posted January 22, 2012 07:58 PM            

But something I wanted to throw out there in case you find it useful: Are you familiar with asexuality?
http://www.asexuality.org/home/

I've known someone who was asexual and she never regretted it, nor was she hateful of sexuality as she encouraged me to explore mine as long as I was safe and sensible about it and was easygoing and openly curious with people who were openly polyamorous and the like. And there are famous artists, authors, and other people of note who are asexual and comfortable with it. And there are times I envy them.

There are also asexual dating sites if you're worried about being alone. These people sometimes even choose to marry with the understanding there won't be sex. (I should point out they see a difference between being asexual and being celibate and that might be a stumbling block, but so can many other things, and when the estimated population of asexuals is at 1% I'd think it would make those looking for a romantic relationship less picky.)

Unhealthy fear (as opposed to healthy fear) isn't a good thing, but I put this out in the hope that maybe it would help you feel a little less anxious about it and pressure to overcome it ASAP, which would also help in dealing with the fear of it anyway.

posted January 22, 2012 08:40 PM            

i too dont want any kids....on some level of myself, i dont like them...i dont know if they scare me or just irritate the living hell out of me....and i dont want to scar my body to the point where i could never lose the baby fat or get a flat belly because of the stretched muscle

i also fear that i couldnt handle the child when its still a baby because of all of the crying, diaper changing, feeding....and well, STRESS....i would be terrified that i would kill the child

if i ever do have a kid, it would be one and one only...just to help continue my line

------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

posted January 22, 2012 08:48 PM            

Well to answer your questions I have dealt with sexual abuse and harassment. At this stage in my life I have found peace with my experiences and life in general and I'm in a place where I can view these experiences objectively and honestly. I was unfortunately sexually assaulted as a child, at the age of about 6 years old by a family relative. I've always been a very intuitive and aware individual especially as a child. Growing up that experience traumatized me and I grew up not just fearing sex but my sexuality specifically. I kept that experience a secret only revealing to my mother recently, because I was completely tormented and just messed up about it. I always seem to draw in sexual situations and it doesn't help that I'm an incredibly sexual individual with a pretty formidable sexual drive. As a result of that experience for many years the thought of being alone in a room with someone I felt sexual tension with, someone I even liked terrified me. I went through a phase where I drank a lot of alcohol and went out a lot and just hooked up with guys. It was me reacting to those experiences as a child and wanting to feel empowered and in control of my sexuality. I felt powerless when I was assaulted, rightfully so and I never wanted to feel that way again. So instead of trying to understand the pain I tried to numb it and fell further into delusion by hooking up with these guys while intoxicated. During this time period I didn't have one intimate experience sober, I was always intoxicated.

I ended up going through a manic depressive period about half way through college, which lead to a cathartic tragedy in my life. Since then I've rebuilt my life and reconnected to my essence as an individual. I've specifically taken the time to connect with my sexuality and embrace the beauty of life and creation within the context of sexual expression. I now see sexuality in a peaceful and truthful way. I'm able to recognize how it's exploited and the true of it's expression at it's core. I'm no longer afraid to express my sexuality and the very essence of my human life force. I've always been discriminate when it came to relationships and men, even during that wild phase I went through, the men I spent time with intimately were friends or friends of friends, always men I knew and felt comfortable with. I just wasn't comfortable with myself during that time period and my compulsive reactions to not dealing with the traumatic experiences I had as a child.

I think you'll find what your looking for in relation to understanding your own life, your own experiences and how they connect to who you are. I think it starts by asking for help which you've definitely down and realizing that the world isn't going to change at least not immediately. Some people will continue to be abusive, sexually exploitative and all around despicable however it's up to you to change the way you see yourself in relation to others. You have to accept yourself completely, and understand yourself completely and know that you are human, and there's nothing wrong with that. Transforming your perceptions related to sexuality and your creative essence. Once you're able to do that, what other people do in relation to you won't feel so threatening or terrifying. Because you'll be coming from a place of impartiality and spiritual balance and peace. Keep doing what your doing, researching and trying to find answers and solutions to these issues that plague you emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.

You should be happy in a relationship and sincerely and honestly want to express deep emotions that you feel for another through many things including your sexuality. It shouldn't be something to be ashamed of or burdensome or fearsome. People will be people and they might not be sensitive to your needs as a person therefore it's up to you to be the catalyst for your own psychological transformation. Don't wait for people to change, find ways to heal yourself. If you don't want kids no problem just make sure your making that decision out of an honest place, not out of fear.

Creative life force, what we express in our sexuality is a true gift from the Universe. It's honestly flowing in unison with infinite creation. This energy we feel, this pull to unite with another through our sexuality is at the very core a deep need and desire to discover and to be fully emerged in creation while floating through a sea of infinite time and space. In time you'll see the true beauty within sexuality, and how it acts as one many vehicles for expressing and connecting to creation and all that is. Embrace truth and you'll be well on your way.

posted January 23, 2012 04:30 AM            

i respect your concerns about sex, STDs and all and can imagine where they come from, i think its great that ur seeing a therapist, something i've been considering for a while now..

dont cloud ur head thinking about it now, there is time for love, sex, and marriage in the future right now you should work on yourself..

posted January 23, 2012 05:07 AM            

But when it happened, i had to realize that there was nothing to fear. Reality is always different, and if you are ready to let go of your fears then you can experience wonderful things. of course, its ok to be careful, but just follow your heart and gut feelings. So what helped me personally was experience, when i felt that the time arrived, i went with the flow and did not regret it at all.

posted January 23, 2012 06:11 AM            

She mentioned something called AVEN? they have message boards. Could that be something that might help you?

posted January 23, 2012 07:19 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dreamy_AriesGirl:
I used to be scared of sex when i was a teenager, somehow i just did not trust man enough to give myself to them.

But when it happened, i had to realize that there was nothing to fear. Reality is always different, and if you are ready to let go of your fears then you can experience wonderful things. of course, its ok to be careful, but just follow your heart and gut feelings. So what helped me personally was experience, when i felt that the time arrived, i went with the flow and did not regret it at all.

Try to find out the real reason behind your fears, get in touch with them and then when you feel ready: let them go.

---

My biggest fears are pregnancy and disease.

I honestly am NOT at all OK with either of those two consequences.

I want to avoid having an abortion if at all possible--expensive, physically painful, and people judge you if they find out, plus certain groups are constantly trying to chip away at reproductive rights in the US so I would very strongly fear it becoming illegal or highly restricted. That would be a last-resort-only decision. I know that I cannot be a mother and that my psychological/mental/emotional health and well-being would be very seriously impaired. Under absolutely no circumstances will I have a child--I'm very serious about that, and am NOT going to debate that issue. Suffice to say that I've prayed about it, researched it, and have listened to my heart and soul enough to know that it's something that isn't right for me or for my life/goals.

Disease, I can't live with or deal with that, either. I am a healthy woman, and my health matters to me on all levels--mental, physical, emotional, and psychological. I love and value myself, and want to keep myself safe.

Unfortunately, even with perfect usage, birth control and sterilization can fail, and that is what frightens me. As I've mentioned, I've heard of vasectomy failure, and I also remember reading one letter in Ann Landers' column once about a tubal ligation failure (said person had tried numerous forms of birth control, too, which had also failed). Even though I know that the rate is rare for IUD users (99.2% effective with perfect use, which is easier to achieve than with other methods), I also know that I'm at risk for expulsion (the rate of IUD expulsion is somewhere around 5%) because I'm in my mid-20s and have never had (and never want) kids. When I go to Planned Parenthood next month for my IUD insertion, I'm going to see if I can have both Essure and an IUD at the same time in about ten years (which is when I'd have to get the IUD replaced). There are about 85+ million women (according to PP) who use IUDs. This means that over 200 000 have had it fail. That might not be much percentage-wise, but if you're one of that number, it certainly would be a problem.

posted January 23, 2012 07:23 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by pandacake:
Here's my small input.
In college though I met my current bf. I did not tell him about my past but he was very patient with me nonetheless.
He is not interested in sleeping around and will wait for the right one he said. I did not trust him *at all* in the beginning because he has quite some appeal to the ladies (and being a Scorpio Moon I still occasionally have my bouts of paranoia and suspicion). After knowing/testing him for 3 years I realized I was really in love with this strange guy. He gave me a home, we find peace and acceptance in our thoughts and I found myself also very much physically attracted to him. After 3 years, we kissed for the first time and we lost it to each other, it felt natural and I felt completely safe.

I really feel that if you would meet someone on your path, the right person is the one who will also be patient for you and accept you the way you are completely. You'll know and feel it when the time comes.

If you decide to be single and devote yourself to the spiritual, there's absolutely nothing wrong with this either, sharing your love and care to the world is just, if not more, as beautiful.

---

That's where I'm trying to get--to the point that I could feel positive about being in a relationship, but without NEEDING one. I'm honestly content and happy to be celibate and single, but, at the same time, I still want to really be sure as to what my orientation is and want to be sure as to whether or not I want a romantic relationship and should pursue it/be open to it or if being single is truly right. I just want to be sure about it. I'm definitely sure about no kids, but I want to be equally sure about relationships.

posted January 23, 2012 07:29 AM            

Just wanted to be clear that I know that some people are allergic to condoms, which isn't their fault, but there are other types than latex, if that's what the person is allergic to/is the material that is problematic. When I say "selfish", I'm referring to those who COULD wear one and don't want to SOLELY for not feeling like it or not feeling as satisfied; frankly, I feel very strongly that health and safety should come first.

posted January 23, 2012 07:55 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
My biggest fears are pregnancy and disease.

I honestly am NOT at all OK with either of those two consequences.

I want to avoid having an abortion if at all possible--expensive, physically painful, and people judge you if they find out, plus certain groups are constantly trying to chip away at reproductive rights in the US so I would very strongly fear it becoming illegal or highly restricted. That would be a last-resort-only decision. I know that I cannot be a mother and that my psychological/mental/emotional health and well-being would be very seriously impaired. Under absolutely no circumstances will I have a child--I'm very serious about that, and am NOT going to debate that issue. Suffice to say that I've prayed about it, researched it, and have listened to my heart and soul enough to know that it's something that isn't right for me or for my life/goals.

Disease, I can't live with or deal with that, either. I am a healthy woman, and my health matters to me on all levels--mental, physical, emotional, and psychological. I love and value myself, and want to keep myself safe.

Unfortunately, even with perfect usage, birth control and sterilization can fail, and that is what frightens me. As I've mentioned, I've heard of vasectomy failure, and I also remember reading one letter in Ann Landers' column once about a tubal ligation failure (said person had tried numerous forms of birth control, too, which had also failed). Even though I know that the rate is rare for IUD users (99.2% effective with perfect use, which is easier to achieve than with other methods), I also know that I'm at risk for expulsion (the rate of IUD expulsion is somewhere around 5%) because I'm in my mid-20s and have never had (and never want) kids. When I go to Planned Parenthood next month for my IUD insertion, I'm going to see if I can have both Essure and an IUD at the same time in about ten years (which is when I'd have to get the IUD replaced). There are about 85+ million women (according to PP) who use IUDs. This means that over 200 000 have had it fail. That might not be much percentage-wise, but if you're one of that number, it certainly would be a problem.

So, I honestly don't know how to deal with that fear, since I am not OK with the consequences of something going wrong.

---

I think it's great you know you don't want children. Motherhood isn't easy and shouldn't be taken lightly.

The best way to protect yourself without hormones and permanent sterilization is probably with a copper IUD paired with a condom for double protection against pregnancy and STD.

Have you also ever heard of FertileFocus? It's basically a 60x microscope, any 60x microscope will do. Three days prior to a woman's ovulation the surge of estrogen causes crystals to form in saliva. Every morning you put a drop of saliva onto a glass plate and you can see the crystals gradually increase day by day, that's when you know when you're going to ovulate.

posted January 23, 2012 01:20 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
To be very honest, I'm glad that you posted this, because other than the 'continuing the line' thing, I feel very similar. (I feel no obligation to do that; frankly, even if I were royalty or something, I wouldn't do it. I'm the one who would have to live with the consequences, not people who pressure me or who tell me that "I'll change my mind", so I figure that they have no right to have any say in the matter).

Honestly, I do feel anxious around kids--not that I'm afraid of them, just that they make me very uncomfortable and jittery. I really don't enjoy spending time with them. I don't hate them exactly, but I don't go out of my way to spend time with them (I most often am around them at church) and I don't have that urge to do that. When I hear a kid screaming or crying, I feel REALLY annoyed. To be very, very honest, there is a more than decent chance that I would end up abandoning my child because I wouldn't be able to take it anymore. I'm very highly sensitive to noise; I literally can't stand certain noises. Baby/child noises fall into that category.

I also know that having a child is super-stressful. Motherhood is mythologized as this fulfilling, happy, wondrous experience--as being something that's all unicorns, glitter, and rainbows. People don't talk (openly or honestly) about the dark side. The whole thing too about "it's different when it's your own" is also a big fat lie. Even parents who have good children and who love them get stressed sometimes. For other women, the stresses of motherhood can trigger already-existing emotional/psychological problems or else can cause new ones to emerge (like postpartum depression/psychosis). I honestly don't feel that most have expectations when they become parents, which is a disservice to parents and children alike.

It's honestly not fair to the children involved to put them in a position with that kind of parent--not only that, it's dangerous. Given that I already have an anxiety disorder, a depressive disorder (in partial remission, but it does return on occasion), and Asperger's, I have very serious concerns about what motherhood would do to my mental health. I've worked hard on managing my anxiety and depression, do not take meds (am strongly opposed to them for myself; if others want them/need them, though, it can be a good choice for others, just not for me) and am currently in a good place, and maintaining this health is VERY important to me. Motherhood and its stresses would be very highly likely to derail that. I could very easily see myself regressing to who I was after I was assaulted and frankly, I NEVER want to be in that hell ever again. I love and respect myself too much to knowingly put myself in that kind of situation.

While some women find motherhood a worthwhile experience, it's honestly not what I want out of life. I honestly have no interest in it; I get bored when people start talking about things like diapers or feeding or other things like that. My eyes start to glaze over and I imagine myself somewhere else, or just quietly slip out of the group, thanking God the entire while that I don't have kids.

And thank you too for mentioning the body issues. To be honest, that's true for me also (Libra sun/Merc/SN/MC). I used to be MUCH heavier than I am now, and have worked VERY hard at making my body better. I want to be healthy and beautiful. I used to have HORRIBLE body image. While my body is by no means perfect or model-material, and while I still have off-days, I'm much more confident and secure now, and would never want to do undo that. I love how I look and feel now and am not going to give that up. The moment when for the very first time I looked into the mirror and felt truly beautiful and desirable is something that I never want to erase, undo, or forget. It happened one year ago and was one of the best moments of my entire life.

I also wouldn't want to adopt. I've known people who have and have seen firsthand how challenging it is, especially when birth parents come back into the picture. Plus, certain countries do not always disclose information (such as psychological problems) to prospective adoptive parents, so it's a very high-risk decision.

I feel very strongly that people should only have children if they really want them, would welcome them with love, would raise them properly and with good values in a sound environment, and are emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and financially equipped for that. The children should be given the very best life possible so as to prevent major problems developing later that could potentially harm others (e.g., many abused children go on to become abusers themselves). Children deserve a safe and happy home, which frankly is not something that I could (or to be honest have any wish to) provide. I'm not parent-material, and that's fine with me.

I honestly pray for God that I never get pregnant, and also pray that God will instead grant a child to a parent like I just described and give that to them rather than me.

---

my sister got pregnant with her first kid when i was 15, and so i was by no means ready emotionally, psychologically, or mentally for the stress that would soon follow...i got a crash course into what kids are really like, that was when i decided kids just are not for me

my sister tried to pawn off her kids on me whenever she needed to leave with my mom, putting me in a no-win situation so i have no choice but to agree

once, my worst part, was when my sister asked me to watch my infant niece...she promised me 3 things: that my niece would still be asleep when she gets back, that she would be gone no longer than an hour or so and that she probably wouldnt need to be changed

well, none of it happened....my niece woke up soon after she left, she exploded in her diaper, she cried non stop, and my sister was gone for like 3 hours - i was 17 at that time

every time i was left with kids i really, really felt like i had postpartum and i'm not even a mother

i really, honestly, frighteningly felt like i would have killed my niece if i could not get her to stop crying

so i know how you feel about feeling irritated and stressed around any kind of kid. also how you feel about your mental health. i practically grew up with depression since i was 11 years old (i think it started when i was younger, actually), plus i'm scared of any new mental illnesses that might develop if i were to have my own kid

i'm a loner and introvert by nature, and having a kid would threaten that...there would be no alone time, and i would be scared if i tell my kid i need to be alone that he or she would think i dont love them anymore

there is just no way i can stand to be around kids of a certain age....and the worst part is my mom and sister know very well how i feel about kids, but i get things like "but shes your niece" i dont F#$%^*&% CARE!

------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

posted January 23, 2012 01:38 PM            

I'm too tired to add anything, but just felt i needed to say that. Thanks.

posted January 23, 2012 01:46 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
To be very honest, I'm glad that you posted this, because other than the 'continuing the line' thing, I feel very similar. (I feel no obligation to do that; frankly, even if I were royalty or something, I wouldn't do it. I'm the one who would have to live with the consequences, not people who pressure me or who tell me that "I'll change my mind", so I figure that they have no right to have any say in the matter).

Honestly, I do feel anxious around kids--not that I'm afraid of them, just that they make me very uncomfortable and jittery. I really don't enjoy spending time with them. I don't hate them exactly, but I don't go out of my way to spend time with them (I most often am around them at church) and I don't have that urge to do that. When I hear a kid screaming or crying, I feel REALLY annoyed. To be very, very honest, there is a more than decent chance that I would end up abandoning my child because I wouldn't be able to take it anymore. I'm very highly sensitive to noise; I literally can't stand certain noises. Baby/child noises fall into that category.

I also know that having a child is super-stressful. Motherhood is mythologized as this fulfilling, happy, wondrous experience--as being something that's all unicorns, glitter, and rainbows. People don't talk (openly or honestly) about the dark side. The whole thing too about "it's different when it's your own" is also a big fat lie. Even parents who have good children and who love them get stressed sometimes. For other women, the stresses of motherhood can trigger already-existing emotional/psychological problems or else can cause new ones to emerge (like postpartum depression/psychosis). I honestly don't feel that most have expectations when they become parents, which is a disservice to parents and children alike.

It's honestly not fair to the children involved to put them in a position with that kind of parent--not only that, it's dangerous. Given that I already have an anxiety disorder, a depressive disorder (in partial remission, but it does return on occasion), and Asperger's, I have very serious concerns about what motherhood would do to my mental health. I've worked hard on managing my anxiety and depression, do not take meds (am strongly opposed to them for myself; if others want them/need them, though, it can be a good choice for others, just not for me) and am currently in a good place, and maintaining this health is VERY important to me. Motherhood and its stresses would be very highly likely to derail that. I could very easily see myself regressing to who I was after I was assaulted and frankly, I NEVER want to be in that hell ever again. I love and respect myself too much to knowingly put myself in that kind of situation.

While some women find motherhood a worthwhile experience, it's honestly not what I want out of life. I honestly have no interest in it; I get bored when people start talking about things like diapers or feeding or other things like that. My eyes start to glaze over and I imagine myself somewhere else, or just quietly slip out of the group, thanking God the entire while that I don't have kids.

And thank you too for mentioning the body issues. To be honest, that's true for me also (Libra sun/Merc/SN/MC). I used to be MUCH heavier than I am now, and have worked VERY hard at making my body better. I want to be healthy and beautiful. I used to have HORRIBLE body image. While my body is by no means perfect or model-material, and while I still have off-days, I'm much more confident and secure now, and would never want to do undo that. I love how I look and feel now and am not going to give that up. The moment when for the very first time I looked into the mirror and felt truly beautiful and desirable is something that I never want to erase, undo, or forget. It happened one year ago and was one of the best moments of my entire life.

I also wouldn't want to adopt. I've known people who have and have seen firsthand how challenging it is, especially when birth parents come back into the picture. Plus, certain countries do not always disclose information (such as psychological problems) to prospective adoptive parents, so it's a very high-risk decision.

I feel very strongly that people should only have children if they really want them, would welcome them with love, would raise them properly and with good values in a sound environment, and are emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and financially equipped for that. The children should be given the very best life possible so as to prevent major problems developing later that could potentially harm others (e.g., many abused children go on to become abusers themselves). Children deserve a safe and happy home, which frankly is not something that I could (or to be honest have any wish to) provide. I'm not parent-material, and that's fine with me.

I honestly pray for God that I never get pregnant, and also pray that God will instead grant a child to a parent like I just described and give that to them rather than me.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by NickiG:
my sister got pregnant with her first kid when i was 15, and so i was by no means ready emotionally, psychologically, or mentally for the stress that would soon follow...i got a crash course into what kids are really like, that was when i decided kids just are not for me

my sister tried to pawn off her kids on me whenever she needed to leave with my mom, putting me in a no-win situation so i have no choice but to agree

once, my worst part, was when my sister asked me to watch my infant niece...she promised me 3 things: that my niece would still be asleep when she gets back, that she would be gone no longer than an hour or so and that she probably wouldnt need to be changed

well, none of it happened....my niece woke up soon after she left, she exploded in her diaper, she cried non stop, and my sister was gone for like 3 hours - i was 17 at that time

every time i was left with kids i really, really felt like i had postpartum and i'm not even a mother

i really, honestly, frighteningly felt like i would have killed my niece if i could not get her to stop crying

so i know how you feel about feeling irritated and stressed around any kind of kid. also how you feel about your mental health. i practically grew up with depression since i was 11 years old (i think it started when i was younger, actually), plus i'm scared of any new mental illnesses that might develop if i were to have my own kid

i'm a loner and introvert by nature, and having a kid would threaten that...there would be no alone time, and i would be scared if i tell my kid i need to be alone that he or she would think i dont love them anymore

there is just no way i can stand to be around kids of a certain age....and the worst part is my mom and sister know very well how i feel about kids, but i get things like "but shes your niece" i dont F#$%^*&% CARE!

---

Thank you both. Took the words out of my mouth and I feel much less alone now.

posted January 23, 2012 02:13 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by T:
Thank you both. Took the words out of my mouth and I feel much less alone now.

You rarely hear people talk about this but I have to think many more do.

---

wow, theres a bigger community of women out there that feel the same way i do than i thought

------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

posted January 23, 2012 02:22 PM            

my sister has 2, my brother currently has 1, and both my mom and i had babysat up until a few months ago (i babysat older kids, like 9 and 11), not to mention my workplace attracts a lot of women, which means kids too

out of all of the kids that i have been around, i think there is one that i really love that is non family related, and thats the 9 year old....shes a little cancer girl, i dont know her whole chart but i know shes a cancer sun, but shes older than the youngest kid i can stand to be around

------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

posted January 23, 2012 02:35 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by pandacake:
^ Do you have signs in the 5th or 11th house? 5th house rules offspring and 11th house rules other people's children.

---

the only houses i have anything in are 2nd, 3rd, 6th, 7th, and 8th

------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

posted January 23, 2012 03:40 PM            

ever since i was a baby, i had to sleep in a completely dark and quiet room because any small noise would wake me

even today, its the same...any kind of really loud, or repetitive noise just grinds my nerves, waking or sleeping

------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

posted January 23, 2012 04:58 PM            

I'm not a woman, and so I have to write as a man providing my wife's perspective. Its too bad that she cannot post here herself (she doesn't approve of astrology, and wouldn't approve of me posting here in the first place):

- she had no idea what sex was when she married me. Sex was taboo in her family and it was a topic that was never raised or discussed. There was no such thing as sex education. Sex was equated with sin, shame and the devil. Such was her upbringing. As to how a woman can be raised like that and then have a job prancing around in her underwear for photos, don't ask me. I'm not judge or jury and I don't understand either.

- she absolutely insisted in remaining a virgin till marriage, and even though I cringed at the thought, I even gave her the option of remaining a virgin for the rest of her life. I had no idea how I was going to survive the rest of my life without sex, but oh well, my thoughts were that I would cross that bridge when I got there. That was how much I was in love.

- I made my past well known to her, and the fact that I could not in all honesty account for all my previous sex partners. The list was horrendously long. As much as it teared me apart, I gave her the option to walk away from me if she was disgusted, since many Christian women don't want to date men who have had more than one or two sex partners, or who have had repeated sex. I estimate my history close to or crossing triple digits. She never walked away because the love was just too strong.

- she was genuinely afraid of sex, and it was a source of tension even on the wedding night. She eased into it after a few days. I won't go into the details, but thanks to my experience, I managed to ease her into the pleasures before touching her hymen. Sex was one-sided for the first few days. I had none.

- I dated her for three months and did not have sex at all (including self activity) and my celibacy impressed me much more than it impressed her. I didn't know how I managed to handle it, but for her it was no accomplishment. She was not impressed. In her mind, abstinence and celibacy was expected before marriage.

- Apparently, she conquered her own fears. I like to believe that its the love that conquered the fears but I can't say for sure.

- Apparently, she is no longer afraid, and quite to the contrary, she proved to be a wild lioness (she's a Leo) that got unleashed. Factually much more than I thought she would be, and honestly right now, more than I can handle notwithstanding my Capricornian libido.

- Out of practicality, since I was paying for two apartments and two sets of bills, and was on the verge of having to buy double furniture and double appliances, after we agreed to get married, she made me give up my apartment and move in with her. It was next to impossible sleeping beside a woman who sleeps in the buff without touching her. Yet, I don't know how, but I didn't touch her at all. She made it clear that the all touching would be unwelcomed, and in the interest of ensuring that the marriage proceeded, I didn't even want to kiss her (beyond a simple peck.. and even then on the cheek and not the lips) to avoid trouble. Keep in mind that I came from a history of immense passion with multiple partners. And she walks around the bedroom only in her underwear and she removes her bra in bed.

- This moving in business is not advisable for all Christians. Its not Christian-like, but not that I'm a fundamentalist. Its an opening to temptation and I spent enormous amounts of time praying for strength and a decrease in general horn1ness. My body would cause embarrassing moments, especially waking up each morning.

- I could tell that I wasn't the only one who got horny from time to time, but I wasn't going to push my luck. My objective was to marry this woman.

- I'm just human and I brought up the issue to church groups. Of course, I got slammed pretty badly from the moral champions on their high pedestals. My mother-in-law then was very doubtful of my agreeing to move in, nothwithstanding the fact that it was also her daughter's idea. My father in law was more of the bigoted type and I ensured him that since I was contributing XY chromosomes, our offspring would probably look almost nothing like a Caucasian. Be prepared for black hair and black eyes. True enough.

Just relaying my experience.