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Author
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Topic: Infidelity
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Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1933
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted March 25, 2012 10:29 AM
  
If your long-term partner had had a single incidence of infidelity years before, would you want to know about it or would you rather your partner continue to keep it a secret and live with the guilt?IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 37417
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 25, 2012 10:37 AM
Keep it a secret and live with the guilt lol------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
MataMoros
Knowflake Posts: 146
From: Mexico
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted March 25, 2012 10:58 AM
This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship..... but I mean since you asked, I would tell them. You are supposed to do this BEFORE you get in a relationship thoughIP: Logged |
MataMoros
Knowflake Posts: 146
From: Mexico
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted March 25, 2012 11:00 AM
I would also like to add that living with secrets and guilt creates physical problems in the body. Even if you try to justify it.......unless you can actually justify it....lol.IP: Logged |
T
Knowflake Posts: 7127
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 25, 2012 11:05 AM
To me, it sounds like her boyfriend/husband told her....  either way, I would tell and would want the other person to tell me, too. IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1933
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted March 25, 2012 12:17 PM
quote:
Originally posted by T:
To me, it sounds like her boyfriend/husband told her.... either way, I would tell and would want the other person to tell me, too.
My boyfriend has never been unfaithful to me it's just a hypothetical question that came to mind because he told me he would rather me not tell him if I ever cheated. So I am contemplating how I'd feel if the roles were reversed.
IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1933
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted March 25, 2012 12:18 PM
I think I might agree with him, though. Ignorance can be bliss.IP: Logged |
mercuranian
Knowflake Posts: 684
From: the future
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 25, 2012 12:42 PM
quote:
Originally posted by MataMoros:
I would also like to add that living with secrets and guilt creates physical problems in the body. Even if you try to justify it.......unless you can actually justify it....lol.
this!
the truth is always the way, it will set you free!
(living a lie is lame and ultimately unfulfilling.)
IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1933
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted March 25, 2012 12:48 PM
quote:
Originally posted by mercuranian:
this!
the truth is always the way, it will set you free!
(living a lie is lame and ultimately unfulfilling.)
Couldn't the truth also just wreak pointless havoc on your relationship? I mean you could literally have been happy one day and broken up the next because the truth was told on a whim. So by "set you free" I can only assume you mean "set you single." lol.
IP: Logged |
Lexxigramer
Moderator Posts: 647
From: The Etheric Realms.....Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat....
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted March 25, 2012 12:56 PM
Truth and honesty is the only way for me.
Let the chips fall where they may.
Ignorance can be deadly these days.
Without truth there is no relationship, only a sham.
------------------
NumeroLexigrams
~I remember,
therefore I am immortal
~Lexxigramer
IP: Logged |
mercuranian
Knowflake Posts: 684
From: the future
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 25, 2012 01:06 PM
id rather be single than in an unfulfilling relationship, but that's just me i guess  IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Knowflake Posts: 1054
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted March 25, 2012 04:00 PM
I'd hope telling me wouldn't mean an end to the guilt. Just because I was informed doesn't mean it's ok. My scales are having a hard time with this one, too. On one hand something that is over would be best off as completely over rather piling on drama on top of it--and hopefully any guilt would keep said partner from straying again. OTOH, it would be far better for my partner to come clean about it rather than me find out about it some other way. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 37417
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 25, 2012 04:17 PM
quote:
Originally posted by mercuranian:
id rather be single than in an unfulfilling relationship, but that's just me i guess
LOL------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Sashar
Knowflake Posts: 333
From: Alternate timeline future
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted March 25, 2012 04:46 PM
It depends on how they felt about the infidelity. Was it just a one time encounter or a multiple occasion thing? What led up to it? How long ago was it? What did they learn from it? etcIf it was just sex, and it was just once a long time ago... if there were no feelings involved, and afterward my man felt ashamed and couldn't do it again... I would NOT want to know. Sex happens, and while I understand that most people can separate feelings from sex, I have a hard time doing it... and empathizing with it emotionally. It doesn't matter how I feel about the person, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to forgive them and continue with our relationship. For me, if I have sex with someone who isn't my partner then I want to break up with that person. Actually, for me if I even WANT to have sex with someone who isn't my partner it means I want to break up with that person. Logically I understand that isn't always the case, but if they told me, that would be the result. It's not fair, it's not right, but I know myself and that's just how it is. IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1933
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted March 25, 2012 06:32 PM
Sashar, like you, I am uncertain that I could forgive or overlook the indiscretion. That is a big part of the reason why, if it was an isolated incident which my partner learned from, I would rather not know, so I wouldn't be forced to sever the bond (I am assuming we were happy at the point where it came out).IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 37417
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 25, 2012 06:58 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Sashar:
It depends on how they felt about the infidelity. Was it just a one time encounter or a multiple occasion thing? What led up to it? How long ago was it? What did they learn from it? etcIf it was just sex, and it was just once a long time ago... if there were no feelings involved, and afterward my man felt ashamed and couldn't do it again... I would NOT want to know. Sex happens, and while I understand that most people can separate feelings from sex, I have a hard time doing it... and empathizing with it emotionally. It doesn't matter how I feel about the person, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to forgive them and continue with our relationship. For me, if I have sex with someone who isn't my partner then I want to break up with that person. Actually, for me if I even WANT to have sex with someone who isn't my partner it means I want to break up with that person. Logically I understand that isn't always the case, but if they told me, that would be the result. It's not fair, it's not right, but I know myself and that's just how it is.
Do you have cancer placements? xx
------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Sashar
Knowflake Posts: 333
From: Alternate timeline future
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted March 25, 2012 08:31 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Do you have cancer placements? xx
Only Jupiter in 8th, unaspected ------------------
Felines and dames in flames
Will hardly serve my aims
But in my dreams, it seems
That my eyes are always shooting laser beams IP: Logged |
Alma Sun
Moderator Posts: 1973
From: The East Coast
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted March 25, 2012 09:14 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
If your long-term partner had had a single incidence of infidelity years before, would you want to know about it or would you rather your partner continue to keep it a secret and live with the guilt?
I'd wanna know. ------------------
"The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind." — Friedrich Nietzsche IP: Logged |
MataMoros
Knowflake Posts: 146
From: Mexico
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted March 26, 2012 12:56 AM
quote:
Originally posted by mercuranian:
id rather be single than in an unfulfilling relationship, but that's just me i guess
and you are wise. IP: Logged |
MataMoros
Knowflake Posts: 146
From: Mexico
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted March 26, 2012 12:59 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
Truth and honesty is the only way for me.
Let the chips fall where they may.
Ignorance can be deadly these days.
Without truth there is no relationship, only a sham.
^^ This. IP: Logged |
Lexxigramer
Moderator Posts: 647
From: The Etheric Realms.....Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat....
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted March 26, 2012 10:13 AM
MataMoros   ------------------
NumeroLexigrams
~I remember,
therefore I am immortal
~Lexxigramer IP: Logged |
hippichick
Moderator Posts: 1818
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted March 26, 2012 10:18 AM
If it was a one time thing and the cheeter did not nor wants to do it again, no I would not want to know.If it was a theme for the cheater then yes of course. I dont alaways agree to fessing up on cheating, I think it is terrible hurtful to the one who has been cheated on, to know, and I also think people only fess up to relieve their guilt and that, to me, is as selfish as the act in question. If you did it once, keep thy mouth shut, give everything to self and the other to turn the energy around and make things work. But if you plan on doing it again, fess up and let the other go to find someone worthy~ IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1933
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted March 26, 2012 10:51 AM
quote:
Originally posted by hippichick:
If it was a one time thing and the cheeter did not nor wants to do it again, no I would not want to know.If it was a theme for the cheater then yes of course. I dont alaways agree to fessing up on cheating, I think it is terrible hurtful to the one who has been cheated on, to know, and I also think people only fess up to relieve their guilt and that, to me, is as selfish as the act in question. If you did it once, keep thy mouth shut, give everything to self and the other to turn the energy around and make things work. But if you plan on doing it again, fess up and let the other go to find someone worthy~
I agree that it'd be selfish to confess it. I think that even if the relationship eventually fell apart and the partners went their separate ways the person with the single mistake should keep their mouth shut. Finding out that you've been cheated on is traumatic and impairs the person's ability to trust in the future. Why would you do that to someone? It's just plain selfish.
IP: Logged |
T
Knowflake Posts: 7127
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 26, 2012 12:35 PM
I don't see confessing to a one time instance as being selfish. I'd rather hear how they learned from it and how they decided they won't do it again. That way I could get a feel for how serious they were and see if I believed them or not. I'd rather hear their reasonings about it, the psychology behind it, and how they came to the conclusion they wouldnt do it again.Everyone's different! I'd find it selfish if they kept it to themselves and would want the person to be comfortable enough to be able to tell me anything, deep dark secrets and all. That's how my serious relationships go - we have no secrets. If the bond is strong, but someone effs up in some way or another, it can usually be worked out. IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1933
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted March 26, 2012 12:47 PM
I think this might be a case of a person who is Venusian or Neptunian vs. a person who is Plutonian - personal perspective.The former kind of person will weigh the potential damage against the indiscretion and decide if it's not that large of one then better to be dismissive then wreck the relationship or cause potentially lasting disharmony, while the latter will want total and unflinching truth - even if it's ugly, real soul-baring stuff. I guess there's really no right or wrong answer when you look at it from the perspective of everybody's different. Incidentally, I'm Venusian and my boyfriend is Neptunian. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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