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Author Topic:   Could he be into BDSM?
Astro keen
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Posts: 408
From: UK
Registered: Nov 2012

posted February 18, 2013 07:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
A few things have happened recently which make me suspect that my bf could be into the Domination and Submissive aspects of BDSM. I refer here to more serious D/s than mild role playing and swapping of roles which may occur in the course of "normal' sex.

I haven't experienced this before and so cannot recognise the signs of anyone hinting at these preferences. Since he lives abroad and we are likely to meet soon (one of our infrequent meetings) I feel I may not really know him, all consuming and very attractive though our relationship is. Is there anyone on this forum who could do a reading for me? Or could look at his chart? I would rather not ask on Personal readings, if you don't mind. Would appreciate any advice.

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Lexxigramer
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Posts: 1571
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted February 18, 2013 08:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Astro keen:
A few things have happened recently which make me suspect that my bf could be into the Domination and Submissive aspects of BDSM. I refer here to more serious D/S than mild role playing and swapping of roles which may occur in the course of "normal' sex.

I haven't experienced this before and so cannot recognise the signs of anyone hinting at these preferences. Since he lives abroad and we are likely to meet soon (one of our infrequent meetings) I feel I may not really know him, all consuming and very attractive though our relationship is. Is there anyone on this forum who could do a reading for me? Or could look at his chart? I would rather not ask on Personal readings, if you don't mind. Would appreciate any advice.


Because you are requesting a reading,
this is a Personal Readings topic,

even though your focus is the possibility of your boyfriend being into BDSM.
Advice?
Do not be alone with him until you know him better.
Have you met in person yet?
Your statement on that was unclear.
Why don't you just ask him?
If the relationship online is as you say;
quote:
all consuming and very attractive though our relationship is

then I find it odd that sexual concerns have not been discussed yet.
As you also said:
quote:
I feel I may not really know him,

Then it is too soon to meet in person unless it is in a safe place with other people around.
Follow your instincts.
They are telling you to proceed with this fellow using caution;
even possibly extreme caution.
Additionally;
I must ask this:
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
From time to time
folks UNDER 18 years old
try to get into conversations concerning sexual issues.
This forum is for those over 18 years old.

------------------
NumeroLexigrams
~I remember,
therefore I am immortal
~Lexxigramer
My Lexigramming Biography/over 1/2 a century to date Lexigramming

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Lexxigramer
Moderator

Posts: 1571
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted February 18, 2013 08:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
On your profile you list as your occupation:
"Punblisher"
What is a Punblisher?
Are you making some obscure attempt to be "punny"?

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peregrine
Knowflake

Posts: 1616
From: sand castle
Registered: Apr 2012

posted February 18, 2013 09:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for peregrine     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If he owns a riding crop but no horse.

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Astro keen
Knowflake

Posts: 408
From: UK
Registered: Nov 2012

posted February 18, 2013 10:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
On your profile you list as your occupation:
[b]"Punblisher"

What is a Punblisher?
Are you making some obscure attempt to be "punny"?[/B]

Hi Lexigrammer,

Thank you for your concern and advice. Sorry about the mistype. Now altered to publisher, which is what I am. I am well over 18 years old. Have children over that age, in fact. And yes, I've met my bf twice and have known him (in the biblical sense). This is just me being extra cautious. He and I hit if off extremely well, have great synastry etc. BUT, I am conscious that people reveal themselves by slow degrees. I will ask him outright, but it may take a few days before we meet online again. This is a very nice gentle bloke who may have a hidden side. I am feeling a little calmer now and will wait to find out.

Btw, wasn't my writing style too old and proper for someone in their teens? I am kinda flattered that you thought I was that young.

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Lexxigramer
Moderator

Posts: 1571
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted February 18, 2013 11:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Astro keen:
Hi Lexigrammer,

Thank you for your concern and advice. Sorry about the mistype. Now altered to publisher, which is what I am.


Cool! What genre?
Ahh no need to apologize about your typo.
I do it a lot myself.
Was not sure if it was intentional or not.
Folks often put weird things on profiles.
quote:
Originally posted by Astro keen:
I am well over 18 years old. Have children over that age, in fact. And yes, I've met my bf twice and have known him (in the biblical sense). This is just me being extra cautious. He and I hit if off extremely well, have great synastry etc. BUT, I am conscious that people reveal themselves by slow degrees. I will ask him outright, but it may take a few days before we meet online again. This is a very nice gentle bloke who may have a hidden side. I am feeling a little calmer now and will wait to find out.
Not always easy to determine who is an adult here.
Some adults here act up like tittering 12 year olds giggling about sex and trying to be shocking or crude.

It sounds like you are both old enough.
Go with your instincts and ask him when you feel comfortable.
I know what you mean about the seemingly gentle ones;
especially online and or in LDRs.
I got burned badly by trusting in such a situation.
Hope things work out well betwixt you two.{{{hugs}}}
quote:
Originally posted by Astro keen:

Btw, wasn't my writing style too old and proper for someone in their teens? I am kinda flattered that you thought I was that young.

As I said above,
some adults do not act like adults.
There are others here who are minors,
but sound much more mature than some of the adults.
Also you do sense young, a youngish vibe about you!

------------------
NumeroLexigrams
~I remember,
therefore I am immortal
~Lexxigramer
My Lexigramming Biography/over 1/2 a century to date Lexigramming

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Hera
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Posts: 5363
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010

posted February 18, 2013 05:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Hera     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Do not be alone with him until you know him better.

BDSM is consensual (the C from SSC - Safe, Sane, Consensual), everything that happens between the partners is priorly known by all participants and agreed upon. It's NOT abuse.

Astro keen,

I can try to help. I am mildly into it and have also seen a few charts of people who practice it but of course cannot guarantee anything because people have free will. If the chart doesn't reveal much, I can try a tarot reading. But I agree with Lexx that communication is the right way to do this. BDSM doesn't make one "bad" and it's not even considered a paraphilia anymore in DSM-V.

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Astro keen
Knowflake

Posts: 408
From: UK
Registered: Nov 2012

posted February 18, 2013 06:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you very much for your offer Hera. I have read some of your posts on BDSM and agree that D/s within the confines of a loving relationship is very common.

Yes, of course I will ask him, however it would be very useful to have some insights thru tarot. He may be more into D/s than I suspect and may be defensive about discussing it. I don't want to chase revelations when there is nothing to reveal. I would also really like to be forewarned about any darker or more sinister aspects or get insights into psychological meanings if there are any. I have a history of abuse, so am extra cautious. His name begins with J.

If you would prefer to look at his chart first, here it is. Thank you so much.

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Astro keen
Knowflake

Posts: 408
From: UK
Registered: Nov 2012

posted February 19, 2013 11:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
.

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sweet-scorpion
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Posts: 1370
From: PA, USA
Registered: Apr 2012

posted February 19, 2013 04:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweet-scorpion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'll offer a few comments because I want to help you out. It seems like a bit of a troubling situation! It'll be Ok though I assure you. If you two really care for one another, you'll find a way to overcome it.

First off, it's interesting how many VIRGO influenced men I have seen with tendencies towards BDSM tendencies in bed. My recent ex was like this, with 3 planets in Virgo, Mars in Virgo, and like your BF, his Mercury and Venus also happened to be conjunct in Virgo! Except his were retrograde making it worse. Anyway, like your BF it seemed slowly but surely he revealed to me that he was into 'kinkier' activities and some that I was not very on board with, so when he wanted to do them I would say no. I won't get too graphic about it but it was definitely BDSM category stuff, like choking, etc. So it seems like many Virgo influenced men can enjoy letting go of their intense, Virgoan self-control, especially the way they control the way they act and behave, in the bedroom. I know Virgo influenced people have such excellent self-control much of the time, so maybe with BDSM activities he wants to be dominated or dominate as an escape from a 'good guy' personality, but not in a pscyhotic way... just in a sexual way that's way more 'free' or something? If that makes any sense.

Secondly, his Saturn-Mars square makes it even more prominent that he does have a controlling side. He might have intense self-control or be somewhat controlling of other people due to the Saturn-Virgo mix. So he might be prone to being a dominant vs. a submissive, or if this is not true, his greatest fantasy would be letting go of all his control shown in the aspect and having a woman control HIM for once.

Another thing is that his Aqua Moon is also opposite Uranus, showing a potentially erratic or eccentric emotional nature. It could lead to experimenting with different kinds of relationships and environments - and women possibly - to be comfortable. He is outgoing in his quest to emotionally find something unique and stimulating. Moon-Uranus people, and since his Moon is in Aqua on top of that, are usually pretty comfortable emotionally with things society deems as 'weird'; so perhaps this plays into his secret desires for BDSM. He might be emotionally comfortable with such things. The fact this his stable, structured Virgo Venus is quincunx is radical Aqua Moon also shows how he might force himself to ignore his innate emotional needs for something wild and Uranian-eccentric in favor of a woman [Venus] who is more classy and traditional. Again, he might want to play out this secret emotional desire in the BDSM setting, especially since Venus is his 8th house ruler.

Overall I see a guy with a LOT of self-control, maybe obsessive or neat tendencies, since he's quite Saturnine, who has secret desires to be a little wild and crazy sometimes, and might want to release some self-control in the bedroom with unique sexual activities.

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Astro keen
Knowflake

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From: UK
Registered: Nov 2012

posted February 19, 2013 04:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you SS, that's really helpful. What you've said makes a lot of sense. Yes, I can see that he could be a person with a lot of self control and, therefore, trying to take a break from that in a close relationship would make sense.

I have read that Mars and Venus in Virgo guys like to serve, which may be typecast for a submissive role.

Thanks again. You are very good at this.

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sweet-scorpion
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From: PA, USA
Registered: Apr 2012

posted February 22, 2013 04:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweet-scorpion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Astro keen:
Thank you SS, that's really helpful. What you've said makes a lot of sense. Yes, I can see that he could be a person with a lot of self control and, therefore, trying to take a break from that in a close relationship would make sense.

I have read that Mars and Venus in Virgo guys like to serve, which may be typecast for a submissive role.

Thanks again. You are very good at this.


You're welcome! I'm so happy I could help you out with this. I'm also glad that it made a lot of sense. I definitely agree with Mars and Venus in Virgo guys liking to serve - they often want to put you first, but sometimes [to at least a person like myself] this can get frustrating when you want them to be a 'dominant' and very masculine type.

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Astro keen
Knowflake

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From: UK
Registered: Nov 2012

posted February 24, 2013 09:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
edit

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Hera
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From: the OR
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posted February 25, 2013 01:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Hera     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey Astro keen,

I am sorry for getting back to you so late. It's been hard keeping up with things lately. Sweet-scorpion gave you some valid insights. To be honest, yes, he could be into it. And my guess is he's on the dominant side. It is true that Virgo Mars will do everything he can to please their partners but that doesn't make one submissive. My Gemini ex was Virgo Mars and quite the sadist. He was never like that with me because I didn't consent to submit, but he definitely had it in him. Virgo Venus is what he is sexually attracted to - and that is, a woman more on the submissive side. I have seen this placement in a very Dominant Scorpio I fancied for a while. He wasn't into breath taking beauties, but clean, a bit nerdy, dressed in white if possible (that's how I got on his radar) and yes, submissive and willing to please him. That last part I was not lol.

I lean towards a more dominant role for him because of Mars's conjunction to Pluto and especially the square to Saturn. Mars-Saturn is a dynamic that I found very frequently in the charts of dominants and particularly sadists. I have it, my Gemini ex has it, that Scorpio I mentioned has it. The paradox is the softer the aspect, the bigger the sadist. Harsh aspects (like he has and so do I) make one more aware of how dangerous it can be to play it that way and it's quite likely, also given the Virgo emphasis, that he is a control freak and the person he controls the most is himself, not others. From this point of view, I consider him safe because I know first-handed that I am also in control of myself every single second of that sort of interaction. Like I said, softer aspects are easier to get out of hand because they make one more comfortable within the energy.

I see his Jupiter is unaspected. I personally want a strong Jupiter in such a person (and unaspected can be strong) because I want that person to be high on ethics and fond of rules, laws and regulations. In such an environment, I consider it important for a dominant, and especially a potential sadist, to have strong ethical boundaries. Unaspected can go either way, but being in Libra I would suspect he is highly ethical. Uranus is also something I found figuring prominently in bdsm enthusiasts, possibly because it is an alternative lifestyle/sexuality and you get the "outcast" label because you're different. Also because very frequently it is quite extreme. Anyways, I think his Sun-Uranus-MC conjunction and his Moon-Uranus opposition can give him such a feeling, though the aspects are rather wide.

So, overall, I think he has potential to be into it, but like I said, there is no guarantee. Even if he has the desire, he may not act on it, or if he acts on it he may do it differently than it is expected of him. Let me know if you have questions or if you want me to do the Tarot spread.

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PhoenixFire
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Posts: 1310
From: The Crossing
Registered: Jun 2009

posted February 26, 2013 12:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PhoenixFire     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
BDSM is consensual (the C from SSC - Safe, Sane, Consensual), everything that happens between the partners is priorly known by all participants and agreed upon. It's NOT abuse.

Astro keen,

I can try to help. I am mildly into it and have also seen a few charts of people who practice it but of course cannot guarantee anything because people have free will. If the chart doesn't reveal much, I can try a tarot reading. But I agree with Lexx that communication is the right way to do this. BDSM doesn't make one "bad" and it's not even considered a paraphilia anymore in DSM-V.


Totally agree with the above. BDSM activities/tendencies aren't bad. As with anything sexual, communication, trust, and respect are crucial. It is a good idea to have a conversation about boundaries/desires before intimacy occurs.

Be clear on what your boundaries are and do not become involved if you do not trust him. Don't allow yourself to be pushed into anything you aren't comfortable with. If he is worthy of trust and an ethical person, then he will respect your limits.

Hera, would a person w Saturn conj Mars tend to be more submissive? How about Saturn/Mars loosely conjunct Pluto? I have noticed this tendency of passiveness with a couple people with these placements... Even with Mars being in a dominant sign/house.

I myself have Mars sextile Pluto nearly exact, with Mars squaring Saturn by Sign. Typical of Mars in the first, I enjoy being in power/control in most aspects of life. In more intimate situations, I do tire of constantly attracting men who like to be overpowered... I don't maybe my Mars/Saturn energy is projected in reverse?

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Hera
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From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010

posted February 27, 2013 03:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Hera     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
PF,

from what I noticed, Mars-Saturn tends to lean towards sadism (consensual one, of course). Much more than Mars-Pluto. Mars-Pluto makes one more.. primal, sort of speak. The difference between the 2 is rather subtle and sometimes escapes me because I have Sat conj Pluto (both opp Mars in Aries), they're both into power and control, on either side of the game.

Submissives tend to be highly Piscean/Neptunian, also Cancerian. Virgoans do love to serve too.. While some do have strong Saturns (it takes discipline to be submissive), I haven't seen Mars-Saturn *yet* in their charts, but I have seen Mars-Pluto.

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