posted October 29, 2012 09:14 AM            

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posted October 29, 2012 09:42 AM            

I am the antithesis of selfish..I give too much I am trying to learn to be selfish!

Gaining strength of just coming off of a relationship with a very selfish man, he, I believe has an either BPD or NPD or both.

In subtle retrospect his "sexualabuse" as a child,, and I am quite sure his b-loved mother had something to do with it, carved out a life path of selfishness via the arrest of emotional development when he was 5. This time, if I remember my age-teachings and experiences with my own kids, when a child begins to become selfish...when the child begins to find "self." A child who experiences the cessation of a normal, healthy upbringing at this age time will project his/her needs onto everybody that comes his/her way, forever...

For me, it was opposite. My mother was ruled over by her mother, my granny to leave our home at 4 for me and 1 for my brother after my mom and dad divorced. I lived with my grandm and grandpa while my mother tried to find her way...abandonment, for sure and I am just beginning to heal from that now. But I did not become selfish,,little lost Pisces girl became over-giving..

Two sides of the same coin~

Great thread!!!

posted October 29, 2012 10:03 AM            

The toddler years, known by Piaget as the "Preoperational" stage, is when a child first begins to make observations and manipulate actions based upon this. This is between the years of two and six. It is in this stage that true assimilation occurs. Parents and teachers are forced to make special accommodations for children when they are in this stage. Often needing special care, children certainly develop some sort of orientation in this stage.

posted October 29, 2012 10:56 AM            

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posted October 29, 2012 10:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RedScorp:
I'm rather selfish. I often think of myself and my wants/needs. One of the rules that I live by is to do what I want and what I can to be happy/satisfied: "as long as I'm okay, to hell with everything else". I do not deny/refuse myself the desires I feel, as that can have baaaad consequences. And, lastly, I'm pretty devoted, and people I'm close with usually come before me. Hell, I think if I fall in love or have kids, they'll be my priority, so overall I'd say I'm pretty balanced.

Childhood-wise, I guess I was kinda neglected...my father favoured my sister over me, and it was so obvious to me. I forget your chart, Ami...do you have a lack of or a low amount of fire?

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I have 2 planets in fire which is kind of low but not a void.

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posted October 29, 2012 03:42 PM            

And then there's what I guess you'd call the hypocrites (though maybe it's more projection), the people with the attitude of "I do so much for so little" while being some of the most selfish jerks imaginable who try to guilt everyone into waiting on him or her hand and foot. These types will often throw in how they're ill, or otherwise that their dysfunctional behavior is justified, even healthy. For example, the mom of one friend of mine was an exceedingly insulting, judgmental, scathing person who went to a psychologist who, amazingly enough, said (according to her anyway) she was repressing (when she most certainly was not!) and it wasn't healthy and in response she upped the hateful attacks and childish demands on everyone around her while spitting more venom and acting like everyone else had the problem when they refused to have anything to do with her, and in her twisted view she lost everyone who was "taking advantage of her" (of course she gained no new friends to replace all those she lost as it was her taking unfair advantage of everyone else and using them as a punching bag in the process). Another example is a guy who stalked, demeaned, insulted women (it didn't help he and his place were an utter mess despite his being a germaphobe, he was paranoid with no ambition, came from a family even worse than him, and even slept on a puke stained mattress because saving up to buy more weapons was more important than replacing it) and like once said outright that he refused to help a woman moving next door to move her couch in as he knew she wouldn't have sex with him for it (thus making him a "chump"), but swears women don't like him because he's "too nice."

posted November 01, 2012 09:50 AM            

SO I let him have it yesterday.

"Selfish" came in to the text conversation, well chew out on my part.

He thinks he is the most giving person in the world..he says he spends his days helping others (his family) when the reality of it is he does for others out of a sense of obligation.

I told him he is selfish with him "self."

If that makes any sense.

He did alot of work for me on my house, I did not ask him, but he wanted to, and I knew it was out of obligation, so I let him.

I got the "after all I've done for you....."

Selfless is giving from the heart, selfish is giving out of obligation to that one's needs are met.

Selfish is living in his mom's basement, catering to her every whim, (when she still works in her 70's and is quite capable) selfish is taking off, leaving his girlfriend way earlier than we had planned cause he did not get enough of a raise, broke a contract to do so, selfish is refusing to not be pulled to other floors at his new job, well HR broke his contract with his agency cause of his refusal (which is common in nursing..almost mandatory for agency to float to other floors than their base unit) selfish is always twisting up an issue I might have had with him and making it my bad....always, selfish is always having to call the shots in the relationship. Selfish is never coming to my home for a movie, dinner, but always had to be at his place....

Why he cant see that he is, infact, selfish...o, I see, cause he is selfish.

I am learning to ask for what I want. I used to be a huge doormat, let folks walk all over me, but the mistake I made with the former dude is I did not ask loud enough or early enough.

I like your take on things Pixie, hope you reply to this, cause I am having to remind myself I am in the right here, with dude...who still doesnt know my last name...

posted November 01, 2012 02:41 PM            

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posted November 01, 2012 02:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Hippi
I am the same as you. I have to force myself to be selfish and over ride the voice that tells me I am 'bad"

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posted November 01, 2012 03:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Is this the Mars in Scorpio guy? I think he was a Virgo, too. If not, he had strong Virgo.

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Yes, Mam, posted his chart on PR~

I am so darn mad at myself..again..

posted November 01, 2012 06:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I have a very hard time with this. I know other people who had childhood abuse are the same way.
I have a hard time asserting my needs, wants and desires. Please, share your experiences with this, if you care to.
I would love to hear!

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YES. Wow here I thought it was just my mars in cancer. When I was young I was really talkative, had a ton of friends at school, yada yada yada and then after the abuse incident and later divorce I became quiet, passive, and ever since I can remember I've had issues setting boundaries and asserting myself. I'm just now learning to, in the past 3 to 4 yes. How sad is that lol and it was only bc I was going thru divorce and if I didn't stick up for myself and what was important to me he would have taken me to the cleaners. I'm still working on it ami. My instinct to become passive. I'm wondering if its not just out of habit now. I can b assertive, just depends on the situation. I hope it gets easier for me sighhh.....

posted November 01, 2012 08:29 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hippichick:
I like your take on things Pixie, hope you reply to this, cause I am having to remind myself I am in the right here, with dude...who still doesnt know my last name...

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I can try, but I'm unclear on the details here. I have a vague recollection that you've shared about this before but I wasn't able to find the thread to review. So I can't say much beyond sorry you're having a hard time with this.

But I CAN say when someone pulls the "after all I've done for you" card then that person almost certainly won't be allowed to do anything else for me ever again, as I not only despise hidden price tags, I fear them (being sexually assaulted because I "owed" sex favors in exchange for things like a ride and accepting a gift pepsi, and with a few people saying I should've "known better" after, will make some people cautious about accepting kindness in the future...).

Such a tactic is used in criminal (and sometimes legal) slavery as well. A classic example all too common today is a pimp "protects" and "provides for" a stable and in return the females becomes his property, she "owes" him (many will add a level of mind screw to it by putting a price tag that she has to pay him to be released from slavery, but even in those cases he usually comes up with an excuse to keep taking her money, such as to pay for the drugs he got her addicted to, possibly at the point of a gun, and she has to be able to hide her earnings to pay him off...and hopes he doesn't just take the money and keep her anyway).

But then the ancient saying of "borrow gold/money, borrow chains" still holds true today, both legally and illegally (loan sharking, where even if you pay it off then they can still blackmail you to use your business or whatever to help them and claim you "owe" them for your success anyway and they'll take it away if you don't show appropriate gratitude, like helping them to launder money or hide contraband for them, perhaps even filing off serial numbers of stolen property and repackaging it for them).

I know these are extreme cases but I point them out because these so-called "kindnesses" (that is, "doing for others") are not charity, they're tools of manipulation and it's a very selfish thing to do.

Even the Satanic Bible which praises selfishness calls these people "psychic vampires" (in the chapter under that name, I think it was 2-3 pages long) and says to show them no mercy (of course IF a person is worth it then that's one thing, and if you try to screw them over then you're the psychic vampire that needs to be crushed by the discerning Satanist). It describes the people who do favors and give gifts but that these aren't really free and they end up taking far more than they give, and for the sake of one's sanity (and the fact that these people can become quite vengeful when they don't succeed in enslaving others to their will via their "generosity") to cut them out, though if one is feeling particularly brave, annoyed, and contemptuous then one could instead make a big show of thanking the vampire for the gifts and then laughing at them when they try to collect saying they already got their "pay back" from the effusive (and perhaps public) thanks they got.

But if that's more harsh than you wanna be then maybe it's best to agree on a price (in writing so he can't turn it back into a blank check for himself again) for any favors owed...but be aware as such good deeds are used as a means of control they don't want that (otherwise they'd have made an honest offer and deal from the beginning rather than setting any price they desire later) so will likely feign offense (though actually it's frustration at losing control).

posted November 01, 2012 09:11 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ShyVirgo1979:
YES. Wow here I thought it was just my mars in cancer. When I was young I was really talkative, had a ton of friends at school, yada yada yada and then after the abuse incident and later divorce I became quiet, passive, and ever since I can remember I've had issues setting boundaries and asserting myself. I'm just now learning to, in the past 3 to 4 yes. How sad is that lol and it was only bc I was going thru divorce and if I didn't stick up for myself and what was important to me he would have taken me to the cleaners. I'm still working on it ami. My instinct to become passive. I'm wondering if its not just out of habit now. I can b assertive, just depends on the situation. I hope it gets easier for me sighhh.....

Hope that helps. If u have any questions feel free to ask.

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Awww Mars in Cancer is one of the hardest Mars! The Fall position makes it a Mars which is kind of stuck *sigh*

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posted November 02, 2012 10:05 AM            

There is no sense trying to talk to him, cause it is his way or the highway, selfish again.

Yea, that is the 2nd time I have recieved the, for all I've done for you.

Ah, well, this too shall pass~

posted November 02, 2012 01:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lazyscarecrow:
Fire is the most dominant element in my chart and I still put myself last more often than not. I don't usually expect much in return, but I do feel resentment when I feel my needs are being considered. Then again, I find it hard to communicate them because it's A.weak B.no one will listen anyway.

My childhood had some forgettable stuff in it, too.

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Sounds like a dominant Saturn. What does your Saturn do--house, orb, aspects and sign

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posted November 06, 2012 08:25 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Awww Mars in Cancer is one of the hardest Mars! The Fall position makes it a Mars which is kind of stuck *sigh*

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I'm starting to think its the lamest mars sign a person could have lol I would love to have my mars in a go-getter sign.

posted November 06, 2012 08:29 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ShyVirgo1979:
I'm starting to think its the lamest mars sign a person could have lol I would love to have my mars in a go-getter sign.

Odd question but going back to your 1st comment, do you ever feel guilty buying yourself something? Like something you want (desire) and then once you do it, you feel like you should have spent the money on something or someone else? Or is that just me and my guilt complex?

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Yes, I feel totally guilty. Mars in Cancer is lame as heck. I am just glad I am not a guy where it is lamer

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posted November 08, 2012 07:57 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
Selfishness = fire-heavy people. Selfishness personified.

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You got a point. I wish I had more fire, just 2 planets, so that may be why I feel so guilty

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