posted February 23, 2013 08:42 PM            

I am not clingy and I don't verbally need assurance, but parts of me always feels uneasy at times. It's also been exemplified after being cheated on and screwed over in the past.

So... I have moon square saturn do you have a moon hard aspect saturn aspect?

I have moon square neptune loosely.

posted February 23, 2013 09:35 PM            

"You can have other friends, just don't spend less time with me"

posted February 23, 2013 10:06 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by somethingexcellent:
I have Moon/Venus square. I want reassurance and stuff.

"You can have other friends, just don't spend less time with me"

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posted February 23, 2013 11:15 PM            

This is something you would not feel if you were with the right guy.

posted February 23, 2013 11:18 PM            

quote:

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need some type of reassurance

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The immature thing here - is this person being unable to give reassurance and to express themselves emotionally... and this is something they need to grow out of.

posted February 24, 2013 12:01 AM            

The Power of Now

posted February 24, 2013 12:26 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
This is not something to grow out of.

This is something you would not feel if you were with the right guy.

Maybe these guys are just too dumb or young for you.
Have you ever dated someone a bit older?

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posted February 24, 2013 12:28 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:
Eckhart Tolle

The Power of Now

something like that can help you grow out of it.

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Is he along the same lines as Michael Bernard Beckwith?

posted February 24, 2013 04:24 AM            

ETA: And btw, if Aquaguy is remembering correctly when he said, "you came right out and said guys who openly admit they like you and ask you out are boring, you said you want the chase/challenge" then I'm going to have to agree with him on that as a "you can't have your cake and eat it, too." If you reject the guys who are inclined to reassure you then it seems obvious that you're not going to be reassured, and you're going to have to make a choice which is more important to you, the chase/challenge or reassurance.

posted February 24, 2013 11:00 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Actually, if it's CONSTANT, I DO see that as something to overcome. Sure, people should show they care, but if they have to do it every hour then that seems way too excessive to me ('course that doesn't mean completely ignoring someone, too).

[b]ETA: And btw, if Aquaguy is remembering correctly when he said, "you came right out and said guys who openly admit they like you and ask you out are boring, you said you want the chase/challenge" then I'm going to have to agree with him on that as a "you can't have your cake and eat it, too." If you reject the guys who are inclined to reassure you then it seems obvious that you're not going to be reassured, and you're going to have to make a choice which is more important to you, the chase/challenge or reassurance.

Were you raised with parents who brushed you off or worse? If so then you might chase emotionally unavailable guys because you're subconsciously trying to work out childhood issues (that is you're chasing emotionally unavailable Daddy, for example, in the form of a guy, and the only way to break that is to become lucid of what you're doing so that you can correct that self-defeating behavior).[/B]

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I think I need to clarify what I mean.

For one, I completely agree that hourly reassurance is excessive. I don't need hourly reassurance. I don't think I even need daily reassurance. But if my boyfriend wanted to tell me "I love you" every couple of days it would make me feel better. Note, I don't have a boyfriend at the moment but my friend said I'm too demanding. She's also the type who never asks anybody for anything because she doesn't expect them to pull through though as well. Regardless, her comment lead to me examining my behavior and wondering if I was being unreasonable in expecting to talk to someone I'm dating every day. If they don't talk to me every day (after having done so previously) I immediately think I did something wrong and they're no longer interested and I start getting sad. That's not healthy, right?

posted February 24, 2013 11:20 AM            

It sounds like what attracts you and what you need emotionally may be out of sync.

posted February 24, 2013 12:17 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hannaramaa:
I think I need to clarify what I mean.

For one, I completely agree that hourly reassurance is excessive. I don't need hourly reassurance. I don't think I even need daily reassurance. But if my boyfriend wanted to tell me "I love you" every couple of days it would make me feel better. Note, I don't have a boyfriend at the moment but my friend said I'm too demanding. She's also the type who never asks anybody for anything because she doesn't expect them to pull through though as well. Regardless, her comment lead to me examining my behavior and wondering if I was being unreasonable in expecting to
talk to someone I'm dating every day. If they don't talk
to me every day (after having done so previously) I
immediately think I did something wrong and they're
no longer interested and I start getting sad. That's not
healthy, right?

I'm torn about how I was raised. I never went without, at all, and I'm an only child. I'm the apple of my parents' eye. There was a lot of emotional discord though, but I'm not sure if I'd classify it as being completely emotionally unavailable.

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posted February 24, 2013 12:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mockingbird:
I don't think that expecting to talk to the person that you're dating every day is unreasonable.
You just need to date someone who feels the same way - they are out there.

It sounds like what attracts you and what you need emotionally may be out of sync.

Edited to add: Think of it as finding someone with matching baggage

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Yes! I like how you worded that "out of sync," here I was making it more complicated in my head.

posted February 24, 2013 01:13 PM            

I was freaking hopeless at dating.

CALLING MORE EXPERIENCED PEOPLE!

posted February 24, 2013 06:23 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hannaramaa:
I don't need hourly reassurance. I don't think I even need daily reassurance. But if my boyfriend wanted to tell me "I love you" every couple of days it would make me feel better. Note, I don't have a boyfriend at the moment but my friend said I'm too demanding. She's also the type who never asks anybody for anything because she doesn't expect them to pull through though as well. Regardless, her comment lead to me examining my behavior and wondering if I was being unreasonable in expecting to talk to someone I'm dating every day. If they don't talk to me every day (after having done so previously) I immediately think I did something wrong and they're no longer interested and I start getting sad. That's not healthy, right?

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That's not being too demanding in my book, and it's certainly not "constant."

As for how healthy it is I'd say that depends. There is such a thing as comfortable silences that people who get close can develop (and where "I love you" can be expressed with a simple hug or touch). And new relationships tend to be more drug-like in their anxiety & euphoria but after a year that phase should've passed and then people do become a lot less obsessed with each other...but despite this the love can be stronger than it ever was. And if that doesn't happen for you then perhaps you are suffering some anxiety or insecurity that needs to be looked at.

OTOH, sometimes a person suddenly cutting contact can be a real danger sign of losing interest, upset, or even cheating, and it's perfectly healthy to be worried over that and sad if it turns out to be the case, too.

posted February 24, 2013 06:57 PM            

The way to break out of this is to realize one's own uniqueness, simply put Hannaramaa, there will NEVER be anyone like you on this Earth.

posted February 24, 2013 10:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hannaramaa:
Is he along the same lines as Michael Bernard Beckwith?

I vaguely remember Eckhart being on Oprah's channel and I really dug what they were discussing (this was years after I'd already become familllar with him). Thanks for reminding me about it.

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I'm not sure about that guy you mentioned - never heard of him before. I bet Eckhart blows him out of the water anyway. He knows what he's talking about.

Now that you mention it, I think he WAS on Oprah's OWN network once. I remember getting caught up in a series of interviews from different spiritual people being interviewed by her late one night....he was one of them, i think.

I'd picked up his book A New Earth a long time ago and never finished it. Not because it wasnt good, but because I was caught up with other things at the time. More recently I downloaded one of his old ones - The Power of Now. It's fantastic.

Point was, I think his work might resonate with you. Any of his books are well worth reading. You can't go wrong with whichever one you might pick up.

Yeah....and Marianne Williamson was interviewed too;, which was also very insightful and impressive. She's big into A Course in Miracles, which I once was, years ago..

anyway...yeah, you might like his books.

posted February 25, 2013 12:27 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mockingbird:
I don't think that expecting to talk to the person that you're dating every day is unreasonable.
You just need to date someone who feels the same way - they are out there.

It sounds like what attracts you and what you need emotionally may be out of sync.

Edited to add: Think of it as finding someone with matching baggage

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Agreed.

posted February 25, 2013 07:39 AM            

In full respect, and I have no intentions to sound mean, but bits and bytes aren't able to substitute for real life human contact, and that includes rapport, interaction and embracing/kissing.

Try to get away from the computer, go out there and find the man of your dreams. You'll be much happier.

There is an old Sarah Vaughn song called the nearness of you, re-recorded by many artists over decades from Frank Sinatra to the Rolling Stones to Norah Jones:

"Its not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me, oh no
Its just the nearness of you

It isnt your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation, oh no
Its just the nearness of you

When youre in my arms and I feel you so close to me
All my wildest dreams come true