posted February 05, 2013 12:14 AM            

Defribs..kind of hurt

What fills me with fear is..owing someone.

posted February 05, 2013 12:38 AM            

quote:

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Padre35: Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Defribs..kind of hurt

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posted February 05, 2013 01:09 AM            

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Originally posted by somethingexcellent:
Oh my gOD! I imagine they hurt...

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It's like getting kicked by a donkey..in your ribs..OMG that hurts!

posted February 05, 2013 08:11 AM            

quote:

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And though you be done to the death, what then?
If you battled the best you could;
If you played your part in the world of men,
Why the Critic will call it good.
Death comes with a crawl, or comes with a pounce,
And whether he’s slow or spry,
It isn’t that fact that you’re dead that counts,
But only how did you die?

-Edward Vance Cook

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I fear it and I don't.

I fear dying painfully (like through ritual torture) or very tragically. If I were being chased by a mad gunman, I would definitely fear him. I fear the sadness of my children...like if I were to die by cancer.

Otherwise, no, I don't fear it, I look forward to it. Seems interesting.

posted February 05, 2013 01:06 PM            

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Originally posted by Faith:
I fear it and I don't.

I fear dying painfully (like through ritual torture) or very tragically. If I were being chased by a mad gunman, I would definitely fear him. I fear the sadness of my children...like if I were to die by cancer.

Otherwise, no, I don't fear it, I look forward to it. Seems interesting.

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My feelings are similar, I have a fear of dying at the hands of other humans though mostly. I think being turned on by a crowd is a reoccurring past life theme (burnt at the stake, killed several times by invading tribes and cultures, killed in a concentration camp, etc..), I am wired to care very much about other people, so the idea of being turned on or misunderstood to death is soul crushing for me. I used to fear death a lot, but that resolved after I learned to meditate.

My sister and I had a good conversation about this topic though and she said something I found interesting. She is not afraid of dying as much as she is afraid of either enduring infinity afterword or ceasing to exist. She is very religious, but admits the idea of heaven scares the hell out of her. People just being shiny and happy forever, and ever, and ever like some cosmic Stepford.

My big fear was about transparency. I was scared of not having a body to contain/control all the energy that exists in me. The idea of being held accountable for all the intense feelings and thoughts which erupt out of my Mars/Plutonian personality in any given moment was terrifying. I am a naturally passionate being and without a filter how could I protect others from myself?

Fortunately that's done though, way too much anxiety, panic, and depression surrounded those feelings for too long. I sketched this one day when I was feeling particularly done in.

posted February 05, 2013 04:01 PM            

And this is one of my favorite songs, I used to listen to it everyday:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5waygXK3qYg

...To dance
Within the frost
To carry dreams of life away to dust
To call
Your name out loud
To carry fear away cast down the shroud
To die

When summer fades to silence
When winter's still a dream
And solemn sleep to you is blind again
And the Autumn comes with amber eyes
Pale as the night
To enthrall your soul...

And I remember a dream I had in the summer of 2002 in which a demonic creature was chasing me. It finally grabbed me and impaled me on all these swords. And as I accepted I was going to die, I just let everything go--every should be, could be, and notion--and I was filled with something akin to peace. The creature demanded I give it my anger and I laughed at it, telling it I was too tired to be angry.

posted February 05, 2013 04:05 PM            

Here's a poem I wrote years ago. It's on the long side but it explains it perfectly (IMO), though it includes mentioning the terrible October nightmares I used to suffer which I haven't suffered for the last couple of years.

October in My Soul

Sometimes I wake up
the monsters just beyond my vision
reaching, grasping, clawing,
my nerves burning in terror
of the past resurrected

Even worse are those times I awaken
feeling empty
feeling nothing
thinking life is loss
for I've lost those I love and myself
and yet if I hadn't
I'd have lost that which I am
and those that I love now
All that is life
requires sacrifice

And beside my lover tonight
I dream of two foxes loving
in spring flowers that ends in Autumn
one fox killed by merciless huntsmen
as one fox heals alone through winter
Spring reveals a new lover
as the fox dances in joy but asks:
will the huntsmen return?
I awaken and realize I am that fox.

October is the month I love and dread the most
with its parties and nightmares
with its joyful laughter in my life
and the piercing screams
that shatter my past and my sleep

I admire the colorful dying world,
love the hint of chill in the air
but dread the tragedy I sense
riding in the wind

October is all around me
Joy and Terror dance within me
As it has been
so shall it be again
the seasons turn
the passions burn
stoking me sweetly
burning me to ashes

October reminds me that the joys of life are not without its toll
The death and loss are our constant companions to life and love
As we wander through a cornucopia
of hazy mirages and shadowy images
Life and Death, Day and Night in eternal dance
The living surrounded by ghosts of the pasts and the future
Ghosts calling my name from within my haunted soul

I was born in October
and surely I will die then, too
From the witch's cauldron we all sprang
and to the cauldron shall we all return
the cauldron of the One we all can't help
but to revere and fear
The witch of my cauldron is named October.

And as I join the witch in laughter,
the nightmares spring
from the shadows within me
haunting me by the knowledge that they have
their real life counterparts
as these echoes of the past
once again pounce

I hold on, I hold on
for I have felt their fangs before
and yet I remain
visible and invisible scars my badges
my pride, my shame
I know morning will come,
frosty and promising
and if it doesn't
then the horrors will no longer have me to haunt
dying with me
or leaving me to find other game

Though I wonder then, should I die
if I'd ever haunt others
just as others have haunted me?
Or would I finally be able to truly rest
the nightmares no more,
my dance and my mosh ended?

posted February 05, 2013 04:19 PM            

I'm looking forward to going "home" - back to the otherside from which we all came and shedding this sometimes stiffling bodily shell and being free.....not having bills. lol not having earthly responsitilities, or worries anymore. Seeing loved ones gone by before me etc.

..but not too soon....not ready to go to soon. There is still life left in me (sometimes). I still feel like there's a lot to do here and i have not completed my mission so-to-speak. I don't want to go in some kind of accident. I hope to go peacefully down the road.

& to be honest, it is a bit of a scary thought when you really think about it, but I believe i've died many times before and after it happens I will remember that there's nothing to worry about.

posted February 06, 2013 01:22 AM            

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Originally posted by Padre35:

What fills me with fear is..owing someone.

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posted February 06, 2013 02:08 AM            

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aquaguy91: death in itself is not scary , its the uncertainy of what happens afterwards that is scary. imo no matter what belief system you have you are going to have doubts about this.

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posted February 06, 2013 02:18 AM            

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
what if im wrong?

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You should play Pascal's Roulette:
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2012/02/08/pascals-roulette/

Oh wow, I won on the first try! (Thor)

posted February 06, 2013 07:57 AM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
You should play Pascal's Roulette:
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2012/02/08/pascals-roulette/

Oh wow, I won on the first try! (Thor)

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LOL!!!

I tried being a Christian (cross) but guessed wrong, the real power is Freya!