posted October 26, 2012 12:06 AM            

There might be a physical (or neurological) component there...for years I'd have episodes where (for a few days about twice a year, give or take) where I'd obsess over people I knew who died and how those I still love who are alive (including myself) could be dead at any time and get depressed while at the same time I'd actually look at strange men and wondering what it would be like to conceive a child with them. I didn't even want to marry them, actually a song I liked to hear then described it well with this (on what I'd have liked to have done):

quote:

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It was a rainy night
When he came into sight
Standing by the road
With no umbrella, no coat
So I pulled up along side
And I offered him a ride
He accepted with a smile
So we drove for a while
I didn't ask him his name
This lonely boy in the rain
Fate, tell me it's right
Is this love at first sight?
Please don't make it wrong
Just stay for a night

All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will, you want me too
All I wanna do is make love to you
I got loving arms to hold onto

So we found this hotel
It was a place I knew well
We made magic that night
Oh, he did everything right
He brought the woman out of me
So many times, easily

And in the morning, when he woke
All I left him was a note
I told him I am the flower
You are the seed
We walked in the garden
We planted a tree
Don't try to find me
Please don't you dare
Just live in my memory
You'll always be there

---

Only I'd want a baby out of it, too.

And interesting enough I had a HUGE craving for chocolate at these times which made me think it was something physical rather than mental. I'm so glad I didn't get hit with that often because it was a powerful feeling (luckily I recognized it as temporary insanity and resisted my instincts).

I haven't experienced that in a few years, though, possibly because I've bonded with 2 kids who I help raise now (not sure if that's the reason or not). But it's interesting that I'd want to listen to a song about mortality if I was going to listen to anything as thoughts of mortality haunted me at the same time as feeling an urge to breed. Perhaps it just makes me appreciate it more knowing one day I won't know it ever again (at least not in this life, and even if my existence continues I presume I'll be radically different then so that I might as well be obliterated because who I am now will no longer exist). Or maybe it's a biological urge to make sure the cycle of life continues, don't know.

posted October 26, 2012 12:58 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by peregrine:
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=3mAJU_ZKhEM&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D3mAJU_ZKhEM

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ROFLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

posted October 26, 2012 01:06 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
I don't like music (though I can ignore it) at those times, but..

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Oh, boy... How dark!

I used to have thoughts somewhat similar. It was the fuel behind me "living to the fullest" and doing anything and everything that popped into my head for a few years. I'd speak my mind and say what i was feeling no matter how embarassing it might've been. I dealt with no censor. I made no apologies and i kept moving....

I don't regret not a single bit of it.

What it did was send me through a few emotional shocks. Wasn't til i realized the effects of that and how it was making an impact on me that i chose to maybe be a bit more deliberate in what i'd do....

That "live for the moment" awareness is still present but i just accept that every moment is like that. I decided to focus more or the moments i have now and figure out how to make those work for me rather than looking back on a specific time as a time i spent only looking back at other things, you know?

Never look back... Against my Venus in Cancer, that is one of my motto's. I have Mars in Aries.

No matter how enotional i may have felt about something, life experience has just kept rolling me along so i deal with the emotional awareness to my best abilities but i still keep going and deal with it.

I'll leave the remembering and cherishing to everyone else because it's not for me.

I can't tell you though how often i've been standing, doing something with the "go on" mentality and my body shaking just because of how panicked or in shock i'd be.

Katy perry (yeah, it is worth noting because she does call upon her pluto in this case) has the movie of hers out and when she did her biggest concert ever, she had just broken up with russell brand shortly before. She was in tears and right before she went on stage, she sucked it up in the most impressive way i've seen, put on a cotton candy smile and did the show... It's the only way that i can get accross what i'm trying to explain it feels like for me sometimes...

posted October 26, 2012 09:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by C1ND3R:
ROFLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

O m g

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I was sprung
once I feel your tongue
in the crack of my..

posted October 26, 2012 09:42 PM            

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Urfjyj4FnUc

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted November 04, 2012 01:19 PM            

This one is super slow and sexy and druggy sounding..love it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGCVhhUxnp8

Now this is more reflective of my sexual persona and feelings..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLo7DM7pnwE

And this is even harder, heavier, and crazier side of me..good ol German metal for f*cking to lol..and very fitting because the title means 'Punish Me'..

posted January 31, 2013 12:52 AM            

Suffocation

posted January 31, 2013 01:17 AM            

The weeknd " comin down" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYBegmzcFi4

Janet Jackson "would u mind" http://www.youtube.com/#/watch?v=QlshDJjhQNo

N.e.r.d " lapdance" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AfMGHTQxVA

posted January 31, 2013 09:46 PM            

Kings of Leon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eg3F4zpOdK8

posted February 03, 2013 10:25 AM            

Sweet the sting ~ Tori Amos

I feel you ~ Depeche Mode