posted November 16, 2012 04:37 AM            

OTOH, if they've never been willing to go with you to doctors, classes, etc, not even once (without a very good reason, including they thought that scumbag was going to be with you) then maybe the child would be better off outside your family completely.

posted November 16, 2012 04:39 PM            

non-astrology, i kept my child but really, even now i feel that the stress experienced in pregnancy really affected me and still does. apparently it is possible to experience a form of post-natal depression ante-natally - the explanation being that part of the onset of post-natal depression is the sense of life being changed and responsibility being felt - left untreated it can become acute depression. i think also on some level it's possible to feel as vulnerable as perhaps women in the past did who depended on men for support, like a ghostly biological impulse which kicks in even if financial mechanisms are different and women can be independent.

also, somehow i had terrible times with my family and i wonder now, the more i learn about projection, if somehow a pregnant woman in an unstable relationship is a kind of attraction for the fears of both men and women.

so, i hope you can take heart as i sometimes did at times that it was one of the hardest decisions (in my case whether to abort or keep the baby) i would ever have to manage and i did. there were dark places there, things many people don't ever face in themselves - extraordinary tension that in the long run i think has really helped me find a path in life i otherwise wouldn't.

so, it is hard now but it won't always be. don't make a decision based on someone who is so un-supportive as in my experience such a person is just as likely to throw a new stress into your life once you have managed through this. what helped me make a decision was trying to eliminate all unnecessary variables like does my decision change if he wants the baby - shows it is because of him, does it change if next week i win the lottery - shows it is fears about money. does it change if my family weren't around to put pressure on me etc. these are things that might remain in some form for a while but in general can be less important than they seem now. this was the only way i could try to bridge the present with far-sight and i hope it doesn't bother you i suggest that. i just know how difficult it is.

posted November 17, 2012 02:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by florence:
i had similarly stressful experiences in pregnancy. i have since read that those with uranus in certain positions and bml in cancer will have bad experiences in pregnancy which helped me in retrospect make sense of it.

non-astrology, i kept my child but really, even now i feel that the stress experienced in pregnancy really affected me and still does. apparently it is possible to experience a form of post-natal depression ante-natally - the explanation being that part of the onset of post-natal depression is the sense of life being changed and responsibility being felt - left untreated it can become acute depression. i think also on some level it's possible to feel as vulnerable as perhaps women in the past did who depended on men for support, like a ghostly biological impulse which kicks in even if financial mechanisms are different and women can be independent.

also, somehow i had terrible times with my family and i wonder now, the more i learn about projection, if somehow a pregnant woman in an unstable relationship is a kind of attraction for the fears of both men and women.

so, i hope you can take heart as i sometimes did at times that it was one of the hardest decisions (in my case whether to abort or keep the baby) i would ever have to manage and i did. there were dark places there, things many people don't ever face in themselves - extraordinary tension that in the long run i think has really helped me find a path in life i otherwise wouldn't.

so, it is hard now but it won't always be. don't make a decision based on someone who is so un-supportive as in my experience such a person is just as likely to throw a new stress into your life once you have managed through this. what helped me make a decision was trying to eliminate all unnecessary variables like does my decision change if he wants the baby - shows it is because of him, does it change if next week i win the lottery - shows it is fears about money. does it change if my family weren't around to put pressure on me etc. these are things that might remain in some form for a while but in general can be less important than they seem now. this was the only way i could try to bridge the present with far-sight and i hope it doesn't bother you i suggest that. i just know how difficult it is.

good luck with it all. it is so hard to go through something alone like this which is always depict as a happy time. but now with hindsight and friends experiences even a planned, married family etc have their own underlying battles which might not even surface until after whereas you might be doing the big work now.

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Thank you Florence for this, I will come back an reply to your post when I have time, but I needed to read this right now.

posted November 17, 2012 04:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Maka:
That's just it he's a very hurt man and there's nothing I can do to fix that.

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It's not that he's hurt, it's that he's a jerk, and going by what you've shared he was long before he met you. You're giving him way too much credit, especially for a man his age. I fear you're doing what I used to do, which is assume that because you'd do the honorable thing that he would, too, and there must be a very compelling reason for him not to and that deep down he knows what's right and will come through if he can. But the truth of it is a great many people will jerk you around and guys like him are a dime a dozen. You got played.