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Author
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Topic: Self Destructive
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38292
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 15, 2012 08:10 AM
  
Do you ever feel this way? People who have had abuse usually do, as they had to blame themselves in order to survive.
Please share, if you care to. Right now, I am too pent up to share, so I could really appreciate your support.
Thank you and love you.  ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 7237
From: Saturn
Registered: May 2011
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posted November 15, 2012 09:43 AM
Never abused but I am. Pluto is strong in my chart.IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38292
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 15, 2012 09:59 AM
I am hurting badly, today.
How do you do self destructive things, Sand------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
hippichick
Moderator Posts: 2016
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted November 15, 2012 10:24 AM
Hi AMI!Sorry you are hurting  I can be very self-destructive and it is not that I dont like myself, I do, but I think it comes from my early childhood emotional abuse and my early adult terrible emotional/mental abuse from the kid's dad. I am not going to be specific cause I know and that is enough. I have to remind myself to accept myself alot of times (hence my post on H&H) and not buy into popular psych culture and let society tell me who to be. AND I firmly believe we are all exactly where we are supposed to be, always. This is a big universe with all kinds of different folks, creatures, energies and what one says is not the way to be is only their opinion and perceptions. Be well, blessins and LOTS of love! t~ IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38292
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 15, 2012 11:58 AM
Thanks Hippi
I don't do really bad things, but I do little things. I should tell you. You would crack up.I told my g/f and she and I died laughing. I am not sure why I am feeling it so badly, now. It may be that I am getting successful and it feels scary. I don't feel worthy of it. I think I had a worldview where I was a piece of garbage and now I appear successful, anyway, and I am like  ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 7237
From: Saturn
Registered: May 2011
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posted November 15, 2012 12:12 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I am hurting badly, today.
How do you do self destructive things, Sand
I close avenues I don't want to take. Didn't want to take back then. They sure could help me now just in case I wanted to make a left or a u-turn.  cryptic I know.. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38292
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 15, 2012 12:35 PM
I know. It is hard to talk about this stuff. maybe, I will break the ice ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
RedScorp
Knowflake Posts: 4120
From: GMT-5
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted November 15, 2012 12:56 PM
I used to have a self-destructive streak! People I liked, or people that cared about me, I'd tear through them. Friendship? New ones every three weeks, forget the old ones! I was estranged from family at the time, so, luckily, I haven't hurt any relationships there. I'd also fuel drama and trouble that hurt me too. Couldn't let up! Never compromised.Nowadays, I'm more calmed down! I can keep steady relationships with people much better now, and I know when to treat something with seriousness.  IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38292
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 15, 2012 05:57 PM
I want to explain to you guys what I am going through cuz it is a lot. I can't find the words or I am afraid to lay myself out bare--of a combo of the tow  ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
MillyX
Knowflake Posts: 333
From: canada
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted November 15, 2012 09:28 PM
I am a self destructive person although I never suffered any kind of abuse (I am very thankful for that). I'm self destructive because I don't like myself. Also when some things start going wrong, I start falling apart & my instinct is to just destroy.Next year I want to get my life back on track. I am going back to college & hopefully I will be motivated enough to get a job so I can have the money to go see a therapist & work on this self love thing. It's hard to open up, I'm ashamed of being this way, my friends don't even know this side of me. But someday I wish that I will have the courage to tell them the truth. When we talk about things like this we just laugh it off...even though we are hurting inside (cheesy but true)IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38292
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 15, 2012 10:03 PM
Thanks for saying that Milly
That helped! xoxox------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 2686
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted November 16, 2012 01:44 PM
Hope you're feeling better, Ami.I am self-destructive sometimes, mainly through my diet. I will just eat garbage that I know is going to make me sick, and that I'll get angry at myself for eating, but I do it anyway. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38292
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 16, 2012 02:13 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Faith:
Hope you're feeling better, Ami.I am self-destructive sometimes, mainly through my diet. I will just eat garbage that I know is going to make me sick, and that I'll get angry at myself for eating, but I do it anyway.
Thank you, Faith. That is one way I do it. I am dying to tell you guys another way but I am afraid but I know I will come back and will  ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 2045
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted November 16, 2012 02:32 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Faith:
Hope you're feeling better, Ami.I am self-destructive sometimes, mainly through my diet. I will just eat garbage that I know is going to make me sick, and that I'll get angry at myself for eating, but I do it anyway.
Same!
IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38292
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 16, 2012 04:10 PM
Ok
Don't copy this cuz I reserve the right to erase it.My son died and I really, really blamed myself.Around that time, my friend gave me her dog because the dog needed someone who was home as the dogis a yorkie and they need a lot of care. I never really trained her. She is toilet trained, so tells me when she wants to go out, but she is wild when people come over. She yaps and jumps all over people. She even growls and nips. When someone comes to the door, she goes wild and I have to scream at the person not to let her out This happens every time a delivery man comes to the door or anyone. I go through so much stress because of her. One day, as I was sweating and screaming at her as I ran to the door, I realized I did not train her to punish myself.
Actually, I paid a lot for trainers and I just could not get myself to train her.
My previous dog, a Standard poodle was well trained and sociable So, that is one story. I have more.
I hope no one (who will remain unnamed) will use my vulnerability to take a shot at me, but it may happen.
If so, I will ignore. ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
FireMoon
Knowflake Posts: 545
From: Minnesota
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted November 17, 2012 06:02 AM
Just wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear your story Ami and hope you're feeling better and no longer blame yourself or feel you deserve to have those sorts of extra burdens  There was abuse in my family growing up and I can be very self destructive in countless ways really lol, but I'm realizing that my life will only be as rewarding as I think I deserve. It's really not easy to overcome such powerful early wounds, but we are all here for a reason and the more we dwell on the guilt of allowing ourselves to "fail" or be self destructive, the more difficult it is to truly move forward and embrace the strength those experiences have taught us... Which I think you have a lot of strength and insight in yourself and to offer the world IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38292
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 17, 2012 06:43 AM
Thanks FM!After I wrote this, I stated feeling better. You are only as sick as the secrets you keep. I really believe that, so as I manage to get my courage up, I will continue. The feeling that I want to hurt myself upsets me a great deal. I find it to be very painful and it makes me feel as if I am going crazy. When I share it and other people share theirs, I feel much better. God made us social creatures and made us to need each other.
I need you guys!  ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 2686
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted November 17, 2012 07:16 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
You are only as sick as the secrets you keep.
The way you punish yourself is not even that bad, Ami. It's worse for me, I let my children be like that.  IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38292
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 17, 2012 07:42 AM
LOL
Well, I have punished myself worse which I will share on here. Once shared, these things evaporate ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38292
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 17, 2012 07:44 AM
Faith
I am having my house remodeled so have 10-15 men in here all day.
Each one has to bend down and give Mimi her propers or she nips them  ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38292
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 17, 2012 11:08 AM
Well, my other punishing is being really disorganized so I have to pray to God any time I need a paper or something to wear ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Linda Jones
Knowflake Posts: 1434
From:
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted November 17, 2012 01:21 PM
Ami,I'm truly sorry about the passing away of your son. I can't imagine a worse pain for a parent! I know that words, no matter how kind, can never ease this pain. Still, here are some ... To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die.
~Thomas Campbell, "Hallowed Ground" When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
~Kahlil Gibran Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon;
and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
~Rossiter Worthington Raymond Hope you have a blessed and peaceful Thanksgiving! ------------------
I have a DO NOT DISTURB sign on my imagination IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38292
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 17, 2012 01:57 PM
I am feeling better after writing this thread. It helps to share things that are hard to share!------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38292
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 18, 2012 07:08 AM
You know what? If you have a secret, you should always share it. Start with a trusted friend. Then branch out a bit. Then, do it more publicly, like on here.
I feel like I have been freed from some of these things. Now, I am starting to share more of them in my real life.
The other day, I was cracking up my little assistant. I was telling her how disorganized I was.
I asked her to help me with my drawers and closet, after she was done with my website
------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
sweet-scorpion
Knowflake Posts: 1080
From: PA, USA
Registered: Apr 2012
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posted November 18, 2012 04:46 PM
Yes I am most definitely a self-destructive person... I've had a hard time coming to terms with it but I am always turning my fury and hatred onto myself. Trying to either perfect or destroy myself. Or both at the same time, if that makes any sense. I've always had ED issues, cutting/self-injury issues which is disgusting but true. Always leaving people behind in relationships or being left behind, with tumultuous emotions and obsessions. Occasionally drinking, and being with people totally wrong for me, who ended up giving me attachment problems anyway. I was abused in weird ways as a child. I was emotionally traumatized by a lot of family members. Just like family members before me were. I frequently felt alienated from family who all of the sudden came out in brutal verbal tirades and said how bad of a person I was, etc etc. I've often felt victimized by family. I try to look past it but in my heart I can't help but feel sadness or indifference towards most of them. I'm excited to leave in the next 7 months. I have heavy Pluto influences in my chart... 12th house Pluto which is typical with abuse of some kind and charisma but anger you show off without knowing which has always been true for me... and Moon-Chiron in Virgo and Mars in Cancer opposite my IC ruler Neptune which speaks of the pain I've had. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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