posted June 27, 2012 10:48 AM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted June 28, 2012 09:08 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:

I'm very happy you're recovering from it, dear Ami! Life is beautiful and it is a shame that ppl stuck in depression do not come to enjoy it..

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Thank you, Hera. You know my struggle, as I started it on here :heart!

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted June 28, 2012 12:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Only God pulls me out of the hellish depths of depression.

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Yes, I hear you, Ian

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted July 04, 2012 08:28 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by saronna:
why were you so depressed

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Did you mean Ian or me? xx

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted July 05, 2012 11:14 AM            

There is a chemical component to clinical depression, there is such a thing as a sick brain, an organ that can get sick just like all the rest of the human body.

That is my case, due to PTSD, altered brain chemistry and to boot, it wasnt enough that the chemical alteration of the catecholamines in my brain have taken their toll on my heart, now I have to be on a beta blocker just to protect my heart, but beta blockers are notorioius for creating a feeling of depression and xtream lethargy...

Vicious, vicious circle.

posted July 05, 2012 01:40 PM            

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Originally posted by hippichick:
Ya know, so many people like to say, just snap out of it.

There is a chemical component to clinical depression, there is such a thing as a sick brain, an organ that can get sick just like all the rest of the human body.

That is my case, due to PTSD, altered brain chemistry and to boot, it wasnt enough that the chemical alteration of the catecholamines in my brain have taken their toll on my heart, now I have to be on a beta blocker just to protect my heart, but beta blockers are notorioius for creating a feeling of depression and xtream lethargy...

Vicious, vicious circle.

t~~~

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posted July 06, 2012 04:18 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted July 24, 2012 11:43 PM            

The reason why I'm going so in depth to my problems is because, for anyone else reading right now, I don't want you to be ashamed to have similar issues. I've at least faced that I have them and it's good to just, look your demons in the eyes and go after them full force. I'm starting to transform myself - think the positive part of the Death tarot card, regenerate and renew despite everything dragging me down- and I'm going to a new counselor for the right issues at last... though in truth I wish I could be as wonderful of a Christian as you though, and to all the other Christians on this forum. I really have a hard time integrating this into my life, this purity of the heart that religion brings, I always feel I have to rely on myself and my own strength to get through, not God. I mean I know God is there and is a good presence but I have a naturally critical mind set that he is probably watching over children getting killed in Africa and the 3rd world not me. I have Chiron in the 9th which doesn't help.

posted July 25, 2012 04:08 AM            

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Originally posted by Hera:
I've been feeling very under the bridge lately. Like nothing good is ever happening to me. Like I have nothing to look forward to. Like life is always going to be hard, clenching teeth, enduring through hard times, making sacrifices and compromises.. I've been feeling very lonely. Had to cancel my therapy session because surgery got postponed because of a doctor I work with. I really needed that session, now I don't know when I will be able to reschedule. I feel like I wanna cut everybody out, crawl in a hole and cry myself to oblivion. I feel like I have nobody on my side, like an outsider. Like there is no place for me, no companion. Nothingness.

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You have your friends who love and support you.
I'm sorry that you are experiencing this. You're such a lovely person. Remember our brief chat yesterday? Good things are on there way.

Huggies to you! You may feel alone but you're not. There are people here who care about you.

It shall pass so let us tough it out as see what the new day brings.

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quote:

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Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.

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posted July 25, 2012 09:33 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
I've been feeling very under the bridge lately. Like nothing good is ever happening to me. Like I have nothing to look forward to. Like life is always going to be hard, clenching teeth, enduring through hard times, making sacrifices and compromises.. I've been feeling very lonely. Had to cancel my therapy session because surgery got postponed because of a doctor I work with. I really needed that session, now I don't know when I will be able to reschedule. I feel like I wanna cut everybody out, crawl in a hole and cry myself to oblivion. I feel like I have nobody on my side, like an outsider. Like there is no place for me, no companion. Nothingness.

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I get you 100%, been struggling myself lately.

Seems like I just cant feel that I belong anywhere anymore. With pressure to sell my house and get up north, a smooth 1200 miles to help my aged grandpa out, and pressure, unrelenting pressure from the bfriend who chose to leave me and now lives not far from my grandpa, I feel like I dont belong here anymore, but I am not sure I do there, either!

My brother has a summer home high in the Rockies in Colorado I just may disappear to! LOL!

I have also decided to tell my story to my sister in law. They lost their son due to his own undoing, 11 years ago, and it has always been about "poor Jeffrey" to them. It is time they found out just how poor Jeffrey treated his wife and kids, before he opted out. I think telling my side of they story will help me begin to heal...

hopefully~

blessins to us all!!!

posted July 25, 2012 10:39 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hippichick:
I get you 100%, been struggling myself lately.

Seems like I just cant feel that I belong anywhere anymore. With pressure to sell my house and get up north, a smooth 1200 miles to help my aged grandpa out, and pressure, unrelenting pressure from the bfriend who chose to leave me and now lives not far from my grandpa, I feel like I dont belong here anymore, but I am not sure I do there, either!

My brother has a summer home high in the Rockies in Colorado I just may disappear to! LOL!

I have also decided to tell my story to my sister in law. They lost their son due to his own undoing, 11 years ago, and it has always been about "poor Jeffrey" to them. It is time they found out just how poor Jeffrey treated his wife and kids, before he opted out. I think telling my side of they story will help me begin to heal...

hopefully~

blessins to us all!!!

terri~

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I think you're right, Terri, about telling them your side of the story. I know it is painful opening that Pandora's box, I totally understand, believe me.. sometimes I feel like I don't have the right to feel the way I do and worry how people would react to my unleashing the hurt. It will help you heal, I am certain. I am writing a letter to my parents, though I will never show it to them, but it helps to let it out. It is too damn draining though. But good to channel this into smth rather than concentrate the pain inside.

Stay strong! Music has always helped me with depression. While there is music, there is hope!

Many warm hugs!!

posted July 27, 2012 03:04 PM            

Wrong. I was so naive!!

I believe that I experienced a little more than baby blues after my second (most wanted and hoped for) loss. It felt like the life was sucked out of me. I felt dead inside and had really no energy to be around anyone. Happy or sad. And when duty called that I must face the public, it was a happy false fragile mask that I sported. I felt ashamed and i didn't want anyone to pity me.

Iam not really sure how or when I can pin point my exact comming out of the darkness. A lot of writing, crying, obsessing and moping around helped me transition from that dark awful place. Looking back it was a long dark process.

All I know is that I was sad for a long time. Like a dim lightbulb on its last energy boost. The light just vanished and one day, after a year i think, it slowly started to flicker again. I still felt pretty numb from my second loss, that I didn't even really cry much after my third loss. Defeated acceptance. Sometimes I think that's strange, but maybe it was defense mehanism to protect the little bit of sanity I had left somewhere deep inside me.