posted February 25, 2011 06:58 PM            

Planning on looking into gooberz or star signs eventualy but I have neither.

posted February 25, 2011 08:40 PM            

I want to do over the past by making the present change in ways that make me jump in to empty pools and swim like there is no tomorrow--swim and swim and swim while I am lying on the concrete in a pool of tears.

posted February 26, 2011 09:05 PM            

One night, some years ago, but not too many (and not for the first time) 1, too, decided to seek oblivion. It seemed to me to be a country mile more intriguing, not to mention more peaceful, than continuing to swim around, trying to stay afloat and avoid the sharks in the chaotic waters of confusion threatening to drown me, in both a personal and general sense, you know? I kept thinking about what a bitter acquaintance of mine had said: "There are only two kinds of people in the world -- ******** and victims." It wasn't hard to figure which group I belonged in.

Since I don't have what it takes to be in the first group, and I was weary of being in the second group, it made sense to go somewhere else where there was another club to join -- where neither of the other two existed. I wasn't sure of the directions to wherever it was I would be going after I was dead, but I wasn't sure of the directions here either, where, just when you think you've learned the rules, it's halftime . . . change sides.

Actually the reasons aren't important. God knows there are whole bushel baskets of them to choose from, right? I was living in New York at the time. (That's one good reason right there!)

I had read an ad in the paper about a telephone number for a suicide prevention group called "Why Kill Yourself?" (WKY.) So I dialed the number, having decided I was checking out for sure, but curious to see if anyone had a logical argument against my decision. It was a Sunday morning. Gloomy Sunday.

The phone rang several times, then a tape-recorded message was activated, and a pleasant male voice with a southern accent spoke these words: "Good morning! This is one of your friends you've never met. We're really interested in talking with you about why you want to die. Please call us back Monday through Friday, between ten A.M. and four P.M. Next Thursday is Thanksgiving, so we'll be closed all day. Bye!

I burst out laughing. I couldn't control myself, it was hilarious. Then I walked over to the mirror, and gazed at my face looking back at me, without realizing it, also staring into my Third Eye, which I later figured is why I seem to get all of my best ideas when I'm staring into the mirror, washing my face, brushing my hair or teeth or applying makeup. Has that happened to you ? (If you're a boy or a man . . . like, when you're shaving or blow- drying your beard?)

Well, anyway, I spoke aloud to my mirror image. "Look, knucklehead, now that you know you can't take off on a permanent astral trip (assuming you want to debate the travel plans with someone first) before ten in the morning or after four in the afternoon -- and never on weekends or holidays, why don't you hang out a little longer and see if this (expletive deleted) pineapple-upside-down-cake-freaked-out world has any more laughs to offer? Don't cancel trip to the cemetery, just postpone it, and who knows ? Maybe the Universe will abracadabra your own Guru in MacArthur Park to tell you why someone left the cake out in the rain, and help you remember the recipe so you can bake a new one." I did -- and it did.

The cake wasn't really ruined, just a little damp. And I found more laughs too. In fact, I discovered there's more to laugh about than to cry about in this lunatic asylum where the wise ones are locked up (people protesting nuclear madness) and the really flaky ones are running around free. Then I was absorbed in the challenge of how to reverse or Trust me.

Anyhow, people forget funerals so quickly today, probably because they have trouble separating the real deaths from the ones in the movies and on TV. They all just kind of blend together, consequently they don't have the same shock effect they used to have. So those callous creeps you want to know how miserable you are won't even get the message. They'll just expect you to pop back up, like Bobby Ewing Dallas, your dramatic farewell gesture and (admit it) bid for some genuine sympathy just a part of somebody else's dream. It's a weird world today, that's for sure. But weirdness can be fascinating if you keep your sense of humor. Besides, look what you're doing to the whales and dolphins. Who else is going to learn how to talk to them if you don't ?

Wander around this Wonderland the way Alice did in the slithy toves, rap with caterpillars puffing on their hookahs, zonk the Red Queen and help the Mad Hatter resolve his Time hang-up by setting his pocket watch for the Eternal Now. Alice had a ball, she did, as everything grew curiouser and curiouser. So can you.

posted March 01, 2011 12:14 PM            

These are the times when the Soul needs so badly to re-member

Hugs to you Lexx

posted March 01, 2011 12:40 PM            

You seem to have it all together now. I would never have guessed you ever would have not. Thanks for sharing that.

posted March 01, 2011 03:59 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
I've contemplated several ways of doing it, when the feelings were strong. I still find myself wishing, at times, that something would just happen, so that I wouldn't be tempted to do it myself. Two reasons I haven't done it: my family, and that I don't think my life is supposed to actually end that way. (I'm thinking of those books about the after-life in which people under regression, speak of how a solution or a better way for them, was right around the corner.)

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posted March 01, 2011 05:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
FQ:

You seem to have it all together now. I would never have guessed you ever would have not. Thanks for sharing that.

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Thanks Randall It's the Scorpio stellium, you'd guess but you'd never Know...makes interaction a bit of a pain you-know-where

I'm glad I'm okay now, infact I'm doing better than okay

posted March 02, 2011 04:21 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MyFavoriteWeapon:
I have been contemplating suicide for the past few weeks, the only thing keeping me from it is seeing pictures of bodies when I was looking into mortuary sciences, other than that I dont have much of a will to live.

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MFW...dont you say that...sometimes life seems sooo meaningless..it seems the same to me too...but i know this phase will pass..keep saying it to yourself too..people like you and me are not alone..god created us for a reason which will not be revealed unto us untill the time is nigh. It's amazing the way your current feelings seem like they'll last forever and always have, even though you know intellectually that it isn't true.
Keep telling yourself one day im going to smile! and youll regret those suicidal tendencies for sure!
Yes nothing is easy but nothing is permanent also! everything has a cycle of its own..sometimes its spring and sometimes its winter...i like winter and you might like spring..its a matter of choice..god sure knows we are strong hearted that is why he keeps testing us to see if we are worthy enough of this journey that he has given each of us..just embrace it..and you will be blessed in heaven if not in earth..i believe there is heaven and i know committing suicide is not the shortcut to reach it but fulfilling my souls purpose here on earth can only speeden up the process and eventually open our doors to heaven.
Hugs!

posted March 02, 2011 05:07 AM            

Don't worry, most experience and go through that phase.

What matters is that we get through it.I experienced this about two years ago after an accident and recovery at the time seemed like a lost cause.It was the lowest point in my life yet I pushed through and so glad I did It's part of our soul testing.

posted March 08, 2011 04:50 PM            

Personally, I figure that I know nothing of death, and that there is no reason to assume anything. Therefor, there is no reason to assume it is more ideal than life, however unideal life may seem to be.