Author
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Topic: For People Who Have Good Self Esteem--Describe it
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Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 41949 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 20, 2013 09:17 AM
I don't want to call out someone by name, but there is someone here who shows that she has genuine self esteem. I find that fascinating and beautiful. When you have had a lot of abuse, as many of us have, it is hard to get self esteem. I would love to hear everyone's POV,wherever you fit on the spectrum but most especially the people with good self esteem.------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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cappy1277 Moderator Posts: 1570 From: philadelphia,pa Registered: Jul 2009
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posted May 20, 2013 11:18 AM
Just having the ability to get up each morning and take a breath is all I need to have a good self esteem. Even if today is a bad day, I have worst and if today is a good day, then I know I have the ability to have more and that keeps me going. Plus having great friends is a plus.IP: Logged |
cappy1277 Moderator Posts: 1570 From: philadelphia,pa Registered: Jul 2009
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posted May 20, 2013 11:19 AM
and to describe it? Peaceful IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 41949 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 20, 2013 11:24 AM
quote: Originally posted by cappy1277: and to describe it? Peaceful
Lovely Cappy, just like you ------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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cappy1277 Moderator Posts: 1570 From: philadelphia,pa Registered: Jul 2009
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posted May 20, 2013 11:31 AM
quote: Originally posted by Ami Anne: Lovely Cappy, just like you
<3 IP: Logged |
PixieJane Knowflake Posts: 2367 From: CA Registered: Oct 2010
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posted May 20, 2013 10:38 PM
I think self-esteem has to be found, won, or nurtured (in practical ways) as there's an instinctive fear of being cast out by the tribe (a very valid fear, especially in prehistory) which leads to all sorts of insecurities, especially by teens (with brains trying to acclimate them to the tribe instead of immediate family), even by those who have never been abused at all. Those who are fully protected, raised in a bubble as I like to put it, never get a chance to learn what they're capable of, either, and thus are insecure in the face of adversity (unless they're blind optimists believing some Higher Power will take care of all, though that belief often ends in disillusionment and then they're as insecure as everyone else, perhaps more so if they believe the Universe is "doing it to them on purpose"). As for what it's like...I tend to find the funny side of things (which has fostered a graveyard sense of humor not always appreciated by others) and I tend to think more on what I have going for me instead of against me. (More here.) When things do get overwhelming for me I'll make myself remember the hard times in my life, and while this reminds me of how vulnerable I am it also makes me think on how I survived, and that makes me think I can survive other things life throws at me. And even if I don't there's a scar on my neck that reminds me of when I see it daily in the mirror to be vigilant, but also that every day I have is a gift, and that makes me appreciate what I have rather than cursing what I don't (and also reminds me that I have my life now because I didn't give up back when I got it). It helps that I have a support network I can count on, too, though it took some skill for me to develop much of that while cutting the dead weight. And when things get bad it's like knowing that "tomorrow is another day" and life isn't static, it's more like flowing water, so I let the bad flow past me ("this too shall pass ") confident that things will get better through a mix of chance (which is neither benign nor malicious) & achieved skill. Granted, I scoff at platitudes like, "She survived the horror, she'll survive the memory of it," as that's not necessarily true. And though I know I'm vulnerable I appreciate everything I have and even comfort myself that things can always be worse. And when bad luck hits me I know it's NOT the universe hating me and that bad luck hits everyone, including those who would do me harm, as well, and also gives me a way to connect with others (and pain shared with close trusted friends is pain lessened, just as joy shared is joy increased, at least for those wired like me). But don't mistake me for thinking I'm a blind optimist, I'm not, and I have episodes of fear & insecurity, but I also know what I'm capable of, and every time I overcome adversity that's one more reason to feel confident the next time I face adversity (though I realize there are forces outside of my control, but at the same time forces outside of ANYONE'S control which create opportunity for me as much as hardship, and I also realize there ARE forces within my control as well). Actually, many say I'm too cynical, though I can't help but notice that most of the times (though not all the time) that I'm wrong it's because I'm not cynical enough...OTOH, once I lowered my expectations of humanity I found myself pleasantly surprised more often than bitterly disappointed, which was a pleasant change from when I was younger and thought much better of my species. I can't say it all as it would upset some people here who couldn't help but misunderstand (and the more I share the more likely my post will be skimmed, and strangely skimming my posts doesn't seem to stop all from still getting upset over some point taken out of context). And that aside, I have so much Sag in my chart, and Sag is the most optimistic sign in the zodiac, and goes a long way to explain other aspects of my resiliency, from humor in the face of tribulation to not caring like when my BFF wasn't able to pay me back (realizing our friendship was worth far more, and recognizing that it was because of forces outside her control rather than she was taking advantage of me, and Sag finds it easy to say, "Easy come, easy go"). IP: Logged |
PixieJane Knowflake Posts: 2367 From: CA Registered: Oct 2010
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posted May 20, 2013 10:55 PM
Perhaps Harry Potter summed up "what it's like" here:"Working hard is important, but there's something else that's even more important: believing in yourself. Look at it this way: every great wizard in history has started out as nothing more than we are now - students. If they can do it, why not us?" IP: Logged |
Kerosene Knowflake Posts: 2181 From: Mercury Registered: Dec 2012
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posted May 20, 2013 11:14 PM
Whatever, I'm still _______! (insert positive trait)IP: Logged |
somethingexcellent Knowflake Posts: 1149 From: walking with my head in the clouds! Registered: Nov 2012
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posted May 20, 2013 11:47 PM
Good self-esteem...not being afraid, to try or fail or accept short-comings. IP: Logged |
Padre35 Knowflake Posts: 1914 From: Asheville, NC, US Registered: Jul 2012
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posted May 21, 2013 12:47 AM
Well, for me, I have a core that no matter what anyone says, or what happens, it remains untouched.It's a sort of inter personal armor. I see them as either an opportunity to improve, or simple blather that can be easily disregarded. IMO, to many people take to heart negativity from people whose opinions don't matter at all. Now if someone one respects says something, it should be examined, but much turmoil comes from off hand comments from people one does not particularly like..why give them that power? IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 41949 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 21, 2013 08:14 AM
quote: Originally posted by Padre35:
Well, for me, I have a core that no matter what anyone says, or what happens, it remains untouched.It's a sort of inter personal armor. I see them as either an opportunity to improve, or simple blather that can be easily disregarded. IMO, to many people take to heart negativity from people whose opinions don't matter at all. Now if someone one respects says something, it should be examined, but much turmoil comes from off hand comments from people one does not particularly like..why give them that power?
Lovely point. Thank you, Padre! ------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Love&Light Knowflake Posts: 706 From: India Registered: Oct 2011
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posted May 22, 2013 10:25 AM
quote: Originally posted by Padre35:
Well, for me, I have a core that no matter what anyone says, or what happens, it remains untouched.It's a sort of inter personal armor. I see them as either an opportunity to improve, or simple blather that can be easily disregarded. IMO, to many people take to heart negativity from people whose opinions don't matter at all. Now if someone one respects says something, it should be examined, but much turmoil comes from off hand comments from people one does not particularly like..why give them that power?
You nailed it. Nowadays this happens with me many times on this forum. I set out to say something and as i read the previous posters' comments someone would have already said what i wanted to and in a much better fashion than perhaps what i might have. IP: Logged |
hippichick Moderator Posts: 2509 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted May 23, 2013 11:31 AM
Since day one of my life I have been told "you'll never amount to anything."Obviously it has affected me, but always, even as a small child, I knew the nay sayers were full of crap. Self esteem for me is knowing myself internally, that I am a good person, that I care and that I really dont give 2 hoots what anybody thinks about me! IP: Logged |
hippichick Moderator Posts: 2509 From: Registered: May 2009
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posted May 23, 2013 11:38 AM
Your whole idea about yourself is borrowed - borrowed from those who have no idea of who they are themselves. - OshoIP: Logged |
7thGuardian Knowflake Posts: 862 From: Transylvania Registered: May 2012
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posted May 23, 2013 05:20 PM
quote: Originally posted by cappy1277: Just having the ability to get up each morning and take a breath is all I need to have a good self esteem. Even if today is a bad day, I have worst and if today is a good day, then I know I have the ability to have more and that keeps me going. Plus having great friends is a plus.
That sounds a lot like being optimistic. Your description - reminds me of a friend and his attitude in general. He tends to be very optimistic (he has Jupiter Conjunction Ascendant at 0°03 - as most prominent aspect, this might explain it) and some people from his entourage take that as having good self esteem, but he finds that amusing - a proof that most people don't know him and see only his optimistic nature. Even though - he's very grateful for his optimism, he's also aware of his self esteem issues. As he put it - "I know I have self esteem issues but my optimism keeps me going, it doesn't matter how hard i fall or how deep - i can always see a light even in darkness and that helps me get up and move on. Right now I can't imagine what would be like to have low self esteem and be pessimistic (not exactly with this words - but pretty close by meaning)." I guess one can be optimistic while having self esteem issues and I agree - that, it can be a lot worst for those with self esteem issues who are pessimistic - as they tend to sabotage themselves and their chances for happiness. I know some people who had to deal with all kinds of harshness in their life - and that didn't make them weaker, but stronger - still optimistic about life, still capable of being cheerful... you feel a good a vibe around them - I find that kind people inspiring... ^^
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7thGuardian Knowflake Posts: 862 From: Transylvania Registered: May 2012
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posted May 23, 2013 05:20 PM
Self-esteem - is about self evaluation. To have a healthy self esteem - you have to become aware of "yourself" and acknowledge the Ego for what it is (a "part of yourself" that resides in your mind - a part that's related to past events and future expectations) - so, you can be able the live in the moment (in present time). People with self esteem issues - live a lot in their head/mind, as - "they identify themselves with the Ego (public status / events related to their past - who they were, things that happened to them / expectations about the future - who they'll be, what they'll do and how they'll do it - "even happiness - becomes a expectation")" It's what cam be described as mental illness among healthy individuals (people without a mental handicap) - the main cause for depression, anxiety and all kinds of personality disorders - but also the main cause for suicide. Our body, our state of existence - it's tied to present time... so we can't live in the past or in the future, we can't live in our head/mind (the Ego way) - as if we're imprisoned in our own bodies and detached from this Universe. So, if we're to get healthy (a healthy mentality - a healthy self esteem) - we have to live in the present, as that's all there is.Alan Watts used to talk a lot about Ego driven habits - as they're encouraged by society (the society game as he likes the put it): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GlR3J_HdAo - but some his notions tend to be more conceptual and maybe Eckhart Tolle - can be more helpful in understanding the Ego and how to detach from its unhealthy nature: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQnOQdmp6aE - he's a spiritual teacher, who advocates for a healthy existence - aimed at present time, living in the moment. He even wrote a book about it called the "Power of Now" - but if you don't have time for reading the book and trying to understand it - you might have better luck with his short video teachings, where he tries to summarize his notions and be more direct to any given subject. Here's a list: http://www.youtube.com/user/EckhartTeachings?feature=watch - but you can find others if you type his name on YouTube. IP: Logged |
mirage29 Knowflake Posts: 1186 From: us Registered: May 2012
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posted May 29, 2013 11:59 PM
Thanks 7thGuardian-- wow, this was my first time listening to Alan Watts, and my first experience with the philosophies of Eckhart Toole.I've not been 'formally' introduced to zen, except listening to people who have incorporated the philosophy into their life... I know that Leonard Cohen was a zen person. I resonate to and with him. Ego is hard to define because there are different 'interpretations' to what an ego is. Too broad-- needs new defining word. Recently I heard someone refer to her ego as the piece that interfaces her with the outer world. In my words, I think she described it as the part of her that protects her inner self from being hurt by people/words who don't "like" what she's saying (? Carolyn Myss).... Cool new thought.... It was the FIRST time I'd ever heard anyone relate to the ego's role as being a "valued" part of them. I've been thinking about this all week... I remember observing students being trained to be opera 'divas'--- there was a type of selfishness being trained into their personalities. This would help their gift to withstand critiques. People in the field of acting, theatre, writing, etc who deal with critiques of their "public performance" would have to personally develop this shield-- or at least find a way to prioritize and listen, be able to discern truth from voices they can trust and respect... So often, I hear that ego is not a friend... when maybe it's there to protect our Hearts from the crooked deeds of enemies...? Eradicating the shield could render one totally 'open' and vulnerable to every gnashing whim of "others." Would be subject to controls and an expectation of blind-obedience to the ones who cannot stand the fact that you "exist"....? hmmm? What about that perspective? To grow good self-esteem you must develop an embracing of a part of "you" who is actually there to 'protect' you? Not 'remove' it? but embrace it... in order to 'subdue' it? I'd be interested in your thoughts.... IP: Logged |
mirage29 Knowflake Posts: 1186 From: us Registered: May 2012
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posted May 30, 2013 12:00 AM
quote: Originally posted by PixieJane: Perhaps Harry Potter summed up "what it's like" here:"Working hard is important, but there's something else that's even more important: believing in yourself. Look at it this way: every great wizard in history has started out as nothing more than we are now - students. If they can do it, why not us?"
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mirage29 Knowflake Posts: 1186 From: us Registered: May 2012
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posted May 30, 2013 12:04 AM
quote: Originally posted by 7thGuardian: Self-esteem - is about self evaluation. To have a healthy self esteem - you have to become aware of "yourself" and acknowledge the Ego for what it is (a "part of yourself" that resides in your mind - a part that's related to past events and future expectations) - so, you can be able the live in the moment (in present time). People with self esteem issues - live a lot in their head/mind, as - "they identify themselves with the Ego (public status / events related to their past - who they were, things that happened to them / expectations about the future - who they'll be, what they'll do and how they'll do it - "even happiness - becomes a expectation")" It's what cam be described as mental illness among healthy individuals (people without a mental handicap) - the main cause for depression, anxiety and all kinds of personality disorders - but also the main cause for suicide. Our body, our state of existence - it's tied to present time... so we can't live in the past or in the future, we can't live in our head/mind (the Ego way) - as if we're imprisoned in our own bodies and detached from this Universe. So, if we're to get healthy (a healthy mentality - a healthy self esteem) - we have to live in the present, as that's all there is. . . . . .
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