posted June 01, 2012 09:32 PM            

This has only happened to me a couple of times & only in online life. Been thinking about it tonight and finding it quite perplexing. Words can and often are taken the wrong way over the internet, i suppose......but still....hate is a pretty strong word & feeling...

& I can't think of anyone that I "hate", so it's weird to me.

posted June 01, 2012 10:34 PM            

How To Recognize and Avoid This Defense Mechanism

Psychological projection is a defense mechanism people subconsciously employ in order to cope with difficult feelings or emotions. Psychological projection involves projecting undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else, rather than admitting to or dealing with the unwanted feelings. Have you ever disliked someone only to become convinced that the person had a vendetta against you? This is a common example of psychological projection. Luckily, there are methods you can use to identify why you are projecting your emotions and put a stop to this coping mechanism.

The Basics of Psychological Projection
The theory of psychological projection was developed by Sigmund Freud, an Austrian psychologist commonly referred to as the “father of psychoanalysis.” For this reason, psychological projection is sometimes called “Freudian projection.” During his sessions with patients, Freud noticed that they would sometimes accuse others of having the same feelings they themselves were demonstrating. By engaging in this behavior, the patient was better able to deal with the emotions he or she was experiencing.

The classic example of Freudian projection is that of a woman who has been unfaithful to her husband but who accuses her husband of cheating on her. Another example of psychological projection is someone who feels a compulsion to steal things then projects those feelings onto others. She might begin to fear that her purse is going to be stolen or that she is going to be shortchanged when she buys something.

Projection is not always as dramatic or as easily identifiable, however. An instance of projection that most people can relate to is when they come across someone they do not like, but are forced to interact with on a somewhat-polite level. For example, Jessica begins to resent her sister-in-law, Carla, for being so close to her husband.

Jessica knows that she has to be nice to Carla for her husband’s sake. Over time, however, Jessica begins to notice that Carla does not like her either.

Whenever there is a family gathering, Jessica thinks that Carla is being snippy with her, especially when Jessica’s husband is in the room. Jessica explains to her husband that she has tried as hard as she can, but the reason why she does not like Carla is because Carla does not like her. As you can see, Jessica has projected her feelings of dislike and resentment onto Carla.

Why Do We Project?
As mentioned earlier, projection is used as a defense mechanism, and defense mechanisms are used to cope with feelings and emotions that we have trouble expressing or coming to terms with.

To return to the Jessica and Carla example: Jessica has a hard time coming to terms with the fact that she resents her sister-in-law. She may feel guilty about being jealous of the time Carla spends with her husband, or she may worry that her feelings will be noticed by other members of the family, who will then think badly of her. Jessica then subconsciously projects her feelings onto Carla which gives her an excuse for disliking her. Instead of having to face these feelings of dislike and resentment on her own, she is able to project her feelings on another person.

Psychological projection is one of many defense mechanisms people engage in on a regular basis.

Other common defense mechanisms include:

Denial - Refusing to admit to yourself that something is real (e.g., not believing the doctor when she tells you some particularly bad news about your health).

Distortion - Changing the reality of a situation to suit your needs (e.g., thinking that your boyfriend cheated on you because he was scared of commitment).

Passive Aggression - Indirectly acting out your aggression (e.g., purposely parking in your co-worker’s parking spot as retribution for a previous dispute).

Repression - Covering up feelings or emotions instead of coming to terms with them (e.g., being unable to recall the details of a car crash you were involved in – the brain sometimes purposely “loses” these memories to help you cope).

Sublimination - Converting negative feelings into positive actions (e.g., cleaning the house whenever you are angry about something).

Dissociation - Substantially but temporarily changing your personality to avoid feeling emotion (e.g., trying to “keep yourself together” at a funeral for the benefit of others).

Defense mechanisms are not always unhealthy. In fact, some defense mechanisms are essential to coping with stressful events. For example, humor is an example of a positive defense mechanism that people employ to deal with stress in life. Using humor in a difficult situation allows you to get your feelings out into the open and also brings pleasure to others by making them laugh.
How to Stop Projecting
Unfortunately, most people do not realize that they have succumbed to psychological projection until it is too late. However, there are steps you can take to identify whether you are engaging in psychological projection in order to avoid doing it in the future.

A good place to start is to examine the negative relationships in your life. Who don’t you get along with at work or in your family? Do you feel as though someone is out to get you? Try to determine where the animosity began. In some cases, you may find that speaking with a therapist will help you examine these relationships more honestly and openly than you are able to do by yourself.

Once you have identified that you are engaging in psychological projection, you will become more aware of this tendency during future interactions. Try to face problems and disputes head on rather than becoming defensive. The key is to be able to recognize when you are using a defense mechanism and learn how to respond in a more positive manner.

Different Types of Psychological Projection
Projection is not always a negative mechanism. Although the Freudian theory of projection assumes that the projected feelings tend to be undesirable, there are other types of projection that are more positive and productive.
Complementary projection, for example, is a type of projection where one assumes that other people share the same opinions that he or she does. This phenomenon is quite common. For instance, whenever you hear a story about an animal that has been mistreated, you are shocked to discover that not everyone shares the same views regarding animal cruelty as you. Likewise, although you cannot possibly see how other people perceive color, you assume that everyone sees the color blue the same way you do. In this sense, you are projecting your perception of color onto everyone else.

Complimentary projection is slightly different and not as common. People who employ complimentary projection assume that everyone has the same skills and ability as they do. For example, someone who is skilled in the kitchen might assume that everyone else is able to make a soufflé with as much ease as they do. Of course, we all know that this is not the case.

Psychological projection is not the healthiest way to deal with emotions, however, it is a difficult habit for some people to break. Next time you begin to project your feelings onto someone else, stop and ask yourself why you are engaging in this behavior. You will find that it is much easier to deal with the monsters in your head rather than project the negative emotions you are experiencing onto others.

posted June 01, 2012 11:10 PM            

I am sooooo very guilty of the projection issue. I don't know why, but I always feel like people are against me. I generally do not voice this fear. In fact, this may be the first time I've ever admitted this. I am on the defensive all the time. Not even just for myself, but for everyone around me. Insofar as feeling like cars on the road are intentionally messing with me. Its gotten worse since an incident years ago, and I try my hardest every moment to curb this completely irrational fear of always "doing something wrong". Seriously. Every moment. At work. With family and friends. It can be so overwhelming at times that I begin to have attacks. I use every possible ounce of mental energy not to react to these fears or let anyone see my "crazy" as I call it.

posted June 01, 2012 11:42 PM            

Generally even if i detect something aimed negatively at me, or see someone trying to hook me in, i will ignore it.

One person has been passive aggressive with me a few times and i began to realize (though already suspected) that they didnt actually like me, but were pretending to. I ignored the comments almost completely, played dumb, so they'd think what they said went over my head and I could avoid the negative energy and potential drama. I'd rather have someone think i'm an idiot and that they got one up on me, than argue anymore.

I happen to like the person, but don't think they ever really liked me and that's what the problem is.

But yes, we are all human and all guilty of these defense mechanisms at some point or another. It can be good to become more aware of them and break a potentially negative cycle/mindframe. Anger and "hating" festers and builds and it's really not worth it because it only hurts yourself.

posted June 02, 2012 01:48 AM            

Online it's a lot simpler. It's been years since I've been worried who likes me or who I like, or who thinks I don't like them, my Astral is completely detached to people online. That's just the way it is, my RL is much too important. I just go with what I feel. I visit a lot of forums so I've learned real quick how to handle wierd vibes. (don't like the word hate.)

In real life If someone thought I hated them, I'd ask.

Though, hate is pretty strong.
I've felt prickles/darts of energy though. If it feels off I have learned to just leave it and don't get into the 'dance' of drama. To me it all boils down to energy... I like to leave words out of it in general.

I would be worried to find that a person thinks I hate them.
Embarrassing perhaps? I would try to fix it if they approached me about it. If it's a person I don't really know, then I wouldn't bother.

posted June 02, 2012 02:19 AM            

Yeah, hate is a strong word as well as the slang "haters".
I usually feel things in my gut in different forms of energy sensations depending on what's going on.

I don't think i'd be embarrassed to know it, but would feel sorry for the person that they confused matters enough to cause tension where there shouldnt be any. What a waste of energy...to get angry over something that never happened.

All in all, how people feel about me is their own prerogative and I would never try to "fix" it, because they are entitled to think and feel what they want to and I don't feel the need to prove anything to them.

posted June 02, 2012 02:26 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RedScorp:
Eh, happens all da time! People are under wrong impressions...just gotta rectify dat stuff!

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Tell me about it!! LOL I've been privy to a few (secretly).

I can either laugh it off (because if you think about it, it's funny) and continue on with life, or confront them privately.

I have no desire to confront any of them or talk to them for a number of reasons. This thread should get people thinking about what they actually know and don't know about people. What is simply rumor and gossip, or their own jealousies or anger or what.

Thankfully I have had a friend here stick up for me a number of times to one particular person. Which I thought was nice.

Sometimes it does bother me - what is thought and said (who likes rumors and untruths said about them?)....but it doesnt bother me for too long. I'm lucky in that that kind of crap rolls off my back easily.

posted June 02, 2012 02:26 AM            

Online... not so much. lol

posted June 02, 2012 02:26 AM            

I'm loyal. I do not turn my back on those I love. I don't follow the masses and make my own decissions.

posted June 02, 2012 02:37 AM            

& it's not that "I'm good" (in the way you meant it)......i've just put into practice things I've learned along my spiritual path and it helps in these situations.

posted June 02, 2012 02:41 AM            

quote:

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They are online too. People who take delight in gossip and cyber bullying. They are couple of them still lurking in the shadows but one in particular who doesn't like me but pretends she does. She jabs at me whenever she can, very passive aggressive..then plays innocent, pretending she knows nothing when she knows exactly what she did. She has to put up her "nice" act so that people thinks she's a nice person but she knows EXACTLX what she is doing. Has many people fooled and hates/targets/dislikes me for the wrong reasons.

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posted June 02, 2012 02:44 AM            

Good that you don't follow the masses. I don't either, here on LL, or out in the world (obviously).

posted June 02, 2012 02:50 AM            

quote:

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I spent so long worrying about that kind of thing (and still slip into it at times), that I'm annoyed that I gave my power away

(I feel like my brain was rewired, and I was almost apologizing for existing for years - one reason to just keep to myself and just not deal with anyone who didn't already know me.) I try to remind myself of the times when I was wrong, try not to dwell on that (otherwise I get depressed), and remind myself that, eventually, it should sort itself out.

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I can so relate to this....more in my past self. I guess it's needed for people like us who feel everything deeply. Hurts, but eventually makes you grow stronger.....or...sometimes harder. A bit of both.

posted June 02, 2012 02:51 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:

I don't follow the masses either, and that's one thing that's made me a target. I don't naturally "fit".

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posted June 02, 2012 02:54 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
<~~~

I don't follow the masses either, and that's one thing that's made me a target. I don't naturally "fit".

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Likewise.
Yep, Teasel. Someone you know. Not an FB person. That's all I'm saying about it. Going to tuck in. Nighty, night.

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quote:

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Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.

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posted June 02, 2012 02:59 AM            

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quote:

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Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.

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posted June 02, 2012 03:05 AM            

Night, charmaine.

I don't know if I'll be able to get any sleep tonight. My schedule has been all messed up, after briefly righting it, and I need to be able to get out of here tomorrow - and Sunday.

posted June 02, 2012 03:14 AM            

My sleeping schedule is off too. Just finished up watching a couple of shows i missed this week.

Yes, the planetary energy is intense atm. As is uaually the case with Lunar eclipses anyway.

Will email you a bit later, or after some sleep.