posted January 18, 2013 04:01 PM            

Let's start with a bit of background: So, I don't date much. Seriously, my last long term relationship ended almost six years ago and since then I have dated 3 guys for a couple of months at a time. My last long term relationship was actually my longest relationship, about two and a half years off and on. People are often surprised that I don't have a steady boyfriend in my life because of my perceived attractiveness and sweet personality. Also, I love relationships. I am a completely different person when I am with someone, I am happy, just having someone hold me, having someone to share things with is amazing. I am also one of those cutesy, cuddly "aww" people so, one would think "this girl probably has a man to 'aww' about". I used to have a long laundry list of traits that the ideal man would have, but over the years I have become a lot less picky. Not because I am desperate, but because I have noticed a trend with women around me: Blue collar dudes with white collar ladies. I know a vet who is married to a UPS driver, a social worker who is married to an HVAC guy, a lawyer who is married to a roofer, and on and on and on. So I expanded my options a bit to include men who don't have to wear suits all day and don't need masters degrees in order to make money...

Issue 1: I am not attracted to a lot of people...

I mean, I can see if a man is attractive but that really doesn't mean anything. If I don't feel moved by the attraction then they might as well be a building or a tree and it just doesn't get that deep with men that I see around town. I think it is because there are so many short men where I live, and I am not at all drawn to them. I'm 5'10", so ... I mean, life is not like high school, it's not just this parade of hot guys that are around my age that you kinda know something about. There are very few men who are attractive to me, attractive enough to date, that is. I mean, I try. If I see a guy online and I am not moved initially, I will talk to him to see if there is any kind of connection. Usually there isn't. I can't really pinpoint exactly what revs me up either. It is usually height (at least 6'2") and I have this thing about green eyes, they drive me kind of crazy...

Issue 2: Lately, when I am attracted, something is up...

So, I do the online thing and I start talking to a guy but then something happens that just blows everything up. I started talking to one guy last September and he seemed cool, even though he is a Scorpio (lol). So he started out fine, but he was putting off meeting me for weeks. Then he wanted to start sexting and and wanted more pictures of me, preferably ones that highlight my derriere. I was able to hold him off for a while and then we talked on the phone and his voice sounded just like my emotionally abusive, still stalking me, Scorpio ex. I was done. I sent an "I don't think we are a match" text and I was finished. He was probably married or had a live-in girlfriend anyway, hence the delays...

A couple of months later I started talking to another guy from another site. He was older, a contractor, and he seemed really confident and sexy (a Taurus). He was a divorced father of two and he was kind of gruff and rough around the edges, but I found it sexy. He wanted to meet rather quickly, about a week after we started talking. I had a feeling something was up with him so I kind of held out. Then, after my new guy google search, I found out that he was recently arrested for grand larceny (stole a boat!) and on top of that he lied about his age, he was five years older than he said. Jeez, why lie? I mean, the boat excuse was believable (it was a misunderstanding) because it was all over the news. I think I was more upset about our synastry and composite being all wrong than the stealing. So, I sent an "I don't think we are a match" IM and I was finished...

Then last month I started talking to someone from another site (I like to switch up sites). He was such a dreamboat (to me) in his picture so I just had to respond to him. After writing back and forth for a day I found that, not only was this guy handsome, he was really smart too and hilarious. So funny that I couldn't even do a cutesy girl laugh with him, I would do a full-on, snort-y embarrassing laugh (his Jupiter conjuncts my Sun and Mercury exact). His birthday is actually 2 days after the guy I (and my family) refer to as "my favorite boyfriend"'s birthday (Dec 31). It was pretty great. I haven't felt this way in a long time, the mental and physical attraction is intense. We are very similar too, both self described "reclusive" personalities, both celibate for long periods of time before being with someone (I had gone a year and a half before this, him, six months). So we met at an appropriate time (after 2 weeks) and it quickly got serious. We sleep together fairly quickly (2nd date) and I just can't put the feeling into words. We talk about leaving the country to go live in Mexico, off the grid and he says the best ever things to get me through a job interview (just "I have faith in you" and "you got this", sounds so uplifting coming from him)...But...He is in construction management and, since we are in NY, there is nothing to manage right now, in the snow and cold. So he feels really down and gets really broke in the winter and so he just stops talking to me. I don't get it. I would go to his house but I don't want to be a stalker. Part of me knows the old "if you love something, let it go..." blah bleh blah, but I want him. I could make him happy but he won't let me. Actually, I don't know if I want to be this pathetic lovelorn mess while he hibernates and tried to get his sh!t together. If he really wanted me he would and could be with me. So I guess that's another one I have to get over. It sucks. I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long time and I thought he felt the same about me. I can usually detect bullcrap but, I mean, he's even had a couple of cute attacks over me (that "you're so cute!" followed by a nice, long squeeze). He does, however, have Venus conjunct Uranus. So he could have just fallen out of love in a flash. I don't know. So now I am moping around my job and bothering my family, eating everything in sight, being a b!tch on Lindaland...Bleh. This leads to my next problem...

Issue 3: It gets a little intense, very quickly and I wear my heart on my sleeve...

Maybe I don't date often because it gets so intense, it is hard to do it over and over again...I would like to say that the third scenerio with the Capricorn is rare but sadly, it isn't. Well, the real connection is rare but my actions are not. When I fall in love it tends to be hard and fast and things move rather quickly. It's never a one-sided thing either, or so I think. I usually have guys who want me to move in with them after a week of dating, we talk about running away together and I meet all of his friends but then, BAM, it's over. I don't hear from them until a month later, when they want us to "see each other", you know, the kind of "seeing each other" that ends up in someone's bed. I think the real issue might be that I sleep with them too soon. I don't sleep with guys on the first date, but I really have to try not to. I mean, I have to resort to trickery. Like, I won't shave so I know that I won't be comfortable enough to be naked, schedule dates during my period, or I'll wear a bodysuit so that there is no "easy access" to my lady parts. I mean, one good kiss will have me dropping my drawers. Seriously. Writing that out makes me sound seriously questionable but honestly, I usually wait about a year and a half between partners so...Well, that might be my problem. Maybe, since I wait so long, I am so horny that it clouds my judgement, making me move too quickly. Well, to burst a hole in that theory, I have gone on dates that haven't led to anything physical, so...The chemistry wasn't there, no spark, so no sex.

Maybe it's not just sex that I am giving away too quickly, maybe it is that I give away so much of myself. I get really absorbed in my relationships. Surprisingly, I don't get clingy. As long as it feels good to me and I get an appropriate amount of attention then I feel secure. We are both adults and we get busy, especially now since I am a part of Corporate America now (blech) so I don't expect to talk minute of every day. If you say you are going to be busy then okay, I don't expect to hear from you, and I won't reach out until you do. I mean, I am a Leo, I like men who go after me, I am not really the whining type. That said, I still think that I show my warmth and love too quickly. I can be too sweet and cuddly and I think in terms of "us". Even my first dates last for days sometimes (no exaggeration, so romantic though). Maybe I need to keep up that Aqua rising icy exterior for a while until things get going. Keep my dates short and my legs unshaved, "Leave 'em wanting more" as my double Cap mom would say...

posted January 18, 2013 04:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
when you say you arent attracted to many men, what do you mean? are they all a specific race or something?

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posted January 18, 2013 04:47 PM            

Hmm, sounds like:

-You have high initial standards
-You like a particular type of guy
-You also are mistrusting (wisely so)
-Perhaps you like sort of reclusive and withdrawn types, which ironically makes them harder to find

The construction project manager for example, was probably very much your type BUT his own independent streak meant he was not going to go into a relationship unless both are at least equal in terms of where you both are in life.

posted January 18, 2013 04:54 PM            

Sometimes it makes little difference, as a guy could wait for like three months or more, and if s-e-x was all he wanted, he'd wait that period of time, get the drawers, and then hit the road. Whereas you can make a strong connection with someone who wants the same things you do (like commitment), is very drawn to you, do it on the first/second date even, and it could very possibly lead to a relationship. But I do agree to at least wait a while before the physical stuff to get a feel of what the guy wants from you, and what you want from him.

posted January 18, 2013 05:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lazyscarecrow:
Whatever you do, don't play any games... sometimes it makes little difference, as a guy could wait for like three months or more, and if s-e-x was all he wanted, he'd wait that period of time, get the drawers, and then hit the road. Whereas you can make a strong connection with someone who wants the same things you do, is very attracted to you, do it on the first/second date even, and it could very possibly lead to a relationship.
But I do agree to at least wait a while before the physical stuff to get a feel of what the guy wants from you, and what you want from him. If this didn't help much you may overlook it

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posted January 18, 2013 05:31 PM            

I am not attracted to the guys in my area either. I am really starting to feel my age, and my environment which is depressing. Everyone around me or who I went to high school with (and middle school) is married, pregnant, in a relationship, or dating someone because they can't stand being alone. I don't get it. I want to date someone I like and who can sustain that kind of attraction with me! It's very hard to do it as I get older. The guys I am attracted to here I'm too afraid to approach because I am so horrible at picking guys.

I hate when girls tell other girls "You can do better!" It's supposed to be a nice thing to say but when you think about it - it isn't. Why would you tell someone they can do better than the person they love at the moment? Why wouldn't you just say "I'm really happy you're happy!" (Assuming they're not in a bad relationship or something.) Sorry - that's totally random!!

posted January 18, 2013 09:04 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
For crying out loud, you live in New York City. Stop the online dating. Midtown and the Village is like a meat market in the evenings and on weekends. There is no shortage of good singles, and not necessarily those who want to drop their drawers on the first date. Or second. Smart, attractive, successful men taller than 6'2" grow on trees in NYC.

I'm a Capricorn and my wife is a Leo. She initiated, and that turned out alright. I myself don't go for the first pretty thing that walks by. Maintain your standards and don't date anyone you are not attracted to. And for crying out loud, don't go the "I'll keep them wanting more bit." Any dates I had with a woman who didn't keep herself up, I would drop like a fly. I would never go out on any date unless I'm fully primped out and dressed to the nines, and leave home with the best manners and a full wallet.

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posted January 19, 2013 08:12 AM            

I'm fundamentally a driven person and achievement focused. By definition, I have a healthy self esteem and confidence. I was once upon a time also a soldier. My training taught me that I can tackle any problem if I have focused determination.

The difference between you and I is that I'm male. I suppose such confidence in a woman can elicit different responses from men. I personally find it attractive and find it in abundance in my wife. It'll be unattractive to a man who demands a subservient and meek woman.

This confidence gave me success with whom I dated, which were generally highly educated, successful, white collared women. I dated up, with many stunning women as dates. An ordinary looking slightly overweight (+10 to +15 over) and relatively short (5'10") would generally stand no chance dating incredibly beautiful women. But the difference here is the self esteem and the resume to back up the ego, in addition to respect, manners and impeccable grooming and attire.

posted January 19, 2013 11:02 AM            

quote:

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Hmm, sounds like:

-You have high initial standards
-You like a particular type of guy
-You also are mistrusting (wisely so)
-Perhaps you like sort of reclusive and withdrawn types, which ironically makes them harder to find

The construction project manager for example, was probably very much your type BUT his own independent streak meant he was not going to go into a relationship unless both are at least equal in terms of where you both are in life.

I don't think it is to quick to have sex, but tall, green eyed, independent, is a tough find.

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Padre,

He is reclusive, but also strong and (I thought) confident, which I find attractive. I think it bothers him that right now I am doing okay (seriously, just okay) financially and he is struggling. He's not feeling like "The Man" in the relationship.

posted January 19, 2013 11:03 AM            

quote:

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Whatever you do, don't play any games... like if you're naturally a warm person, don't try to do the cold-blooded indifferent siren thing, unless that's really who you are.

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Lazyscarecrow,

I agree, I don't even think that I can do that. I am too warm when it comes to love, it can't be turned off like a switch. The Ice Queen come out naturally for work, and that's because I hate it.

quote:

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Sometimes it makes little difference, as a guy could wait for like three months or more, and if s-e-x was all he wanted, he'd wait that period of time, get the drawers, and then hit the road. Whereas you can make a strong connection with someone who wants the same things you do (like commitment), is very drawn to you, do it on the first/second date even, and it could very possibly lead to a relationship. But I do agree to at least wait a while before the physical stuff to get a feel of what the guy wants from you, and what you want from him.

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Exactly! A game, is a game, is a game - it doesn't matter how long it takes. Waiting for sex with a game player will not make him fall in love. The guy will just keep seeing his side women while he's "courting" you and when he finally gets you, he's done. I mean, they don't outright dump the girls right after they get out of bed but it is a tapering off thing, giving less and less attention after the deed is done. This along with the "I thought we were just talking..." conversation. Until the booty call comes a few weeks later (aka "Wanna hang out?")...

posted January 19, 2013 11:04 AM            

quote:

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I am not attracted to the guys in my area either. I am really starting to feel my age, and my environment which is depressing. Everyone around me or who I went to high school with (and middle school) is married, pregnant, in a relationship, or dating someone because they can't stand being alone. I don't get it. I want to date someone I like and who can sustain that kind of attraction with me! It's very hard to do it as I get older. The guys I am attracted to here I'm too afraid to approach because I am so horrible at picking guys.

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Hanna,

At 33, everyone I know is married. Seriously, I am the only unmarried person at my job. The only one without children too. I am definitely feeling my age. I don't know, maybe I'm just not marriage material. If I was younger (your age) I probably wouldn't think that way but at my age, I guess I just have to get used to that. I might not get married and I probably won't have children, if I do happen to get married later in life.

posted January 19, 2013 11:04 AM            

quote:

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For crying out loud, you live in New York City. Stop the online dating. Midtown and the Village is like a meat market in the evenings and on weekends. There is no shortage of good singles, and not necessarily those who want to drop their drawers on the first date. Or second. Smart, attractive, successful men taller than 6'2" grow on trees in NYC.

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YTA,

I don't live in NYC, I live in "the NYC suburbs", which might as well be out of the state as far as NYC guys are concerned. It's just a train ride away, but they call it "upstate" or "the country". Even the NYC guys on dating sites specify that they want someone within a 10 mile radius. That's okay though because I really don't like NYC that much. It's too loud, fast and dirty for me (must be all the Libra, Virgo and 7th house influence). I am a slower-paced person, never liked the club or bar scene. Also NYC guys are so into status and job interview style dates. I used to be into that type of guy, but I'm not anymore. I'm not happy when I'm with those guys, I'm not myself. I don't even work there anymore, thank goodness. I work exactly three minutes away from my apartment (four - if I get that red light).

quote:

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...Maintain your standards and don't date anyone you are not attracted to. And for crying out loud, don't go the "I'll keep them wanting more bit." Any dates I had with a woman who didn't keep herself up, I would drop like a fly...

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posted January 19, 2013 04:09 PM            

This has happened to other girls I know, even to guys lol. A player will always play and they aren't always obvious about it.

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Lazyscarecrow:
[b]Whatever you do, don't play any games... sometimes it makes little difference, as a guy could wait for like three months or more, and if s-e-x was all he wanted, he'd wait that period of time, get the drawers, and then hit the road. Whereas you can make a strong connection with someone who wants the same things you do, is very attracted to you, do it on the first/second date even, and it could very possibly lead to a relationship.
But I do agree to at least wait a while before the physical stuff to get a feel of what the guy wants from you, and what you want from him. If this didn't help much you may overlook it

---

posted January 24, 2013 04:40 PM            

The post stated that Capricorn men are "depressive" (among other things). That made me think - that is a trait that all, not some, but all of the men I've had longer relationships with share. I wish I could say that I wasn't attracted to that type though, kinda broody and moody, even if they are a laugh a minute (Caps!)...