posted April 02, 2012 09:36 PM            

We want to find people who can understand us, who are interested in the same things we are, who inspire us to be more of who we are.

The main cause of depression is not being able to find these people.

If we can't find these people in the areas we live, we go on the internet and reach out to strangers. In a way this means extending an amount of trust and allowing more vulnerability than personal interaction. Why? Because in personal interaction you can see a person's face, body language, and see how you are effecting them in real time. On the internet, you don't get that. You say what you need to say and can't alter mid way through talking to stop when you've said too much or you feel the other person is going to react poorly. There's a certain amount of protection, because these are just words on a screen... and the people are still strangers, but there is still more of allowing trust.

I've been feeling a certain amount of disconnect recently from other people. Looking for that place in life that is shaped just for me... because it doesn't seem like trying to force my round peg into that square hole of society is working.

Right now I'm in the middle of changing practically everything in my life... moving away from my home town for the first time at 33 years old, getting a job after being a home maker for seven years, divorcing my husband. All doing so without a penny to my name and no family.

It's hard.

I really want to do something with my life, but I just don't know what. I really feel like there's something (not someone, that's a whole different situation) out there just waiting for me to show up. But the more I want something or the more I believe something, the less there is a chance that I'll get it.

I don't know why I wrote this... sometimes I look at the screen and feel like I'm shouting into the wind. But, if you've ever felt like this or been through anything like this... you aren't alone. That's all.

Thought I should add: I have a Saturn transit effecting my moon in opposition right now. XD

posted April 02, 2012 09:58 PM            

Intimacy–In To Me See
By amiann | Published: April 1, 2012

This topic has been nagging me. Many of my readings are inquiries into relationships. We crave closeness. We crave love. We crave attachment. However. lets examine the anatomy of intimacy. Intimacy is literally allowing another to see you.OUCH. Do you face yourself? What is not accepted? Our trouble seems to be with self vs self more than self vs other. One’s self is so very very hard to face. There is ugliness so deep within the human being.One recoils. What is one to do? I don’t want to give platitudes so will leave it here, for the moment.

I came back to this article because we crave intimacy as surely as food. How do we get it? My theory is that you must accept all of yourself before you can allow someone to see you. In the vast recesses of one’s self is a cauldron of swirling emotions and passions. Most are not good in terms of what you call a “nice” person. The nice person may be part of ourselves but that is not the part that troubles us. The bad boy is. The selfish boy. The lengths we wonder if we could go when faced with the opportunity. I think one has to accept all as at a fire sale where the items are second rate. I think we are a version of a second rate shop. A zipper may be torn. There may be a rip. We may be an awful color like pink-orange. The more we can accept all, the more we can let others see us. Then, we will have a joy that only comes from interaction with other human beings.Then, we will have true intimacy.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted April 04, 2012 12:11 AM            

I tend to gravitate towards astrology when I'm upset, it's nice to have something to throw myself into. Sadly, it's also a painful parable of my entire interaction with people as a whole.

I go to science and say, "Hey, I think they have something here. And here's why... But I can't do it by myself." and I get in response, "LOL Astrology."

Then I go to Astrologers and say, "Well, science isn't taking you seriously... here's how to solve it. But I can't do it by myself." And I get, "..."

Apply that to every aspect of everything I've ever been interested in. Stuck in the middle of everyone, completely alone in my interests, thoughts and ideas. Knowing that there are people out there that think like I do... there has to be... but even the internet isn't enough to find them.

Completely disconnected. Forced with the choice of trying to find peace with the fact that I am an odd singularity... or changing simply to find common ground with people.

Anyway, sorry for the downer. Yay for listening to other people whine and moan, right?

posted April 04, 2012 01:47 PM            

You're not alone in this!

We may feel lonely and disconnected at times, but truly, we're all One. We just want to feel complete, and that is why we sense a void within. That is why we try to find ways to fill that void, with activities, and other people. I think we're all very "human" in this way, we're all similar in that regard.

So, I understand you completely.
My heart goes out to you!

Stay strong, you're not alone!