posted May 01, 2012 02:35 AM            

I've had this song on my itunes for years now, and it just hit me that this is how depression "feels" inside of me when I get hit with it.

Aphex Twin - White Blur II

Share your experiences if you have to fight through this at times in your life, and ways how you outlet it or "show" how it feels to you.

posted May 01, 2012 08:49 AM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted May 01, 2012 01:18 PM            

I think I can pin point what exactly in your chart might be the reasoning behind why you feel this way at times. I've struggled with depression for most of my life as well. I've dealt with a great deal of adversity which didn't really help with my occasionally doom and gloom attitude about the world. And I often felt misunderstood because know one else around me (including my close friends and family) could understand me and why I was able to connect to certain things and be aware of certain subtleties in life that somewhat felt like they were haunting me. Which didn't help, it all just made me feel very alone.

I have Mercury in the 8th, and other planets in my 8th house, including Pluto here in his own home. My mind is like a free for all for the underworld. I can't hide from the demons that inhabit my mind. I've found ways of dealing with them though. I've even transformed some into angels. But it's all a work in progress. They tempt your mind and lure you into their cages. Resulting in you feeling very isolated and alone. You're not, even though it feels that way in that lonely place called your mind.

I'm a Libra with my whole chart filled with masculine signs. You'd think I'd be the happiest person on the planet with all that Air and Fire in my chart but I'm not. My 8th house energy allows me to understand too much and to be aware of everything. It's like a flickering light in my brain that never shuts off and never stops flickering! It NEVER shuts off. There is never peace, and when I feel even slightly depressed, the demons come out of hiding. My bouts of depression were tremendously bad when I was in my teens. If felt like I was being haunted by my thoughts every living moment, left and right, caged in my own body but not allowed to escape. I had to learn how to understand myself better which wasn't easy.

How I see it is, the only way to free yourself is to understand more and more about who you are as a person and why you sometimes feel a particular way? Why you allow your thoughts to work against you at times feeding the demons? You are in charge of your mind, your body and the world you choose to inhabit within yourself. The world in these moments feels like a dark and desolate place, with misery seeping from every corner. You're surrounded by people basking in the light of the sun, while you sit in the shadows shivery with destructive thought patterns wondering how they can be so oblivious to the world and to the darkness. In a sense some of them are oblivious and some of them aren't, it's just not everyone experiences the world as you do. I can tell with your 8th house energy you're pretty connected and you "see" a lot out there in the world and within other people. It's a lot and having Libra Rising doesn't do much help in these moments because all you want is peace and love. Not to be so aware of all this darkness, or to find a better way of accepting it along with the lightness. You can't walk the path of truth without knowing BOTH lightness and darkness. The good thing about having Libra on the Ascendant and your Mercury in Gemini is with your awareness and mental agility you can learn to balance these tendencies and not allow yourself to get so lost in the depths. The world is a beautiful place, living is a gift and it might not feel that way at times because when you're depressed it seems like nothing can turn your world around. But you can. It's something you have to practice within yourself. The demons will live and thrive within your mind, and pull you into frequent stages of depression if you allow them to. It's all about how you see the world and what you do with that awarness. It doesn't mean denying the truth, just finding an easier way to accept it, it means stirring the course so you do not allow that awareness to be the destruction of you. If you can overcome this, you'll be an even more incredible person than you are already and you could make a big difference in the lives of others. 8th house energy is all about healing, you're meant to change lives. With Libra Rising you can apply objective perspective to understanding the depths within you and not get lost in their murky waters. You've got a vision and it can't be swallowed up by the games you reluctantly play with your mind.

I don't go through bouts of depression as much anymore as an adult. They aren't as bad as they used to be. I'm still growing and evolving, and learning more about my complex mind and body everyday. When I feel like I'm falling into depressive states I like to connect (speak) to the Universe. For the most part we are in constant communication. I do what I do best which is connect. Remember, when you're no longer in search of peace, when you no longer desperately crave it, you'll realize your surrounded entirely by it. Within you and around you.

The band that saved me when I was much younger was this British band Zero 7. Hands down still one of my favorite bands. I saw them live in concert and they were amazing. To cheer myself up I listen to them. Here's a song called "In The Waiting Line" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jj6yXxVc21Y

Mogwai another UK band is incredible. When I'm feeling really low, I like to listen to one of their songs called "Take Me Somewhere Nice" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHO6pbjQ9ec

posted May 01, 2012 03:02 PM            

I see you have Saturn in your 3rd, along with Neptune and Uranus, all retro. Mercury is also retro. You have a bit of karma regarding this, it seems. I myself have Sat in the 9th, also retro, opp Mercury and 3rd house ruler, Mars (noticed you have this one too - Sat opp Mars).

I don't know, I guess my struggle has been mostly because I believed my life lacked meaning, like I had no real purpose on this planet. So I try to find things I am good at, learn new things as often as I can. I am not religious, perhaps that would have kept me on the right path, but I am spiritual. Having a firm belief system has also helped. I try to include as many activities that make me feel good as possible, reading, watching a movie, going to the opera, driving, shopping, whatever I am in the mood for. I try to spoil myself every chance I get. Music has helped me a lot too and writing on forums, too. I've been a member here since 2006 and have vented my share lol. LL is a very sympathetic and caring environment! It is good to express how you feel, as often as you can. Write about your life experience, let the pain out. I know it is hard, but you have to work through the pain towards healing.

posted May 01, 2012 03:15 PM            

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posted May 01, 2012 03:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Joan
We have had issues with each other so I put this out there as a question.I am feeling you have a certain asteroid conjunct the ASC. This would be a cause for issues in your life.If you want me to tell you what I think, I will. Then, you can go look it up and see if you have it.

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Don't worry about the ISSUES I have in my life Ami. You know nothing about me. And wow, interesting that you assume that if there's a reason for better understanding our (you and I) issues it's within MY own natal chart? RIGHT? I see, the problem is with ME! Got it. Because communication isn't evidently A TWO WAY STREET! Meaning it must NEVER be a failure on both party's who choose to engage in discourse. Ok, yeah, that makes complete rational sense.

Ami you are not going to psychoanalyze my chart. You've already got deep seated judgments about me and I about you, therefore your assessment could not possibly be objective. I know a great deal about astrology and the quips and quirks in my own chart. I'll deal with me, and you deal with you. And I'm going to keep far away from anything related to your threads from here on as I've already done on GU. I am choosing not to associate with you, you don't have to grant me the same courtesy.
I'm just letting you know, in the future why I'm not responding to you. We don't get along. And I'm not going to attempt to be schooled by an individual who claims the problems with trying to communicate with another rest solely on the issues within the 'other' said person. I know myself Ami, don't even attempt to tell me, about myself. You don't know me. Somehow I need to scream this to a satellite so the message can be projected ten fold across the entire planet. The message doesn't seem to get through writing, I guess. Don't worry about me, and I'll continue not wasting energy on trying to understand you.

posted May 01, 2012 04:21 PM            

I should have said this in the OP, but I am not in a depressive state right now. I snapped out of it a week or two ago. I am sorry if I worried anyone. Either way, I still very much everyone's kind words and words of encouragement. Truly. I will write a more detailed reply and response when I have free time. Perhaps later tonight, or tomorrow.

Joan, I would enjoy connecting to you via email. If you use facebook, feel free to find me. Just search for my name: Pieter, and I live in Corvallis, OR. You should be able to find me. I'd post my email here, but I know that is against the rules.

posted May 01, 2012 05:16 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted May 01, 2012 09:27 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tautomer4314:
Joan, I would enjoy connecting to you via email. If you use facebook, feel free to find me...I'd post my email here, but I know that is against the rules.

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posted May 02, 2012 03:47 AM            

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quote:

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Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.

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posted May 02, 2012 03:38 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tautomer4314:
I have an exam in 45 minutes so I have to make this post short.

I should have said this in the OP, but I am not in a depressive state right now. I snapped out of it a week or two ago. I am sorry if I worried anyone. Either way, I still very much everyone's kind words and words of encouragement. Truly. I will write a more detailed reply and response when I have free time. Perhaps later tonight, or tomorrow.

Joan, I would enjoy connecting to you via email. If you use facebook, feel free to find me. Just search for my name: Pieter, and I live in Corvallis, OR. You should be able to find me. I'd post my email here, but I know that is against the rules.

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posted May 02, 2012 03:59 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
I burnout, which could be similar. I think it's from the tenth house moon and the t-squares to it. I really really need to take vacations as I've found out. I hate that TBH. I never took summer vacations coz I think down time makes me anxious as well. But when I burnout it's a 1000 times more unproductive so this is something I hafta keep an eye on. And it's hard because no one will tell u it's bad to work too much because hard work, accomplishment, achievement blah blah is so looked up to.

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All the Bulls I know in real life are workacholics lol. Oh, I can tell you it's bad to work too much if no one else does! lol I burnout too, but it's mostly emotional exhaustion than physical or intellectual (Cancer on the 6th H cusp). However, I've been in the shoes of the girlfriend, daughter, friend of workacholic Bulls and did not like it one bit, so I try not to do it to others as much as possible. It's just not worth it, regardless of how important your career is, IMO. But then again I don't have world domination as a primary goal in life lol.

posted May 02, 2012 04:03 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted May 02, 2012 05:02 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted May 02, 2012 10:30 PM            

I was really depressed a few times in my life, and this song is a good representation of how I felt: everything was monotonous. There were no thrills, no horrors, just tedium.

posted May 02, 2012 11:29 PM            

Will have to second that.

posted May 03, 2012 04:40 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
All the Bulls I know in real life are workacholics lol. Oh, I can tell you it's bad to work too much if no one else does! lol I burnout too, but it's mostly emotional exhaustion than physical or intellectual (Cancer on the 6th H cusp). However, I've been in the shoes of the girlfriend, daughter, friend of workacholic Bulls and did not like it one bit, so I try not to do it to others as much as possible. It's just not worth it, regardless of how important your career is, IMO. But then again I don't have world domination as a primary goal in life lol.

It's not quite the same thing with depression though. It can trigger it, though, so try and schedule some lazy time in the sun too.

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posted May 04, 2012 04:13 PM            

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Originally posted by charmainec:
Joan, add me too or email me and I'll send you the link. Click on my name in the top left corner of the forum for my email.

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Hey Charm, I sent you an email, check your inbox pretty please.