the phone.

It was like this every night, late night. Last night for 2 hours laste night, straight to VM.

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rajji
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posted February 21, 2011 02:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for rajji     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by EverEvolvingSpirit:
I thought I was tough, intelligent, I thought I understood relationships. I still got it wrong.

I think about how my dad was a no show in my life and 8 out of 10 times he disappointed me.

Sigh . . . I don't know anything at all.


I kick myself for finishing my school assignments 3 days earlier, I need something to DIVE in. Now I have to wait until midnight for my new assignments.

Anyway, I feel like, after this I never want to be with anyone again. I know the feeling will pass but the experienced will always go unresolved because he was the first to ever make me feel this way.

30 years old. Still kissing frogs, while all my old classmates on facebook have the love of their lives.
Maybe I'm just fated to be alone.


Ees im so sorry for you..OMG ..all your above statements sumhow resonates with mine too..
Im 27 and im going no where..life just feels so stagnant and useless.
Yes Im a cancer moon too...thats y im very fragile and oversensitive and even the slighest off handedness can make me nervous and worried.
Cancer moons will always possess that fragile little girl quality to them.
All my friends are married ,settled, happy and smiling.
I dont take relationships like everybody do..for me if im hurt once i will never again dare to venture into that arena no matter what.
Yes i dont understand how could the same man who made us go bonkers once upon a time has the guts to leave us or rather play with our feelings on the pretext of so called bitten by love bug experiments! just like that.
I think its because words are only words for them.
If relationships were that easy..dump one and find another one and blame it on the fate..I would have been settled long back.
Ive reached a stage where i can never fall in love again...falling in love for me is not going to happen in the beginning but rather in the end from now on.
If relationships are all about separation then i would prefer being alone.
But yeah times like these make us strong..its good in a way..that human nature can be understood.
And every time it happens we grow more mature and the chances of being cheated only becomes less and less.
Have courage and be strong enough to hold yourself up together...life dosent end..it has to go on.. no matter what.

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EverEvolvingSpirit
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Posts: 248
From: A Place of Pure Love <3
Registered: Feb 2011

posted February 21, 2011 02:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for EverEvolvingSpirit     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you, Rajji.
I'm glad you can resonate with what I have written as it was from a very vulnerable place in my heart.

I know I will be ok, I just hurt. Alot.

No amount of cigarettes take away the stress.

I can't even eat (I'm a Cancer moon foodie so that is saying something) I usually eat when I stress.

I hate this feeling, nothing much I can do but endure it

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charmainec
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From: on the other side of the rainbow
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posted February 21, 2011 09:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for charmainec     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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PlutoSquared
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posted February 21, 2011 09:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PlutoSquared     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
EEvolvingS,

I think you're too good to stay in a relationship with a guy who would rather cheat, than respectfully breakup/work problems out with his partner.

The worst part of a breakup is losing the dream. The easy part afterwards is accepting the reality that the person you fell in love with wasn't so "dreamy" after all.

Take care of yourself.

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LEXX
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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 21, 2011 09:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Stawr
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From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010

posted February 21, 2011 11:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"30 years old. Still kissing frogs, while all my old classmates on facebook have the love of their lives."

Oh yes, some people are good at making their lives look perfect and fabulous on fb.

Here is a funny web article that cosmo did about people who are good at making their lives seem perfect on fb. I love it! It's so funny, so harsh, and so true.

"You know those friends who post endlessly about how unbelievably awesome their lives are? Don’t buy the hype. We translate what their updates are actually saying."
"With all that bragging, it’s no wonder a Stanford University study found that social networking sites create feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction. The reason? Since we generally use FB to report only on the good things we have going on, reading status updates makes you think everyone else is happier and having more fun than you are. Rarely do we hear about people getting dumped via text or see photos of them looking like a zombie after a long Monday. Rather, we get news about their exciting career and relationship developments, and see pics of them looking their hottest."

"The Type: In a Relationship and Flaunting It

Profile Picture: A close up of her boyfriend kissing her on the cheek. That she took herself.

Status: Above an uploaded picture of a dozen roses: “Flowers from the sweetest boyfriend in the world. ♥”

Translation: Did you hear? I have a boyfriend. So not a big deal or anything but I just wanted everyone to know that I’m not some single loser and I have one. A boyfriend, that is.

The Type: The Easy-Breezy New Mommy

Profile Picture: Her totes adorbs bundle of joy

Status: Everyone told me I was going to get zero sleep these first few months of parenthood, but little Matty is just so amazing and lets his Momma get eight solid hours every single night!

Translation: Lack of zzzs has made me delusional to the point that I really think this is true. Did I also mention that Little Matty was born potty-trained and bilingual? Yup-sir-ee!"

Read more if you like http://www.cosmopolitan.com/advice/tips/most-annoying-facebook-users-behaviors

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EverEvolvingSpirit
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Posts: 248
From: A Place of Pure Love <3
Registered: Feb 2011

posted February 21, 2011 11:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for EverEvolvingSpirit     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
EEvolvingS,

I think you're too good to stay in a relationship with a guy who would rather cheat, than respectfully breakup/work problems out with his partner.

The worst part of a breakup is losing the dream. The easy part afterwards is accepting the reality that the person you fell in love with wasn't so "dreamy" after all.

Take care of yourself.


PS Thank you. I feel the same.

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EverEvolvingSpirit
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Posts: 248
From: A Place of Pure Love <3
Registered: Feb 2011

posted February 21, 2011 11:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for EverEvolvingSpirit     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Stawr:
"30 years old. Still kissing frogs, while all my old classmates on facebook have the love of their lives."

Oh yes, some people are good at making their lives look perfect and fabulous on fb.

Here is a funny web article that cosmo did about people who are good at making their lives seem perfect on fb. I love it! It's so funny, so harsh, and so true.

"You know those friends who post endlessly about how unbelievably awesome their lives are? Don’t buy the hype. We translate what their updates are actually saying."
"With all that bragging, it’s no wonder a Stanford University study found that social networking sites create feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction. The reason? Since we generally use FB to report only on the good things we have going on, reading status updates makes you think everyone else is happier and having more fun than you are. Rarely do we hear about people getting dumped via text or see photos of them looking like a zombie after a long Monday. Rather, we get news about their exciting career and relationship developments, and see pics of them looking their hottest."

"The Type: In a Relationship and Flaunting It

Profile Picture: A close up of her boyfriend kissing her on the cheek. That she took herself.

Status: Above an uploaded picture of a dozen roses: “Flowers from the sweetest boyfriend in the world. ♥”

Translation: Did you hear? I have a boyfriend. So not a big deal or anything but I just wanted everyone to know that I’m not some single loser and I have one. A boyfriend, that is.

The Type: The Easy-Breezy New Mommy

Profile Picture: Her totes adorbs bundle of joy

Status: Everyone told me I was going to get zero sleep these first few months of parenthood, but little Matty is just so amazing and lets his Momma get eight solid hours every single night!

Translation: Lack of zzzs has made me delusional to the point that I really think this is true. Did I also mention that Little Matty was born potty-trained and bilingual? Yup-sir-ee!"

Read more if you like http://www.cosmopolitan.com/advice/tips/most-annoying-facebook-users-behaviors


LoL this is funny! Makes me not feel so bad about the fb atleast. All my fb people know that I post the good bad and ugly lol well, maybe not the ugly but I'm pretty real

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted February 21, 2011 11:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
EES

------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs

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Lucia23
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posted February 21, 2011 12:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
I dont take relationships like everybody do..for me if im hurt once i will never again dare to venture into that arena no matter what.

Rajji, your post made me want to talk about all sorts of Cancer Moon women stuff...I'm starting a thread in the astrology 2.0 section so I don't go off-topic here.

EES, I hope you're doing okay. And you're sure it's over? I hate to ask, but it sounds murky, like it's all long-distance and you called late at night and he was on the phone?

You don't have to give details--but you're saying you're 100% sure he did betray you? If that's true, I'm so so sorry--it sounded like a nice thing.

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GypseeWind
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From: Dayton,Ohio USA
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posted February 21, 2011 02:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Aww, Bless you, sweetheart.
I can't add much more, other than it does get so much better with age.
It really does!

And of course, the passing of time.
Just think of it as if you've made way for the 'real one' to come into your life now.

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EverEvolvingSpirit
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From: A Place of Pure Love <3
Registered: Feb 2011

posted February 21, 2011 05:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for EverEvolvingSpirit     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
:/

It was murky.

I jumped to conclusions. Feel kinda dumb

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Lucia23
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posted February 21, 2011 06:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Awww...but does that mean everything's okay now?! Or still murky?

I'm still wishing for a happy ending to this story.

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EverEvolvingSpirit
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Posts: 248
From: A Place of Pure Love <3
Registered: Feb 2011

posted February 21, 2011 06:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for EverEvolvingSpirit     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It's ok. I jumped to conclusions again, as I do with him often, and feel very small.

He asked me if my acting out had to do with the "talk" we had and if I was trying to sabotage the relationship because I can't handle it.

I insisted no, but now I have to second guess.

He called me 15 times that night, I refused to pick up because I wanted to believe what I wanted to believe.

He said even though he was upset with me he still prayed for me, my son and for he and I every night.

I feel . . . I dunno what to feel.

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EverEvolvingSpirit
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From: A Place of Pure Love <3
Registered: Feb 2011

posted February 21, 2011 06:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for EverEvolvingSpirit     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The ending is happy. The fact is I am deeply in love with him and am so scared that I created a scenario without even talking to him about any of it.

I do that alot, because I'm always waiting for a phuck up.

My head still friggin hurts from all this, but I brought it all on myself.

Ami,
I put you through a ringer these past 2 days and you stood by your original opinion of us above all my craziness. Thank you

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