posted May 05, 2012 08:41 PM            

We want you to be strong on the big things.If you let us win on the small things, that is kewl. Just retain your dignity, always. A woman may try to get the better of you but she doesn't want you to give in.

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posted May 05, 2012 08:45 PM            

Everything else will show up naturally as well. IOW, I don't need to test, I just need to pay attention.

As for that juvenile test in the cinema you mentioned I'd never do that. If I wanted to sit elsewhere I'd ask to, but if it was really important to him then I'd be flexible. If he accommodated me then I'd be grateful that he cared enough to be flexible himself.

If he insisted on having his way all the time without compromise then I'd dismiss him as a jerk and spoiled brat but I'm not going to label a guy that way because he insisted on sitting somewhere specific at the movies. If he always did what I wanted without asserting his own desires and interests then I might consider him spineless (which can be pathetic like the main character in the TZ ep Time Enough At Last) and/or someone who goes along with whatever someone else wants to do while silently seething and then exploding one day (and I really don't want to be there when he explodes at me). Or maybe, just like me, he's flexible, and that's a plus. It depends on the big picture, not one little incident.

I wouldn't test anyone that way, and if they tested me and put a lot of importance on how I reacted then I'd consider them juvenile (assuming I realized what was happening) and probably walk out...and I'd advise a man to do the same. (However, don't assume just because she wants something different that she's trying to establish "who's in charge.")

posted May 05, 2012 09:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
Any tests can be discussed here...including reasons for them...but I have one I read about today. I may post the whole article later after I get opinions. Movie date early in the relationship (not necessarily the first date). Guy wants to sit down near the middle, but the girl goes to the front row and tells the guy to sit up there with her. Is it a test to see if the guy will give in and show a lack of assertiveness? Women want a man who is a leader and who they can't control. But if the guy refuses to sit there, isn't he just being a brat? Solution? It's a shame girls have to test at all, but I understand why they might have to. But what is the right answer in the above scenario?

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Uhhh...
I'm not a very good woman as I don't understand this either.

posted May 05, 2012 09:18 PM            

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posted May 05, 2012 09:49 PM            

Having said that, the movie scene described is a silly "test". The silliness/pettiness of a test is indicative of the person's level of self esteem, i.e., the more petty a test, the lower the self esteem of the person doing the testing.

Now, from the beginning of time (it seems), women have felt the need to manipulate men (I put testing in the category of manipulation), because of the "fragility" of the famous male ego. Somehow, women have felt that they cannot outright ask for whatever it is they're looking for, for fear of hurting the man's ego. Conversely, they've felt that if the male ego is "stroked" (yuck), they can get what they want from him. This pretty much, imo, amounts to trickery and deceit. However, when looked at from another pov, pretty much all societies in the world are dominated by men with women having to take a "back seat" on important issues as they've not enjoyed equality with men. So they feel compelled to use whatever is in their "arsenal"-whether it is sex or mental/emotional manipulation to get that equality or fairness from men.

In previous generations, when men and women had well defined roles things were much easier for both as both knew what was expected of them.

As women have increasingly begun to participate outside the home and family and have begun to expect more equality, things have become more confusing especially for men. The change has been faster in women so men are often left wondering about what their role is on a mental/emotional/psychological level with women. Sometimes they probably wonder whether they're even needed anymore.

Ultimately, I feel the cause of these types of relationship issues actually lie in the differences in the male and female brains. The brain differences cause men and women to not understand each other, leading to a whole host of problems/frustrations between them.

If men and women could learn to speak each others' different languages, these issues could be settled amicably. Learning to speak each others' language is not easy but with effort it can be done. This is the only way to peace between the two.

posted May 05, 2012 09:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Randall, let me ask you this? Do guys test woman to see how strong woman are in themselves?

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posted May 05, 2012 10:03 PM            

"the problem with testing is that it is intentionally trying to illicit a response,which is manipulation no matter how you try to sugarcoat it."

posted May 05, 2012 10:07 PM            

Kewl This is to any of our manly men

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posted May 05, 2012 10:10 PM            

- whether or not they have outdated/chauvinistic views
- whether we are at the same point in life in terms of what we want out of a relationship.
- whether they do exactly what they said they will do, when they said they will do it (trustworthiness/conscientiousness.
- whether they can take accountability for their own actions and recognize that they have made a mistake.

posted May 05, 2012 10:58 PM            

Other women want to be Daddy's little princess. They would want you to give in and feel unloved or undesired if you don't because if you loved her (or even just found her desirable) then you should be wrapped around her little finger. So in this case you should give in.

posted May 05, 2012 11:04 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:

Kewl This is to any of our manly men

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posted May 05, 2012 11:13 PM            

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posted May 05, 2012 11:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
I don't test anyone, I just watch how they treat other people.

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posted May 06, 2012 12:54 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Linda Jones:
As women have increasingly begun to participate outside the home and family and have begun to expect more equality, things have become more confusing especially for men. The change has been faster in women so men are often left wondering about what their role is on a mental/emotional/psychological level with women. Sometimes they probably wonder whether they're even needed anymore.

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posted May 06, 2012 03:03 AM            

I admit I like aggressive men but I wouldnt test it... It shows right off the bat..
Example if a guy asks a girl out,and then goes and picks her up and spends 20 mins figuring out what to do or where to go.. Is not aggressive in my book..
I do know its being considerate.. But thats putting the girl on the spot...
He should have where/what planned..
He he asks me I say IDK... you decide...

posted May 06, 2012 09:45 AM            

How he reacts to my ordering expensive is the test.
If he doesn't bat an eye, he's probably bad with money. (or has a lot of money, which is unlikely but I'd know before hand anyway).
If he tries to change my mind to something less expensive, he's too cheap.

If he finds that fine line between the two reactions, then we're good.

posted May 06, 2012 11:25 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
But at dinner, I told her to get anything she wanted, and all she ordered was a burger! Didn't know how to interpret that.

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posted May 06, 2012 11:45 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Linda Jones:
One (or all) of the 3:
-she was being considerate in not wanting you to have to spend too much on her meal
-she hadn't eaten a burger in days and was craving one.
-she had eaten earlier before the date and ... well, one can always find room for a burger.

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Who eats before a date?! lol

Reminds me of when I went out to eat with my friend's parents as a kid. They told me to pick whatever I wanted, so I got the grilled cheese. They thought it was because I was being polite and didn't want to spend their money... no, I just really wanted a grilled cheese. XD

A salad could be a bad sign. A steak would be me, but could also a bad sign for a different reason. A burger is right in between those two, a safe alternative and tasty. For an order of a burger the test isn't what's picked, but how it's eaten. If she didn't pick up a knife and fork to eat the burger or have half of it in her lap by the time she was done eating, it's a good thing.

Guys test women too, "whatever you want" is the code words for that test.

mmmm, and now I really want a proper burger. thanks for that -.- hehe

posted May 06, 2012 11:52 AM            

I used to do tests and play games when I was a teen or very early 20s. Now I'd like to think I've matured a bit, into a woman who's not afraid to say directly what she wants, how she wants it. Ha! There are times when the details are so minor and insignificant - like the movie thing - that I don't even pay attention to them. Who cares where we sit as long as I'm with the one I love??? I think it's more about the company than the minor details of the date. But that's just me.

posted May 06, 2012 11:54 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
Would it be appropriate to say something like: "I'll meet you halfway, and we can sit in the back. It's more fun back there anyway." Or say: "Okay. You win. Give me a hug." And then gently and playfully throw her over your shoulders and take her to the middle. Or would that be too much? And what are some tests women use?

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I would FREAK OUT if a guy tried to playfully pick me up and take me somewhere on our first date. Not because I wouldn't think it was sweet in hindsight, but because it would be out of the norm and crossing boundaries without permission which would cause an immediate freak out reaction.

I'd say, if a woman wants to sit in the front row, she's not interested in you. The further back she wants to sit, the more interested she is in you. But if you do choose to sit with her in the front AND she is actually interested, then you get a free neck massage later.