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Author Topic:   For Men, Look But Dont Touch
hippichick
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posted August 26, 2011 01:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It is an honest thing for a man to say, "I look, I flirt, but I only love you and I would never cheat on you...."

I have also heard it is natural to have crushes on other women, and it is natural to see a hot chick, want to (you know what her) but not due to the guilt it would cause.

Personally, being a female, I have never had to restrain myself, I just dont want to, just plain no transient desires.

When I am inlove I dont look, dont want to!

Is is a testosterone thing?

thanks!!!

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hippichick
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posted August 26, 2011 04:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
K, think I am answering my own question, here.

Does the sight of a woman merely bring up the idea of sex, and the man may be inclined to do so, but not necessarially with the object in view?

Ever learning the other gender!

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LEXX
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posted August 26, 2011 04:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Moving this to Sweet Peas In The Rain.

------------------
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
}><}}('>~

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hippichick
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posted August 26, 2011 04:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sorry Lexx, forget somtimes about these new, wonderful threads!

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LEXX
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posted August 26, 2011 04:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hippichick:
Sorry Lexx, forget somtimes about these new, wonderful threads!

I forget at times too then have to move my own threads!
{{{hugs}}}

------------------
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
}><}}('>~

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Chahldean
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posted August 26, 2011 05:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chahldean     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Halo Hippichick

The Spear and the Shield.
The age old dilemma of Venus and Mars.

If I may....

I believe Sexual Attraction is innate and Primal.
All Human Beings are hardwired to procreate
and sex is the medium of exchange in that respect.
However, over the many years of the
S L O W Evolution
of our species, we have develop many levels of attraction( and psychosis) and
desire based on this basic premise.
These Minds games we have developed
are all based in the Core belief of the
simple continuance of our Species.

Whether any One wants to admit it or not...
the first thought that comes to any One's mind
when encountering another Human Being (of their sexual preference) is:
" Would I have sex with that person?"

It is a flash thought but happens instantaneously.

Because men are the "projective" gender
they think longer and harder about such matters
(no pun intended ) and contemplate this issue more than women, I believe.

If the answer is no, we move forward as platonic friends and seek a casual and healthy friendship with that person, or not. The friction is released.

If the answer is yes in our minds,the friction begins to stimulate the our libido and
we then ask ourselves, "how? and when?"
beginning the neverending discourse of courting, flirting and dating and hopefully execution to answer our quest-ion and attain fulfillment of that desire. IT can be quite mentally exhausting at times.

Certainly Love
does not enter the equation
at the initial point of our encounter.
We may Love the idea of loving that person or the idea itself but not the actual person at this point.

Sex is not Love.
It can Be and most likely should be.
But primally, I believe all men at least
desire the former over the latter
upon the first encounter.

What happens in a Woman's Mind I cannot tell you.
It is one of the Whirled's most coveted Mysteries.

Perhaps One can share it hear?


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Randall
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posted August 26, 2011 05:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Men are visual. It's how we are hard-wired. It really can't be changed. Women can be visual to an extent, but they base decisions (including whether they like someone) on how they feel.

------------------
"To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing." Aristotle

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dysfunctionalmystic
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posted August 26, 2011 05:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for dysfunctionalmystic     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm a girl...but upon first meeting with a man my first thought is always "do I want to have sex with this person", it's usually a no but I will admit that its always my first thought.

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LEXX
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posted August 26, 2011 05:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hippichick
Great topic by the way!
I will return as soon as possible to comment.

------------------
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
}><}}('>~

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Voix_de_la_Mer
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posted August 26, 2011 06:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Voix_de_la_Mer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Erm, I am not generally unfaithful, and if I am heart, body and soul in tune with the person I am with I will not stray.
I've only ever felt this once, and it wasn't even real (puppy love - total committment, while he humped my friends!).

Since then, because I have been unable to create the depth of relationship I crave (and won't settle for less for long), my eye and mind wander.
If I catch myself in time before I lose the plot, I can break the relationship off and go spread my scent (this is not a euphemism for casual sex - I mean literally).
On the occasion I linger too long in a relationship that isn't deep enough for me (only happened twice), I have been unfaithful, and then I have to break the relationship off - unfaithfulness on any part is a dealbreaker for me, whether mine, or the others'.

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starfox
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posted August 26, 2011 06:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for starfox     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh yeah, we love to look at all the women around.

It doesn't mean that we deem you any less by looking at another women.

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dysfunctionalmystic
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posted August 26, 2011 06:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for dysfunctionalmystic     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Voix I am very much like that also...and even if I think I'm happy/content if my eye wanders I know in my heart it's a sign.

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hippichick
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posted August 26, 2011 06:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
O, my goodness, All your replies are awesome!

Thank you so much!!!

Will address personally in the am!

blessings N

t~~~

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Voix_de_la_Mer
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posted August 26, 2011 07:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Voix_de_la_Mer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh, I just noticed this was for men - d'oh! Sorry, I am regarded as female, have all the bits and all that, although I consider myself simply 'human' ... most of the time

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Voix_de_la_Mer
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posted August 26, 2011 07:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Voix_de_la_Mer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by dysfunctionalmystic:
Voix I am very much like that also...and even if I think I'm happy/content if my eye wanders I know in my heart it's a sign.

Yeah, me too. Hence why I spend more time out of relationships than in them - they never feel connected enough to stay.

I've given up on relationships for the time being anyway, so predictable, I',m fed-up with getting fed-up, and breaking up!

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Malena
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posted August 26, 2011 10:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Malena     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
Men are visual. It's how we are hard-wired. It really can't be changed. Women can be visual to an extent, but they base decisions (including whether they like someone) on how they feel.


I just want to say there is also social conditioning.

Men who check out lots of women are behaving "naturally" and "studly" and "acting on instinct," and it's accepted.

Women who check out lots of men are labeled as "loose", "promiscuous," and other words I can't get past the language filter.

So I think you are less likely to see women in real life admit to this; or a lot of women buy into this social conditioning so much that they can't even admit it to themselves.

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sand
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posted August 26, 2011 11:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sand     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
honestly i never look at other women. i was probably so oblivious about my partner anyway before we got together. same thing with others i guess. except now they have my attention so it kinda stays there.

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wavelink
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posted August 29, 2011 10:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for wavelink     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hehe, nice topic.

Coz u females are not jealous at all it shouldn't be a problem.
Unless left hanging (emotionally, materially, all) of course.

Any gal has own threshold, a certain needs she definitely wants met n experienced.
Before these are done she looks like very jealous n possessive.

But at some lvl of satisfaction, even more - having her love horizons expanded > enters another dimension.
Becoming very playful n open minded.


At that point she'll start having hunches of sorts that love & the guys are too great to be caged forever, etc.
Or that she actually won't mind at all if some lovely she-other joins the party


But definitely no man should dare to look at other females before that natural moment.

He'll be stupid if do anyways.

So, hippichick the proper question should be:

how are u feeling about that

~imo~

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charmainec
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posted August 30, 2011 03:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for charmainec     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Most times there is a double standard. Men want to look and flirt and it's ok for them because after all, they're men right? They expect you understand that it's just how they are. Reverse the roles and it's a problem.

Once, I heard a guy stating that he flirts to see if he still has 'it' and how far he can take the flirting, i.e. see if he can get the girl interested in him.

Anyhow, that is my two cents for now.

------------------

quote:
Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.

Linda Goodman

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Randall
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posted August 30, 2011 10:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Men are hard-wired to be visual, but the flirting is a choice. Being nice to people can be viewed as casual flirting, and both sexes do that. Sometimes it's just nice to feel attractive (especially for females). Casual flirting isn't a problem for me when it's my girl. After all, I'm the one who has her. But heavy flirting is when it becomes a problem.

------------------
"To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing." Aristotle

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Rishifter
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posted August 30, 2011 06:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Rishifter     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was in love with a girl who was very open with me about everything. We used to talk about what's attractive in another girls quite freely. She, in fact, told me once that it was okay if I felt like sleeping with someone else and even did it, as long as I didn't tell her that. I was surprised and realized that she must be just testing me. I don't like to play games and I just told her, in total honesty, that just the fact that she'd tell me that made me value her a lot and it actually made me want to think less of other women and think more of her. Any guys out there relate with that?

------------------
Love.

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charmainec
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posted August 31, 2011 01:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for charmainec     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
There's a difference between being friendly and casual flirting. And it's not ok when it's hurting another person.

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LEXX
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posted August 31, 2011 06:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hippichick:
It is an honest thing for a man to say, "I look, I flirt, but I only love you and I would never cheat on you...."

I have also heard it is natural to have crushes on other women, and it is natural to see a hot chick, want to (you know what her) but not due to the guilt it would cause.


No
I do NOT believe in those situations that he is being honest.
On at least some level he is expressing sexual desire and I feel,
it is as you said, guilt that might make him not cheat, but he will then or in time, come to resent/regret having to deny his urges.
Also, if given a sure clear chance, not get caught.........he will cheat. Pure and simple, if he is looking with sexual desire and intent, he wants to have that experience
even if he is in a relationship.
So I have never been in a relationship where I demanded or expected faithfulness.
I am now at a point where....
you want or have desires for other women and or men?
Go ahead! When if you are ready for just me, we will talk.
But go out of your way to attract sexual attention, actually seeking it, and or returning flirts you did not initiate,
in a way that makes it clear, if you felt you would not get caught, that you would indeed have a sexual tryst.
You are not ready for a relationship with one person.
And if guilt that you would hurt the other person is the only thing that stops you;
then again you are not ready for love and monogamy.


quote:
Originally posted by dysfunctionalmystic:
Voix I am very much like that also...and even if I think I'm happy/content if my eye wanders I know in my heart it's a sign.
Yes I too feel it is a sign that something is amiss in a relationship if the attraction to the "eye candy" brings on real sexual desire, and the added desire to actually pursue the person for a sexual encounter.
I do appreciate looking but I look at everyone, men, women, attractive, unattractive.
It matters not.
I see them through the eyes of an artist.
Studies in the diversity of the human bioform.
I will wonder what they look like in the nude but rarely in a sexual way.
I look at others as I would any Earth animal, and humans are indeed just another bio form on Earth, no more no less than lets say, a tiger.
I appreciate the lines, the form at rest and in motion.
My mind often goes into a kind of analytical mode and I even ponder their skeletal structure.
So no, my first thought would be;
Is he/she intelligent?
What do they think about,
what is their life passion?
How old are they?
Do they feel they are attractive or unattractive?
Until I have some idea of what kind of clear idea what the inner person is like,
well, my sexual desire is just not there.
Oh sure, if they initiate the flirting, I often will respond with a smile.
However except for a thank you but no thank you, or thanks for the compliment.........flattery alone will not work on me to the extent of feeling sexual desire I would want to act upon.
When I was in my wild youth, yes, I looked for folks to have sexual trysts with.
However, that was the premeditated goal.
On general day to day person by person contact with people, no, my first thoughts are not sexual, but analytical (what is this person like?) and an artist's eye view.
If my premeditated goal was to acquire sex, then yes, I looked.
However if in a relationship where my needs were met, I would not have wandering eyes
geared towards flirting sexually.
And since solo taking care of my needs is much simpler, eliminates the dramas and the dangers. Well, I see no purpose to engage in sexual desire based flirting.
To me, anyone who does so is on some level indeed on a hunt for sexual gratification, whether they do act upon said desires or not.
So it is to me about the reasons behind flirting, be it men and or women.
For example;
If a man initiates the looking/flirting,
then he is indeed giving thought to having sex and is NOT ready for monogamy yet, and if already in a relationship, then he is looking for something better, different, but end goal is sex.
If a woman looks/flirts, and the man responds with appreciation but makes it clear, thanks but no thanks, that man may be ready for or is already in a happy relationship.
If he responds with flirting then it becomes a game to see how far both will take it.
That is fine if both are not yet in a relationship but either or both are already in relationship(s)then there is something amiss in the relationship(s) that made them seek out others for sex, and or a sign of low to no self esteem if he/she requires the rush of being openly desired by others especially when its only about the sex.
Being mutually desired by the one you love is far superior to the flirting/sexual desire betwixt others.
------------------
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
}><}}('>~

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charmainec
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posted August 31, 2011 09:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for charmainec     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lexx

------------------

quote:
Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.

Linda Goodman

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LEXX
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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
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posted August 31, 2011 12:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by charmainec:
Lexx


Charmane

------------------
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
}><}}('>~

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