posted May 06, 2012 01:19 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aquaguy:
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posted May 06, 2012 01:22 AM            

Which house is your Chiron in and his (Fishy)? Also, what sign and house is his NN?

Is there any aspect between your NN and his? Any other planets (his) aspecting the nodal axis (yours)?

**EDIT**
Which sign and hse is his moon? What are the moon-moon aspects (if any) between you?
What is his Pluto doing?

posted May 06, 2012 02:51 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Linda Jones:
Lioness,

Which house is your Chiron in and his (Fishy)? Also, what sign and house is his NN?

Is there any aspect between your NN and his? Any other planets (his) aspecting the nodal axis (yours)?

**EDIT**
Which sign and hse is his moon? What are the moon-moon aspects (if any) between you?
What is his Pluto doing?

PS: I'm gonna get some zzz's now and get back to this later, ok? Tomorrow's a busy day, but I'll see if I'll be able to make time. There's stuff in my head that I want to convey so please bear with me. 'Night!

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No worries.. Take your time... I will go ahead and answer, since Im awake

My chiron in H1
His chiron in H9 his chiron in my H2
His chiron sextile my venus
My chiron sq his venus

His venus WIDELY conjuncts my NN 9 orbs.. Maybe to far.

His Virgo NN in my H7 to 3orbs conjunct to my dsc
his NN square my Saturn
His NN quinx my Chiron
NN trine NN but again wide.. 8 orbs.
My NN quinx his asc

His moon conjuncts my neptune
his moon sq my mars
mars opps mars
My moon trine his neptune
his neptune conjunct my MC

My jupiter sextile his sun 2orbs
My jupiter trines his asc

Both way moon sextile pluto.
His pluto sextile my, sun,moon,mercury
My pluto quinx his sun

The synastry is mediocre. Some nice jupiter,pluto,neptune aspects. I listed what I think you requested...

Its the composite that shows the level of intensity.
here are the composite aspects.

moon/pluto/jupiter conjunct in h5
all 3 opps venus in h11
all 3 sextile neptune
all 3 trine asc

venus trine neptune
venus trine saturn
venus sextile asc

mars conjunct NN
mars opps sun/mercury conjunct
mars trine saturn

Sun,mercury conjunt
both conjunct SN
both opps mars
both sextile saturn

posted May 06, 2012 03:23 PM            

Here's what I want to say for now-

If we focus only on you for the moment-you have Chiron in 1H-wound to self (is it making an opposition to either Pluto or Uranus in your 7th?) Along with Saturn on the IC (is it aspecting Chiron in the 1st?), it relates to karmic pain related to your own childhood. Opposing the MC, I can see how you would want/have been a loner. But Saturn is also calling you to overcome this karma.

From everything you've said, I feel that your past pain has affected your level of love energy within you, eventually affecting your self esteem. I'll try to explain this a bit more. Each one of us has within us, a reservoir or "love tank" if you will, which needs filling up. As children we cannot fill our own love tanks, as we don't know how. So we depend on our principal caregivers to slowly start filling this tank bit-by-bit thro the love and care they provide. If this "filling" is not adequate we grow up into adults having incompletely filled tanks with lower than healthy levels of self-esteem, which create less than happy relationships in our adult lives and misery within ourselves.

As adults we have 2 choices-either to just "cope" with the effects of our low self esteem thro denial, or compensation (the ego nature is called into play here), OR to recognize that the pain within us is actually a symptom of something that needs to be corrected.

Paying attention to the pain is of course the healthy choice. However, it's not easy. Especially if the pain has been left ignored for a long time-in which case, it usually ends up turning into something we fear. So, as time passes, we actually begin to fear looking inward.

This is why it takes a lot of courage and the willingness to persist to correct past pain that has not been addressed for a long time. But addressing it is the only way to peace within. Your Saturn on the IC is asking you to overcome pain associated with your childhood/formative years. Some of this overcoming will have to involve forgiveness of parents-Chiron in the 1st squaring the IC shows the need to forgive parents.

From what you've described about your past relationship choices-choosing to be with someone who liked you more rather than the other way around indicates not only that you're terrified of being abandoned, but that you also consider yourself (incorrectly) worthy of being abandoned. Deep inside, you seem to have a high expectation that you don't deserve not being abandoned.

It's important to keep in mind that when children experience negativity from adults in their lives, they ALWAYS interpret themselves as being the cause of the negativity. So, in essence, if you were not given enough love as a child, you interpreted it to mean that you did not deserve to be loved, or that you're not worthy of being loved. This lack of self worth is the basis of low self-esteem. As adults we allow this to color our entire perception of the world we live in-the way we act, react to everything and everybody in our environment, all the choices we make, etc.

The childhood experience of abandonment-whether mental, emotional, or physical, is the same as experiencing lack of love.

With Chiron being opposite your 7th, obviously your childhood pain/fears are going to show up in your relationship with others. With Pluto in the 7th, unless the past pain is addressed, you will employ the "services" (please excuse my choice of the term) of your ego in the context of your relationships in order to cover up/hide your pain. With Uranus also sitting in the 7th, if and when your emotional security is threatened, you'll have a tendency to bolt (barring major stabilizing factors).

Since life is really about learning to love (ourselves and others), I feel that the Universe continues to nudge us along our individual karmic path (individual lessons) toward love. If we ignore the nudging we just make things difficult for ourselves, as the end result is lack of peace.

So the way I see it, you've had this pain/deficiency from childhood, you've coped with it so far by chiefly not addressing it, and now the Universe in all its kindness, gentleness, benevolence, and infinite wisdom, has decided to nudge you along your own karmic path by opening up a portal/channel of your heart toward another person in the form of Fishy.

For possibly the first time in your life, the Universe has presented you with a person with whom you have a sufficient pull-enough to make you stop and reconsider running away, thereby forcing you to look deeper inside your own self and address your past pain. Do you see exactly how wise the Universe/God/Good forces of nature are?

I'll stop here and let you just think a bit about some of the things I've mentioned in this post.

posted May 06, 2012 10:10 PM            

Yes my Chiron is opps my Uranus
Chiron sextile Saturn

If you use chiron I have a bowl pattern with
Chiron/Saturn/Sun,moon,merc/Uranus

posted May 07, 2012 12:51 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Linda Jones:
Ooooo I'm so shaking in my boots right now

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posted May 07, 2012 03:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Linda Jones:
^^ Awww it's affectionate disrespect lol.
Affection + disrespect = FUN!

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posted May 08, 2012 02:42 PM            

We still u know didn't.... Lol...

posted May 08, 2012 08:36 PM            

Now I have some anger with my mom but not because of my childhood...
I was an only child, it was just me and her.. I know she did what she had to do to survive..
I was very lonely as a child.. I wasnt "social" I didnt have other kids to play with.. No cousins,brothers sisters.. etc..
I had very few friends, but those friendships would end at some point.. I never knew why or what I did..
My mom once I turned 19 basically said ok your an adult now.. Your on your own ( I already had a child of my own) SO she packed up and moved to another state..
She just left... She got into drugs and went down hill..(she is clean now) I was left to do it alone..
I did.. I over came it....
She wasnt there when either of my kids were born.. She refused to come to my wedding, saying " I have no reason to go to california"
I saw her once since, she moved away when SHE got married I flew to her with my husband and kids... That was 10 years ago..
I really have NO family besides my kids..
I feel horrible around Thanksgiving, christmas time... Because the kids say how come to dont go to anyones house on the holidays or no one comes over...
I have to tell them because there is no one..
I feel awful...

The same things keeps happening with everyone... Even my ex husband.. We had no plans of separation or divorce. But fate stepped in and took him away anyways.. Then his family just wanted nothing to do with me..
Its a long list of these things going on...
What can I say...
Now I did have some very traumatic experiences as a child, but well I dont want to get in to those.

As for fishy... Sighhh... I barely spoke to him last week.. So yesterday he was like I missed you soooo much, he came and picked me up, saying Ill be at your house in 15mins..
Which was awesome!
We did things, but we didnt do THAT.... He said I think we should call it a night.. I said ok...
Today he barely spoke to me.. Maybe Im being paranoid he was probably busy.. IDK...
I feel worried.. like did I offend him.. What did I do.. ( I hate this feeling) I never worry if I offended someone.. Im a LEO for god sakes, I DONT worry!!! LOL
That voice in the back of the head keeps saying... He's never going to talk to you again... I really hate that voice..

posted May 08, 2012 10:27 PM            

I know there is this emotional storm brewing between me and him... When it hits, its going to be BIG!
For the most part we talk out what ever bothers us about each other, and we just work through it, w/o an argument. Which is nice.. We havent had an argument in 7 months.. We disagree, but not argue.
But neither of us has discussed what we are "feeling" at least not like that...
I think thats why we havent argued, we both know its coming.. All heck is gonna break...
All those emotions and feelings will come screaming out...
I just dont know whos gonna break first...
You would think me... But nah I think its going to be him..
One day it almost happen, he said I CANT BELIEVE your doing this to me!!!!!!!
But I didnt want to have the "blowout" SO I kept the peace... I told him he misunderstood, and Im not doing that.
He said ooo ok.. Got it..
SO one day, he's going to say something like that to me on the wrong day.. Bam all those emotions are going to come roaring out "LEO STYLE"
SO I guess I will be the one to break.. LOL

posted May 10, 2012 07:57 PM            

How do I get rid of that run feeling? Im really feeling it alot right now...
I feel hurt and disappointed.. I wanna run away

Also I wanted to ask you what your opinion is on an aspect...

His (mean) Lilith conjuncts my Sun,Moon,Mercury
My true Lilith (BML) conjuncts his Moon..

posted May 10, 2012 10:46 PM            

But to answer your ques about BML, I've just begun to look into it and haven't completed my study of it. So I think perhaps Ceridwen would be the best person to ask on the asteroid forum. She'll be able to explain the diff. bet. Lilith and BML. BML is not an actual asteroid but an abstract point in one's chart like the Asc. or the Vertex.

Re: what you wrote in prior posts, my heart went out to you and I wanted to mention a couple of things-first I don't think your abandonment fears started at age 19 even though that was when your Mother physically moved away from your life. These types of fears usually begin very early in childhood either because of insufficient emotional attention or some other form of neglect. Could even be the absence of a Father or Father figure. Usually ages 0-4 are very imp. in a child's life.

Re: what you said about Fishy not speaking with you for a week and then calling you saying he misses you and then you spending one eve/night with him, and then him not speaking to you the next day ... this is very indicative of his deep seated intimacy issues. It's really not fair to you to be treated like this. And because you have your own issues, you leave yourself wide open to be almost at his beck and call emotionally.

This is an emotional roller coaster you're riding. When he decides that he wants to spend time with you, you do so, and this becomes a period of an emotional high. When he doesn't acknowledge you, you're miserable. In essence you've turned over your *power* to him. An then because you're hurt (understandably), you want to run to prevent yourself from hurting.

This cycle is very classic co-dependence and is not healthy. The way things are right now, I very much doubt he can be an emotionally available partner to anyone. This is why I'd said earlier that there is very little (I would say non-existent) intimacy between you two. And healthy relationships can only be built on intimacy, otherwise they don't last. And for the time period that they do, they create emotional chaos and pain in the lives of the people involved.

I know you probably don't want to hear this, yet I feel I must say this for your sake-the healthiest step to take at this time, especially for you, would be to step back from him and focus only on yourself. The emotional torture you've been putting yourself through for the last 2-3 years is actually preventing you from taking the right steps to heal from your own issues.

You can tell him this openly. He can deal with it however he wishes. If he wants he can start looking at his own issues. But that's his decision to make. You have to do what's best for you, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This current cycle could go on forever. I bet if things don't change, I could be having the same conversation with you 5 years from now.

Yes I think the Universe has brought him into your life so that you could begin to look at your own pain for the first time and heal from it. But with your focus being on him 24/7 you cannot do the necessary work needed to understand and heal. And unless you heal you will not be happy.

So it would be wise to step back from him. Try and release him with compassion mentally and emotionally and take the time for yourself. If he's meant to be in your life on a permanent basis, nobody will be able to stop that and it will happen. At this point though his presence (mental and emotional) in your life can only cause you more continued pain, keeping you in the grips of fear.

I know taking a step back is not going to be easy (I also share Moon, Sun, Venus connections with Pluto in my synastry PLUS composite). So I know that what I'm suggesting to you will not be easy at all. But you've got to hang on to the most imp. thought-that of your own emotional health.

You've been through a lot in life and you deserve to give yourself a break. I don't for a second believe what you said that you're not meant to be with anybody-that is just your fear talking. And this is why you need to work on getting rid of this fear. This is the self love you owe to yourself now.

Pluto in the 7th can also mean that you will be controlled in relationships. (It's control or be controlled-2 sides of the same coin). The only way to deal with this energy is to achieve spiritual mastery over yourself by connecting with your center-your soul. This is how you will be able to shun forever, the fear of control of another over you (which keeps making you want to run).

Please continue to post if you like. I may not be prompt in replying but I will make it a point to read your posts so that I can think about them before replying.

There's a book I'd like to suggest you read if you can get a hold of it from your local library. Will give you the name and author next time as I have to look for it.

Next time I'll speak a bit about spiritual faith which will be very imp. for you to have during your period of change, growth, and healing.

Let me know (if you like) how you view your own faith-God/Universe/Goodness, etc.-however you choose to define it. I don't mean religion-just simple faith.

posted May 10, 2012 10:56 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted May 10, 2012 11:15 PM            

I think that everything happens for a reason, and these reasons are our life lessons..

The universe has a divine plan for all of us.

I feel like I was "put" here on earth to learn/teach but not in an education way..
I have to "do" things for people..
Thats my path...

posted May 10, 2012 11:26 PM            

I didnt reply to him...
I felt like it wasn't genuine... It was cold..

posted May 10, 2012 11:39 PM            

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Originally posted by Linda Jones:
Lioness, did you get my e-mail?

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