posted September 12, 2012 01:16 PM            

I have made strides in maturity. I just feel frustrated in that I don't seem to see life, clearly, still, nor myself, clearly.

I know the answer comes down to ego and humility which is a spectrum of ego at one end and humility, at the other.

I mean true humility, not the cheap words people say.

For me, I feel frustrated that the road to losing my ego is so slow.

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posted September 12, 2012 02:17 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
I'm truly sorry that you had to undergo this.

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posted September 12, 2012 02:20 PM            

Humility is facing yourself and seeing yourself as you are-- both good and bad.

This is very, very hard. We have to warp in our self image when we have abuse. Usually, we feel we are not worth much.

True humility is a true assessment of the self--both good and bad.

Do you know what I mean, Hera?

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posted September 12, 2012 02:44 PM            

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posted September 12, 2012 02:59 PM            

And when your soul leaves your body, you will know what I mean when I say these experiences aren't real. Nothing but love is real and everything that is not love in this world will be done away with and this is called divine justice.

posted September 12, 2012 03:07 PM            

Those were very sweet and comforting words!

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posted September 12, 2012 07:56 PM            

Let me tell ya.... Your ego is not your Ego.

It's sort of a safety blanket.

Once you peel that blanket away, you get to BUILD your ego in accordance to who you are and not what or who you have been.

I have Sun conjunct BML so it's one of the main things that i know how to do.

I've also moved around so much that i've had the opportunity to reinvent myself a million times over.

Once you've got a foundation and a support group, those things actually hold you back and become counterproductive if they're based on a model that's out of date.

posted September 12, 2012 08:08 PM            

What i found is that it really affects the person's ability to trust and to let others close. Defining and creating reasonable boundaries are what seem to be most challenging as well as developing a sense of self worth.

Just as a bystander, i can say that what may not be best is keeping in touch with said person, but that's my opinion. There are support groups and of course there's therapy.. I know this because the person i came into contact with used to go to weekly survivor support groups. They also did emdr and had a therapist.

I'm not sure as to whether any of it helped but it had to have certainly provided outlets so that they wouldn't feel alone.

Through their therapy, they confroted their abuser and were hurt even more as the abuser denied all of it straight to their face.

The father knew about the abuse and when the mother became unbearable, he would push the son into her room and close the door behind him and walk off.

What the grown child had to deal with was findin themselves in a sexual context seperate from the abusive history and to also learn how to create intimacy (which is broader than sex).

I think they still struggle with it but they also keep in touch with both parents... I saw it as pouring acid, daily, on an open wound.

They were in the hands of several therapists so i would assume they guided them best (granted, HONESTY is crucial-- i don't believe said person was all of the time in their therapy from what i picked up in their talks)..

Learn to love youself and the world will love with you.

posted September 13, 2012 05:16 AM            

Athene, wow I just have to say I must have been blessed to read you. There was something energetically resonant and I recieved a massive download from your words.

posted September 13, 2012 05:23 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Cinder.. thank you for sharing that. I can relate very much with what you wrote. I feel and fear I will never get over it, that I will never be "normal" or react normally in some situations. I have come a long way but there is still so much to overcome. I used to not stand being touched, not even on my hand or shoulder. Now I can hug people and feel the need to. The first time someone told me they loved me I laughed in their face. I still have trouble hearing it and believing it, but at least I don't make fun of them for expressing their feelings.

It never goes away. Not completely. It will always be there. I never know what might trigger an exaggerated reaction, it can be minor things or more extreme ones. It will always be hard. And nobody understands that. People expect you to get over it and be normal. They can't deal with "not normal", they don't even want to acknowledge these things happen or could happen to someone they know/love/care about. Ignorance is bliss indeed. I can understand that. But cannot accept it.

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Well said, Sister

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posted September 16, 2012 06:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by libraschoice77:
Sorry to hear that this has happened to you Ami Anne. ((Huggs))

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Thank you Libraschoice, dear.

Today, I talked to my mother. It was wonderful. She has owned MOST of what she did to me, not all. She may never own all, but I am getting free of the whole thing.

I have a theory on how to get over abuse, as I use my own life to formulate my theories

You have to force yourself to be really strong and stand up for who you are, even though you think it will kill you. You find that you really can respect yourself as you value yourself, due to your willingness to stand up for your own integrity.

I think doing this made me ready( and mature enough) to accept my mother back, as she does love me. She was "sick", I suppose you could say, but she did love me and does.

Love means a lot, even if it was very, very, very deleterious to me, at the time. She didn't try to destroy me. She was not "right"

That is where I stand, as of today! xxx

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posted September 17, 2012 04:41 AM            

I guess I also hope you can keep part of yourself aware of how much you crave having a loving relationship with her, and as such there may be more for your heart to endure, as you two continue healing your relationship. ...I certainly haven't read all of what you've shared about your mother, but I guess I sense how much you want things to be different, and I am just concerned for you.

Do you feel you can enjoy this level of love from your mother, yet also keep yourself objective about her limitations, and that there are ways she might never be able to become what you envision? I suppose I am a little leery to hear your phrase, "accept her back." To me that means you are wanting so much to fully open your heart to her...yet you at the same time state that you realize she might never acknowledge things 100%. I don't know if you can have both. You will continue to have your heart broken, if you leave it completely open to someone who is not taking responsibility for their actions and how they affect others.

posted September 17, 2012 10:23 AM            

I was so traumatized that she was inside me and I was frozen. This was my main problem. I was numb, so really could not change and grow, as I could not let new info in,as I was ice cube like lol

That is the state of where I am with her. It is good for now, but prolly will have a lot of ups and downs, but maybe not, as she seems willing to face herself, which was always the main problem. She would not.

Thank you for asking and for caring, Jovian

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