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Author Topic:   Manipulation
RegardesPlatero
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posted January 20, 2012 04:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for RegardesPlatero     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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pandacake
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posted January 20, 2012 05:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pandacake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If a person is friendly/kind to you only to ask for favors (in the form of information, service or money) not much later.

Because of the "relation" you have established with them you might feel to guilty to say no. After you've done the favor they disappear or suddenly turn cold to you. If this happens repeatedly, I think it's manipulation.

If you say no, they might turn vile and badmouth you to the people you care. No matter how friendly and sincere they seem on the surface, they're basically parasites. Never judge the book by the pretty cover alone, trust your instinct. If you don't trust them completely, it's better to be a bit more distant so you can get a better picture of them.

If a person is draining your energy or is somehow making you feel negative, it's best to stay away too when possible.

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RegardesPlatero
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posted January 22, 2012 06:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for RegardesPlatero     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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LEXX
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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
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posted January 22, 2012 06:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by pandacake:
If a person is friendly/kind to you only to ask for favors (in the form of information, service or money) not much later.

Because of the "relation" you have established with them you might feel to guilty to say no. After you've done the favor they disappear or suddenly turn cold to you. If this happens repeatedly, I think it's manipulation.

If you say no, they might turn vile and badmouth you to the people you care. No matter how friendly and sincere they seem on the surface, they're basically parasites. Never judge the book by the pretty cover alone, trust your instinct. If you don't trust them completely, it's better to be a bit more distant so you can get a better picture of them.

If a person is draining your energy or is somehow making you feel negative, it's best to stay away too when possible.



Exactly!

------------------
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
}><}}}(*>~♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥~

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LEXX
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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
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posted January 22, 2012 06:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
deleted

Yes,
I feel that way too often.
I prefer to trust but have been stung or burned or used or taken for granted too many times.
I foolishly err in thinking others feel deeply about friendship and or love,
as deeply as I do.
Sadly it is often not the case.
I do not think everyone is intentionally shallow and only some are maliciously so.
So I continue to trust and when burned,
pull back and let the wounds heal,
but never trust those person(s) fully again and or at all.

Once trust is broken it takes an awful lot to repair and never reaches full trust again.

------------------
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
}><}}}(*>~♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥~

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T
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posted January 22, 2012 06:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
how can you tell if someone is really being sincere with you, or if they have been playing you from the very beginning/near the very beginning?

quote:
There are some issues that have been bothering me and haven't been sitting right with me,

That's how you know. Listen to your gut.

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T
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posted January 22, 2012 06:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lexx,

& Same here

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LEXX
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posted January 22, 2012 06:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by T:
That's how you know. Listen to your gut.
Yes,
the "gut" usually tells the truth.
I guess I should stay with that,
but silly me,
I rarely do.
quote:
Originally posted by T:
Lexx,

& Same here


T
Yeah,
I like believing folks really care and that I might be being paranoid.
However my first gut instincts usually pan out to have been telling me the reality of things,
not my desire for how I wish things were/are.

------------------
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
}><}}}(*>~♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥~

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T
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posted January 22, 2012 06:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yeah, most times the mind tries to interfere...either that or one's own wishful or doubtful thinking.

I'm trying to go with, or respect my gut instincts and intuition more and not ignore red flags people wave at me.

Those two sentences that Regardes wrote stood out to me.....she kind of answered her own question, or knows it deep down, rather.

Maybe? Good luck sorting it out, Regardes!

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LEXX
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posted January 22, 2012 06:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by T:
Yeah, most times the mind tries to interfere...either that or one's own wishful or doubtful thinking.

I'm trying to go with, or respect my gut instincts and intuition more and not ignore red flags people wave at me.

Those two sentences that Regardes wrote stood out to me.....she kind of answered her own question, or knows it deep down, rather.

Maybe? Good luck sorting it out, Regardes!


Yes indeed.


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RegardesPlatero
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posted January 22, 2012 06:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for RegardesPlatero     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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crabbypatty
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posted January 22, 2012 10:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for crabbypatty     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, listening to your gut is good advice in general, I think. But I just went through a saga-like story with a man who's an Aries with a Scorpio Moon and that Moon in square Pluto, and the things he's said to me about myself in the past two days since a major "discussion" erupted, are so, so, so far from reality, it's no joke... but he's convinced his "intuit" about me is dead on.

So here's an example of a person who believes he's listening to his gut and believes he's got me all figured out, when in fact (speaking objectively) he is dead wrong.

I got involved with him over the phone when he sought me out for advice about a legal matter. I don't practice in the state he lives in, so I couldn't take on the case, but I went out of my way to find attorneys in his state who are highly regarded, and I gave him phone numbers. They all rejected his case, and I knew that his time was running out for filing suit, so I reviewed all the relevant records (which he mailed to me) and had about 6 to 8 hours worth of conversation with him over the course of a month, to try to figure out the story. I then drafted the legal documents for him so he could file them in court in his state before his deadline ran. My intentions were to help a person with a horribly disfiguring and limiting bodily injury, because nobody else would. I had never met him in person, I didn't know if he was attractive or not, I had no interest in hooking myself a lover when I took on this project.

In the interim, his conversations with me started getting very personal and taking on a sexual nature. I resisted initially, but eventually gave in a bit, because I figured maybe the angels and the guides did bring him into my life as a love interest. Long story short, by early this week, he was planning on driving up to meet me.

Then, I emailed him regarding another project of mine, which involves helping another person (also a man) in a criminal matter. I wanted to share my life with him, so this was part of my current life. He went ballistic on me, and accused me of being romantically involved with the other man, even though I explained I had no such interest and that the other man's wife was very much in love with him, yada yada.... and that my motivation for helping the other man was more of an Aquarian "help those in need" thing.

By yesterday, he was calling me a "player" and telling me he resented the fact that I was lying to him all along. He told me that it's obvious I need constant attention from males and that he was disillusioned with me. He said I had "thrown our relationship under the bus" all for the other man. A whole tirade.

My point: he barely knows me, he doesn't understand my altruistic side, and he won't even listen. He's simply determined I am a "ho" and a "player".

So, not everyone's "gut" is always right. I think some people are so in their own head that there is a danger of them misguiding themselves.

Just my two cents, but RP - not a comment directed at you, personally. Just an anecdote I felt was apropos this current topic.

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LEXX
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posted January 22, 2012 12:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
deleted

RegardesPlatero

So much of what you have said I definitely can relate to.
I get so frustrated at the head games,
intentional,
or even the totally unintentional
done by paranoid, insecure, socially inept but otherwise decent folks.
Sigh.
When I care and or love,
I do so intensely.
I just cannot understand the out of sight out of mind thing.
How can people folks claim to care about, like or love even,
be forgotten or ignored for vast stretches of time?

And in most of my experiences,
I am expected to "make" time for folks but rarely does anyone do so for me.
When I do neglect or let folks down,
it is because I am disabled and the neurological issues change from hour to hour 24/7......and sometimes from minutes to minutes.
Sigh.

I guess I should not be posting right now.
Not helping cheer anyone up.

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RegardesPlatero
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posted January 22, 2012 01:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for RegardesPlatero     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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pandacake
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posted January 22, 2012 03:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pandacake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
...

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crabbypatty
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posted January 22, 2012 08:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for crabbypatty     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Maybe, RP, you can ask your "friend" to do YOU a favor. Make it something that someone would only do for a real friend. See what the reaction is. If the answer the first time is no, try asking for a different favor a few weeks later. If the answer is no again, maybe your hunch is correct. I always feel that someone who won't ever go out of their way to help me out is just a superficial friend.

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LEXX
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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
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posted January 22, 2012 09:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by crabbypatty:
Maybe, RP, you can ask your "friend" to do YOU a favor. Make it something that someone would only do for a real friend. See what the reaction is. If the answer the first time is no, try asking for a different favor a few weeks later. If the answer is no again, maybe your hunch is correct. I always feel that someone who won't ever go out of their way to help me out is just a superficial friend.
That does seem to hold true.
The same goes for if if one is usually giving the most attention, always trying to and making time for the other(s) to the best of their ability,
and the other(s) pretty much are rarely to ever there unless they want something,
and it is only on their schedule;
and even on their free time,
fun and games and generally goofing off rate higher than other people do.
Being disabled my windows of opportunity are chaotically random.
Sigh.
That makes it hard for me to accommodate other(s) on demand,
and them frustrated,
or worse,
angry, accusing me of just not wanting to be there for them ....
Well geez I cannot help it,
because too often when they want me about, like "a right now",
I am down.

Some do come through though.
When I needed help clearing out a storage area, 2 folks, and then recently clearing snow;
1 person helped out.
But just making time for other(s) does seem to be a low priority for most folks.
I must stop letting folks use me or try to guilt trip or pity party at me because they want.
Maybe I am just jaded.

------------------
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
}><}}}(*>~♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥~

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pandacake
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posted January 23, 2012 12:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pandacake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by LEXX:
And in most of my experiences,
I am expected to "make" time for folks but rarely does anyone do so for me.

quote:
Originally posted by LEXX:
or worse,
angry, accusing me of just not wanting to be there for them ....

Aww that's awful, can't believe people would do that!
If people would decide to make less time for me, they can't expect me to jump at their will whenever they feel like it either, there should be more or less the same amount of give and take in any level of relationship.

quote:
Originally posted by LEXX:

I must stop letting folks use me or try to guilt trip or pity party at me because they want.

I agree!

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RegardesPlatero
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posted January 28, 2012 04:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for RegardesPlatero     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I just wanted to update and say that things are a little better.

I still have worries, doubts, and insecurities, but am feeling better overall. Had a pleasant exchange today with the person which strongly seemed very sincere, so I am hoping to broach the topic of hanging out soon and will see how it goes from there.

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LEXX
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posted January 28, 2012 04:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
pandacake {{{hugs}}}

------------------
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
}><}}}(*>~♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥~

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LEXX
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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
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posted January 28, 2012 05:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
RegardesPlatero:

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RegardesPlatero
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posted January 30, 2012 04:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for RegardesPlatero     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
thanks Lexx

I'm still uncertain about others in my life, but I am feeling more and more that one person at least is being sincere, and am having fears put to rest.

Other people, though, are still in the dog house.

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RegardesPlatero
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posted February 01, 2012 05:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for RegardesPlatero     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm just wondering if this thread could be deleted, please. I found out the reason for the non-communication and I feel really pretty bad about not being as trusting--and I know for sure that the person is being sincere/have proof of that.

I hate to ask that, but honestly, am feeling pretty bad about the whole thing.

I appreciate everyone's support, though.

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Randall
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posted February 01, 2012 10:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I get a lot of requests for deleting, and I seldom will agree (unless no one has posted on them yet). It's kind of like if I do it for one I have to do it for all.

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Lexxigramer
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From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
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posted February 23, 2012 08:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
In romantic situations,
I do not think I can ever trust again.
Tired of the manipulation and head games.
Tired of totally loving and trusting and being led down the garden path.
They say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
Well loving and losing is pure raw bleeding screaming soul ripping dream destroying hell.
I do not know if I can ever feel safe trying to trust and love again.
The hardest part is when I cannot stop loving
people who have hurt me.
And yeah,
even in non romantic situations I seem to be a fraking sucker too often letting people use me.

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