posted February 25, 2013 01:43 PM            

Here and there I have felt lonely.. and today is just one of those times.

I am and have always been a person to keep to themselves.. I don't have many friends, I am civil with everyone, but I would rather my influence on ANYONE be of benefit, rather than me telling my sob stories.. strangely enough, only is different for me.

I feel like the last week I've done well to overlook any 'possible' negative issues in our relationship, but then yesterday I had a wave of emotion, and knew I was either ready to release built up tension, or it might build up more. I came close to crying yesterday, but today it finally came out.

This is usually how I calm/soother myself.

Being pregnant, and so far along, I feel sad with myself if I allow my emottion to get the best of me, because I know this baby feels it, and I try to tell myself and my baby it'll all be okay, and I love them so, but then I start in a way, downing myself for even allowing it to begin.

I guess the beginning of the emotion, is just the thoughts I allowed in the first place.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and he is much more of a socializer than I am.. so he has friends come over almost everyday, where they sit and play games, smoke, and whatnot, for hours on end... I hide myself in my domain (bedroom), and try to focus on good things.. but I also want my partner, who is my 'best friend' to see these hard times and comfort me a little...

by the time his friends leave, he wants me to 'take care of him'... and I dearly need bonding time before this. I know we've been together for so long, but I won't just give such passion if I don't truly feel it... so I say no, and then he decides to go to a friends house, for some reason or another...

It just seems he always has something to do. It's fine.. but when I feel lonely, and would like us to spend 'some' time together.. it's hurtful.

I have a hard time forgetting situations. I can put them aside, knowing the value of letting go.. but I still remember. and it makes any new situation for me that much more difficult.

Ontop, I just feel I could use some tenderness... if I come to him bothered that his friends are here all the time, when we could just snuggle, or give back rubs, he gets mad at me.. and storms away. Telling me I should appreciate every little time I get, because what happens when it's all gone?

Logically, this makes sense, but when I also feel the time we do get is short lived, and usually entwined with 'him' receiving sexual favors, and that's about the gist... wel, it makes me wonder.

posted February 25, 2013 01:51 PM            

I'm truly sorry about what you are enduring.

posted February 25, 2013 01:56 PM            

I am the same way, I guess. What seperates us is the fact that he sees everything as choice. I choose to feel the way I do, and I can choose to not be bothered by situations.

So, it's a lack of strength in his eyes, towards me.

Whereas I see the benefit in sympathizing for others, even if you don't necessarily agree with their choices, to give that comfort that it'll all be okay.. I guess I just felt like, we're so opposite, what he lacks I have an abundance of, and vice versa. He has incredible strength in letting go of negative feelings, or avoiding feeling them altogether..

But, when the going gets tough, it's really hard for us to work together. I have to learn to stand on my own here in this case.. it's just really, really difficult for me sometimes.

posted February 25, 2013 03:08 PM            

I have resentment at times towards my boyfriend, and it's hard to get passed. But what's meant to be, will be, aye?

posted February 25, 2013 04:44 PM            

We tried to make it work once she was born. I guess I thought it would be the right thing to do, or that he would be as enamored with our daughter as I was and put his needs on the back burner.

That didn't happen. In fact, he left us alone on so many occasions, one of them during a black out on Christmas day with no heat or lights, so he could go get h!gh with his friends. But I was fine, because "she has you, I can't do anything".

Right....

posted February 27, 2013 01:01 PM            

Congratulations on expecting a new baby

Is this your first?

I'm a mother of five...pregnancy was sometimes a super-emotional time for me. I can relate to what you are saying.

In case you haven't heard or noticed this before, a lot of men get all weird when they are expecting a baby, and/or when their women give birth. I think it's an avoidance issue..overwhelming responsibilities and insecurities on their part. I know many men who seriously failed to provide emotional support for their wives/girlfriends through the process of bringing a new life into this world, even though they were otherwise good, supportive men.

I'm pretty sure that it was customary in America in centuries past...and probably still happens around the world...that women took care of each other when a baby was born. You had not only the midwives but lots of women around to provide for the mother and baby. I think that was the natural outcome of men's and women's general tendencies being what they are.

This is one area of life where, time after time, I've seen men fail to live up to even modest expectations. Like they aren't equipped for it.

A few of my friends were expected to cook dinner the night they came home the hospital...that's how clueless guys can be.

posted February 27, 2013 06:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Hi there!

Congratulations on expecting a new baby

Is this your first?

I'm a mother of five...pregnancy was sometimes a super-emotional time for me. I can relate to what you are saying.

In case you haven't heard or noticed this before, a lot of men get all weird when they are expecting a baby, and/or when their women give birth. I think it's an avoidance issue..overwhelming responsibilities and insecurities on their part. I know many men who seriously failed to provide emotional support for their wives/girlfriends through the process of bringing a new life into this world, even though they were otherwise good, supportive men.

I'm pretty sure that it was customary in America in centuries past...and probably still happens around the world...that women took care of each other when a baby was born. You had not only the midwives but lots of women around to provide for the mother and baby. I think that was the natural outcome of men's and women's general tendencies being what they are.

This is one area of life where, time after time, I've seen men fail to live up to even modest expectations. Like they aren't equipped for it.

A few of my friends were expected to cook dinner the night they came home the hospital...that's how clueless guys can be.

So my best advice is, if your partner is not meeting your needs, or whatever the case is, try and explain that you need more attention, and if he doesn't respond as much as you need try and find that support someplace else. It IS very important to have emotional support. You absolutely need it as a new mother, you deserve it, and there's nothing to feel bad about at all.

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posted February 27, 2013 08:41 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Yo yo yo. Let's deal with the situation here. This isn't the time to be talking about picking out the right man or whether all men have the balls to be supporting mates or natural fathers. The situation is that there's a kid out there not ready to have a kid, and the solution is to turn this kid into a man.

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posted February 27, 2013 09:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
That is why I asked how old she and the father are.
Are we dealing with two teens, or early 20s,
or older?
It makes a difference.

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Lexi,

posted February 27, 2013 09:40 PM            

You guys make me smile, that's for sure.

I've realized a lot after our emotional outbreak, and that's the slowing down of myself.. to truly appreciate what he 'does' do for me.. not what I lack with him. There are some definite needed changes, but all in all, if I appreciate more, then nomatter what things will work out.

I am 23, he is 29. We both have our areas of growth.. and we obviously keep fighting to work things out, so even though I was caught up in the down side that day.. today has much brighter eye openers, that seem to point me in the right direction.

Thanks for your support everyone =) and I mean it.. I 'did' need to go elsewhere to find emotional suppport, and you all seems very open minded to hearing me out.

posted February 27, 2013 09:44 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Yo yo yo. Let's deal with the situation here. This isn't the time to be talking about picking out the right man or whether all men have the balls to be supporting mates or natural fathers. The situation is that there's a kid out there not ready to have a kid, and the solution is to turn this kid into a man.

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Ian, your censorship is not appreciated.

posted February 27, 2013 09:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Ian, your censorship is not appreciated.

I made a relevant point that I wanted to get across to this new mother: it's typical for women to get more emotional through pregnancy and childbirth, and it's also common for men to want to retreat. I've observed that countless times.

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I appreciate if you don't indict me along with those bozos which you have experienced.