posted September 10, 2011 09:37 AM            

i've been going through the most internally struggling phase of my life..

i don't get the point of any of it.

i'm single,
i have lots to be thankful for.
i am...

i just don't know why the hell the piper should be thanking anyone for his being able to pipe.

seriously.

what is the point of it because i see just a rat race.. things going over and over themselves over and over again with the false hope of something at the end usually excused through religion..

not even economically can the pretense be kept up.

posted September 10, 2011 09:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Taineberry:
Hey Tux, you sound so Down! Don't worry, you are not meant to achieve anything - what you choose to do with your time is irrelevant, how you choose to experience it is much more important. The only thing that is real can be found when you relax, be present right now, and try to connect with the part of you that is pure love and connected to our shared source.

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posted September 10, 2011 08:21 PM            

For me, the point of life is to live for the people you love. The people I love make me want to live. I don't have many friends right now, and I've lost many friends along the way for whatever reason, but I'll always remember them. Right now I have maybe two or three friends that I really love deeply, and just one who inspires me to be the best I can be because I feel so loved by him <3. But I remember the friends I've loved from my past, and I also live for them. Whenever I'm down I remember their silliness and how happy it made me to see them smile, and how much it broke my heart to see them sad. And how awesome it is that people like that who i find so easy to love are out there, and that i could easily meet someone like that and not lose touch with them and become good friends. And i remember the positive spirit of a few friends of mine. I think "He wouldn't have given up." and when i need recharge time i think "Well, she would've cried right now even if it was in front of everyone. She wouldnt be hiding her emotions. I need to accept myself as I am and accept that its okay to not be happy sometimes." or she wouldve replied to this situation with sweetness and forgiveness, she wouldve handled it like a lady. So then i do the same.

but mostly what keeps me going is the thought that i will meet someone i love as much as the people i have loved in my life.

No one knows how much certain people i have met affect me in my everyday life. It's great to feel inspired by them and their example, and the love they once gave me and others.

posted September 12, 2011 03:48 AM            

Why do I feel like crap when everything else in my life is looking up and going great? Finally my health has improved - well, Saturday was a minor relapse but it's ok now. Before when I was struggling with it so bad, I wanted to quit many times. I'd think of just giving up and not taking the insulin but still tough it out.

Now I'm consumed with sadness without being able to pin point what it is. Saturday, when I got so sick, I felt unloved, although logically it isn't true. So what the heck is wrong with me?

posted September 12, 2011 04:44 AM            

have you heard Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here? something you said reminded me of the lyrics "..we're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.."

coincidently, that song was written for a former member of the band who had a drug problem, so drugs are never the answer, and you cant find what your looking for there..

posted September 12, 2011 08:57 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by charmainec:
I find myself asking this same question lately. I know what my mentor's reply will but I find no comfort in it (no disrespect to him).

Why do I feel like crap when everything else in my life is looking up and going great? Finally my health has improved - well, Saturday was a minor relapse but it's ok now. Before when I was struggling with it so bad, I wanted to quit many times. I'd think of just giving up and not taking the insulin but still tough it out.

Now I'm consumed with sadness without being able to pin point what it is. Saturday, when I got so sick, I felt unloved, although logically it isn't true. So what the heck is wrong with me?

Urgh! Why am I even posting this here.

---

posted September 12, 2011 02:42 PM            

I was thinking about this today.... How i've encountered so many people who've confessed to me that they feel lonely. They said even after hanging out with their friends they feel lonely. Like no one really cares. So many people have told me about having lots of friends...even close friends, and still feeling lonely. I can totally relate to those feelings. Lately I have been surroundig myself with people i dont really care for just so i can have some friends, but i realized soon after hanging out with them it only makes me feel lonelier.

I remember the few times in my life when i disnt feel lonely, and that's when i was close to people i really cared about. These people i truly cared about and truly felt loved by and completely trusted. That's why i felt so good. I realized it doesnt help to be friends with someoneu dont feel close to...it's not good because it'll only make you feel more like nobody will understand you, only make you feel lonelier. I realized that being by myself and alienating myself from people for an entire year, it finally hit me that no matter the age it will never be too late to make friends. That it's better to feel close to myself inside and not worry so much about making friends with ppl i dont really care about instead. Now i let it come naturally. I know right away the people i really care about, and i always have. And i also know right away the people who feel alien to me...who i feel we may never understand.

So now i keep in mind that it's futile to force friendships, and I just let people come to me. It's either we had a connection or we didnt...and i know the truth deep inside. "A friend will know you better the moment they meet you, than an acquaintance will in a thousand years." --I live by that quote. And that's how I feel. Now i try to surround myself with less acquaintances....and more friends. People i feel truly connected with. People who inspre and revitalize me ...like those mentioned above in my other post. You know...the ones who i "love".. the ones who i "live for?"

posted September 13, 2011 09:50 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tuxedoMask:
i don't get the point of any of it.

---

posted September 13, 2011 02:07 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tuxedoMask:
i just don't understand it, mostly.

i've been going through the most internally struggling phase of my life..

i don't get the point of any of it.

i'm single,
i have lots to be thankful for.
i am...

i just don't know why the hell the piper should be thanking anyone for his being able to pipe.

seriously.

what is the point of it because i see just a rat race.. things going over and over themselves over and over again with the false hope of something at the end usually excused through religion..

not even economically can the pretense be kept up.

what the hell are we doing???????????

---

posted September 13, 2011 02:23 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by charmainec:
I find myself asking this same question lately. I know what my mentor's reply will but I find no comfort in it (no disrespect to him).

Why do I feel like crap when everything else in my life is looking up and going great? Finally my health has improved - well, Saturday was a minor relapse but it's ok now. Before when I was struggling with it so bad, I wanted to quit many times. I'd think of just giving up and not taking the insulin but still tough it out.

Now I'm consumed with sadness without being able to pin point what it is. Saturday, when I got so sick, I felt unloved, although logically it isn't true. So what the heck is wrong with me?

Urgh! Why am I even posting this here.

---

posted September 14, 2011 03:47 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by RunAroundScreaming:
Thank you, LEXX!
hugs for you

I was thinking about this today.... How i've encountered so many people who've confessed to me that they feel lonely. They said even after hanging out with their friends they feel lonely. Like no one really cares. So many people have told me about having lots of friends...even close friends, and still feeling lonely. I can totally relate to those feelings. Lately I have been surroundig myself with people i dont really care for just so i can have some friends, but i realized soon after hanging out with them it only makes me feel lonelier.

I remember the few times in my life when i disnt feel lonely, and that's when i was close to people i really cared about. These people i truly cared about and truly felt loved by and completely trusted. That's why i felt so good. I realized it doesnt help to be friends with someoneu dont feel close to...it's not good because it'll only make you feel more like nobody will understand you, only make you feel lonelier. I realized that being by myself and alienating myself from people for an entire year, it finally hit me that no matter the age it will never be too late to make friends. That it's better to feel close to myself inside and not worry so much about making friends with ppl i dont really care about instead. Now i let it come naturally. I know right away the people i really care about, and i always have. And i also know right away the people who feel alien to me...who i feel we may never understand.

So now i keep in mind that it's futile to force friendships, and I just let people come to me. It's either we had a connection or we didnt...and i know the truth deep inside. "A friend will know you better the moment they meet you, than an acquaintance will in a thousand years." --I live by that quote. And that's how I feel. Now i try to surround myself with less acquaintances....and more friends. People i feel truly connected with. People who inspre and revitalize me ...like those mentioned above in my other post. You know...the ones who i "love".. the ones who i "live for?"

=) yeah.

---

posted September 14, 2011 03:54 PM            

one 'thing' i found in this void is the reason why we cannot be happy even if our own lives seem to be 'going so well'

because...in reality...who am I? who are YOU?

can we truly be at peace when horrible things are happening to ANYONE in the world?

posted September 14, 2011 04:09 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by RunAroundScreaming:
Thank you, LEXX!
hugs for you

I was thinking about this today.... How i've encountered so many people who've confessed to me that they feel lonely. They said even after hanging out with their friends they feel lonely. Like no one really cares. So many people have told me about having lots of friends...even close friends, and still feeling lonely. I can totally relate to those feelings. Lately I have been surroundig myself with people i dont really care for just so i can have some friends, but i realized soon after hanging out with them it only makes me feel lonelier.

I remember the few times in my life when i disnt feel lonely, and that's when i was close to people i really cared about. These people i truly cared about and truly felt loved by and completely trusted. That's why i felt so good. I realized it doesnt help to be friends with someoneu dont feel close to...it's not good because it'll only make you feel more like nobody will understand you, only make you feel lonelier. I realized that being by myself and alienating myself from people for an entire year, it finally hit me that no matter the age it will never be too late to make friends. That it's better to feel close to myself inside and not worry so much about making friends with ppl i dont really care about instead. Now i let it come naturally. I know right away the people i really care about, and i always have. And i also know right away the people who feel alien to me...who i feel we may never understand.

So now i keep in mind that it's futile to force friendships, and I just let people come to me. It's either we had a connection or we didnt...and i know the truth deep inside. "A friend will know you better the moment they meet you, than an acquaintance will in a thousand years." --I live by that quote. And that's how I feel. Now i try to surround myself with less acquaintances....and more friends. People i feel truly connected with. People who inspre and revitalize me ...like those mentioned above in my other post. You know...the ones who i "love".. the ones who i "live for?"

=) yeah.

---