posted November 13, 2012 01:47 PM            

I have always been involved in emotionally abusive, very toxic relationships.

Even to the point where I have PTSD from my one and only marriage, the father of my kids who opted out.

I have sought for years, and years...

I spend hours introspecting, learning,, healing my very wounded inner child.

But one thing struck me yesterday~

No matter how much soul work I do, no matter how much I try to heal, I will always attract them to me.

So, It is up to me.

I can either be alone (and at 50 this is very possible) or I can deal with what The Universe gives me.

I choose the former.

But recently I let go of my Virgo. I have posted alot about him so I will not elaborate,, but I find myself wondering...

Sure, nobody deserves abuse, toxicity, but I do wonder IF it is one's own birthright then what?

Do we run?

Do we give into pop psych culture and do what soceity says?

I dunno, to each is own, and to each and all all these things are blessings....

To answer your question...delve into the depths of now what he did to you but why you drew it to you.

And if you come up with an answer, continue learning about YOU, cause it will never be about HIM but about YOU!

blessins and love

posted November 13, 2012 03:51 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted November 13, 2012 08:12 PM            

We don't want to leave even the screwed up people behind...we want to rescue everyone. Even if it hurts us.

posted November 13, 2012 09:29 PM            

I too suffer from PTSD which I spent two years in therapy for and took medication for. I no longer do any of those things but I have to say that I expect more from my relationships whether its love or friendship.

posted November 13, 2012 09:39 PM            

The story is long and convoluted. All you need to do is look up the symptoms and personality traits of a person who is a Sociopath or a Narcissist and that's pretty much how my abusive friend behaved. Towards me, anyway.
He would compare me physically and mentally to any and every female, tried to change my ways and habits through criticism and put-downs under the phase that he "loved and cared" for me, would tell me I have mental problems while he would flip out over every little thing I said or even DIDN'T say. And this is just the BASIC stuff that happend.

And he is actually popular, attractive and liked by most people. Anyway, that's enough background and back to the story. There was this other girl who cam in the picture, who was overweight, major family problems, depression of sorts from a hard life. She was an Aries, dunno anything other than that. Basically, the guy would start comparing me to her, saying she would worship the ground he walks on and overall made him feel loved like I couldn't. When really, he was setting her up for the same bs he put me through.

I don't know how I got the courage, because I was crying practically every day. But we were having another sour conversation filled with him putting me down, getting agitated and irritated with me for nothing as usual, and finally I told him, "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to change for you." And then he got p1ssed and said, "Whatever, hopefully you don't make this mistake with the next guy. Have a nice life." And then hung up in my face, as he often did.

And I felt so... happy. Like, I was really really happy. No withdrawal symptoms. No tears. I was SO freaking happy that he said he didn't want to be around me anymore, because I was so SICK of his b1tching. He deleted me from facebook, stopped calling, whole she-bang.

But it doesn't end there. He e-mailed saying he would not give up on me and that Aries girl convinced him. And I sort of became friends with him again. My memory is blurry between then because, all I remember is that he insulted a close family member of mine by calling her a b1tch, and I no longer spoke to him. Then after months of not speaking and regaining a sense of self, Aries girl randomly contacts me and told me how abusive he was towards her, and basically repeated events I went through, how he convinced her she had mental problems, and how he traded her in for yet another poor little girl.

Well, they eventually stopped contacting each other. I don't know if she went back to him, though I doubt it. Earlier this year, he tried to contact me on Facebook. I replied with a block. He sent me text messages. First was just "hey" and I told him not to contact me anymore. Then after a month or so, he sent this 8-page long apology text. Like maybe the 2nd apology EVER the entire time I knew him, compared to the 1000's I gave. But he apologized saying how he f@cked up, how he misses our friendship and the good times, as if he didn't remember how bad he tried to make me feel for not being as good looking as this girl or that girl, how my hair made my face look fat, how I was "stupid", and insulting my family member, and how he didn't give 5 $hits how it made me feel, as long as he could be King Awesome the Perfect of the 2 of us.

So I simply said, I accept your apology, but go f@ck yourself.... there is no way in hell we can ever co-exist, the way I see it.

And I have seen a lot of abusive relationships and even friendships where the person forgives the other and they resume the relation, and I've never been able to do it but maybe it's because I have a lot of pride...or not, it could simply be that I believe
1. People usually don't change
2. There are some people who effortlessly bring out the best in you, while a few others bring out the worst

You may probably really forgiving and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm forgiving too but once I have been screwed over, I'm not sticking around for round 2. I feel like to cut contact, it's just not answering calls, texts, being unavailable. Turning a cold shoulder. It may feel unnatural, if the person has done kind things for you or was kind at one point and thus you may feel like you owe them somehow. But if a friendship or relationship doesn't sit right with you, you gotta do what you gotta do... there's no negative repercussions, unless the guy is cuckoo-bananas, or the guilt is too heavy.

But whatever you choose good luck You deserve the best in love and friendship.

posted November 14, 2012 07:51 PM            

When you said this:

And I have seen a lot of abusive relationships and even friendships where the person forgives the other and they resume the relation, and I've never been able to do it but maybe it's because I have a lot of pride...or not, it could simply be that I believe
1. People usually don't change
2. There are some people who effortlessly bring out the best in you, while a few others bring out the worst

posted November 14, 2012 07:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Maybe it's a Pisces-related problem.

We don't want to leave even the screwed up people behind...we want to rescue everyone. Even if it hurts us.

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posted November 14, 2012 10:08 PM            

But that's me.

And I also LOVE this! So clear!

quote:

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Originally posted by Lazyscarecrow:

1. People usually don't change
2. There are some people who effortlessly bring out the best in you, while a few others bring out the worst.

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