Author
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Topic: Signs of cheating
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charmainec Moderator Posts: 5577 From: Venus next to Randall Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 11, 2012 04:07 AM
quote: Your mate is more attentive to your needs than usual. This is due to the guilt feelings experienced by the cheater in the early stages of his or her affair. The attention will diminish as the affair continues. Your mate begins buying you gifts -- lots of gifts. These are "guilt gifts" purchased because your partner feels guilty about betraying you and showering you with presents makes him or her feel better.
Your mate's behavior is causing a gut feeling in you that something isn't right. If this happens, pay attention to your instincts. Ignoring them means you want to blind yourself to the truth. You know your mate's habits, routines and attitudes better than anybody, so be suspicious when these things change.
Your mate frequently picks fights with you. Doing this gives him reason to get mad and storm out of the house and thus the opportunity to meet a lover. A cheater may also do this because of mixed emotions he is feeling about betraying you.
Your mate constantly talks about your relationship ending when you fight or argue. She says things like, "What would you do if our relationship ended?" or "If anything ever happened to us, I would always love you like a friend." In general, she seems very negative about your relationship. Your mate makes these statements because she has a lover to fall back on if your relationship ends. If your partner repeats these kinds of statements often, be suspicious.
Your mate becomes very moody. He or she seems very upbeat and excited when leaving you but acts somber and depressed when around you. If your mate is in a long-term affair, he/she will try to keep both relationships running smoothly. Any problems the cheater has in one relationship will spill over into the other relationship as well. This is inevitable.
Your mate never talks to you. You live together but don't interact. He has become cold and inconsiderate of your feelings.
Your mate's taste in music suddenly changes. For instance, she always listened to pop music but suddenly starts listening to country music. Your partner might be listening to and growing fond of this new type of music because her lover listens to it.
Your mate lacks self-esteem. This doesn't necessarily mean he will go out and have an affair, but an insecure individual often looks to others for guidance. If an insecure person's needs aren't being met, he might find the desired feelings of security and positive feedback in an affair with someone else Your mate continually criticizes another person. She is trying to make you think that type of individual would never be of interest to her, although there actually exists a secret attraction
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charmainec Moderator Posts: 5577 From: Venus next to Randall Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 11, 2012 04:11 AM
quote: Your mate criticizes things about you that he or she once found attractive and appealing Your mate easily becomes offended at the comments, however harmless, that you make
Your mate stops paying attention to you, your children and home-life in general
Your mate begins closing doors when you are around, when before he or she would leave them open. For instance, the Bathroom-Door Rule: Couples in long-term relationships often leave their bathroom doors open while attending to necessities even if their partners are nearby. As affairs develop, the cheating mates will close bathroom doors, distancing themselves physically and psychologically from their partners.
Your mate stops complimenting you on your looks
Your mate stops saying, "I love you." You mate acts guilty when you do something nice for him or her. You are supposed to be the person who is making life miserable and the relationship untenable. By doing something nice, you force the cheater to think about what he or she is doing.
Your mate turns the table and accuses you of cheating but has no evidence
Your mate would rather spend time with friends than be with you.
Your mate shows no interest in your relationship's future
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charmainec Moderator Posts: 5577 From: Venus next to Randall Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 11, 2012 04:20 AM
quote: Your mate stops being affectionate. Your mate is more interested in reading a book or watching television than talking with you or making love to you
Your mate frequently talks about the problems a friend, neighbor, coworker, course instructor or classmate of the opposite sex is having
Your mate begins using new catch phrases or starts to tell types of jokes or express opinions that are unusual for him or her.
Your mate pays less and less attention to your children. They seem to sense something is wrong and don't seem to be as emotionally healthy or secure as they once were
Your mate has been acting emotionally distant and withdrawn but when you ask about it, he doesn't want to discuss it and becomes very protective of his privacy.
Your mate seems disinterested and distracted during sex.
Your mate talks in her sleep and mentions the name of a particular person on more than one occasion
Your mate seems startled or confused when awakened. This uncertainty may be caused by not being sure which bedroom and which lover's bed he or she is in.
Your mate's behavior is such that your friends begin asking you what's wrong. Close friends and family members often will notice tension or discord between the two of you before you are fully aware of it
Your mate easily becomes offended when you make normal and natural inquiries and may demand to know why you are checking up on him or her.
Your mate's sleeping pattern changes considerably from the norm and may include unexplainable exhaustion, restlessness, frequent nightmares and sleep-talking.
- iVillage - 32 Emotional Signs That He's CheatingIP: Logged |
PixieJane Knowflake Posts: 1054 From: CA Registered: Oct 2010
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posted February 11, 2012 04:44 AM
I don't know. Not only were most of those signs too vague, but some were even contradictory so that basically if his or her behavior changes at all (better or worse) then it's a sign s/he's cheating. While true, these could also be signs that she or he is having problems at work, with family, maybe even doing more booze or drugs than he should, has started (or going off) new meds, is developing a brain disorder, experiencing hormonal fluctuations, disillusioned with life in general, or even just boredom. However, I'd agree that many (though not all) of those signs ARE a sign the relationship is in danger if not over (which can lead to cheating if the couple don't break up for some reason). But what really surprises me about the list is that it's so long yet it didn't include actual red flags of cheating such as being very secretive about one's cell phone, suddenly paying attention to cleanliness and appearance (especially if it involves putting on perfume or cologne) before going to work when before it didn't matter (granted, other things could also inspire this, but it's still a red flag), avoiding kissing (where you might taste something is off), strange hair or fragrances on clothing, etc. These red flags are how I found out about a cheating lover while those signs from iVillage just weren't present. IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero Moderator Posts: 4366 From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop Registered: Sep 2011
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posted February 11, 2012 05:39 AM
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sand Knowflake Posts: 6997 From: Registered: May 2011
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posted February 11, 2012 05:43 AM
new moves in the bedroom?IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero Moderator Posts: 4366 From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop Registered: Sep 2011
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posted February 11, 2012 05:43 AM
quote: Originally posted by sand: new moves in the bedroom?
that one would DEFINITELY be a red flag IP: Logged |
charmainec Moderator Posts: 5577 From: Venus next to Randall Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 11, 2012 06:53 AM
It's not carved in stone - just a general list - that's all.IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways Knowflake Posts: 4041 From: Registered: Oct 2011
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posted February 11, 2012 09:51 AM
My boring dad suddenly wore designer red polo shirts and patent leather shoes, and smelled like a walking bottle of cologne. . IP: Logged |
charmainec Moderator Posts: 5577 From: Venus next to Randall Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 11, 2012 10:01 AM
------------------ quote: Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.
Linda GoodmanIP: Logged |
LEXX Knowflake Posts: 9742 From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion! Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 11, 2012 10:16 AM
Yeah, have seen ALL those in my failed relationships. Not all in each, but together yes, all of them. However, they all do not mean someone is having an affair. It can mean they are bored just bored and want out. Or there are serious conflicts of ethics, belief, interests and so forth manifesting and the relationship is simply not working, so time to communicate or end it, no one waiting on the side required.IP: Logged |
charmainec Moderator Posts: 5577 From: Venus next to Randall Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 11, 2012 10:19 AM
From experience, I've seen many of them too.------------------ quote: Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.
Linda GoodmanIP: Logged |
sand Knowflake Posts: 6997 From: Registered: May 2011
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posted February 11, 2012 01:15 PM
the increasing number of free hotel room shower gels, shampoo/ conditioner in your bathroom despite you 2 never being in one in months!IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways Knowflake Posts: 4041 From: Registered: Oct 2011
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posted February 11, 2012 01:23 PM
The phone calls from the airline companies providing free offers for "Mr. and Mrs." flying *first class* because of frequent vacations to romantic destinations like Paris and Venice and Tahiti, when the last time my mom went on vacation was five years ago flying economy and staying in budget hotels IP: Logged |
LEXX Knowflake Posts: 9742 From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion! Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 11, 2012 01:30 PM
quote: Originally posted by sand: the increasing number of free hotel room shower gels, shampoo/ conditioner in your bathroom despite you 2 never being in one in months!
Be careful of suspicions on that unless the name of the hotel/motel is printed on the products. One can buy (in America) small size samples of such products at drug stores and dollar stores etcetera. So she/he may be simply buying products in small sample sizes.IP: Logged |
Randall Webmaster Posts: 22150 From: Saturn next to Charmainec Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 11, 2012 01:49 PM
I don't think any of those means anything by itself...but perhaps collectively.------------------ "Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
sand Knowflake Posts: 6997 From: Registered: May 2011
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posted February 11, 2012 06:15 PM
quote: Originally posted by LEXX: [QUOTE]Originally posted by sand: [b]the increasing number of free hotel room shower gels, shampoo/ conditioner in your bathroom despite you 2 never being in one in months!
Be careful of suspicions on that unless the name of the hotel/motel is printed on the products. One can buy (in America) small size samples of such products at drug stores and dollar stores etcetera. So she/he may be simply buying products in small sample sizes.[/B][/QUOTE] hahaha! thanks for the tip lexx and don't worry it's not my partner. IP: Logged |
PixieJane Knowflake Posts: 1054 From: CA Registered: Oct 2010
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posted February 11, 2012 06:36 PM
If even half of what's on this list ever became true of any relationship then I'd end it regardless of whether or not there was any cheating. quote: Originally posted by RegardesPlatero: I have to disagree about the cell phone. Me, I'm VERY private, and I would get p.o.'d if someone was going through my phone, and no way would I ever give anyone my password to anything. Boundaries.
I'm the same way, even about snail mail. However, I wasn't talking about allowing a partner passwords or going through one's phone or emails (which I'd never demand or allow) but rather when they suddenly change behavior and become very guarded about who is calling and becoming very private about calls when before it wasn't a concern. And I didn't think anything of it by itself when I experienced this save that it was ongoing (when this had never happened in our years of being together) and the other stuff I mentioned mixed in that made me suspicious. IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero Moderator Posts: 4366 From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop Registered: Sep 2011
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posted February 12, 2012 04:36 AM
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RegardesPlatero Moderator Posts: 4366 From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop Registered: Sep 2011
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posted February 12, 2012 04:37 AM
*and I agree with you Pixie about snail mail...that makes me really p.o.'dIP: Logged |
SaggiMC unregistered
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posted February 20, 2012 05:35 AM
quote: Originally posted by sand: new moves in the bedroom?
OR no moves in the bedroom and coming home with a lovebite on your kneck was how I became suspicious.. DIS interest in the bedroom ia a *major* pointer. answering their mobile and walking out of the room to talk IP: Logged |
MoonWitch Moderator Posts: 1067 From: The Beach Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 01, 2012 12:31 AM
Huh. I try new things in the bedroom to keep things spicy! IP: Logged |
charmainec Moderator Posts: 5577 From: Venus next to Randall Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 20, 2012 09:10 AM
They always keep their options open; always looking for someone better..maybe that's just the typical womanizer.IP: Logged |