posted November 18, 2012 01:36 PM            

It's been two years now that I've been struggling with depression. I have no medical diagnosis of it because I never went to see a therapist. I don't have any valid reason (no traumatic event) to feel like this neither. It mainly stems from a strong sense of personal non fulfillment, repeated failures and loneliness. I know those are very stupid reason and worse things happen in life but this is enough to make me feel so depressive at time that I have suicidal thoughts.

Anyway, I didn't come on here to talk about what are the causes of depression but mostly about how to handle it, especially when people make a habit of shoving down your throat whatever it is that makes you feel guilty, ashamed, gives you a greater sense of failure and thus worthlessness and they don't even realize it.

My mother does this. And she doesn't even realize she does this.

I already have a strong sense of failure, which I am reminded every day I go to uni, seeing people 5 years younger than me , talking about high school days as if it were yesterday, when I can't even remember mines (I quit the school I had worked so hard to get in last summer and started over in some other field and find myself taking entrance exams over again, I'm not going into the details of it but I was already depressive and it only made things worse somehow) . I't okay, I've learned to turn a blind on it because it is after all a choice I made and I can bear my own choices. Besides, turning a blind eye on it is necessary if I want to get somewhere. Peer pressure is also strong, with most of my former classmates starting their working life, settling down, getting engaged etc..

Honestly, all of this scares me and worries me a lot, and I know depression is always there fed by those feelings of worthlessness. I don't talk anyone about it though, as I don't have any close friends and I have learned how useless it is to even talk about how you feel among my family, because they'll either make fun of you and use them against you, either they will make you feel guilty and ashamed.
And that's what annoys me, because I will eventually let it slip sometimes that I worry about this and that, well I am making fun of. I get told that it's my fault and then she proceeds to make a long list of everything I failed, and how she spent money on me only to be disappointed (which isn't even true because I live in a country where studies are mostly free). She keeps dwelling on the past, which is useless. And I don't understand why she does this. It's as if she's not aware that it doesn't help at all and just makes things worse.
So maybe it is just me, being self-centered, stupid, and all. But there's only so much one can do right? I try to build myself up, which requires a lot of mental work and isn't an easy thing to do alone and such people just destroy all the work I've made on myself .

So how do you handle such people? How do you mentally block them and do not pay attention to whatever sh*t they're saying?

posted November 18, 2012 03:26 PM            

I'm so sorry you feel this way and you've had to go through this. I can relate to having had feelings of inadequacy in my own life growing up. I struggled with depression when I was a teen and it actually continued through college. Fear, worry, loneliness and anxiety, these are the toxic variables that lead to feelings of inferiority and have a hand in depression.

In dealing with people who just add to your already depressive state, well there isn't a clear answer for how to deal with them. It's the worst and sometimes they feed off of that despair within you because of their own feelings of insecurity and worthlessness. Meaning at times it makes them feel better to put you further down. Which is just awful, and sometimes people do this without a conscious awareness of that behavior within themselves. That's why it's important when dealing with outside influences that are affecting your well being, to in a sense disengage yourself. The person who needs healing and internal mending is you. Whether the people who are trying to influence you negatively are aware of that behavior in themselves or not, doesn't matter because they are hurting you. They have to much power in affecting your state of well being, so now you have to take that power back. You have to work on yourself, begin to redevelop feelings of worthiness and deep inner respect for yourself. Depression strips us of our sense of inner peace, it strips us of our sense of validation. Thus in order to fight those claws we have to disengage from the forces that allow us to fall deeper into inner misery.

I'd definitely suggest talking to someone about this (which in a sense here on LL you're already doing ). Maybe a life coach or spiritual leader in your community or even a psychologist. I actually ended up in the hospital because of my depression and I had to go through months of therapy following that stint. Therapy (or just talking with someone who could add an unbiased opinion) did not change my life but it did help me begin to be honest with myself again. As a result of my own depression I had been lying to myself for years and I completely lost my sense of identity. Verbalizing my feelings to another helped me to reconnect with myself again. Nuts, I know. And so simple, but it really did. I had to be honest with someone else and slowly I began to confront my own demons.

posted November 18, 2012 03:44 PM            

This is totally easier said than done. It is, almost, a miracle to be able to do it.

I, actually, consider it a miracle. It is so hard.

You need to see them for what they are.
This is a loss of innocence because the person can be really, really rotten.

Seeing them for who they are allows you to disengage.

The hardest thing is that these people try to blame you! That is their MO, so they won't have to face themselves.

You have to see through the lies which is what is super hard.

I have started to do that.

However, find some people to walk with you, as it is too hard to do alone.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted December 11, 2012 07:42 PM            

Goodness, think 20 yrs and that is my experience atm.

I think the first, and most important thing, is to believe in yourself as passionately as you are able.

Respect their opinion, as clearly there is a relationship, but realize only you can truly believe in the awesomeness that is you.

That creates a sort of mental armour.

Other thing is to focus on the accomplishments you've achieved already, for example you mentioned you got into that school and then left it.

posted December 12, 2012 10:05 AM            

Raises hand, been there done that...was "raised" by a VERY neagitive mother, nothing I could do in her book was the right thing to do.

Now she 76 has simmered down quite a bit, but she still is selfish (even now she is texting me should have never taught her how to text about all of her woes at the doctor office, which are minor woes for a woman of her age...), she never has greeted me in the morn with "hi how are YOU?"

Anyway, I knew from a very young girl that I am worthy. No matter what they all said ab out me, brought me down more I AM WORTHY!

Still as a young person it does mess with the head.

As far as stupid people bring us down who are in a depressive state anyway, just get away from them. Yes, toxic people are toxic and they always will be.

They dont define you, YOU DEFINE YOU!

It is your life and you have the right to pick and choose who enters your energy space.

I am at a place now, at fifty, where I have finally eliminated all the toxic people in my life, cept my mother, but she is my mother.

In the past I have had to push her away for a good long time when she got real stupid, I just pushed her out of my life,, and only let her back in when she was on better behavior.

Again, bottem line it is your life...you choose who you associate with...and dont let any of them emotional blackmail, or manipulate you into letting themselves in!

blessins!