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Author
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Topic: Why is it that people get mad at the other man/woman when their partner cheats?
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aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 2495
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted June 01, 2012 12:46 PM
  
I have noticed that when most people discover that their partner is cheating, they are more angry at and give most of the blame to the other man/woman. The man who discovers that his wife/gf is cheating is eager to kick the other guy's a** and the woman wants to claw the mistress, why is this? The cheating partner is the one who betrayed you and broke your trust, the partner didnt have to sleep with the person and they did anyways. Chances are the other man/woman were just as clueless as you are. I know,i was unknowingly the other guy once. I had got a girls number and had went on 3 dates with her, i had no idea she was in a "commited relationship of 3 years" the only conversations we had were about me and her. So anyway the boyfriend called me up cussing me out and wanting to meet up to fight,and i calmly tried explaining to him that i had no idea that she was taken,if i had known that i wouldnt have touched her with a 10 foot pole.but he wouldnt hear any of it, it was all my fault,and his sweet innocent woman took no part in it. When in all reality she was the aggressor,she asked me out. IP: Logged |
Yin
Moderator Posts: 2652
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 01, 2012 01:18 PM
Nobody wants to think of their partner as a cheater and a betrayer so people come with with all kinds of defense mechanisms, the biggest one being denial.IP: Logged |
Delilah
Knowflake Posts: 580
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 01, 2012 01:48 PM
^Exactly. When people find out that their significant other is fooling around it's somehow better to not see that they did so on their own. There's a part of you that wants to believe that your other half is so in love with you and innocent that someone else had to come along and bewitch them into betraying you. It's easier to blame everything on the other person than admit that things in your relationship aren't working or that your s/o is a royal douche.IP: Logged |
ghanima81
Moderator Posts: 911
From: Maine
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 01, 2012 02:34 PM
I agree with both Yin and Delilah. Having been on both sides of this issue, that's exactly what happens, and why. My first real LOVE left me for another girl, after having lied to me about it for months. And sure, I was hurt by him, but I was ENRAGED towards her. I actually saw her once at a comedy show and my lesser self may have elbowed her in the head... Oops... (I was only 19) My ex (ex ex) still can't forgive the person that I chose over him. Although I am not with either of them, and it's been over 3 years, he can't let it go and won't blame me for it as if I didn't know what I was doing. Um, dude, we were miserable, you were trying to step out on me all the time, but yeah, it's all *his* fault. Duh. IP: Logged |
cappy1277
Moderator Posts: 1057
From: philadelphia,pa
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted June 01, 2012 05:00 PM
ego...it's like a dog ******* on a fire hydrant and then watching another dog ******* on it...lolIP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 7846
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 01, 2012 05:48 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
I have noticed that when most people discover that their partner is cheating, they are more angry at and give most of the blame to the other man/woman. The man who discovers that his wife/gf is cheating is eager to kick the other guy's a** and the woman wants to claw the mistress, why is this?
They're stupid and they like wasting time. I agree with your points. The focus should stay on the partner.IP: Logged |
cappy1277
Moderator Posts: 1057
From: philadelphia,pa
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted June 01, 2012 06:16 PM
I was in that kind of position before. I could have called the other woman, asked a bunch of questions, reamed her out, kicked her butt but it's not her fault. I took it out on him...he made the conscious decision to do what he did. We were the innocent players in it. It takes a mature mind to think like that....when people act like that, it's almost like an instinctual need to wipe out the competition so that they don't have anyone to contend with any more. I say good riddance...who would want to be with someone who is emotionally retarded and lacks integrity. Your mate is a reflection of your character....IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Knowflake Posts: 500
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted June 01, 2012 07:34 PM
What I hate is when another woman confronts me for moving on her man when not only am I not, but sometimes I barely even noticed he existed. There are also women who hate other women as automatic competition, especially if she fears her man--or even the guy she wants to be her man--might notice you and be distracted from her, even for a second. These are among the most pathetic, insecure women in existence. I've had the urge to get violent with such women a couple of times (granted, they got belligerent with me in their insecurity and it was more their stupid belligerence than insecurity that rankled me) though I've managed to overcome the temptation and console myself that their sad existence is its own punishment and I should focus on pitying them until I can escape them ASAP. (ETA: they might provoke such strong reactions from me because when I was 13 I got beat up really bad by a 16-year-old and her friends because she didn't like the way her boyfriend was looking at me and she told me outright she hoped I'd be so ugly when they were done with me that he'd be repulsed rather than attracted...and they succeeded.) As for cheating, I hold the cheater responsible as I'm aware the other person may not be aware of the sitch. And even if the other person knows I'd consider it irrelevant (unless a friend and thus a betrayal, though luckily this hasn't happened to me) as I hold people responsible for their own actions and how they respond to temptation. IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1471
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted June 01, 2012 10:01 PM
Because people are weak and the slighted party hates the other man/woman for exploiting that.IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 4201
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted June 02, 2012 06:09 AM
I would take it all out on my partner lol! Sometimes the girl doesn't even say she has a bf. whose fault is that really..IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 2895
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted June 02, 2012 06:33 AM
Personally, I think that they should be equally upset with both, with the only exception being if the other man/woman did not know and had no real reason to suspect that their partner was already taken.
IP: Logged |
Delilah
Knowflake Posts: 580
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 02, 2012 06:48 AM
Well, I know of a very sticky situation between friends. One is dating a former friend, which I haven't the slightest problem with. However, our mutual friend has caused so many problems in his former and current relationships. This girl will not stop openly and awkwardly flirting with him and she's behaved in a way that has made him uncomfortable and led his ex and current girlfriend to believe that she was trying to "steal" him. The ex, when they were dating, took her frustrations out on the so-called friend. His current gf did the same, but she just won't stop.I have to admit that he was and is innocent in both scenarios. He's never flirted back and has even told her to stop, but she won't listen. We even went out, without his gf, and the "friend" grabbed his hand when he and I were joking around and tried to drag him along, holding his hand in front of a lot of people to see. Before this happened, his girlfriend confronted her about her behavior and the "friend" did not defend herself. She whined about it and changed the story enough so that people would take her side and call the girlfriend insecure. So, sometimes there is a legitimate reason to go after the other person. Not to flip flop from my first statement, but sometimes there are headache inducing situations like this. IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 1488
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted June 02, 2012 08:00 AM
Well this might be too abstract, but here's what I'm thinking:I think the reason people get so angry at the third person is because there isn't a specific moral rule about it that they can fall back on. In other words, without a logical and acceptable argument against the cheater's mistress or other man, people just go nuts. But if everyone agreed that it's slimy to take someone who is taken, then the betrayed party wouldn't feel the need to work so hard getting their point across. On a related note, the best that Jennifer Aniston could say about Angelina is, "That was very uncool." Aniston put a lot of work into herself, did a lot of yoga, and managed to make a relatively calm statement about a painful issue. Some people reading that might say that Aniston should have had no gripe whatsoever with Angelina- "All is fair in love and war." So to them, even saying that Angelina was "uncool" might have been misplaced anger. But I don't think so. If you seduce someone else's man or woman, be prepared for a little backlash. The degree of the backlash reflects the whole situation, not just the jilted lover's overall mental state. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 2495
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted June 02, 2012 12:32 PM
@ faith, if the third person knows your partner is taken but goes ahead with the affair anyways, than yea I agree you have a right to be mad. But I personally think in most cases the third person is just as clueless as you are.IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 7846
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 02, 2012 11:10 PM
You can only seduce the willing, if they cannot give their consent then it's rape. Again, the focus should remain on the partner. Anything other than that is flat out abusive, should you go ahead to take your anger out on the 3rd party. Might as well go on Springer about it cos that's what you'll look like, some deranged animal. Course some people don't care and have their so-called pride to protect.   I don't have any respect for men or women who engage in this nonsense. Waste of time, just get the priorities in line and fix whatever is wrong or leave. KISS.IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 32855
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 02, 2012 11:13 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Lonake:
You can only seduce the willing, if they cannot give their consent then it's rape. Again, the focus should remain on the partner. Anything other than that is [b]flat out abusive, should you go ahead to take your anger out on the 3rd party. Might as well go on Springer about it cos that's what you'll look like, some deranged animal. Course some people don't care and have their so-called pride to protect. I don't have any respect for men or women who engage in this nonsense. Waste of time, just get the priorities in line and fix whatever is wrong or leave. KISS.[/B]
You are so kewl, Lonake  ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 1488
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted June 04, 2012 10:10 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
@ faith, if the third person knows your partner is taken but goes ahead with the affair anyways, than yea I agree you have a right to be mad. But I personally think in most cases the third person is just as clueless as you are.
Oh I wasn't saying anyone has a "right" to be mad, I think that all depends on the situation, how much I can relate to someone getting mad...but I tend to not think in terms of people having rights like that. I was just saying, meddling people should be prepared for backlash. You couldn't have, because you didn't know. It was just unfortunate you got caught up in that.
IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 7846
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 05, 2012 05:10 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
You are so kewl, Lonake
Wink. Right back atcha 
IP: Logged |
MoonWitch
Moderator Posts: 965
From: The Beach
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 05, 2012 09:19 PM
I've been cheated on my several different men. The ONLY time I've been mad at the other woman is when she knew me personally and knew the man was in a relationship with me. Even then, I was always way more upset with the man in the relationship with me.I don't know why someone would get so upset at the other woman if the other woman didn't even know. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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