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Author
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Topic: When to seek counseling
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SunChild
Moderator Posts: 3448
From: Australia
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 21, 2012 10:50 PM
  
I've been thinking about counseling. I've taken on so much drama for years due to my ex and poor decisions I've made. I've had a lot of abuse that I've absorbed and I'm still having to deal with a very mean person. With my load of responsibility (3 kids + 2 elderly) I'm having to fight off anxiety and low moods. I can do this because deep down I have amazing strength and I feel as though I have this light inside that carries me. What the problem is not being able to verbalize my feelings with someone other than my partner. I also need practical strategies to deal with potentially bad situations. It's hard to know when you need counseling, but I just visited a website of a counselor and that was the first line I saw on her page. Word for word of my thoughts. The synchronicity was nice and perhaps I will talk with her. I spent the first half of my morning in tears over my ex who is very much deluded as his issues are still the lies he has repeated so much in his affidavit that it had become real for him. He is very sick and I'm not sure if there is a name for this but he is stuck in the past- believes his own lies and thinks I am the liar- I tell you, it's mega frustrating, because reason and diplomatic speech has no affect on him. He believes so much that is untrue that it has become a reality for him. It's really disturbing in a big way. I'm not sure if he is doing it to hurt me or it's for real. This is the type of stuff I need to talk out. He even said he has a video of me being a pedophile. Like, lol? what the hell? I didn't know whether to laugh or cry?! I'm feeling sorry for him... But this craziness has to stop. I'm angry at him now and want to lash out. That is not really my style, I usually just ignore it- so this means I need to talk it out... anger trapped within is pushing my mood down. Even just typing now is lifting me into my own power again. He tries to make me question my own morality, he tries to convince me that I am a bad & low person, but I know who I am and I am none of those things, I'm not perfect, I know, but I never have done the things he said I did. After being on the phone I crumble and cry.. Then about 2 hours later I feel ME again and back to normal, sane and a person with a strong identity. I think I'm feeling dread that I have to know this person for years because he is the father of my daughter. It's like waking up in a bad dream and realising it wasn't a dream. ------------------
Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place. -Kurt Vonnegut. IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 3448
From: Australia
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 22, 2012 12:31 AM
I've never sought ' help' before, it feels kind of weird but good at the same time. I have this throbbing head ache now and my counselor can't help me because she was my family report writer and it would be "inappropriate". God knows where I'll find another counselor. It is hard for me to find a new one, someone i don't know and have to do introduction thingies. That's annoying. I might post bits and bobs of my story here. Might be a good start.  IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 3448
From: Australia
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 22, 2012 01:22 AM
The reason I said it would be hard for me to find another counselor is because it's hard to find a person you resonate with & someone who has qualifications at the same time. I don't resonate with University Educated people as much as those on alternative paths. I thought I might talk about what happened to me from the beginning, but then it feels like a chore, lol, so I will just write from where it hurts the most... It's not like I need sympathy or anything, I think my throat is that clogged up with energy that it would be beneficial to start expressing it outwardly to continue healing. The last thing that really hurt was being accused of things that I don't do. Why does that hurt so much? There are 3 beautiful men in my life, my husband, my son and my grandfather. I deeply love them all. However, before meeting my husband, birthing my son, and forming a close bond with my grandfather (which all happened around the same time), the men close to me abused me... so obviously I started hating men (privately.) It's not something I'm proud of, it was just in my own private thoughts... so I started meditating on the divine masculine energy (going very deep) and I started learning about real men and so within a short span of time, I manifested beautiful males into my life. I start attracting instead of repelling.
My ex used voilence and scare tactics to keep me submissive. My step father sexually assaulted me several times, sometimes in front of my own mother which is why my mother wont speak to me, which I find odd, because SHE wtinessed him feeling me up all the time. Not the other way around. That was when I was living with my mum and stepfather after I was beaten by my ex. I barely was able to call the cops, by the morning my mother picked me up and drove me back to her country property where my step-father 'looked after me'. So I ran away @ 5am after weeks of being assaulted, caught the first train back into the city only to return to my ex... (I was weak.) Things got a lot worse before they got better... Just thought I'd backtrack around when I said those things about the men in my life (the abusers.) I never had a father. the man I grew up with abused my mother until she left him when I was 7. my real biological father was his brother, a decent man but someone who doesn't really care to know me. She married another man from when I was 7-15 and he was cold and never showed emotion... I always thought he hated me....yelled at me a lot & was cold and harsh. My mum then fell into a relationship with her third husband who assaulted me. So I do not know what it is like to have a father, a GOOD man to look up to. I know a perfect father may be hard to ask for but having a father at all would be nice.
Which is why I saught the relationship with my ex... he was 30 and I was just 16....
See why this all started? Doesn't take a genius to work it out... I'm healing... but the abuse needs to stop, or I am going lose it. IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 3448
From: Australia
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 22, 2012 01:38 AM
My Mother wont speak to me because she can't deal with the fact her husband tried to have sexual relations with me.
She also wont speak to me because her husband tried to "NLP" my grandparents into changing their Will.
So she blames me for accepting an inheritence that I know very little about.All my relationships feel very karmic and I sometimes wonder what the hell I did to create this mess. At the same time I can go on and on about the beauty and fortune I am surrounded with on a daily basis. I have a lot duality in my life - the beautiful and ugly surrounding me. I try to take full responsibilty and that's how I often approach situations. I really miss my Mother that's 50% of my pain, the other 50% is the pain I'm going through over my ex...who abused me over the phone so bad that I'm still freaking out. It's not like I'm being irrational, he has threatened me with a knife before, holding it to my neck while speaking about how he used to be a soldier and it would be quite easy to do away with me, I have been afraid of dying by my ex too many times. I used to grip my arms and repeat mantras during his attacks... I believe I was just trying to surive & mentally cope. He held me captive once all night...that's harder to talk about. IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 3448
From: Australia
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 22, 2012 01:46 AM
There are many things that my ex did that I can hardly even talk about because it is that revolting, no one would believe it.
One time he had a friend over on a hot summers night. I was wearing a dress and a bikini, I was about 21. I bent over to pick up something outside and he shoved his 2 fingers into my back side as a 'joke' in front of his friend. His friend was not even impressed. I was humiliated....
this is the man he is.IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 4074
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted September 22, 2012 05:04 AM
You really should seek help. When you are overwhelmed, sometimes you just can't do it all alone. That's not weakness on your part at all. It takes a strong person to admit that they need help. I would encourage you to call someone as soon as possible. I know that you said that you don't click with academic type people, but I wouldn't rule it out as a counselor. You may find help in a very unexpected source. So, be open to a different type of counselor. You may have to be patient until you find the one who's right for you, but he/she is out there. Praying for you and sending care and support your way. IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 3448
From: Australia
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 22, 2012 06:12 AM
Yes,I think I'm finally admitting it. I see where this is going. I really want to talk to my doctor (or anyone who is willing to listen.)I've been mourning my expectations all morning. I've said so many prayers, cried a well of tears but nothing is going to change the fact that 'he' is a very nasty person (and the father to my beautiful daughter *sob*.) IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 3448
From: Australia
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 22, 2012 06:14 AM
Thank you Regardes.  IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 4074
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted September 22, 2012 07:19 AM
quote:
Originally posted by SunChild:
Thank you Regardes.
you're welcome ::hugs:: IP: Logged |
Dee
Moderator Posts: 1972
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 22, 2012 08:41 AM
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 36965
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 22, 2012 09:14 AM
I am different from most people, so take that as MY experience, only. I have never seen anyone get better from traditional counseling/therapy. I have seen many, many people get worse, as they get more into their heads, not their hearts. They "know" all the terms and conditions, but never feel better in their hearts such as more free, happier and more at peace. I believe in people helping people.I believe in finding a mentor( God will bring one, in my experience) Then, when you are better, you will mentor people. That is God's way, in my opinion. ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 2239
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted September 22, 2012 09:21 AM
(((Hug))) from me, too, SunChild.So sorry to hear about all these troubles. It seems like you have turned the tide against these creeps but still could use a lot of back-up and reinforcement. The right counselor could provide that. One question, have you ever pressed charges against your first husband? Some of these things he did are outright criminal. I feel you need psychic protection from him and distance whatever legal means are available to you to get that (restraining order, maybe?), I hope you avail yourself of them. If that feels right to you. You're in my thoughts! IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 4074
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted September 22, 2012 10:10 AM
In thinking about my own experiences, I used to balk at the idea of going to a counselor, thinking that therapy was just for "crazy" people. However, I have been very fortunate to work with some great people, and I was very narrow-minded in not being open to it sooner. They've made a huge difference in my life, and without them, I wouldn't be where I am today--I would be much worse off. I think that what matters is really checking somebody out thoroughly. There are quacks out there, so be careful, but there are also some really great people, too. Who you get makes a huge difference. Another idea would be to find a support group or a therapy group, if you're not keen on the idea of individual therapy, and to find others who've been through similar experiences. In many groups, you won't be allowed to be friends outside of the group, but it does depend on the group. At any rate, a support group or therapy group might be good because you would get validation from others and know that you aren't alone. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 21663
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 22, 2012 10:10 AM
In your rare case, I think it would help to talk with someone if you can find the right person. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 36965
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 22, 2012 02:55 PM
I wish you the best Sun Child. May God bring you the exact, right person that you need, dear one ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 3448
From: Australia
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 23, 2012 01:24 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Dee:
Thank You Dee IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 3448
From: Australia
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 23, 2012 01:29 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I am different from most people, so take that as MY experience, only. I have never seen anyone get better from traditional counseling/therapy. I have seen many, many people get worse, as they get more into their heads, not their hearts. They "know" all the terms and conditions, but never feel better in their hearts such as more free, happier and more at peace. I believe in people helping people.I believe in finding a mentor( God will bring one, in my experience) Then, when you are better, you will mentor people. That is God's way, in my opinion.
Yes I absolutely understand this Ami, I need a holistic helper... I feel the need for this as the most important aspect, because all in all, it's my heart hurts the most. IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 3448
From: Australia
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 23, 2012 01:31 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Faith:
(((Hug))) from me, too, SunChild.So sorry to hear about all these troubles. It seems like you have turned the tide against these creeps but still could use a lot of back-up and reinforcement. The right counselor could provide that. One question, have you ever pressed charges against your first husband? Some of these things he did are outright criminal. I feel you need psychic protection from him and distance whatever legal means are available to you to get that (restraining order, maybe?), I hope you avail yourself of them. If that feels right to you. You're in my thoughts!
Thank you Faith. I have pressed charges against him a few times. He is on an eight month suspended sentence (not enough in my opinion) for assault and breach of the intervention order. I believe one should go to jail for breaching it with death threats but as usual, he can charm his way out. I am made a FIRM decision not to ever communicate verbally with him again- this is when the attacks happen and leave me feeling drained, confused, saddened, hurt ect... When I use text or email, I feel so detached and it doesn't drain me, and besides, it's in writing so he wont threaten me that way. I do very much believe in psychic protection and I will be working on that- because even though the phone call was over yesterday I still could feel his thoughts that contained the most vile filth directed my way. He knows how to punch his way through my little bubble. IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 3448
From: Australia
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 23, 2012 01:39 AM
quote:
Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
In thinking about my own experiences, I used to balk at the idea of going to a counselor, thinking that therapy was just for "crazy" people. However, I have been very fortunate to work with some great people, and I was very narrow-minded in not being open to it sooner. They've made a huge difference in my life, and without them, I wouldn't be where I am today--I would be much worse off. I think that what matters is really checking somebody out thoroughly. There are quacks out there, so be careful, but there are also some really great people, too. Who you get makes a huge difference. Another idea would be to find a support group or a therapy group, if you're not keen on the idea of individual therapy, and to find others who've been through similar experiences. In many groups, you won't be allowed to be friends outside of the group, but it does depend on the group. At any rate, a support group or therapy group might be good because you would get validation from others and know that you aren't alone.
Regardes, your post made me think of a womens domestic voilence group- it could be something I'm up for. I have already attended a few groups (court ordered) for post separation counselling that pretty much every family going through the court process has to undertake. I might actually take a leap and learn to socialise with women again too, haha, I'm so antisocial because I'm very busy. Thanks for putting this thought back into my head. IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 3448
From: Australia
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 23, 2012 01:43 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
In your rare case, I think it would help to talk with someone if you can find the right person.
I've put out my intention to accept help (that was hard)- normally I do not know how to accept this kind of help but I'm at my wits end! I truly feel if I truly need help for personal growth then it will manifest. When you said the 'right person' it made me remove the 'how' and realised that it could come in a form I least expect, so I will keep my eyes open and not have too many expectations. Thank you Randall. IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 3448
From: Australia
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 23, 2012 01:45 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I wish you the best Sun Child. May God bring you the exact, right person that you need, dear one
 Thank you Lovely!!! IP: Logged |
Virgo-AriesArtist
Knowflake Posts: 717
From: MidWest :)
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted September 23, 2012 11:33 AM
I'm gonna toss this out there, perhaps a "cord cutting" may prove useful...it did help me a bit when done by one who had experience in this energetic area  IP: Logged |
juniperb
Moderator Posts: 4894
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 23, 2012 01:21 PM
SunChild, you`ve trod a long rocky road. It may be time to empty to a specialized counselor so you can refill with the love, trust and faith you so deserve. ------------------
We dance around the ring and suppose, but the secret sits in the middle and Knows
Robert Frost IP: Logged |
Sorcha
Knowflake Posts: 441
From:
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted September 23, 2012 03:21 PM
Just for the record, I am a university educated but also holistically trained psychotherapist. We do exist! And I have to disagree with Ami Anne on this one (sorry Ami! Not all therapists are soley mind-focused, I promise!)) Healing through therapy is absolutely possible, you just have to find someone with whom you resonate, as I think you already mentioned. That might mean 'interviewing' several therapists, but consider it like dating or making a friend - your emotional and mental health is important and you wouldn't just jump in to a long term relationship with the first person you met unless it felt right. I'm not sure where you live but if it's in Canada (Ontario) there are lots of therapists who operate from a client-centred and heart-based approach and consider themselves 'holistic'. Also, psychotherapists (as opposed to psychologists and psychiatrists) are *required* to go through at least 100 hours of personal therapy themselves before they can graduate. Just as a disclaimer, I'm not trying to say that everyone should see a psychotherapist - it's a very personal choice and may not be for everyone, as there are many types of other wonderful holistic healing modalities out there - but just that people who are educated and really care as well are out there if/when you're ready
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